CHAPTER 5
Avril
It’s Monday morning, and I’m stewing in my office. I know Andrew’s here because I peeped out my door and saw his office light on.
I’m pissed because he didn’t come to say good morning to me, which means he’s still feeling all kinds of awkward and put off by what we did at The Wicked Horse on Friday. I took an Uber home that night, longing for my own bed. Before we parted ways out on the sidewalk in front of The Onyx, I made him promise me that it was all cool.
I’d pulled him into a hard hug before releasing to look him in the eye. “Promise me that we’re good. That this doesn’t change anything between us.”
He’d smiled, and it had seemed so genuine. He put both his hands to my face, bent down to peer into my eyes, and said, “It changes nothing.”
Liar.
And I’m tired of wondering what he’s thinking. I push up from my desk chair and march out of my office. With my eyes narrowed on his door, I think about what a revelation The Wicked Horse had been for me. I may not be any closer to understanding why Jamie did what he did, but I came out of there understanding a lot about myself.
I learned that I truly didn’t understand sex. I mean, my sex life has been good for the most part, and I truly believe I satisfied Jamie. But I don’t think I really understood the importance of it until Friday night. Like a mystery being unveiled, I walked out of that sex club realizing the potential for pleasure was limitless and didn’t have to be sought only in the confines of a relationship. I guess it provided me solace that at least I still had the ability and power to seek and achieve intimacy and pleasure in other places, albeit unconventionally.
Without bothering to knock on Andrew’s door, I push it open and brace against whatever expression he’ll give me.
He looks up, and I get a flush of embarrassment followed by guilt, because he knows that I know he’s hiding from me. His gaze quickly goes to his computer screen, and he says, “I’m in the middle of something, Avril. Can it wait?”
No. It can’t.
I walk right up to his desk and pull the power cord free from the back of his monitor.
“What the hell, Av?” Andrew snarls as he looks up to me.
“Don’t,” is all I say.
His eyebrows pull inward. “Don’t what?”
“Don’t break your promise to me,” I tell him softly. “You promised we were good.”
“We are good,” he says, but even I can hear the lie in his voice.
Stepping back, I smooth my skirt down and take a seat in one of his guest chairs on the opposite side of his desk.
Clasping my hands in my lap, I lean forward to look him in the eye. “You remember that New Year’s Eve party our senior year?”
Andrew’s eyes darken to the color of slate. “Yeah… why?”
“I kissed you at the stroke of midnight. And you kissed me back.”
“I remember,” he murmurs. “And then you kissed Dane. And he kissed you back.”
“We were drunk and stoned,” I remind him. “But we laughed about it the next day.”
“Little different,” he mutters.
“Aha,” I say as I come up out of the chair and point an accusing finger at him. “You are totally regretting what happened at The Wicked Horse.”
Andrew’s face flushes, and he stands up from his chair. “Well, fuck, Avril… watching some guy fuck you is a little different than a drunk midnight kiss.”
I shake my head. “It’s not so different. Friday night, you and I were high on sex and lust and we acted on it. Sure… the acts were more intimate, but the point is… you’re letting it change something between us.”
Andrew gives a sigh and scrubs his hand over the scruff on his face. His eyes are troubled, and that pains me. “Aren’t you weirded out by it in the slightest? Don’t you regret doing something so impetuous and bizarre?”
I turn away from Andrew and walk over to the windows to look out over the city. It’s chilly and gray outside, but the weather doesn’t match my mood. I learned too many things this weekend that have simply lit a fire in my gut. One of the things I learned was that I was completely turned on by watching Andrew. He’d watched me back, but rather than disgust me, it… intrigued me?
Crossing my arms over my chest, I keep my gaze out the window. “You know what I regret? I regret spending years of my life not knowing my value as a woman.”
“Avril,” Andrew chastises, but I give an impatient wave of my hand.
Turning back toward him, I clarify, “I’m not talking about equality or my worth in the boardroom. You and Dane never saw me as less than you in that respect. But I am talking about my worth as a female.”
“Is this about Jamie?” Andrew asks.
I shrug. “Maybe. Partly. But mostly about me.”
“I don’t understand.”
Walking back around his desk, I sit back down in the chair again. Andrew follows suit, leaning his forearms on the top.
“Andrew,” I share with him in a low tone vibrating with revelation. “Friday night… I had power. Not a better type of power than what I wield in my career, but a power that’s important all the same. A power I never knew I had.”
“Sex,” he says hesitantly.
“The power to seek it for myself and for no other reason than to make me feel good about myself,” I clarify. “Dane was right. It was liberating. When I walked out, I knew myself better, and Andrew… God help me… but I felt good about what I did in there. I felt alive and so no, I have no regrets at all. In fact, I went back again on Saturday night.”
Andrew’s eyes stare at me wide and unblinking. When he finally talks, his voice is raspy. “You did?”
I nod enthusiastically and laugh. “Figured if Jamie was out getting some exciting sex, why shouldn’t I?”
“So, this is what? All about getting back at Jamie?” His expression is guarded, but I see the worry.
Shaking my head, I blow that idea off with another wave of my hand. “Of course, it’s not about getting back at Jamie. He would never know what I did. It’s about feeling good. I realized when I woke up Saturday… I was craving to go back. I wanted to feel good, and sexy, and powerful again. So, I went.”
Andrew slumps back in his chair, bringing his elbow to one of the armrests so he can place his chin in his palm while he studies me. Finally, he asks, “Were you like… with the same guy?”
“No, I wasn’t,” is all I tell him. I don’t even know the name of the guy I was with, and I don’t care to. I only know that he fucked me from behind out on The Deck, and it was fantastic.
The silence is heavy between us while Andrew just stares at me. At least he’s not looking at me like I’m an idiot, but I can tell he’s learning something new about his friend that he never in a million years thought he’d find out.
“What happened Friday night…” I say softly, and his eyes focus in on mine. “Did that hurt our friendship?”
“You mean am I going to toss away seventeen years of friendship because we happened to watch each other have sex with someone else?”
I nod with a sly grin.
“No,” he says with a sigh. “Of course not. It’s insane how many times I’ve inadvertently seen Dane having sex with someone, and I’ve never thought twice about it. I just need to put you in that same category, I guess.”
I can do nothing but nod my agreement with his sentiment, because that was the best I could hope for. I don’t share with him, however, that I do think the friendship has changed.
I remembered Friday night and the way Andrew and I stared at each other while we were in the throes of sexual pleasure with other people. We refused to look away from each other in embarrassment, and that right there changed everything.
It strengthened my feelings for Andrew. It tightened my bond with him. It made me respect him even more that we could share something so wild and uninhibited, and still sit here right now validating our friendship is as strong as ever.
Friday night at The Wicked Horse changed everything between Andrew and me, but I don’t think he realizes the extent of it just yet.
But I do provide him with a hint. “In your office Friday, when we discussed going to The Wicked Horse and Dane was clearly bent out of shape about me going?”
“You just caught him by surprise,” Andrew says to defend his friend. I can’t help but smile because that’s something the three of us do routinely… rush to the defense of one who is pitted against another.
But then my smile turns sober, and I tell Andrew the truth. “It was the first time I felt excluded by the two of you.”
“He didn’t mean it—”
“Being in The Orgy room with you Friday night… as we shared all that was good, consensual, and fulfilling. It was nice to share that with you, Andrew.”
Not unexpectedly, Andrew blushes but his smile in return is genuine.
“It truly showed me that I could be equal to you in all ways,” I add on softly. “And as we’re able to sit here now and talk about this, and you’re not looking at me like I’m crazy… well, it means everything to me.”
Andrew stands up from his chair and comes around the desk. His eyes stay pinned on me the entire time, even when he squats down by my knees. He takes one of my hands and squeezes it. “There is nothing that you could do that would ever make me look at you differently, Av. And I mean nothing.”
I’ve never been an overly emotional woman, really only crying during sad movies or over injured animals. I definitely have a temper, but I’ve been fortunate that it usually manifests into icy but collected deliberation before I act in response.
Well… except for the getting drunk and dumping Jamie’s stuff on the front lawn. I guess that day I acted as a truly betrayed woman whose heart was hurt and whose pride was deflated.
That was then though, and this is now, and my eyes mist up slightly.
Leaning forward and pulling my hand away from Andrew’s, I give him a hug. He stands up, and I have no choice but to stand as well since my arms are wrapped around his shoulders.
He reciprocates by engulfing me in his embrace and rocking me back and forth. With a last squeeze, he lets me go and we step back from one another.
Andrew gives a little cough, drops his gaze, and then looks back up at me. “So… um, I better get back to work.”
“Me too,” I say with a smile. “Thanks for the talk.”
“Yeah… sure.”
I turn for the door but before I reach it, Andrew asks, “Are you going back?”
My hand freezes on the knob as I twist my neck to look at him over my shoulder. “I am. Are you?”
Andrew shrugs. “Maybe. Not sure.”
“If you liked it,” I tell him candidly. “You should go back.”
To my surprise, the doorknob twists under my hand from someone on the other side. A quick knock and the door is opening, so I step back. Dane pokes his head in, looking at me first, then Andrew, and then back to me.
“Good morning,” I say with a bright smile.
“Morning,” he says, returning one that’s not as bright and is actually almost hesitant. “Good weekend?”
“Fantastic weekend,” I tell him. I give a wave to Andrew before stepping past Dane into the hall. I call back to both men. “Talk later.”