Chapter 4
The knocks on Megan’s bedroom door grew increasingly louder. So did her roommate’s voice. “Megan? Are you all right?”
Closing her eyes, Megan hugged her pillow tighter to her chest. She stayed quiet, hoping Calli would think she was still asleep and go away.
“Megan, are you okay in there?”
Calli was persistent, Megan would give her that. She swallowed to wet her throat, which was raw from crying. “Yes, thank you.”
“Are you sure? You haven’t come out of your room all weekend. Even to eat.”
Megan opened her eyes and looked around her depressingly minimal bedroom. Calli was actually wrong. Megan had been out of her bedroom once. She’d let the mattress delivery guys into the apartment on Saturday morning while Calli was still asleep from being called into work the night before.
Megan had missed the delivery guys’ first two calls because she didn’t recognize the number and wasn’t in any mood to talk. But by the third call, she’d remembered that her mattress was coming, and since she planned to camp inside her room forever, she figured she might as well be comfortable.
She’d managed to pull the plastic off, but that’s as far as she got before she’d crumpled on the cold, bare mattress. And with the exception of using her bathroom, that was where she’d stayed for the rest of that day, that night, and all day Sunday.
She felt sorry for herself, plain and simple. She hated feeling so weak and pathetic, but she couldn’t stop it either. Her ex-husband was having a baby with his mistress.
A baby.
A baby that Megan had prayed to God for every day for so many years of their marriage.
A baby, which had become her obsession.
At their divorce proceedings, Niall’s attorney had painted an ugly picture of a marriage rotting from the inside, all thanks to Megan’s growing fixation with wanting children. How Niall had tried to calm her fears, gone to repeated doctor’s visits, and pleaded with Megan to seek counseling.
Lie, lie, lie.
Niall had never, ever said anything to Megan about their inability to conceive. She’d asked him if he would be willing to be tested for infertility, and he’d refused. He never once suggested counseling of any sort.
But it turned out to be her fault that Niall claimed he had to seek solace in the bed of another woman.
Big, fat goddamn lie.
Now here he was—having a child. And here Megan was—alone.
She felt like the definition of failure. She’d failed to keep a husband, failed to be a good wife, and failed to conceive children.
She’d been happy once, yet somewhere along the way, things had gotten messed up. Megan wasn’t excusing Niall’s behavior, and he certainly hadn’t turned out to be the man she’d thought him to be. But she’d made more than a few mistakes in their marriage herself.
“Megan?” Calli called again.
“Yes, I—I’m fine. Thank you.”
There was silence and then Calli asked, “May I come in?”
Frustration kindled inside Megan at the intrusion, but she quickly tamped it down. Even though she wanted to ignore Calli, she knew doing so would be rude. She slowly rolled off the bed, wincing at the way her muscles ached at the movement, and opened the door.
“Jesus Christ, what happened to you?” Calli asked, looking her over.
Megan knew she must look bad. She was dressed in sweat pants and a cami, her hair was sticking to the dried tear tracks on her face, and her eyes were swollen and sore.
Megan cleared her throat. “I had the flu.”
Calli nodded and Megan knew she didn’t believe a word she said. “Feel like grabbing a bite to eat?”
“Not really,” Megan replied.
“Come on, my treat.”
Megan’s stomach rumbled at the mention of food. Calli’s dark blue eyes smiled as she said, “I’ll wait in the living room for you.”
Megan shut the door and shuffled around to get ready to head out into the world. She changed into jeans and a T-shirt, swept her knotted hair into a ponytail, washed her face, and brushed her teeth.
Calli was waiting in the living room, flipping through a magazine when Megan joined her. Her roommate was dressed in black skinny jeans with tears in the knees, a bright red T-shirt that hung off one shoulder, and black platform heels. When she saw Megan, she stood and said, “Let’s get some food, chica.”
They walked down the street to a small Greek eatery and sat in a corner booth. Megan ordered a small salad while Calli ordered a gyro platter. After the waitress left their table, she stared blindly toward the front of the restaurant while Calli drummed her fingers on the table.
“So this flu you had, does it have a name?”
Megan took a deep breath and nodded, not offering any more information.
“I had a really bad flu once,” Calli said.
“Sorry to hear that,” Megan replied, taking a sip of water.
“My flu’s name was Brock. I met him at work. He came in to get a tattoo. He was all types of gorgeous, but I didn’t think much of it because good-looking dudes come in a lot. But before he left, he came back to my station and asked if I wanted to grab some coffee with him after my shift. So we got coffee. One coffee led to another and before too long we hooked up.” Looking up at the ceiling, she gushed, “He was a fucking god in bed.”
Calli’s praise was loud enough for the surrounding booths to hear. Megan smiled at the dreamy look on her roommate’s pretty face.
Calli’s grin lingered for a moment longer before she shrugged. “Turned out Brock was in Chicago for a temp job. And he left.”
“You didn’t want to go with him?”
“I actually thought about it.” Calli laughed. “That’s how good the sex was.”
Megan watched the other woman swirl her straw in her water glass with a wistful expression.
“But, no, I let him go. I had a good thing going here in Chicago, and I wasn’t going to follow Brock around the country just because he had an amazing tongue and could make me forget I had arms and legs. Don’t get me wrong, I had a hard time after he left. A hard time. That’s why I call him the worst flu I ever had.”
If Calli had felt anything like how Megan was feeling, she felt sorry for her.
“I don’t see how any other flu could be worse than that,” Calli said. Megan looked up and she saw the challenging smile on her roommate’s face.
“Niall.” His name tasted bitter and rotten on her tongue. “He’s my ex-husband.”
Calli whistled softly before she pressed on. “Wow. Ex-husband?”
Megan nodded. “I met him when I was in undergrad at Northwestern. God, back then he was…” She looked out the window toward the cars lined up at a red light, not really seeing any of them. “He was charming and handsome and smart.” She shook her head. “And he wanted me. Out of all the girls he could have dated, he pursued me.”
“Probably because you’re gorgeous? Because you have the hottest legs since Naomi Campbell? And on top of that, you don’t seem like a shit human being?”
Megan couldn’t help but chuckle. She’d heard compliments like those all her life, but being pretty didn’t get you everything. Neither did having a lot of money.
“Well, whatever his reasons, we started dating, and we eventually got married. Things were great. Until they weren’t.”
Niall was her first love, not to mention the first and only man she’d slept with. He’d been perfect in her eyes. Early on in their relationship, he was so attentive and never missed an opportunity to shower her with attention or gifts. She hadn’t known what being spoiled truly was until she met him. And then when his career started to take off, he’d made her feel like they were a team. It was Niall and Megan taking over Chicago one deal at a time.
Her mind skimmed the past couple years. Although she hadn’t seen it then, she now noticed tiny hints of what was to come. Between pressures at home and their jobs, things between her and Niall hadn’t been the same. He’d been working more and more, which meant he’d spent most nights at their condo downtown. Megan had just thought he was working hard toward a new promotion or something. It had been lonely in their suburban home. She’d thrown herself into her work with her students at Gillson Prep.
Then there had come a point when Megan could actually see things slowly starting to change in their marriage. He’d become temperamental and aloof. She didn’t know what had gone wrong and had tried harder to please him. Whether it was hosting social functions, acting unfazed by his constant “golf trips,” or even having rushed sex that would abruptly end after his climax, leaving her without getting off.
Her new goal had been to get him back to the happy man that she’d fallen in love with. And that’s when she’d gotten the bright idea that having children would solve all their problems.
“How long were you married?” Calli asked.
“About seven years. We’d been trying to have a baby, and things just weren’t going according to plan.”
“Do you think that’s what caused your divorce?”
Megan shook her head. “Partly, I suppose. But there were other things…”
She trailed off again, thinking back to that fateful day. She’d never told anyone about it. Whether it was shame or just an unpleasant memory she’d much rather forget, she wasn’t sure. But there was something honest about Calli that put Megan at ease. And the story was pulling at her tongue, begging to come out of its deep, dark hiding spot.
“I was supposed to visit my family outside of Boston. This was back in February. Instead, I went and bought a whole bunch of lingerie and planned to surprise Niall with a romantic weekend. I dragged all my shopping bags out of my car and into the bedroom and found him in bed with another woman.”
“Oh, shit,” Calli whispered.
Megan involuntarily shivered as the memories flooded her head. The sight of her husband lying on his back in their bed, his hands wrapped around the hips of a woman as she rode him. The woman’s head falling back, her brown, wavy hair almost covering her entire bare back. Megan could hear her husband’s panting breaths. Could hear the other woman’s whimpering moans.
“We divorced. He got everything. I didn’t contest it because I just wanted it to be over. I was let go from my job because of his connections to the school. All the women I thought were my friends shunned me as soon as Niall and I separated because they were married to his friends, business colleagues, or clients.”
“Fuck. That’s harsh.”
Megan’s laugh sounded hollow even to her own ears. “That’s not even the worse part. Friday evening I was picking up my car at the auto shop, and Niall walked in with his mistress. They’re apparently expecting a baby.”
Calli bit her bottom lip and shook her head. The pity that rolled out of her was too much for Megan to handle. Thankfully, their food arrived to interrupt a conversation that was only making her feel worse.
“Sounds to me like your ex wasn’t just a flu. He was a motherfucking plague,” Calli stated.
Megan nodded silently.
“I’m sorry you had to go through all that, Megan.”
Megan knew Calli’s sympathy was genuine and she appreciated it.
“Me too.”
They ate in silence for the most part. Megan had lost her appetite and pushed the Kalamata olives around on her plate.
She shouldn’t feel so sad about things. Instead of feeling wrecked that Niall was having a baby with the other woman, Megan should feel grateful that she hadn’t conceived his spawn. Having a baby wouldn’t have fixed their marriage. Who’s to say he would have remained faithful even after they had children? Then she would have been left with children, a broken home, and an ex-husband she’d be indefinitely tied to thanks to joint custody and child support.
Still, it was hard to let those huge facts stand between her and her self-pity. Someone who had never gone through this sort of thing might think she was being dramatic.
“There’s only one way to get over the flu, you know?” Calli stated, breaking the silence that had fallen over their table.
“What’s that?”
Megan looked up from her plate and caught her roommate smiling. It was a devilish smile that pursed her lips and made Calli’s eyes sparkle with untold mischief.
“You need to get laid. And not by just anyone. By someone you’d never in a million years see yourself with. Someone so out of bounds there’s no doubt in your mind it’s a rebound fuck.”
God, the thought of sleeping with any guy other than Niall hadn’t entered Megan’s mind since the beginning of undergrad. For so long it had only been Niall. She’d been satisfied with their sex life, even though it’d become less active as their marriage went on. But she’d never worried about that because they were two busy, successful individuals with other priorities.
Megan had liked sex. She would have been completely open to having more of it if Niall had wanted to. But now that her marriage was over, sex hadn’t even crossed her radar. Just thinking about getting back into the dating pool made her break out in hives.
“I’m not so sure I’m ready for that.”
“Sure you are. You’re a fucking gorgeous woman who could have any guy she wanted. You have needs, right? Well, guess what, chica? Men have needs too. Who’s to say there isn’t some guy out there in this great big city of ours who could use a rebound fuck just like you?”
The thought of casual sex was as foreign to Megan as Cantonese. Yet so was a bank balance below ten thousand dollars and sleeping on a mattress without sheets and blankets.
“Is that what you did to get over Brock?” she asked.
Calli nodded. “Yep. His name was Zachary. He was a bank teller on Michigan Avenue.”
“And it worked?”
“Fuck yeah, it worked. Even though Zach was nothing like Brock, the sex was fantastic. And do you know why that was?”
Megan shook her head.
“Because Zach let me lead, and he let me take what I needed from him.”
Megan tilted her head. “Didn’t he feel bad that you used him to get over another man?”
“Nope.” Calli waved a french fry around and explained further. “I was upfront with him from the beginning. He knew what I was after, and he was fine with it. Don’t get me wrong, he had a good time. He sent me flowers for a week after we hooked up just to say thank you. But I was able to prove to myself that I didn’t have to depend on a specific man to satisfy me. I wasn’t ruined for the rest of my life just because Brock left.”
Megan considered what Calli told her. In theory it made sense. But she still wasn’t sold on this idea of casual sex or a one-night stand. It had never appealed to her, even before marriage. It just seemed selfish to use someone that way.
There had to be other ways she could prove to herself she wasn’t ruined.