Chapter Thirty-One
The housekeeper’s cat was going to be the death of him. Gavin dodged the black mouser as it sauntered over the freshly waxed floor, a miniature predator on the prowl. The creature paused for a leisurely stretch and regarded him with enigmatic golden eyes, seeming to contemplate whether to allow him passage through the corridor or sprawl across the space in an effort to block his way.
Gavin leaned against a doorjamb, bracing himself against a fresh wave of pain. The doctor who’d bandaged the wound had declared his chances of a full recovery were excellent, with the caveat that he rest the affected shoulder until fully healed. Damned if he intended to become an invalid. His arm and shoulder throbbed, but that did not mean the rest of his body was suited to unaccustomed leisure.
The door to Henry’s chamber creaked open. Clothed in trousers that appeared baggy on his frame and a shirt that hung loosely over his bandaged chest, the Scot looked to have regained much of his strength. Thank God. His wound had given them all cause for worry.
Henry eyed Gavin. “Bluidy hell, if this place hasn’t turned into a blasted infirmary,” he said. “The only thing missing is a lovely nurse or two to keep me company.”
Gavin scowled. He’d hired on a topnotch nurse to attend Henry and Avery during their convalescence. The no-nonsense matron certainly did not fit Henry’s specifications, but Mrs. Larkin’s competence was unassailable.
“That’s the last thing you need. I’ll ask Farnsworth to bring you some fresh clothing. Nurse Larkin is due at any moment.”
“Oh, there you are, you naughty scoundrel.” The housekeeper hurried down the hall and scooped up the cat. She shot Gavin a glance.
“Mrs. Edson, would you be so kind as to ask Farnsworth to provide Henry with clean attire?”
She wrinkled her nose. “The gent should be aspiring to time in the tub, provided Nurse Larkin approves. Last time I checked, the plumbing in his bath was functioning quite well.”
“True.” Gavin smiled. “Has Nurse Larkin arrived?”
The housekeeper shook her head. “Not yet. But you have another guest. That’s what I came to tell you.”
“A guest?” He glanced down at his wrinkled trousers, haphazardly fastened shirt, and braces. He rubbed a hand over his jaw, over the growth of beard he hadn’t touched a razor to in days. “I’m in no condition to receive a caller.”
“I am afraid I must disagree. You’re looking quite well.”
Sophie. What in blazes was she doing here? Even though Lady Ellicott and her surviving coconspirators were behind bars at the Old Bailey, he’d been informed Sophie would remain in a secure location until all danger from Lady Ellicott’s followers had been eliminated.
He hadn’t anticipated laying eyes on her lovely face for at least a fortnight.
I love you, Gavin. So very much.
How many times had he recalled her softly spoken words as he lay recovering from his wound? Had she truly uttered the words, or had his pain-fogged mind conjured them as an act of mercy?
She came to him, each step carefully measured, as if she were battling a case of nerves. God knew he was. The sight of her set his senses aflame.
Mrs. Edson struggled to contain the squirming creature in her arms. “Shall I see Miss Atherton to your study?”
So, Sophie had informed the housekeeper of her real name. Her secret was out. Had her mission ended, or had they been deemed worthy of her secret?
“I am delighted to see you both up and about.” Sophie flashed Henry a genuine smile. “Please excuse the unexpected nature of my presence here… I have a matter of some urgency to discuss.”
“Sophie, is it safe for you to be here?” Gavin caught her hands in his. “As much as I’ve wished to see you, I wouldn’t chance your security.”
“Matthew Colton is confident the conspirators have all been apprehended. He believes the danger has passed.”
Relief washed over Gavin. “Now that is welcome news.”
“Indeed.” Her smile was soft and muted. “Gavin, is it possible we might have a spot of privacy?”
“Of course.” Amazing, how casual he kept his expression, when what he wanted most at that moment was to pull Sophie into his arms and kiss her senseless. “Mrs. Edson, please show Miss Atherton to the study. I will join you shortly.”
…
Sophie paced the length of the chamber. Tension filled her from head to toe. Why, she might as well have been a canary awaiting a meeting with Mrs. Edson’s cat. After her experience with Gavin at the castle, she’d been set utterly off base. The nature of their relationship would never be the same.
Sophie, I love you. Always remember that.
The memory played in her thoughts, again and again. Had the words he’d uttered in a time of crisis revealed a previously unspoken truth? Then again, in the heat of danger, emotions were heightened and magnified, not entirely reliable indicators of future sentiment.
For her part, the experience had served to clarify her feelings. She loved him. She knew that without the slightest doubt.
Did Gavin truly love her? Or had his emotions cooled as the threat to their lives dissipated?
His feelings would certainly impact his reaction to her news. She’d been offered a tremendous opportunity that would take her away from London for months. Would he explain away his confession of love as a momentary swell of emotion, wish her well, and send her on her way, leaving her heart in pieces? Or would he tell her he loved her and ask her to stay in London with him?
If he did, what would she say? Could she bear to pack away her dreams in a tidy case and put them on a high shelf, out of reach save for the occasional musing of what might have been? Or could she sacrifice the love she’d found with this daring, infuriating man?
Her heart stuttered at the idea. Quite ironic, that. She should be filled with joy. And yet, she knew whichever path she chose, she’d lose a piece of her soul.
Mrs. Edson slipped in, bearing a tray of pastries and a tea service. She poured a cup for Sophie, placed it on a delicate Wedgwood saucer, then excused herself.
Sophie took a sip of the steaming Earl Grey and moved to the settee. Ah, the memories they’d created on that rather ordinary piece of furniture.
Nearly ten minutes had passed when Gavin entered the study. He’d changed from his crumpled clothing to a crisply pressed shirt and wool trousers. A loosely knotted tie emphasized the blue in his eyes. He hadn’t shaved—no, that delectable growth of beard still coated his chin and jaw—but he’d combed back his hair, highlighting the contours of his face. My, but he was a handsome man. If he’d been alone, she might’ve pulled him close and kissed him, right where he stood. But it wouldn’t do to make a spectacle in front of Gavin’s housekeeper. Heaven knew she’d brought enough trouble into their lives.
“I presume Mrs. Edson has seen to your comfort,” Gavin said, closing the door behind him. Odd, how detached he seemed. It was as if the events of the past several days had never happened. He’d held her and loved her. He’d nearly died for her. But now, he regarded her with a casualness that bordered on indifference.
“She is a dear woman,” Sophie commented, sipping her tea, wishing her heartbeat would stop pounding in her ears. “I am so relieved your recovery is going smoothly, as is Mr. MacIntyre’s.”
He joined her on the settee. His eyes searched hers for a long moment. “How are you, Sophie? I know that bastard hurt you.”
McNaughton’s hold had been punishing, but she’d gone past the pain he’d inflicted. “I am well. I wanted to tell you I’m sorry I deceived you. I could not reveal my true name. I can now assure you that Sophie Louise Atherton is the name bestowed upon me at my christening.”
“I understand. You were in a precarious spot.”
“Quite so. But there’s more—I have news of a promising venture.”
His mouth flattened, but he held her gaze. “You intend to leave London?”
“Possibly.” Sophie pulled in a breath. Her pulse sped, ever so slightly. Blast it, this should not be so hard. She’d faced villains of the worst sort. How could it be so very difficult to speak to him with unveiled honesty?
“I wanted you to know that I’ve been offered an exciting opportunity. As you are aware, Jennie Colton has long acted as my mentor. Her sister, Alexandra Quinn, is renowned for her work interpreting Egyptian symbols.”
“Professor Quinn is indeed a remarkable scholar,” he said, his voice conveniently bland. “I was not aware of her connection to Mrs. Colton.”
“I believe Jennie is the younger sibling, though I am not positive. I am privileged to have struck up an acquaintance with Professor Quinn.” Sophie focused on the tiny flowers painted on the teacup. “As I’ve mentioned, antiquities hold a special fascination for me. I’ve longed to explore Egypt, to see the ancient structures for myself, rather than to live vicariously through the adventures of others.”
Gavin’s fingers closed over hers, warm and gentle. “So, tell me about this enterprise you’re considering.”
Sophie’s heart raced. How could he look so calm, so unfazed, as if she were merely an acquaintance come to deliver the latest gossip?
“Professor Quinn is in need of an assistant on her upcoming expedition. I am considering a sabbatical from my duties at the agency to accompany her. If I accept her offer, I must depart for Cairo within the week.”
“If you accept?” His mouth tensed. “I’d think there’d be no question there. Surely you intend to accompany her.”
My, how reasonable he sounds. Not the slightest twinge of emotion colored his tone.
She drew a fortifying breath. “It is indeed an outstanding opportunity, but the timing may not be favorable. There is another consideration…one I had not anticipated.”
His brow furrowed. “What’s wrong, Sophie? You can trust me.”
“As you well know, I violated protocol during my last mission. In the process, I’ve developed strong feelings for you… I do not know how to express this eloquently.” Out with it, Sophie. “I spoke the truth at the castle. It seems I’ve fallen in love with you.”
He shoved a hand through his hair. “Love—well, then…there’s not much that leaves me at a loss for words.”
She studied him. At a loss for words. A dull ache settled in her heart. His utterly bland response had provided an answer to her dilemma, hadn’t it? Still, she had to be sure. She had to soldier on.
“I came here this morning because I wanted to know your feelings…before I make my decision. You said you loved me. If you meant those words, that will certainly impact my decision to go—or to stay here…with you.”
His expression grew solemn. “Sophie, I would never hold you back.”
“Gavin, did you mean what you said at the castle?” She held his gaze. “Do you love me?”
He took a step closer and very gently framed her face in his hands. “Sophie, I care for you, far more than you might imagine. Of course I meant what I said. But emotion often gets the better of logic. I suspect this is one of those times.”
“I understand this is so very sudden—it may seem a temporary madness.” She swallowed against the scalding emotion in her throat. “But I know what’s in my heart.”
His thumb traced her lower lip, exquisitely tender. “Sophie, you must go. If you do not seize this chance, you shall regret it for a lifetime.”
She closed her eyes, drinking in his clean scent, listening to the rhythm of his breaths. Summoning her courage, she crafted a bold proposition. “Perhaps…perhaps you might come with me. Your injury does not preclude travel. Your expertise would be welcome.”
A muscle ticked in his jaw. “Sophie, that would not be wise.”
So, he’d rejected her proposition. Heat flooded her cheeks. Panic made her breath catch, but she pushed past it.
“I must respectfully disagree. The journey would provide time for us to become better acquainted. After all, we are only now coming to know each other without our respective disguises.”
His expression darkened. “I suspect you would not like the man behind the disguise.”
“Gavin, I love you. How can you say that?”
His mouth pulled taut. “Do you love me, Sophie? Or the tomb raider the papers made me out to be? I promise you, I’m not nearly so interesting as that. You’re likely to become disappointed with the rather dull truth.”
“Dull? I cannot imagine you would ever merit that description.”
His eyes flashed. “I fear you’ve cultivated a rather daring illusion of me. That’s what you love, Sophie. Not the academic with his blasted nose in a book.”
“I’ve seen the real you, Gavin. He’s the man I fell in love with.”
“Is he now?” He cocked a brow. “So, what is it you expect me to do? Fall on one knee, offer you my name, and plead with you to stay?”
She drew back. “Of course not. I did not anticipate a proposal of marriage. Not so very soon, in any case.”
“But you would expect one at some point, wouldn’t you?”
“Perhaps.” She gulped against the hurt and anger welling in her throat. “But I believe you’ve cured me of that notion.”
He cupped her chin in his fingers, tenderness infusing his touch. “You are so very beautiful, Sophie. I do love you. I won’t deny that. But I would not have you sacrifice your hopes and dreams for the likes of me.”
She broke away. “So, that’s it, then? You’ve framed this as an attempt at being noble, have you? Am I to believe you’re saying these things for my own good?”
“Believe what you want, Sophie.” A thin smile curved his mouth. “I know you well enough to feel confident you’ll come to your own conclusions.”
How very logical he sounded. How utterly matter-of-fact. Well then, that was that, wasn’t it?
Perhaps Gavin had done her a favor. He’d made the choice for her. Soon, she’d be walking on Egyptian sand, engaged in a grand adventure. That was what she truly wanted, wasn’t it?
If only her heart didn’t ache in protest. Bloody shame there was nothing to be done about it.
Had she truly been so daft as to believe he would profess an enduring love for her?
He’d wanted her in his arms. He’d wanted her in his bed. Was that his definition of love?
What a fool she’d been to confess what was in her heart.
Her pulse pounded in her ears, even as her heart threatened to splinter. She squared her shoulders, fortifying herself against the pain. Leaning closer, she kissed him, a sweet, lingering caress.
And then she stood and walked to the door.
“Good-bye, Gavin.”
My, that certainly didn’t go as I’d envisioned it.
Sophie plopped down upon the upholstered carriage seat and opened the window curtain. She’d no intention of hiding her face from passersby. It wasn’t as if she would shed a tear—certainly not over that infernal man.
How foolish she’d been to fall in love with Gavin Stanwyck.
She pulled in a breath to steady her pulse, then another. She’d made an utter fool of herself, blurting out her feelings with uncensored honesty. Gavin had made no secret of his aversion to commitment. What had she expected—touching, heartfelt vows?
She brushed at the corner of her eye, stifling any rebellious tears that might break past her armor.
In truth, it was just as well. At least he hadn’t strung it out, leading her to make a colossal mistake. Before long, she’d set off on the expedition of a lifetime. Someday, she might even encounter him in Egypt. She’d greet him with a proper smile and go on her way.
She would not make the mistake of giving him her heart. Never again.
Sophie, you must go. With scarcely a moment’s hesitation, he’d sent her on her way, urging her to accompany Professor Quinn on her expedition.
I would not have you sacrifice your hopes and dreams for the likes of me.
Conveniently noble words layered with ice.
But the look in his eyes had been anything but cold. He’d viewed her with the same warmth that had infused his touch—and the same passion.
Had he spoken selflessly, thinking she would abandon her dreams if he admitted to wanting her?
The man had feelings for her. He couldn’t hide it, much as he’d tried. Since she’d first laid eyes on Gavin, he’d sought to convince her he was a scoundrel.
He hadn’t succeeded.
He did love her. She could see it on his face, hear it in his voice.
God above, he’d been willing to die for her.
It would take more than words to convince her he didn’t truly love her.
And now, she was going to lose the man she adored, the man whose touch she craved. Her love for Gavin grew with every beat of her heart.
If only she had time—time to forge their undeniable bond into something enduring. Time to kindle the spark that had flared between them into a lasting love.
In a week, she’d depart London. The expedition might well take months. The opportunity to accompany Jennie’s sister was truly an experience that might well come only once in a lifetime.
Once in a lifetime—what an apt description for my love for Gavin.
Misery sliced through her heart.
Blast it, she could not risk her love for Gavin. No matter the cost. There was so much in her heart she’d left unsaid.
She could not walk away from the only man she’d ever loved.
There would be other expeditions, other opportunities to explore the world. None of them would ease the ache in her heart.
She could not go to Cairo. Not now. She had to inform Jennie and notify Professor Quinn of her change in plans.
Her heart would simply not allow her to leave.
…
Gavin poured whiskey in a tumbler and downed it. At the very least, the Scotch might dull the throb in his shoulder. Damned shame it failed to ease the miserable ache in his heart.
He’d let her go. Like a coward, he’d let her walk away.
Out of his house.
Out of his life.
What the bloody hell is wrong with me?
Sophie was beautiful. Spirited. The fire in her eyes enchanted him.
He wanted her. Every night. Every day. At his side. Laughing across the table, as she bested him at cards.
And he’d sat there like a dolt while she walked out of his life.
I’ve fallen in love with you.
Her words had been so sudden. So unexpected.
By all rights, he should be on his knees, thanking God above that a woman like Sophie could love a man like him.
She’d stunned him with the prospect she might leave him. Christ, he’d wanted to tell her to stay. But his conscience wouldn’t abide it. He wouldn’t stand by while she sacrificed a grand adventure. Sophie deserved that, and so much more.
And then, she’d astonished him with the confirmation of her love. She really did love him. Bloody hell, that made him the richest man in London…in Great Britain…in the world.
But now, she was gone.
In his mind’s eye, he watched her walk away. Again. And again.
It was for the best. He could not warrant her love. Not in a thousand lifetimes.
He’d made the right decision. For so many years, he’d desired no ties, no inconvenient emotions. He didn’t want to need a woman—much less a doe-eyed beauty whose secrets he hadn’t even begun to uncover.
Hellfire, he couldn’t even convince himself.
A brisk rapping sounded against the study door. Gavin called to Henry to enter.
Henry’s gaze raked over Gavin. His forehead creased. “Ye look like hell.”
Gavin scowled. “You are looking at the most colossal arse on the planet.”
“Tell me something I didn’t already know.” Henry cocked his head, his eyes questioning. “I take it this has something to do with Miss Atherton.”
“She’s leaving London in a week, traveling to Cairo with Professor Quinn.”
“Dr. Alex Quinn?”
“Sophie plans to serve as her assistant. With her fine mind, I’ve no doubt she’ll soak up an abundance of knowledge in a brief time.”
“She shares your interest in Egypt?”
“So it would appear.”
The furrow in Henry’s brow deepened. “I thought we might discuss the preparations for the upcoming Alexandria expedition. I see my timing could’ve been better.”
Gavin waved away his assistant’s hesitation. “There’s no point putting it off. This foul mood of mine will pass soon enough.”
Henry nodded. “In that case, shall we take a seat? There are documents we need to review.”
Gavin moved to his desk, watching as Henry unfurled a map over the surface. “You have the latest communiques from the French team?”
Henry pointed to a spot he’d circled on the document. “They’re confident they’ve narrowed down the location of the tomb.”
Reining in his thoughts of Sophie, Gavin studied the map. “If they’re correct in their deductions, this expedition will yield treasures like we’ve never before encountered—just think of it, a tomb that’s escaped pillaging over the centuries.”
“Indeed. I expect the physician will clear me to leave by the end of the month. Of course, I’m younger than ye.” Henry flashed an insolent grin. “I heal quickly.”
“Another week or so, and I’ll be recovered…well enough to travel, at least.”
Henry’s expression dimmed. “Gavin, ye’re sure of this—sure of joining this expedition?”
“Why should there be any doubt? This damnable wound isn’t enough to keep me from the treasure of a lifetime.”
Henry leaned back in his chair. “Ye do realize there are many kinds of treasure in this world.”
“What in blazes do you mean?”
“Ye know damned well what I’m getting at. There are treasures ye cannot find in some bluidy tomb.” Henry pinned him with his gaze. “One of them just walked out yer door.”
Gavin shot to his feet. “Did you come here to plan our part in the expedition, or to waste my time with ridiculous blather?”
“Hit a nerve, did I?”
“Bugger it, what does it matter?”
Gavin strode to the window. A carriage wended down the avenue. He spotted the Colton monogram. Sophie was in that coach.
Leaving him.
Forever.
He pictured her soft smile, teasing and tempting. Damn it, he longed to hold her. Longed to give her pleasure.
No woman had ever made him feel like Sophie did when she came apart in his arms. Her response to his touch was genuine, uninhibited. His name on her lips drove him wild with a hunger unlike any he’d ever felt.
Even now, while his shoulder throbbed and his heart ached, need for her pulsed in his veins.
Blasted shame she deserved better than a man like him.
He’d wasted so many years, going from one woman to the next. Indulging his passion at night, but never giving a damn about what lay ahead once the sun rose.
Now, no other woman would do. Not since he’d tasted Sophie’s kiss. He wanted her. No, not wanted. He needed Sophie. In his bed. In his arms. Sitting across from him, debating some topic or other. Exploring life—together.
She had a fierce soul. Sophie was brave—far braver than him. She’d found the courage to give voice to her feelings.
She loved him. Her words had brought joy, deep and intense. Why did her heartfelt confession possess the power to bring him to his knees? Was it fear that she might come to her senses and cast him aside?
She needed a man who would treasure her, a man who would cherish her more with each passing day.
Damn and blast, why hadn’t he been able to tell her what was in his heart? He loved her. More than he’d ever imagined possible.
He’d lacked the courage to find the bloody words.
For so long, he’d guarded that hollow shell in his chest he called a heart. The woman he’d thought he loved so long ago had inflicted a bitter wound. How ironic that now, he realized she’d done him a favor. If she hadn’t cast him aside for riches and a title, he never would’ve met Sophie. He never would’ve found the love he saw in her warm brown eyes. Somehow, she’d fallen for him, despite his best efforts to convince her he was a cynic and a cad.
Sophie didn’t give a damn about his money. Unlike the women who’d been eager to fawn over him and warm his bed after he’d become his father’s heir, she had not seemed to give a fig that he was a wealthy man. His fortune did not merit her interest, not in the least.
And yet, she’d been bloody fascinated by his expeditions, the so-called adventures she’d read of in the press. She’d made no secret that she’d relish taking part in a dig. With Sophie at his side, there were no limits to what they might accomplish. Together.
A whisper of doubt assailed him. Could he ever be the kind of man she deserved, his past be damned?
Could he be the one who would make her smile in the morning? The man who would love her passionately until she shattered in his arms, night after night?
Could he ever prove himself worthy of her love?
“I’ve lost her.” The confession tasted like bitter poison on his tongue.
“Only if ye sit here like a bluidy dolt.” Henry came to his side. “I’ve never known ye to be a coward. Go after her.”
He whirled to stare at Henry. His words seemed a spur. Could the young Scot be right? Should he go to Sophie and confess what was in his soul?
Could she ever forgive him? He’d been so damned cold to her. Would she ever trust him with her heart?
Mrs. Edson opened the door and peeped inside. “I couldn’t help but notice Miss Atherton leaving. She seemed upset. Is something wrong?”
Gavin considered her question. For the first time since he’d laid eyes on Sophie that morning, his thoughts were clear.
He knew what he wanted.
He knew what he had to do.
“I’ve made a blasted mess of things, Mrs. Edson. But I’m going to set it right.”