Chapter 11
The next morning, Lauren woke still wrapped in Seth’s arms and smiled, her head resting on his chest. They hadn’t slept until the sun had begun to rise, but the lack of sleep didn’t matter. Seth had suggested that they treat this marriage as if it was real and it made her gloriously happy. When she’d pledged to never get married, she hadn’t understood what was possible between a man and a woman, how wonderful it felt to love someone.
That thought brought her up short, she looked up at Seth, still sleeping soundly and knew that she loved him. The feel of his warm skin on hers, giving her a feeling of completeness unlike anything she’d ever experienced. Like a part of her had always been missing and he was that part, she’d felt it before and not understood what it meant. Love was nothing like she thought it was going to be, it was even more wonderful, and she truly understood for the first time what had allowed her mother to live her life under her father’s thumb.
But Seth wouldn’t be like her father, he’d understand that she still had her own life, that she had responsibilities. She’d have to find a way to explain this to the director, there was no way it would stay quiet, especially if she and Seth were seen around town together. They had a lot to figure out before she went home, and the best way to think was on a full stomach so she carefully climbed out of bed and headed for the kitchen.
By the time Seth woke up an hour later, she’d managed to make them a decent breakfast which wasn’t all that easy to do without fresh ingredients. He walked into the kitchen dressed only in boxer shorts making her body clench with desire and love wash over her so strongly that she stumbled.
Seth was at her side immediately, wrapping his strong arms around her. “Are you okay?” he asked, concern clear in his voice.
“I’m fine,” she said, embarrassed. Then to distract him, she pointed to the table, which she’d set for two, sparkling glasses of orange juice next to each plate. “You’re not the only one who can cook.”
They ate breakfast in a comfortable silence, neither feeling the need to make idle conversation, then stumbled back to Lauren’s bed, full and sleepy. Lauren was sure that she wouldn’t sleep, but hours later she woke to a sun that was high in the sky. Seth had his arm thrown across her middle, spooning her and for a moment she wanted to just go back to sleep, but she had to get home, should have left hours ago.
This time when she slipped out of bed and began to dress, Seth woke up. “Hey, beautiful, where are you off to?” he asked when he realized that she was getting dressed.
“I need to get home, I’ve been away from the office too long,” she said, thinking he should have known that, but then again, he was his own boss, could make his own schedule.
“Oh, I guess I thought you’d…” Seth really hadn’t thought about what would happen today, he’d wanted her and been honest about it, but hadn’t thought any further than that. “Well, I mean do you have to go back so soon?” he asked, suddenly empty at the thought of her leaving.
Lauren hadn’t been anticipating the question and was thrilled that Seth didn’t want her to go. “I have a job I need to get back to, Seth, but you could come with me, stay at my house for a while.” It seemed like a simple solution to her. “I just need to get caught up, then we can talk about where we’ll go from there.”
Seth only thought about her offer for a second, immediately disregarding it as unworkable for him. “That wouldn’t work, I need to be here,” he said stubbornly, feeling like she wasn’t willing to compromise. “You could work from here.”
Lauren was beginning to get annoyed. “I can’t, Seth. I have to put together a report for the director, he’s going to want to know what’s going on and I haven’t even read half of what you gave me. I need to go into the office,” she explained.
Seth thought about that, realizing that Lauren’s job was the problem, then he got what he thought was a brilliant idea. “Why don’t you just quit? We can find you something to do. I need an assistant,” he said, thinking he’d solved all their problems.
Lauren was putting on her shoes, but stopped. “You want me to be your assistant?” she asked, shocked that he’d think so little of her; it was demeaning and selfish of him.
“Yes, don’t you see, it’s perfect. You won’t have to go back to Naknek. You know you don’t even have to work if you don’t want to, after all there’s plenty to do at the cabin to keep you busy and winter is going to be here soon…” Seth seemed to have figured out their whole lives without even thinking about her side of things, so she stopped him.
“Wait,” she said, then had to repeat herself to get Seth to stop making plans. It reminded her way too much of how her father had treated her mother and she began to panic knowing that if she agreed she’d be giving up any control of her life. Even worse, she didn’t know if she wanted to move to his cabin, if she was cut out for a winter in Alaska isolated from civilization, Seth her only companion.
“Stop making plans for me. Do you even realize just how hard I’ve worked to get to where I am today? It may not seem like that big of a deal to you, and I’m very well aware that the director would have gladly thrown me under the bus to save himself, but it is my job and I’d still like to do it.”
Seth stared at her, not sure what to say, or how he’d suddenly made her so angry. He was simply suggesting what he thought was the best solution to their problems, and she’d gotten angry. “But you’d be able to work on the cleanup. I’m sure we can find you something to do. I can’t just rearrange my life,” he tried to explain.
“But I’m supposed to quit my job and rearrange mine?” Lauren asked, getting up from the chair she’d been sitting on and putting her things back into her bag. “It’s becoming clear to me that you like things your own way, but I’ve got news for you, I’m not my mother. I’m not going to let you rule my life, I have dreams and aspirations too. Maybe I was wrong about you.”
Seth, stunned by her words, he let her leave, thinking that he’d done nothing but suggest the smartest plan. If Lauren couldn’t see that, then he’d just wait until she did. But as he watched her little car pull away, he began to wonder if he’d made the biggest mistake of his life. The last words she’d shot at him, replaying over and over in his mind, he realized that there was clearly something more going on than he understood. Maybe he didn’t know Lauren as well as he thought he did; after all, other than a few stories, she’d hardly talked about her life at all. He didn’t know where she came from or what she’d been through.
He might have been rushing things, he realized, but when he started making plans it was hard to stop sometimes. Maybe the best thing for him to do was to wait until Lauren had some time to get used to the idea of being married, he wasn’t exactly used to it either. And she wasn’t exactly blameless in this either, she’d made that cryptic statement then just left, expecting him to chase her, and she’d better learn right now that he never chased women.
But that feeling that he’d made a mistake crept up on him as he turned back to the huge empty house, with Lauren here it hadn’t felt so empty. Pushing that thought to the back of his mind, he decided to get some work done, get his focus back on what it should be on. Lauren would come to her senses eventually and call him. Until then, he had plenty of work to do. Besides the work he had to do for Montgomery Renewable, he had to find a way to prepare for winter in the cabin from here.
Lauren got back to town late that afternoon. She should have gone right to the office, but she just didn’t have the energy. She was exhausted not just from the trip but from the emotional roller-coaster that Seth seemed to have her on. When he’d started reeling off plans, she’d panicked, remembering her father doing the same thing to her mother, who had just nodded her head lamely and agreed to anything he wanted.
Even though she understood now why her mother had done so, it didn’t mean that she was going to live her life that way. On that point she was very clear. Seth was so used to getting his own way that he hadn’t even considered that she might want something different than he did, hadn’t even bothered to ask her or been willing to compromise. He’d made plans to accommodate his life, ignoring what she might want or need, just like her father had done to her mother.
She did feel a little bit guilty about her parting words, he couldn’t have possibly understood what she was talking about, but if he’d followed her he could have found out. But he’d just let her leave, hadn’t even tried to follow her, hadn’t cared enough to find out why she was so upset. No, that wasn’t it, she thought, it was his way of running away, which she was quickly beginning to realize was his way of dealing with difficult situations.
He’d done it as a young man, he’d done it when they found out they were married, and he’d done it that day when she left. One thing was perfectly clear to her, she wasn’t going to be the first one to give, he’d have to come to her, show her that he was willing to listen to her. If she caved and contacted him first, it would set the standard for the rest of their relationship and she wasn’t going to play the role of willing slave like her mother had.
Heather walked into Lauren’s office and glanced quickly in the trash can, which again was full of tissues. Shaking her head, she sat down in the chair across from Lauren and looked at her friend. She’d been home for three weeks and crying for two of them, but she’d refused to tell Heather anything. Assuring her that everything was fine, then shutting her office door to cry, and it was time for it to stop.
Lauren barely noticed her friend, she was so engrossed in what she was reading. It had been three weeks since she’d gotten back from her trip with Seth, three long weeks of waiting for him to call. The first week, she assumed he was being stubborn, but when he still didn’t call, she understood that his words that night had been nothing more than a way to get her into bed again and she felt like a fool.
She’d fallen for it hook, line, and sinker; too bad she’d also fallen completely in love with him that night. Finally noticing Heather, she shut the notebook, wishing that Seth wasn’t as brilliant as he was, it just made losing him all that much harder.
“This is brilliant,” she said, pointing to the notebook. “Seth has thought of everything and a few things I wouldn’t have. This is going to work.”
“Then why do you look so sad?” Heather asked.
“Because I’m not going to be here to see it happen,” Lauren said, just then coming to a decision that had been floating in the back of her mind for the last few days.
“Where are you going? This is just getting started,” Heather said, pointing to the notebook.
“I’ve decided that my job here is finished. There won’t be any scandal now that the lease has been signed, the director can appoint someone else to see it through.” Lauren had a hard time saying the words but knew that she couldn’t stay here, eventually she’d have to see Seth and his rejection would hurt too much, make it impossible for her to work with him.
Heather thought about Lauren’s sudden announcement and knew that it was time to pry. “Look, I know somethings going on, Lauren. You haven’t been the same since you got back. I wish you’d talk to me, maybe I can help,” she said, leaning forward in her chair.
Lauren was tempted to tell Heather everything, but she didn’t want her marriage to become common knowledge and Heather was friends with the director. “It’s something personal,” she said, hoping Heather would let it go.
Heather stood up from her chair and stripped off her suit jacket, then kicked off her shoes. She sat back down in the chair and put her feet up on the desk. “Lauren, I’d like to think that we’re friends. I know we’re coworkers as well, but I’m going to shrug out of work mode and into friend mode. Tell me what’s going on, whatever you tell me is just between us, I promise,” she said, making Lauren smile.
Lauren needed to talk, was practically bursting with the need, she’d cried alone in her office too long. “Seth and I accidently got married at the signing ceremony,” she blurted out then burst into tears.
Heather was on her feet immediately, not sure if she heard Lauren right, but recognizing a broken heart when she saw one. “Wait, I don’t think I understand,” she said, when Lauren had calmed down enough that she could talk.
Lauren took a deep breath, collecting her thoughts, she’d only be able to get through the story if Heather didn’t interrupt. She began with their first meeting in the restaurant and by the time she’d told Heather the entire story, she felt a little bit better, had gained some perspective about the situation. “I think I might have made a mistake not calling him, but I don’t want him to think that he has all the power.”
Heather thought about her words, still a little bit shocked that Seth and Lauren were married. “I think you two need to talk, I don’t think it makes any difference who calls who,” she finally advised, hoping that she was right about the way Seth felt about Lauren.
But she could tell immediately that Lauren wasn’t going to take her advice. “I just can’t do that,” she finally said.
Heather hugged her. “Well, I’m not sure how else I can help you, but I’m here for you,” she said, leaving Lauren alone to brood, but already planning to call Seth. It was time that someone stepped in and took over for Marci, and she was just the woman for the job.
That night, Heather went down to the local café for dinner, hoping to pick up some gossip about Seth Montgomery; if she’d had any idea why Lauren was so upset before then, she would have done it a long time ago. But it was never too late for gossip in a small town and what she discovered made her even more convinced that Seth had really meant what he’d said to Lauren, so the next morning she set her own plan to get them together in action.
She was sure that if they just saw each other, they could work everything out, so she called Seth the next morning and told him that they needed an update on the project and offered to set up an appointment with Lauren. Seth was so happy to make an appointment that Heather was sure she’d done the right thing, and she hadn’t even told a lie to get him there, after all they did need an update.
Seth hung up the phone smiling, it had been a month since he’d talked to Lauren and he’d be leaving for the cabin in a few days. Of course, it hadn’t been Lauren who’d called, but at least he finally had an excuse to see her before he left. He’d been thinking of calling her himself, but hadn’t gotten up the courage, now he didn’t have to. This meeting would be the perfect time to tell her all that he’d done in the last month, show her that he was thinking about her and what she wanted as well.
It had only taken a few days for him to figure out that he had indeed run right over her in his plan making. He still didn’t understand what she’d been talking about right before she left that afternoon, but he’d thought about the little she’d told him about her life and remembered that she’d had to put herself through school, worked hard to be where she was, and he’d blow that off as if it was nothing.
So, he’d set a plan into motion that would allow her to do her job and be with him at the cabin. Thinking of her comfort, he’d added an office, a second bedroom, as well as indoor plumbing. Something he’d thought he’d never have in his cabin, but knew would make it much easier for Lauren to live there. He was determined to have her at the cabin with him, had been dreaming of having her there with him on those long dark winter nights.
His two biggest purchases had been the most important; first, he’d purchased a small Snowcat so that they could come back to town often, no matter how much snow fell. The second was a satellite dish that would keep them both connected with the outside world, he too would have to work over the winter and it made him happy to think of sharing the office with Lauren.
Instead of closing the house down for the winter as he’d planned to do, he’d decided to have it restored. Thanks to Thomas, he had a young contractor already lined up to bring the house back to its original condition, erase all the damage his numerous step-mothers had done to it. The stark modern furniture was to be packed up and shipped back to Los Angeles where it’d come from, then it would be sold at auction, the proceeds going to the local schools in his mother’s name.
He had no idea what he’d do with the house once it was finished, but he sensed that he’d never live there. It was just too big for him, held too many bad memories, not to mention the stain of how it was paid for. He would be much closer to both the renewable energy project and the clean-up sites from his cabin, and with the new construction, the cabin would make a nice home for both of them.
Shaking his head to think that in only a little over a month his entire world had changed once again, he wondered what might come next. That was when the thought of having children with Lauren popped into his mind. He practically shot out of his chair, so shocked that the thought had even entered his mind, but the more he thought about a little girl that looked just like her, the better it sounded.
Part of him suddenly wanted to run, wanted to pack up and head straight for the cabin, but he knew that running away wouldn’t make the ache he felt for Lauren go away. This was one time that he couldn’t run away, couldn’t avoid what might be the hardest thing he’d ever done, learn to think of someone else’s happiness before his. Come what may, a winter spent with Lauren would show them if what they shared was real or just a passing fancy.