CHAPTER 4
Brynn was vibrating with a combination of excitement and anxiety as she walked out onto her newly constructed deck. The deck she hadn’t really utilized since she’d spent a good two months building it. Out of all the projects that she’d wanted to work on after moving to the main house, this had been the only one that she’d managed to complete.
Sweat had dripped down her back and her muscles had screamed as she hammered, sanded, and stained the monstrosity, but she’d pushed through the pain by envisioning all the Pinterest-worthy nights in her future. A vision of being surrounded by friends with music playing as she sipped from a glass of wine under a blanket of stars had kept her going.
In the six weeks the deck had been finished, there’d been no friends over, no music playing, and no nights under the stars. All of her glasses of wine had been drunk in her bed while binge-watching Netflix.
It wasn’t that she didn’t have friends, she did. There was a time though, after Ryder was born, between work, school, and being a mom, she hadn’t really had any social life. Over the past few years, though, she and Ali and Jess had become really close. But, they had recently found their soulmates and were currently living out happily-ever-afters worthy of the romance novels she loved to read.
She, on the other hand, had given up finding her Prince Charming a long time ago. It wasn’t that she didn’t believe in love. She did. She just didn’t want to expose Ryder to all the frogs she would need to kiss before one turned into a prince.
As she turned on her easy-listening playlist and music filtered through the air she wondered if the reason that dating had never worked out for her was because her life had always been a few steps ahead of her peers. She’d been a divorced, single mom before her eighteenth birthday.
She’d always done well in school and had taken summer courses and a few night school classes because she loved learning. When she found out that she was pregnant a month before her sixteenth birthday, she’d gone to her counselor and asked how many credits she needed to graduate. He’d told her that she was only a few credits shy. So, she’d finished those up and enrolled in community college. She got her associate’s degree at eighteen, her bachelor’s at twenty, and her master’s at twenty-two.
Now, at thirty, she was settled into a career she loved. Sure, working at the high school meant things were tight sometimes, but she also counseled people online a few hours a week for some extra cash.
As much as she’d tried to convince herself that her life was full, she’d been feeling restless. Her haircut was exhibit A. And exhibit B was that she was as excited as she was to share pizza with a man that she’d just met. It was a pretty big indicator that living vicariously through her romance novels might not be doing the trick anymore. It might be time to start thinking about dating again.
Her phone vibrated and she checked to see if it was Ryder. She wondered if she’d always react like that, even when he was an adult. Probably.
It was Ali.
“Hey honeymooner!”
“Hello! I just wanted to call and say thanks again for watching the twins last week.”
“Of course! They were no trouble at all.” Ali’s older brother Patrick had passed away last year, leaving Ali as the guardian of his twin sons. The boys, KJ and Ricky, were Ryder’s best friends, and they’d stayed with Brynn while Ali and Kade had gone on a five-day mini-moon.
“I was calling to see if you wanted to send Ryder over and have a night to yourself. I figured you’ve earned it, after sharing a bathroom with three teenage boys for five days.”
A night to herself. That’s exactly what she’d thought she was going to have tonight until tall, dark, and dangerous-to-her-sanity showed up on her doorstep. She wanted to spill every last detail to Ali, but Axel would be joining her any minute. She refrained.
“Ryder’s with Max,” she offered instead.
“He is?” Ali sounded surprised.
“Yep.”
“When’s the last time he’s seen him?”
Brynn had to think about it. “It was a few months ago. Eighth-grade graduation. He didn’t make it in time for the ceremony, but he made it to the dinner.”
“Ryder didn’t mention anything to the boys about seeing his dad this weekend.”
“We didn’t know he would be. Max showed up a few hours ago and asked if Ryder wanted to go camping.”
Brynn could hear the confusion in Ali’s voice. Most people in Brynn’s life thought that she was too easy on Max. Many thought she gave him a pass on his irresponsible behavior. And she saw their point. But as someone who grew up without a dad, she didn’t want that for their son. As long as he wasn’t being hurt by Max’s behavior she had to follow her gut and do what she felt was best for Ryder.
So, if Max came around and Ryder wanted to see his dad, then he did. If he didn’t, then Brynn made up an excuse for him.
“Are we still on for brunch tomorrow?” Ali asked.
“Yep.”
“See you tomorrow,” her friend sing-songed.
“See ya.”
The girls had planned to get together to download about Ali’s wedding and honeymoon and Jess’s new engagement to resident law enforcement hottie, Ethan Steele. It seemed Brynn would now have her own news to share. She definitely needed to tell them about her flashing Axel and grabbing his junk. Maybe she’d even tell them she was contemplating dating again.
Just the thought of it made her stomach drop. Maybe that was a bad idea.
The click of Lucy’s nails on the wooden planks snapped her out of her thoughts and she looked up to see Axel standing at the steps of the deck, looking even hotter than he had when she’d opened the door. Without so much as a moment’s hesitation, Lucy walked straight over to Axel, plopped down in front of him, and stared up at him adoringly.
“Whoa, you’re like a ninja,” She placed a hand over the heart that was beating out of her chest.
His hair was slightly damp, and he’d changed into a pair of jeans and a faded gray T-shirt that clung to all the right areas of his upper body. Her inner teenage girl swooned at the sight. He had a magnetic sex appeal that made being in his presence both exhilarating and problematic.
Yeah, she definitely had some things to tell her friends.
* * *
After sharing a delicious pizza, salad, and some small talk, Axel leaned back and took in the view of the backyard. Lights were strung above them, there was soft music playing from a speaker sitting in the center of the harvest table where they were seated. The evening breeze caused the branches of the trees that lined the back of Brynn’s property to sway.
It was effortlessly perfect. Just like Brynn. He didn’t believe in things or people being perfect, but Brynn was and so was this night.
“This is really nice.”
“Thanks.” A look of pride flashed across Brynn’s face. “It’s actually the first time I’ve used it since I finished it.” She tapped her foot on the gorgeous cedar wood planks.
He hadn’t been talking about the deck, but he was impressed. “You built this?”
He hadn’t meant to sound so shocked. If Izzy had heard him, she’d be giving him hell. He could hear his sister’s voice now. Why does that surprise you? Do you think just because she’s a woman she can’t build a deck?
Izzy was born a feminist. She’d been overcorrecting Axel’s wheel every time she thought he was drifting into a chauvinist lane since she was a toddler. When she’d turned two and he’d taken her to pick out a toy for her birthday, he automatically went to the doll section. She’d tugged his hand and led him over to the trucks and informed him she could like trucks even if she was a girl.
“I did.” Brynn beamed with pride and then chuckled. “I thought that I’d use it to entertain, have dinners and drinks with my friends, but it seems I highly overestimated my social life.”
“Your son doesn’t like to eat out here?”
“No.” A grin pulled on Brynn’s lips as she took a sip of her wine. “He enjoys air conditioning and television, two things the outdoors do not provide.”
Axel loved seeing her talk about her son. Her face lit up.
“I actually started a no television rule during dinner, hoping that we could use the time to, oh I don’t know…talk. But now he spends the entire time on his phone Snapchatting with Fiona,” she sighed.
“Fiona?” Ryder was the same age as Izzy. If he had a girlfriend that meant Izzy was at the age she might be getting a boyfriend. “Is that his girlfriend?”
“I think it’s heading in that direction.” She pointed at him and her face grew serious. “But you didn’t hear that from me.”
He mimed zipping his lips and throwing away the key and a wide smile spread across her face.
“Are you okay with things ‘heading in that direction’?” He knew that Izzy was growing up and that he’d be naive to think that she wasn’t interested in boys.
Or girls, Izzy’s voice popped up in his head.
That was the other thing she was always on him about. He was not supposed to label anyone or make any assumptions about anyone’s orientation. Or gender. He loved that she was always standing up for equality and fighting for everyone to be treated with dignity and respect. His sister might only be thirteen but she was already a badass social justice warrior.
Brynn looked like she considered his question for a moment. “Yeah, I am. She’s a really sweet girl. Her mom is a little high strung and she doesn’t approve of how much time they spend texting and Snapchatting, which means I field a call from her about once a week. But other than that I think it’s great.” The hint of sadness in Brynn’s voice betrayed her sentiment.
He couldn’t even imagine how he’d feel if Izzy was his daughter. If he’d raised her alone, as a single parent, like Brynn. It must be hard for Brynn with her son growing up.
Hoping to lighten the mood, he looked out at the overgrown yard and asked, “Do kids even play outside anymore?”
“No.” Brynn shook her head and Axel noticed the red curls fall in her face. “They don’t. It’s crazy. I had Ryder so young, and I was terrified. But one of the things that I told myself was that at least I’d be able to relate to him since we’d be so close in age. My mom was in her late thirties when she had me and I always felt like there was a serious generation gap between us. I figured the one bonus of being a teen mom was I wouldn’t have that. But, sadly, with how much technology changes every few months, I still feel like I’m trying to play catch up all the time.”
“You had him young?” Axel knew exactly how old Brynn had been, but she didn’t know he knew that.
“Sixteen.” She lifted the bottle they’d shared and refilled their glasses. He wasn’t a big wine drinker, but he was enjoying spending time with Brynn so he didn’t stop her. “I got pregnant, got my driver’s license, married, and then graduated high school. In that order, and all within three months of turning sixteen.”
“I was sixteen when my mom had Izzy, and I got married young, too.”
Axel never talked about his failed marriage. Ever. And he sure as hell didn’t do it on the job.
What in the hell was going on?
He’d like to blame it on the alcohol, but he’d only had one glass of wine.
“You’re married?” Brynn’s brows rose as her eyes shot to his ringless left hand.
“Divorced.”
“Ahh,” she grinned. “I was already divorced by the time I turned eighteen.”
“Okay, Penelope.” Axel teased, then realized that the SNL reference was a little obscure, so she may not know what he was talking about.
He and Izzy always watched Saturday Night Live together. They both loved to impersonate Penelope, a character played by Kristen Wiig who one-ups everyone. He started to explain when Brynn’s head fell back and she started laughing.
“Oh my gosh, I did sound like her. I love her! My favorite was the wedding skit with…oh who was the guest?”
“Taylor Swift,” Axel finished.
“Yes!” Brynn pointed at him.
He’d never in a million years dream that he’d be bonding with someone over failed marriages and SNL, but here he was, doing exactly that.
“How long have you been divorced, if you don’t mind me asking?” Her large eyes looked even bigger as she lifted her glass to her lips.
Axel knew now that he’d gotten married for the wrong reasons. He’d dated Sabrina off and on all through high school and she was ready to get married. He’d thought he was in love, and he had cared about Sabrina. But looking back he knew that his motivation had been more about his worry over leaving Izzy after he joined the Marines. It gave him peace of mind knowing that someone was stateside to take care of Izzy if his mom flaked and took off on a two-month honeymoon without any notice, like she’d done when Izzy was one.
The marriage only lasted three years. “It’s been a long time. The marriage didn’t last that long.”
“Yeah, neither did mine. My husband didn’t really let the fact that he was married slow down his dating life.” Brynn looked up at him, her sea-glass gaze shimmering with vulnerability and a silent question.
He was fairly certain she was asking if he’d been unfaithful. He’d been a shitty husband, but keeping his dick in his pants hadn’t been a problem.
Sabrina had been the one to step out on him, but he knew then and now that she’d done it to try and get his attention. She was young. Only twenty-one and frustrated that she had a husband who’d been deployed more than he’d been home. And when he was home, he’d barely noticed his wife. He wasn’t going to throw his ex-wife under the bus. He knew he’d been an asshole.
“Mine was much less dramatic. I was ‘emotionally unavailable.’” He used the phrase that Sabrina had used often but he’d never said out loud before. He wondered if he was using it now as a lame attempt to impress Brynn since he knew that she had her master’s degree in psychology.
Although, it wasn’t as if that made him come out smelling like roses.
He ran his fingers through his hair as frustration crept up his spine. He’d never in his life second-guessed something that he’d said. Mainly because he’d always been a man of few words and when he said something, he meant it.
Maybe it was the odd circumstances of the situation that had him questioning his intentions. Or maybe it was because he couldn’t remember ever being as attracted to someone that had him wondering if he was being as authentic as he normally prided himself on being.
Whatever it was, he didn’t like it.
“Emotionally unavailable?” Her forehead furrowed and a wrinkle set in the space between her eyebrows. “Really?”
Axel nodded.
Brynn’s head tilted to the side as if she were considering that piece of information. Her eyes studied him and he began feeling a little bit uncomfortable.
“What?” he asked, suddenly feeling like he was in the hot seat.
She blinked and shook her head as a faint flush appeared on her ivory cheeks. “Sorry!”
“For what?” Axel wasn’t sure what she was apologizing for.
“Because this is supposed to be an analysis-free zone.” She lifted her glass and took a large gulp.
Axel couldn’t help but smile at her easy admission. “You were analyzing me?”
“I wasn’t…I didn’t mean to…I was just…” She stumbled over her words before finally sighing. “Yes.” Her shoulders slumped adorably as she set her glass down. “But I can’t help it. My brain just kind of goes there. Plus, I’m on my third glass and I’m kind of a lightweight.”
Axel wasn’t sure he wanted to know the answer to the question he heard coming out of his mouth. “What did you come up with?”
“No!” Her eyes widened and she waved her hands in front of her. “This is not professional, I just met you. We don’t even know each other.”
He may not have been sure that he wanted to know what she’d thought before, but her reaction to the question made him have to know. “Well, we may have just met but I’ve seen you naked and you touched my—”
“Okay!” She blurted out, interrupting him. “Okay, fine. I was just…I was surprised that that was the reason things didn’t work out. You seem really emotionally available.”
And that was a problem, because with Brynn, he was.