Part of me was still in shock. Even after spending two hours with Ret, it was hard for me to wrap my head around the reality that my boy was sitting right in front of me.

“I pulled up your rap sheet years ago.”

My eyebrows shot up. “Jesus,” I muttered. This wasn’t going to be good. The damn thing was as long as I was tall.

“Interesting life you’ve led.” He smiled.

“I’m clean and living on the straight and narrow. I have been for years, Ret.”

“You really went off the rails after Mom died.” He frowned, but he hid it quickly behind the glass of beer he’d been nursing for an hour.

“I did. I didn’t handle her death well. I wanted to die too. I was so angry about what happened that I did everything in my power to let the world know just how pissed I was.”

“Lucky for me, you didn’t get your wish. But based on what I read, you came pretty damn close.”

“She’d be so disappointed in me if she knew what happened, son.” I hung my head and rubbed my eyebrows. “She’d beat the hell out of me for acting like a fool.”

“What’s happened, happened, and we can’t change it. I’m not angry with you. I was hurt for a long time. I couldn’t understand how you could abandon Janice and me without a backward glance.”

Lifting my head, I choked back the tears that were threatening to come. “I did come back. I visited for the first three years. I’d come and hold you in my arms and tell you stories. I still remember the way you smelled and the sound of your voice when you cried. You were so damn little, and I was scared that I might break you.”

“I didn’t know that. No one ever told me you came.” His eyes darkened. “Why didn’t anyone tell me?”

“I don’t know. My sisters can be bitches and probably thought it was best if you didn’t know.

“When you started to talk, Caroline asked me not to come back. She said that you would start to remember me, and if I wasn’t able to take you and Janice that I should keep my distance. I believed her and wasn’t in the right place to take you with me, so I did as she asked.”

“I wish you would’ve fought for us.”

“Ret, I couldn’t even fight for me,” I admitted. “I hope someday you’ll forgive me and let me make it up to you. As I’ve grown older, I’ve come to realize nothing else matters except for family and friends. I surround myself with good people and lead my life like I should’ve. Like your mother would’ve wanted me to. She’d want us to have a relationship, and it’s the only thing in my life that I want right now. There’s nothing more important.”

“We’ll see, Dad. I have a lot to think about.” Ret smiled softly. “I have to head back soon.”

“Already?” I wasn’t ready to say good-bye. We’d spent enough time away from each other. Too long, and it was entirely my fault.

Ret rubbed his hands together as he leaned forward, placing his elbows on his knees. “Alese is waiting for me at the hotel.”

“Why didn’t you bring her?”

“I didn’t know what was going to happen, and I didn’t want to stress her.”

“I’m sorry.” The amount of guilt and shame I felt were almost overwhelming. No child should ever have to worry about their parent being an asshole, but I did that to my kid.

“Why don’t you get her and bring her to my place tonight? You two can spend some time with me.”

“I don’t know,” he said and peered around the room, looking for Fran, but she was in the kitchen washing the dishes. “We don’t lead a regular lifestyle.”

“What’s that mean?”

“I don’t know how to explain it to someone like you.” He sighed.

I placed my hand on my chest and laughed. “Someone like me? Ret, I’m not a normal person. Nothing really shocks me anymore.”

“She’s my submissive.” He stared me straight in the eyes and waited.

Maybe he thought I’d be shocked or horrified, but I wasn’t. “Janice told me. Is she your sub or slave?” I asked, trying to sound like I knew the lingo, and he gave me a confused look. “I’m not new.”

“She’s just my submissive, and we keep it only in the bedroom when we’re around other people.”

I laughed and shook my head. “One of the owners of my company does the same with his wife. I wish I could get Franny to be mine, but she’d just kick me in the balls and tell me to go fuck myself if I ever bossed her around.”

“Yeah,” he said, laughing with me. “She doesn’t seem like the lifestyle would work for her.”

“I heard you!” she yelled from the kitchen, and Ret and I laughed louder.

I sobered at the thought that it might be a while before I saw him again, and I had to do something to not keep that from happening. “Will you at least stick around for a few days? I’m not ready to let you go already.”

“I can stay for a bit. I’m in between jobs, so I don’t have anywhere to be.”

“Why don’t you find a job around here? You can be close to Janice, and we could get to know each other better.”

“Let’s see how the next few days go together before I start setting down roots here. I told myself I’d never move back to Florida when I left years ago.”

“Your aunts are here, I’m here, your sister’s here. What other reasons do you need? It’s time to come back home, son. It’s time for me to make up for all the time I’ve thrown away.”

“I’m not saying no, but I have to talk to Alese. She gets a say in where we live too. I’ll think about it.”

“I’ll give you all the time you need.”

He stood and rubbed his palms against his jeans. “I’ll see you tomorrow, then?”

“Meet me at my office, and we can talk some more. I’ll take you to lunch.”

“That would be great.”

I wanted him to see ALFA PI. He’d fit right in with those guys, and we could use a bounty hunter. He could use our resources, which were vast, and our manpower to track down his cases. I couldn’t think of anything more perfect. I’d have to talk with James and Thomas, but I couldn’t see them saying no. I’d just have to get him in the door to make shit happen.

Franny walked out from the kitchen, wiping her hands on a dish towel. “Leaving so soon?”

He nodded and walked toward her. “I have to get back to my girl, but I’ll be around this week.”

She smiled and tossed the towel over her shoulder. “That makes me happy, Ret. Thanks for doing this,” she said, grabbing hold of his arms. “I hope it turned out as you’d hoped.”

“Better than, actually, Fran.” He leaned in and kissed her cheeks, whispering something in her ear.

She laughed softly, her eyes darting to mine for a moment. “I’ll see you tomorrow?”

“You will.” He hugged her properly as her hands roamed around his back. She was feeling him up, letting his muscles skate across her fingertips. I knew the moves; she did it to me often.

“Dad,” Ret said as he walked toward me, and it sounded like music to my ears. He stuck out his hand, but I didn’t want a handshake.

“Come here.” I pulled him into my arms for the tenth time since I’d laid eyes on him. “I’ll see you at the office tomorrow. Don’t leave without saying good-bye. You hear me?”

“I’ll be there. Don’t worry,” he said, gripping my bicep with his fully grown hands.

As I watched him walk out the front door, my heart ached. I longed for the years I’d lost. The days. The hours. The minutes. The seconds. There wasn’t a milestone in his life that I had been there for. I didn’t cheer him on as he took his first step, learned to ride a bike, or threw his first football.

I’d missed them all.

Everything.

I wasn’t willing to miss another moment either.

I had been selfish, and the ones who’d suffered were my kids. While I was out trying to chase down the grim reaper and drowning myself in booze and pussy, my kids grew up without me.

What kind of self-absorbed prick does that?

I did.

Jackie would’ve been so disappointed in me. I knew that. There wasn’t a morning I’d woken up over the last thirty years that I didn’t think that. But the guilt never drove me to seek them out and make shit right.

So much time had passed that I didn’t think there was a way to repair the damage I’d done. I didn’t even know how to make the first move. People knew me as a tough guy. The one who would kick anyone’s ass if they were acting like a fool or deserved a beatdown, but when it came to my kids…

I was the biggest pussy on earth.

It was time I paid my penance and made up for everything I’d missed. If I had my way, both kids would stay close, and I’d spend as much time as possible with them.

I wouldn’t be up in their shit like Franny is with Morgan, but I’d like to develop a relationship and get to know my future grandchildren.

There was still time, and Fran made it possible.