CHAPTER 11
“What was I doing?” Brynn murmured to herself as her eyes scanned her bedroom. “I know I came in here for a reason.”
Now she just had to remember what that reason was.
Scatterbrained didn’t scratch the surface of how she’d been feeling. Between work, the play, online counseling, and the man that had wormed his way into her every waking and sleeping thought, her brain was totally fried.
Axel had been in town for three weeks today, but their interactions were still sporadic and impersonal. He hadn’t contacted her by text or phone since the auditions. She saw him some mornings after her walks, and a few times at the theater, but all of their meetings were short and not terribly sweet. She missed him.
Really, truly missed him.
She missed his voice. She missed the sparkle that he got in his eye every time she smiled. She missed his dry sense of humor. She missed the way his roughened hands felt wrapped around hers. She missed the feeling of connection that she had with him, one that she’d never felt with anyone else.
“No,” she reprimanded herself, knowing that her emotions were misplaced.
She needed to get a grip and put a stop to this. She missed a man that was living in back of her house. Working at the same place she worked. Whom she barely knew and showed zero interest in getting to know her better.
It wasn’t healthy. It was borderline pathetic.
Brynn was beginning to think that she might need to revisit the idea of dating again. She still wasn’t sure if she was ready, but ready or not, it might be past time.
She jumped when she heard her phone ring. Suddenly she remembered why she’d left the kitchen. It was to get her phone. She wasn’t as obsessive about having it near her when Ryder was home. Not that she’d seen him all day.
Ryder had been outside with Axel since he’d woken up at noon. These days, if her son wasn’t with the twins or Fiona, (now officially his girlfriend), he was hanging out with Axel, helping him do repairs. That relationship wasn’t helping her schoolgirl crush. Apparently, seeing a man teach her son things like how to install an air conditioning unit, clean out gutters, repair a cracked driveway, and replace some roof tiles was sexy.
Who knew?
The phone rang again and Brynn had to search for it. She finally found it buried beneath her comforter. She pulled it out and saw that it was her mother calling.
Besides the daily updates on her father, Shea had been checking in on her new tenant, asking Brynn how the work he’d promised to do was coming. Each time Brynn updated her, she could practically hear her mother telepathically saying I-told-you-so.
Brynn had definitely been skeptical when her mother had called and told her that some stranger was not only paying rent but was also going to be handling the repairs and upkeep that both she and her mother had been putting off. But it turned out her doubts were unfounded. Not only had Axel lived up to his end of the deal, he’d gone above and beyond the list of tasks her mother had given him.
Right now he was out drywalling the garage, which actually hadn’t even been on the list that her mother had sent him. Yesterday, Axel had knocked on her back door and asked her why there was Sheetrock stacked against the walls in the empty garage and Brynn told him that her plan was to one day convert the space into a game room for Ryder.
Then he’d apologized for bothering her and left. It had been the most they’d spoken since she’d shown him the theater on his first day of work.
This morning, she’d looked out and seen that the project she’d started, and by started she meant she’d purchased and stored the drywall in the unfinished garage two years ago, was being completed by a tool-belt-wearing Axel.
He looked really good in a tool belt.
She took a fortifying breath before answering the phone. “Hey, Mom.”
“Hello, Sunflower. Did you see that your father was on CNN this morning?”
“No, Mom.” Brynn exhaled as she lowered down to sit on the edge of her bed. “I told you, I don’t watch any news about him. He’s just a man that hasn’t been in my life for thirteen years, and was barely in it before that.”
“A man that happens to be your father.”
“Not to me, he’s not.”
“You don’t get to make that decision. It’s not healthy the way you block him from your life.”
Brynn closed her eyes and took a deep breath before speaking in a calm tone. “Please, don’t tell me what’s healthy and not healthy for me.”
“Just because you have a fancy degree doesn’t mean that I don’t know what I’m talking about.”
“I never said anything about my degree.”
Her mom ignored her. “I’m still your mother and I happen to know that you’re never going to have room for love, joy, and commitment in your life as long as you keep bottling up all of your anger, resentment, and abandonment issues.”
“I’m not bottling up anything.” Her father was a non-issue in her life.
“Yes, you are. The negative energy that you’re holding onto is clogging your emotional system the same way your hair clogs the shower drain.”
Gross.
“But it’s okay, because you’re going to release it all soon. And then you’ll be free. You’ll be clear. You’ll be empowered.”
“Great.”
Her mother had been making predictions about Brynn’s life before Brynn even knew what predictions were. Some were ominous and vague, like the one she’d just made regarding her “releasing it all soon.” And some were specific, like when Shea started putting bananas in Brynn’s lunchbox every day in fourth grade. When Brynn asked her about it, her mother said that she’d need the potassium to help her heal. Two weeks later, Brynn fell out of a tree that she’d been climbing and broke her arm and leg.
When her mother told her that was why she’d had her eating the bananas, Brynn asked her why she didn’t just tell her not to climb the tree. Her mother told her that her gift didn’t work like that. Even at eight, Brynn had thought, then what’s the point?
“How are things going with Mr. Fixer Upper?”
“Are you talking about Gannon or Axel?” Brynn smiled to herself. Her mother wouldn’t get the reference. Gannon was the hero from Brynn’s favorite Lucy Score book, Mr. Fixer Upper. She had to amuse herself in these conversations or she’d lose it.
It was every woman for herself when she was talking to her mother.
“Who’s Gannon?”
“Never mind. Everything is fine with Axel.”
“And what about you? How are things with you and my handsome grandson?”
“Fine.”
“And is Ryder spending all his free time with Axel?”
Brynn thought about lying just so she didn’t encourage her mother’s “intuition,” but she went with honesty.
“Yes.”
“As soon as I read Axel, I knew he was exactly what you both needed.”
“We don’t need him.”
She might want him, badly, but need and want were two very different things.
“Yes you do. You’re just too stubborn to admit it. You’ve always been stubborn.”
Her phone buzzed again and she jumped at the chance to end the call and not go down the Brynn-is-stubborn rabbit hole.
“Okay, well, dinner’s here. I gotta go. Love you, Mom.”
She hung up before her mom could respond and saw that it wasn’t pizza after all, it was Ali. She didn’t need to take a deep breath before she answered this call. “Hey.”
“Hey, chickadee! What are you up to?”
Oh, just trying not to lose my mind.
“Not much.”
“I was calling to see if Ryder’s going to the Friday Night Freshman Lock-in.”
“He is.”
“And you’re not working it, right?”
Every year since Brynn started working at Whisper Lake High, she’d been one of the staff that chaperoned the Freshman Lock-in. It was a tradition that went back as long as the high school did. Its purpose was to build camaraderie within the class.
Fifty years ago, the freshmen kids would camp out at the lake. Now they all stayed in the gym and there was no “in-out” privileges, terminology Brynn had petitioned to change since the kids loved to make inappropriate jokes about it. They kept the kids busy with team-building activities and provided pizza and snacks. There was a three-to-one kid-to adult supervision and security ratio, which kept things fairly under control.
Brynn was torn over whether or not to be relieved that she didn’t have to endure another night filled with fifty teenagers or sad that she wouldn’t be going the only year her son was. But it was a non-starter for Ryder. He wouldn’t even entertain the idea of her chaperoning.
“No. I’m not.”
“Perfect!” Ali said enthusiastically. “The twins are going, too and Ethan and Kade have their Friday night fantasy football thing at Lanterns, so me and Jess were thinking mini-girls’ night. You in?”
“You’re a newlywed.” Brynn pointed out the obvious. “Don’t you want to take advantage of having the house to yourself?”
“Oh believe me, there will be all kinds of having the house to ourselves advantages taken. The fantasy football stuff will be done by ten.”
A night out with the girls sounded like just what the doctor ordered, even if it was just for a couple of hours. Plus, the alternative would be staying here. Alone. She’d probably just wander around her house hoping to catch a glimpse of Axel through the window.
Again, borderline pathetic.
“I’m in.”
“Perfect.”
She hung up at the same time the doorbell rang. As she walked to the door, her mind wandered back to three weeks ago when she’d sat out on the deck with Axel. Her heartbeat sped, her palms dampened, and her cheeks flushed at the memory.
Okay. It was definitely time to get back up on the dating horse.
* * *
“Where did you learn how to do all this?” Ryder asked as he held the drywall in place while Axel drilled the screw into the post.
“One of my stepdads taught me.”
“One of?” Ryder echoed.
“I had a few.”
“How many?”
“Eight.” Axel moved over to the next piece of drywall that was leaning against the wall.
The look of disbelief that crossed Ryder’s face made Axel grin. “Your mom married eight guys?”
It was probably nine by now, but Axel didn’t share that. “Yep.”
Ryder shook his head slowly. “I don’t think my mom’s had eight boyfriends in her whole life.”
Axel tried his best not to have any reaction to that information, keeping his expression blank. He didn’t want Ryder to see just how interested he would be to hear all about Brynn’s dating history. The information he had on it was scarce, to say the least. She’d been married at sixteen, divorced a year later, and…that was it. The trail went cold.
There was no digital evidence of any other relationship that a background check had been able to produce. Axel was not tech-savvy. But Nate Holmes, the computer genius at Elite Security was. The facial recognition program Nate developed was used by the CIA and FBI. It scanned the entire internet, past and present. He knew it was thorough because when Nate was developing it, he’d used Axel as a test subject. It had produced several hits on him of pictures that he hadn’t even remembered taking that were on people’s social media accounts from over a decade before. Some were taken during his Marine days, and some were taken at random bars and events.
Brynn had a very limited social media footprint. That was the terminology Nate used. There were a few pictures she’d been tagged in from friends and with Ryder. But there were none that showed any traces of romantic connections.
Axel wanted more information, but he didn’t want to seem obvious about it.
“Your mom doesn’t date a lot?” he asked as nonchalantly as possible while he measured the next piece of Sheetrock.
“She doesn’t date at all.”
His grin grew larger as he ducked his head and pulled his box cutter from his tool belt out and scored the drywall. He felt himself smiling as he snapped the material and then cut the back. He probably shouldn’t care whether or not Brynn dated, but damn, he was just a man.
The woman had turned his world upside down and inside out.
Axel had always been a master at compartmentalizing things. It was a skill he’d either come by naturally or honed as a kid. Whatever was happening in his life, good or bad, he filed it away in his brain until he needed to deal with it. It wasn’t something he did consciously. It was just his natural response.
But he couldn’t compartmentalize Brynn. He didn’t possess the ability to put her out of his mind. He thought about her all the time, and not because she was a job. It had nothing to do with that.
“I worry about her.” Ryder lifted his arms and held the next piece in place.
Over the past few weeks, Axel felt like he’d gotten to know the kid pretty well. He reminded him a lot of himself. He could see that Ryder was protective of Brynn. And Axel got it. He’d been the man of the house all of his life.
But the difference between him and Ryder was that Axel’s mom had put the weight of the world on his shoulders so she didn’t have to carry it herself. She’d depended on Axel too much. He’d had no choice but to grow up way too fast.
Brynn didn’t do that to her son, but he could see that Ryder had taken the responsibility on himself anyway.
“What are you worried about?” Axel asked.
“I’m leaving for college in a few years and…and she’s going to be alone.”
Axel could see that the thought of Brynn being by herself was really weighing on the kid.
“I’ve only been here a few weeks, but from what I’ve seen, no one is alone in this town.”
Ryder grinned but it didn’t quite meet his eyes.
“I know, but that’s not what I mean. Her friends, they’re all getting married and she’s just…alone.” The kid shrugged.
Axel pulled the trigger on the drill and secured the sheet of drywall in place as he tried to collect his thoughts, trying to find the right thing to say to the kid. His last call with Izzy had not gone well and she still wasn’t talking to him. He knew that he couldn’t dismiss Ryder’s worries outright, but he wanted to put his mind at ease. He tried to think of what Duke would’ve said to him.
When he released the trigger, he lowered his arms. “Listen, I don’t know your mom that well, but from what I’ve seen she’s successful, strong, independent, smart, and funny. She’s—” Fucking perfect. “—amazing. Any guy would be lucky to have her in their life. But this isn’t Jerry Maguire—”
“Who’s Jerry Maguire?”
Wow. Axel felt old and it had nothing to do with his sore back.
“Never mind.” Axel tried to get back on track. “All I mean is, people don’t need anyone to complete them. And believe me, it’s better for her to wait for the right one than to marry all the wrong ones. My mom always had a new boyfriend. Eight of them she walked down the aisle with, but there were at least twenty she didn’t.”
“What about you?”
Axel wasn’t sure what the kid was asking.
“What about me, what?”
“Do you…date a lot?”
“No.” Axel shook his head. “I don’t.”
Ryder walked over to the pile of drywall and pulled the next sheet and set it down so Axel could measure it. “Do you have a girlfriend?”
“No.” Technically, Axel had only had one proper girlfriend and he’d married her. That ended in a trainwreck.
“I have a girlfriend.” Ryder casually threw out.
That took a turn. Axel was relieved because he’d thought the kid’s line of questioning was headed toward an Axel and Brynn matchup.
“Yeah.” Ryder’s brow furrowed. “How’d you know that?”
Shit. Axel remembered Brynn’s very specific instructions that that information had not come from her.
“I’m at the theater working when you guys have rehearsals. I’ve seen you two hanging out.”
“Oh, yeah. I forgot.” Ryder’s brow relaxed. “I never see you there.”
Nope, you don’t.
He’d done his damnedest not to interact with Brynn, but it wasn’t so easy since his job was literally to keep tabs on her. He’d limited the times they spoke to once a day, sometimes twice. Usually it was just a “hi” in passing when he “accidently” ran into her coming back from his run and she was returning from her morning walk. From nine to three he had a clear vantage point into her office from windows inside the theater, and the halls were monitored by security cameras. And he made sure to keep his distance in the afternoons in the theater when she was rehearsing with the kids.
“I try to stay out of the way.”
“Hey.” A sweet, familiar voice sounded.
Axel’s heart was already racing when he looked up and saw Brynn standing in the driveway. The sun was setting behind her and she looked like an angel sent from heaven. An angel that was wearing cutoff denim shorts and a white tank top with her hair piled on top of her head. She looked adorably sexy. He was beginning to suspect everything on Brynn was sexy and he wanted to pick her up, take her upstairs, and strip her out of those damn shorts.
“Time for dinner, Ry. Wash up.”
“We’re almost done,” Ryder answered and turned his back on his mom.
“We can finish tomorrow. I think my back is done for the day.” Axel was feeling every one of his thirty years. The work he was doing at the theater was a killer on his lower lumbar, which hadn’t been the same since he’d landed on it after being blown off his feet by a roadside bomb in Afghanistan. “Thanks for your help today, man.”
“No problem.” Ryder slapped Axel’s hand in a hybrid handshake-high-five and started to walk out when he looked over his shoulder. “Hey, are you hungry? We’re having pizza.”
Axel’s eyes darted to Brynn’s to see if she had any reaction to her son’s invitation. Her lips pursed and her cheeks flushed. He wasn’t sure if her response meant that she wanted him to join them or the opposite.
But it didn’t matter either way. The night she’d asked he’d intended to decline, but found himself accepting. Tonight, he didn’t make that same mistake.
“I have some leftovers I want to eat before they go bad. But thanks anyway.”
Ryder nodded and Axel watched the two of them walk inside the house. An all too familiar hollow feeling settled into his chest. He was afraid he might’ve lied to Ryder about life not being like Jerry Maguire, because he sure as hell felt incomplete without Brynn.