Chapter 20
The hum of the refrigerator and the roar of the furnace were the only sounds in Megan’s apartment. It was well after ten o’clock on Saturday night. Calli was still working, and Megan would most likely be in bed by the time her roommate got home.
Curling up on a corner of the couch, Megan pulled her feet up and opened her paperback to where she’d left off that morning. She was rereading one of her favorite historical romances about a heroine who tames one of the most arrogant, insensitive rakes in all of London.
She was almost to her favorite part in the book, where the heroine shoots the rake. The thought was morbidly satisfying to her. She liked to imagine herself as the heroine and James as the rake. He certainly wasn’t the most arrogant or insensitive man she’d ever met. And not that she was remotely taming him in any way, or that he needed taming. And she’d certainly never, ever inflict physical harm on him or anyone else, for that matter. But she’d still live vicariously through the heroine anyway.
Megan hadn’t heard from James since they’d met at the school a little over a week ago. It had been a month since they’d been intimate. She had the horrible feeling that they were over. It hurt to think about it. Not because it was just one more tick in her can’t-keep-a-man-happy column, but she had really liked him. Probably too much.
The time apart hadn’t done anything to diminish her feelings for him. They were far stronger than she was willing to admit to anyone.
Maybe it was because James was the first man to show an interest in her since Niall. Maybe it was because she’d had sex with James, which automatically brought a level of shared intimacy to any relationship. Or maybe it was because she was shit at casual sex.
Honestly, it was all of those things. Not to mention that James was a great guy. Or at least she’d thought he was until he’d verbally and emotionally slapped her in the face.
Sweetheart, it’s none of my business what you do in your spare time.
She still shuddered when she thought of it. God, the way he’d thrown it out there, like he really had no care whatsoever what she did and who she did it with.
But what did she expect? How could she be pissed at him for not caring when she was the one who’d made plans to go out with someone else?
Coffee with Poe had been fun. He was an interesting man, not to mention attractive. But he just didn’t do it for her. And when she’d told him as much, he’d surprised her by flashing his charming smile and thanking her for being up-front with him.
“Because a guy like me could get lost in a woman like you,” Poe had said.
God, he had been so sweet and honest. But all she could think was why couldn’t James feel the same way Poe did?
Sinking down farther into the couch, she tried to put James from her mind. Christmas was just over a week away, and she’d finally bought a plane ticket to Boston. Her flight left on Thursday.
She’d given her parents a heads-up that Niall wouldn’t be accompanying her, making up some lame excuse for his absence. She planned to drop the bomb of her failed marriage once she got there. It was time she ripped off the bandage.
Megan was just about ready to start another chapter when her phone dinged. She grabbed it off the coffee table and stilled at the name on the screen.
James: What’re you doing?
She debated for a split second whether she should respond. A small part of her got angry. Who does he think he is, texting me out of the blue like this? But a larger part, including her traitorous heart and the region between her thighs, seized with excitement.
She decided to play it cool. Not give too much away and certainly not give him the impression she was desperate for him. Even though she was.
Megan: Reading.
James: What’re you reading?
Megan: Romance novel.
She watched the little dots on the screen that indicated he was replying. They disappeared for a second. Then they appeared again, only to disappear a moment later. Then there was nothing.
She stared at the screen as the minutes ticked by. After what seemed like an eternity—but in reality it was only four long, torturous minutes—he wrote back.
James: You want some company?
Her heart jumped up in her throat. She wanted to scream Yes! She wanted to put a hundred exclamation points after it. But instead, she took a deep breath and counted to ten before she replied.
Megan: Sure.
His reply was instant.
James: Be there in twenty.
Megan threw her phone and her beloved historical romance on the coffee table and tore into her bedroom. She vigorously scrubbed her face and redid her ponytail. She brushed and flossed her teeth, verbally castigating herself for being a pathetic, needy fool.
All he has to do is send a text, and I’m just going to forget how rude he was? Or how he’s ignored me for weeks?
No, she wouldn’t forget. She was just playing it cool. So cool that she didn’t plan on changing out of her satin, long-sleeved pajamas. But truth be told, they were sexy in a very understated, leaves-more-for-the-imagination (but not much) kind of way.
Her breath caught at the sharp knock on the door. Had twenty minutes passed already?
She hurried to the front door in her fluffy slippers and checked the peephole. Biting her lip, she let her eyes linger on the sexy man staring at the floor outside her apartment door.
James ran his hand through his hair, knocking a few wet snowflakes off. The dark strands were longer, just brushing the collar of his hooded canvas coat. His stubble was long and could definitely be considered a short beard at this point. And although he stared at the floor the entire time, the sight of him was still enough to make her blood pound through her veins.
Taking a deep breath, she unlatched her locks and opened the door. He raised his head, and his dark brown eyes found hers. His cheeks were faintly pink, and his full lips were red from the biting winter wind. Megan felt lust start to churn inside her. James had always been handsome, but the bearded, shaggy-haired version was hot on a whole other level.
“Hey. Come in,” she whispered. It was the best she could do since her heart was trying to climb up her throat.
“Thanks,” he said, stepping past her so she could shut the door.
“Can I take your coat?”
He shrugged out of his heavy jacket and handed it to her. “I like your place.”
She laughed softly as she draped his coat over the back of one of the kitchen barstools. “Would you like a tour?”
“Sure,” he replied, his short beard lifting up as he smiled.
Megan motioned like Vanna White to her left. “This is the kitchen.” Pointing, she added, “Living room and balcony.” They didn’t move from their spot next to the island. “Behind that door is my roommate’s room. And my bedroom is behind you.”
James did a one-eighty and peered into her open door. “Mind if I…?” He let his question hang as he gestured toward her room.
“Sure,” she replied.
He walked into her room, his big boots clomping on the hardwood. With his hands on his hips, he stood at the end of her bed and looked around. He towered over the small furniture inside her four tiny walls.
“So this is where you sleep?” he asked, turning toward her.
“It is.”
He nodded and peeked into the bathroom. “It’s not how I pictured your bedroom.”
Leaning against the doorframe, she said, “I’m hoping I won’t have to live here forever so I didn’t buy a lot of stuff.”
“Like a bed?” he asked, pointing to her mattress on the floor.
“It didn’t seem necessary.”
She’d meant to get a bed frame, but she wasn’t that uncomfortable without one, so she put it off. She had splurged and ordered a nice light blue duvet with some decorative pillows.
A little bit of insecurity crept in as he scrutinized her room. Did he think less of her because she lived like this? Her self-doubt quickly faded to irritation.
“Why are you here, exactly?”
She kept her tone light, as if his answer didn’t really matter to her. But it did matter. A lot.
Maybe he’d apologize for acting like such a jerk at their conference. Maybe he’d tell her he didn’t want her seeing other people. Or maybe he’d come over because he wanted to borrow a damn cup of sugar.
James sauntered toward her and pushed her ponytail over her shoulder. She could feel the heat radiating off his body, and it was beckoning her to lean into him. But she resisted.
Play it cool, remember?
“I…” He paused. “I needed to see you. I needed to tell you something.”
His dark eyes moved down her body, leaving tingling paths over her face, down her neck, and over her chest.
She swallowed. “What did you need to tell me?”
He cupped her cheek with his hand. His touch was so warm and comforting she couldn’t help but turn her face into it.
“This.” Without another word, he kissed her. Light and tentative at first, his lips barely brushed hers. Maybe he was testing the waters to see if she’d pull away. But when she didn’t, he deepened the kiss.
She told her body not to respond, but it wouldn’t listen. She melted into him instantly, as if she’d been waiting for him to kiss her.
She shivered at the feel of his strong arms encircling her. His beard prickled against her face, tickling her nose. Wrapping her arms around his neck, she tilted her head and moaned at the scalding-hot touch of his tongue against hers.
James’s hands roamed everywhere, but with purpose, as if he was becoming reacquainted with her starving body. They slid to her ass and squeezed, then moved to her hips before pushing underneath the loose hem of her pajama top.
“God, you feel good,” he growled into her mouth.
Before she could respond, he turned her and kicked the door shut with his foot. He crowded her backwards until she felt her mattress at her heels. Digging her hands into his shoulders, she clung to him so she didn’t fall.
Tagging her behind the knees, James lifted her up and wrapped her legs around his waist. When she felt his hard-on through his jeans, she sucked in a hissing breath. Slowly, he knelt on the mattress, taking her with him. He lowered her onto her back but kept himself snuggly between her legs. He kissed her harder, pressing his pelvis into hers.
“I missed this,” he breathed between kisses.
All she could do was whimper and pant as he licked and nipped down her neck, his fingers deftly undoing the buttons of her satin pajamas. His mouth and hands felt hot and wonderful on her skin as he got her out of her clothes.
She was being dragged down into the dark, swirling vortex of lust, and she didn’t care. Her mind was in a sex-craved haze as she helped him get rid of his shirt, jeans, and boots.
When he pushed inside her, filling the empty aching place, she could only repeat the word yes over and over.
Way to play it cool, Megan.
###
What the fuck had he just done?
James squeezed his eyes shut and let his head fall back on the couch. Guilt sat heavy in his gut, like cement blocks. The minute he’d left Megan’s apartment, the shame had set in.
A booty call. That’s what it had been. Never in his entire life had he stooped so low. He respected women. They weren’t things to be used at his convenience. Yet that was exactly what he’d done to Megan.
Sighing, he leaned forward in his darkened living room and held his head in his hands. It was well after midnight, and the house was silent, but his guilty conscience berated him.
Megan McKenna was turning out to be his Kryptonite. He thought about her all the goddamn time. And he didn’t just crave her body. He craved her company. She was witty and smart. She was kind and warm. She made him smile and even laugh.
He’d tried to distance himself, tried to remind himself that she wasn’t his to have, she was just his to have sex with. They weren’t permanent. They weren’t even exclusive. They were just two people making each other feel good. The problem was she made him feel so good that when he wasn’t with her he felt miserable.
The last week or so had been tough. Knowing she had a date with another guy had put James in a bad mood. Actually, that was a bit understated. If a bad mood was a storm cloud, then James’s mood had been a fucking F-5 tornado.
The day after his meeting with Megan, his co-workers had quickly learned to avoid James. If his guys had shown a moment of hesitation when he’d asked them a question, he’d barked at them for wasting his time.
One night, Cade had screwed around and hadn’t gone to bed when James had told him to. Even after he’d received a stern warning that his TV would be taken away, Cade still hadn’t listened. So James had grabbed the television set, ripped the cord out of the wall, and had locked it in the master bedroom as punishment.
He was surly and brooding. He was irritable and impatient. He was a giant pain in the ass, and he had only himself to blame. He’d let a woman under his skin and now he couldn’t get her out.
A soft light from the small dining area flashed on. James raised his head to see his father standing in his ugly plaid robe at the bottom of the stairs.
“You’re home,” Abel said, stating the obvious.
“Yeah,” James muttered. He rubbed the back of his neck and instantly recalled how good it felt to have Megan’s fingers play with his hair.
His father shuffled over to his recliner and sat down, the springs of the old chair groaning. “Wasn’t sure if you’d be back tonight. With the way you pounded on my door to tell me you were heading out, I was sure I’d see you dragging your ass in here tomorrow morning.”
James hadn’t been sure when he’d be home either. During a moment of weakness, he’d texted Megan. He’d known he wanted to see her…needed to feel her. But he hadn’t thought past that to what might happen afterward.
So instead of spending the night in her small bedroom on her mattress on the floor, he’d quietly dressed in the dark. No conversation, no discussion. He’d just fucked her and left. And she’d let him.
“You seem a little twisted up, son,” Abel said thoughtfully.
“Yeah,” James muttered again.
“Not that it’s any of my business, but I have to ask: Is it Holly?”
He shook his head. “No, it’s not Holly. It’s someone else.”
Abel nodded, shadows covering most of his face. After everything with Holly had fallen apart, Abel moved in to help James out with Cade. The older man never vocalized his feelings for his ex-daughter-in-law, but James could guess that they weren’t very forgiving. But whether it was out of respect for James or just because Abel was a kind person, he never indicated any ill will toward Holly.
Growing up, James hadn’t understood how truly hard it was to be a parent, let alone a single parent. It took becoming a father himself to appreciate everything his dad had done for him and his sister. James had been ten and Shelby eight when their mother died. They didn’t see all the sacrifices Abel made for them until much later in life. James hoped he could be half the father to Cade as his dad had been to him.
Abel never pried into his son’s personal life. Sometimes he’d give James gentle nudges in the right direction, but ultimately he’d always let him try to figure things out on his own. Every time James had needed advice, his father had been there. And as the guilt over what he’d done with Megan ate away at his conscience, James knew he desperately needed advice.
“It’s actually Cade’s teacher. I’d met her once at the shop back when she was married. Now she’s divorced. And one day we just got to talking.”
His dad huffed. “Funny how that talking stuff works, huh?”
“Yeah.” James laughed quietly. “She’s really something special. She was married to a rich guy, and now she’s starting all over again after her divorce. And the funny part is that I’ve enjoyed helping her. Maybe enjoyed it too much.”
“Nothing wrong with getting to know someone, son.”
James knew that. But what he didn’t tell his dad was that he didn’t just want to get to know Megan. He already knew her, and he wanted more. More of her time. More of her attention. More.
“It’s been a long time since you’ve been interested in anyone. Try not to beat yourself up for meeting a woman you like.”
James rubbed both hands over his face and stood up. “Yeah, but it’s not that simple anymore. Dating alone is hard enough. Dating someone and bringing them into my life—my life as a father to Cade—is a whole different monster.”
Abel leaned forward in his recliner. “James, I hear what you’re saying. But what are you going to do? Be alone for the rest of your life? Wait until Cade turns eighteen and then start living your own life?”
That’s not what James wanted at all. He didn’t want to wait that long. Especially if he wanted Megan McKenna.
“What if I introduce Megan to Cade as my girlfriend and he gets attached to her?”
His father shrugged. “What’s wrong with that? I think it would do the boy good to have a mother figure in his life.”
“And when Megan and I break up?”
Abel frowned. “You say it like it’s a certainty. I don’t think we’d be having this conversation right now if you weren’t serious about this woman.”
Sinking back down on the couch, James rested his head in his hands. “I am serious about her. But I can’t risk Cade being left with a broken heart for the second time because another woman walked away from us.”
“Are you sure you’re not talking about risking your own heart?”
James looked up and locked eyes with Abel. Anguish spread in his chest at the simple truth in his father’s question.
Leaning forward, Abel slowly rose from his recliner and walked to where James sat. He rested a heavy hand on his son’s shoulder. “You can't protect yourself or Cade from hurt forever. And you can’t stop living either.”
James nodded. Knitting his fingers together, he looked at his feet.
Abel clapped him once on the shoulder. “Get some rest, son,” he said, walking toward the stairs.
After a minute, James heard the click of his father’s bedroom door shutting upstairs. He rose to his feet and walked into the kitchen. He grabbed the remaining plates and glasses in the sink, loaded them into the dishwasher, and turned it on.
As he leaned against the counter, he thought about what his father had said. It was painfully obvious to him now that he had some trust issues. Holly’s actions several years ago were still inflicting damage, and it was past time he stopped that from happening.
James crept up the stairs and peeked into Cade’s room. Satisfied his son was sleeping peacefully, he went into the master bedroom and closed the door. As he got ready for bed, he realized that maybe he was looking at this Megan thing all wrong.
Maybe instead of trying to get Megan out from under his skin, he should really give their relationship a chance. No more holding her at arm’s length. No more casual sex. If he was ever going to move on with his life, he’d want to do it with a woman like Megan McKenna.
He just hoped he hadn’t ruined it with the stunt he’d pulled tonight.