One

I glanced around my room, looking at the objects that accumulated up over the years. The old textbooks, the pictures, trophies, things that wouldn't be coming with me. I couldn't believe I was going that I was finally moving out of my parents' house to attend the college of my dreams. And not just any school either. I had chosen to move over a thousand miles to attend the University of Colorado Denver. It was long overdue and I couldn’t wait to get going.

The plan had been to go straight to college after high school, but things didn’t work out as planned. I ended up having to stay close to home to help my family while attending the local community college and working a part-time job at a diner saving every last dime that I had.

Now after three long years I finally live my dream.

My parents were thrilled about me leaving. They wanted me to get out of this small town to experience life like they had wanted. They never had the chance to leave, and they didn’t want that for me. So, when I applied to colleges, I only applied to one's outside Kentucky.         

A jingle sounded, jarring me out of my post packing high. I hurried to my phone, picking it up off the bedside table. Josh’s face stared back at me and I tried not to groan. Things weren’t rosy in our relationship. He’d been distant and agitated with me all week and I was afraid that if I spoke to him now, he would just ruin my good mood.

WIth a sigh, I answered. “Hey, Josh.” I tried to force a happy tone, honest to God I did, but it came out annoyed.The line was silent, but I knew he was there. I had half a mind hang up, but I knew that would just cause for problems, so I shuffled my feet and waited him out.

When he spoke his voice was low. “Freya, I will miss you.” I rolled my eyes and stifled a groan.

“I’ll miss you too,” I reassured him for what felt like the millionth time this week

“Are you?” He asked, not sounding convinced.

I took in a calming breath and prayed for patience. He wasn’t taking my leaving well at all because he didn’t see it like my parents and I did. To him, Kentucky was his home and he couldn’t imagine leaving. The way he acted, you would think my move was a permanent one, but for now it was only to go to school. A fact I repeated endlessly.

We started dating almost two years ago when we meet at the community college. Josh was starting his second year there and had plans to transfer the following year. He wanted to attend the University of Kentucky like everyone in his family.

“Yes, Josh, I will miss you very much.”

“Why move? Why leave me when you can stay here and we can be together?” I looked to the heavens for support.

“I got a full ride, Josh,”  I ground out, my anger slipping through. “I’m tired of explaining it to you. Look, I have a lot of packing to do. I’ll talk to you tomorrow.”        

I was met with silence again, so I looked to my phone, making sure he didn’t hang up on me. We were still connected, so I brought the phone back to my ear and waited. I didn’t have to wait much longer.        

“I suppose I’ll see you in the morning,” he said, his voice flat.        

He had driven home for the weekend to see me one last time. It was more like he had come home to beg me to stay, but I was leaving whether or not he liked it. I’d come too far to give up on my dream now.        

“I love you,” I exhaled.         

“Me too,” he responded, and the line went dead.        

I flopped down on my bed laying across the clothes I had been folding. I groaned and slammed my fists on my bed. It was a small hissy, and I wasn’t proud of it, but it was well deserved. I had a feeling that things with me and Josh would only get harder.

I heard a faint knock on the door while in the mists of my fit and my mom stepped in.

“May I come in?” She asked as she shut the door behind her.

I always thought it was pointless that she’d come in and ask instead of asking before opening the door, but what do I know. Obviously not what Josh is thinking.        

“Sure, mom. What’s up?” I sat up, adjusting myself to be more presentable. I knew she had been listening at the door and when she sat down beside me, patting my leg, my suspicions were confirmed.

“You’re making the right choice, you know. It will to be a huge change, but I believe in you.” This was the same speech she gave me every time Josh, and I had gotten into a tiff over me moving.

“I know,” I said, suppressing the urge to roll my eyes at her “Everything is fine. I’m fine, Josh, well, he will be fine too.” I hoped he would be at least. I loved him and I knew our future would be bright, we had to get past this moment of darkness first. We would be fine. I had to believe that.

“Josh will come around, sweetie.” She wrapped her arms around me and squeezed. “Plus, visiting is always an option.”

I swear to all that is holy if she said that again I would never come home. Ever.

“I know,” I said through gritted teeth.

I drew out of her embrace and stood.

“Well, I’ll let you get back to it,” she said, rising.

She gave me a swift peak on the cheek as she left.

When the door closed behind her, I went back to packing not wasting any time. The knot in my stomach seemed to only be growing. The last thing I wanted to be worrying about was if boyfriend would be able to deal with me living over a thousand miles from him.

I woke right before my alarm went off the next morning. I couldn’t decide if I was more excited or nervous. Probably an equal amount of both. I was having mixed emotions about what I was doing and the knot in my stomach had disappeared overnight. It was like a heavy reminder that Josh and I nowhere near being okay.

I tried to put him out of my mind as I rushed around the house trying to find anything I may have forgotten. I knew I wasn’t taking everything, but I wanted to make sure I didn’t forget anything important. It wasn’t like I was moving down the street.

“Whoa there,” my dad said, putting a steadying hand on my shoulder.

I had collided with him when I was half running out of my room.

“Oh,” I huffed. “Sorry dad”

He put an arm around my shoulder and steered me towards the door.

“I think you’ve gotten everything, sweetheart. Come on, mom’s waiting for you outside.” He hugged me to his side and lead me out the front door and down the drive to my Tahoe where my mom was standing.

She was dabbing at her eyes with a tissue, already in tears. I tore out of my dad's hold and hurried to her side.

“Oh mom,” I chuckled, putting my arms around her. “Don’t cry! I’ll be back in a couple of months for fall break.”

“I know,” she sniffed. “It’s not that. I’m just so proud of you.” Leave it to my mother to not be sad to see me go. The women had backwards ways

“Don’t forget to call when you arrive,” my dad told me as he moved to my mother's side.

“You know I will,” I assured him.

I pulled my parents into one last hug and as I drew away, headlights flashed across us. Josh pulled into the driveway. He parked beside my Tahoe and clambered out of his car.

I glanced to my parents, and they nodded.

“We’ll give you some privacy,” my dad spoke, dragging my mom back towards the house.

“Be safe,” my mother called, but she had narrowed eyes on Josh.

She was less than pleased with him and how unsupportive he was being.

I waved to them and turned to face Josh, but one glimpse of his face told me all I needed to know.

“What’s wrong?” I asked, my eyebrows going up.

Josh was always put together, never a hair out of place, but right now he was a wreck. His hair was all over the place and he was in jogging pants and a ripped tee. It differed from his usual polo and slacks. I’d never seen him like this and it didn’t do well for my nerves.

“I have to know, Freya! I have to know if you are planning to return after college!” His voice was demanding and hard, but I could hear the exhaustion. He had obviously been up all night over this.

“We already talked about this,” I said, gritting my teeth. This conversation was tired.

“I can’t wait until you graduate to find out. I need to know now.” His eyes flashed with anger.

“Why? Why are you doing this?” I pleaded, trying to buy time.

“Answer the question!” He yelled. I flinched, taken aback at his tone. He never spoke this way.

“I’m not saying I won’t come back. I’m going to school, Josh.” It wasn’t the answer he wanted and I could see he was losing his patience with me.

“That’s not an answer, Freya.” His eyes turned to steel, and I knew then that my answer would decide our future.

Tears fell down my face as I looked at him pleading.

“Josh,” I choked, reaching for him, but he backed away. I dropped my hand and looked away. “I don’t know. I don’t know if I’ll move back here.”

“I knew you would do this. I knew you weren’t serious about us,” he spat. “I can’t do this with you anymore. I won’t sit around waiting to see if I am enough to bring you back.”

I felt horrible because deep down I knew he was right. He wouldn’t be enough. That’s why I didn’t have any other friends here. I didn’t need any more ties here and I hated that I would cause him pain now.

“Maybe you’re right,” I admitted. Hurt flashed in his eyes, but I ignored it and went on, “maybe you’re not enough to bring me back. I’ve always wanted more than this small town. I’m so sorry.” I wiped at the tears that had escaped down my cheeks.

Josh just stood there with a shocked expression on his face. I don’t think he expected me to still go. That if he threatened our future, I would just bow down and agree to what he wanted to hear, but he’s wrong. I wouldn’t give in that easily Not for something this important.

I backed towards my Tahoe, not meeting his eyes. “Look, I have to go. I really am sorry.” He made no move to stop me or to do anything. He watched me go without another word.