CHAPTER 18
Tessa
I knew I shouldn’t have taken another day off from work, but I just couldn’t muster the energy to go in. I hated myself for feeling the way I did, but I couldn’t help it.
Lucy had entered my room for the third time this morning, clearly protesting the fact that I was lying around in a nearly comatose state.
“In a minute, Lucy,” I said, as she stood at the foot of my bed. After hearing this twice before already though, she wasn’t falling for it any more. She was ready for her morning run, and she let me know it by the loud and frustrated whine she gave me. Agitated, she began to pace the apartment, while I continued to lie in bed like a pathetic lovesick teenager.
I reminded myself time and time again that I hadn’t known Evan Sholly for long and it made no logical sense for him have such an effect on me. It was embarrassing, especially knowing that he didn’t feel the same way. Here he was, re-enlisting in the military without thinking of me even a little, not even to let me know he was leaving. And in contrast, I was lying in bed, depressed and ignoring my dog.
Pathetic.
“Get a grip, Tessa,” I said out-loud to myself.
Lucy whined from the front of the apartment. I could hear her scratching at the front door, ready to take herself for a walk if she had to.
“Okay, girl. I’m coming.” Finally, I propelled myself out of the bed and headed to the bathroom to tie my hair back, brush my teeth, and put on some sweats so that I could take Lucy out before returning to retire on my couch for the day.
Right as I was brushing my teeth, the doorbell rang. Lucy barked.
“Who in the hell?” I muttered. I returned my toothbrush to the bathroom cabinet and rinsed my mouth before rushing to the door, almost tripping on Lucy along the way.
I peered out the peephole and my heart almost stopped.
Dr. Evan Sholly stood there, staring hopefully at the door with a single red rose in his hand.
Shit. I looked down at my raggedy old pajamas that consisted of an old college t-shirt and faded plaid shorts. Lucy continued to bark and scratch at the door, wondering what was taking me so long to answer.
A frown appeared on Evan’s face, and I watched as he took several tentative steps backwards, obviously thinking I wasn’t home and preparing to leave.
I hesitantly unlocked the door. By the time I poked my head out, Evan had been heading down the hall.
“Evan? What are you doing here?”
“Tessa,” he said, coming to a halt.
He ran a hand through that dark silky mane of hair on his head. “I wanted to see you.” He came back to my door and handed me the rose. Lucy, wagging her tail like crazy, stood on her hind legs and placed her front two paws on him. He smiled and pat the top of her head. “Can I come in?” he asked after a moment.
“Sure…” I said.
I took a deep breath, feeling the various emotions rolling through me. First it had been shock at seeing him at my apartment door, unannounced. Then it had been flattery over the beautiful rose. And then my frustration started to return as I recalled how he hadn’t bothered to tell me he was re-enlisting in the military.
I looked down at the rose in my hand, wondering if it was meant as a feeble peace offering for a silly lovesick girl who needed to be let down gently.
I gripped the rose a little too tightly, accidently pricking my finger on a thorn.
As Evan entered my apartment, I slammed the door a little harder than I meant to. “Be right back,” I said rather harshly as I headed to the kitchen to put the rose in a vase of water.
When I returned to the front of the apartment, Evan still stood by the door. His hands were stuffed in his pockets and he looked somewhat nervous. Lucy still danced around him, and he occasionally reached down to pat her head.
“What do you want, Evan?” I said, crossing my arms over my chest. “I have things to do.”
He raised his eyebrows, perhaps surprised by my angry tone. “Sorry,” he said. “It’s just—when you didn’t show up for work, I was worried something was wrong.”
“What do you care about me not showing up at work for? You didn’t show up yesterday.”
“I did—”
“No, you didn’t. I looked all over for you.”
“I did go to work. I went last night. I returned to the night shift.”
I paused. “Oh,” I said. “Well…still, what are you doing here? I’m busy. I have to take Lucy for her run.”
“Can I come with you?”
I headed to the back of the apartment to retrieve Lucy’s leash without answering. Lucy raced behind me, unable to hide her excitement about finally going out after asking for hours on end.
“Are you going in your pajamas?” Evan called out.
I swore under my breath. His presence had disoriented me so that I had suddenly forgotten I was barefoot and still in my pajamas. Behind me, I heard Evan chuckle. I turned around, seeing that he had followed Lucy and me.
“Evan, I really don’t understand why you’re here. What the hell do you want?”
His laughter quickly stopped and his brow lowered. For a brief instant, I almost felt guilty for hurting his feelings. But then I remembered how much he had hurt my feelings in leaving the hospital without telling me, as if the time we’d spent together meant absolutely nothing to him. And to add insult to the injury, he was here now, attempting to make light of the situation, thinking that he could just give me a rose and all would be forgiven.
“Is it wrong that I just wanted to see you?” he said. “I’m half delirious and desperately need to get some sleep, but I had to see you first.”
“Well, you see me now. I’m still alive and well. So you can go now.”
Evan sighed. “Tessa—did something happen?”
“You tell me.”
He raised his eyebrows, confused. “Are you angry with me? Did…did I do something? I thought the other night was incredible, but I’m getting the impression you don’t want to repeat it.”
I pursed my lips into a tight line, knowing that if I didn’t take a moment before responding, the onslaught of words leaving my mouth would be far from ladylike. Hell yes I wanted to repeat the other night, let him screw me senseless again. But not before he told me the truth.
“Wow,” Evan said, running a hand through his hair again and then returning his hands to his pockets. “I thought…I didn’t know…Look, Tessa, if you’re done with me, you could have just told me.”
I leaned my head back, an exasperated laugh leaving my throat. “Unbelievable,” I said, shaking my head.
Evan’s expression suddenly turned angry for the first time. “Yeah, I agree. Unbelievable. I sure as Hell should be sorry I thought you wanted to be with me. Damn. You’re just like all the others. I’m sorry. I’ll be going now. You and Lucy enjoy your run. I won’t bother you ladies again. Ever.”
He abruptly turned around and headed back for the door. I watched his retreating form, a sneer that I couldn’t control spreading over my face.
What an asshole…
“You got a lot of nerve, you know that?!” I yelled. Startled, Lucy’s tail stopped wagging and she backed into a corner, watching vigilantly.
Evan stopped and turned around. “How are you turning this on me?” he said. “I came over here just so see you again—”
“For what?! To see me for one last time and have some wild ‘wham, bam, thank you, ma’am’ sex? What do you even care for? You sure didn’t care to tell me you were re-enlisting!”
“What?” Evan said.
“Oh, don’t play dumb with me! I already heard from the nurses on staff yesterday. I guess you already said goodbye to whoever is important enough in your life. I’m just an afterthought, right?”
Evan closed his eyes and pinched the bridge of his nose. “Who told you that?”
“Why?”
“Because I want to know who around that damned hospital is spreading rumors.”
“No one is spreading rumors. It’s just you, hiding secrets. That’s why you returned to the night-shift, right? So that you wouldn’t even have to run into me anymore to give me an explanation. You were trying to make a clean getaway.”
“Tessa, would you listen to yourself? If I was trying to make a clean getaway, why would I be over here right now?”
“I don’t know. To make sure I don’t spiral out of control like some unstable, clingy, lovesick tramp. That’s what you think of me, isn’t it?”
“No! And if you would be quiet for a minute, I could explain.”
I crossed my arms again and narrowed my eyes at him. “Go for it. I’m all ears, Dr. Sholly.”
Evan sighed again and stepped forward. He reached out to me, but I recoiled. He lowered his hand. “Whatever you’ve been told isn’t true,” he said. “I’m not re-enlisting. I don’t know where that rumor even started. All I’ve done is return to the night shift. Every day since Sarah was taken away, I haven’t been able to stop thinking about her. I haven’t been able to stop reliving my own childhood and all the terrors that went along with it. It drives me half crazy, the thought of that little girl going through anything remotely similar to what I had to endure. I pray every day that she gets sent to a good family. That’s why I returned to the night shift. I wasn’t trying to avoid you. I just can’t handle seeing hurt kids. I can’t go through anything like that again.”
I shook my head. “So…you’re not going back into the military? You’re just going back to the night shift?”
“Yes,” Evan said. “And you know what? Strangely enough, working the night shift doesn’t even feel right anymore. Do you know why? Because you aren’t there. I missed seeing you so much, and it’s only been a day. That’s why I’m here now. If I start working the night shift again, I’m not going to make it if I still can’t see you. And the only way to do that is outside of work. I was hoping you didn’t mind, especially because we get to dodge that stupid policy too. But it looks to me like none of that matters now, fuck Tessa, why don’t you want to try?”
“I do.” I looked down to the floor, embarrassed. “I feel like an idiot. I was just mad because I though you re-enlisted in the military without telling me. I was afraid of not seeing you again. I thought that you didn’t care about me like I care about you. I…I’m sorry for jumping to conclusions. I don’t even know what to say for myself right now.”
He leaned and kissed me, replacing my anger with passion.
Evan smiled. “Say that you’ll let me take Lucy for a quick walk while you get in the shower, and still be in there when I get back.” He attached her leash to her collar and she looked at me with semi-sad eyes. I knew she needed the walk, and I needed to feel Evan in my arms.
I smiled. “Deal.”
Evan smiled back at me and the sight of it was breathtaking.