He turns me slowly in his arms. I’m surprised my feet move at all. My head is a mess. My emotions are all over the damn place. All I can hear is blood rushing so loudly in my ears, it feels like I’m wearing noise-muffling headphones. My heart is pounding like a rapid-fire machine gun on steroids, and I don’t have a drop of moisture in my mouth. Any spare liquid is pooling right between my legs.
“I love you, Tia. I always have, and I always will.” His crystal blue eyes reflect a hundred flames, swaying with the faintest swirl of air.
He’s so close, I feel him everywhere; tiny hairs all over my body stand to attention, and the manly smell filling my nostrils is intoxicating. I sway with the heady scent. I’m utterly mesmerised by the intensity of the look he is levelling at me. I don’t know what reserves I’m running on right now, but as lines of defence go, this feels very much like ‘game over’.
“I fucked up so badly, Tia, I know I did, and if you’ll give me a chance, I will make it right.” I can hear the heartbreak and desperation in his voice.
“Cass…” I try to respond, but I know from the heavy sigh that escapes, I am struggling to recall anything other than how much I loved this man, how much I love him still.
“Please don’t say no.” He jumps in with more heart-melting weapons in his arsenal.
He was always so good with words.
“We were supposed to happen, Tia. You know it. I know it, and if you’re honest with yourself for one goddamned second, you’ll feel it in your soul.” He takes my hand and places it over his heart. It’s beating just as fiercely as his declaration. “Just like I feel it in mine.” His voice softens to a barely audible whisper. “We’re meant to be together, Tia, always. Remember?”
“That’s the problem, Cass, I remember everything, every word, every touch, every promise you made to me.” He nods and takes the hits. “You told me you loved me once before, Cass, so I know it means jack-shit.” I don’t shout, because I don’t feel any anger racing through me. I just feel unbearably sad. I don’t know how we come back from that. Despite his best efforts, we’re just not the same people.
“I fucked up, Tia, but I never stopped loving you.” He speaks with such raw honesty, I feel my heart breaking and healing at the same time. Maybe? “You have to give us a chance. I know you, Tia. The old you is still in there, and the new you isn’t so very different. Everyone deserves a second chance, and you’ll regret it if you don’t give us our chance. Aren’t you tired of regretting things you have the power to change? I know I am.” He tips my chin high so I can no longer avoid eye contact. His thumb brushes my lips, and sparks crackle under his loving touch. “It’s always been us, Tia. What are you afraid of?”
“Everything.”
“You’ve never been afraid of me, princess.” His touch is light and tender. I have nothing left.
“I am now.” My voice doesn’t sound like my own, and he gives me a knowing smile that feels very much like a deal already signed and sealed.
“And why is that?” His nose brushes against mine, his warm breath flooding my senses with its sweet intoxicating aroma.
“Because I want you so bad, I can’t think straight.” A stray tear bursts from my eye and trickles down my cheek. He catches it on the pad of his thumb and sucks it into his mouth. I swallow the thick lump blocking my throat before I speak. “You cloud my mind.”
“Tonight is about us, just us, okay?”
“Convenient.” I try to look away, but he dips to keep the contact. I can see in his eyes he’s just as afraid, for different reasons I’m sure, but we’re both balancing on a knife edge here, fragile and precarious.
“Necessary. I want you Tia, and unless you tell me to stop, this is happening. I’ve been waiting my whole damn life for this, and I can’t wait a moment longer.” His hand threads around the back of my neck, and he pulls me flush against him, I hadn’t noticed that I had begun to edge away, but he did.
“Cass,” I gasp. I know I’ve lost the ability to think straight, and now I’m simply struggling to breathe.
“Yes?”
I open my mouth again, but there is no sound. I don’t trust myself to speak.
“You said the problem was that you remember everything?” he reminds me and I nod.
“I do.” I’m crumbling.
“Well, do you remember you loved me once?”
“I do.” I don’t know what’s holding me together as my resolve is in tatters and my knees weaken.
“And do you remember how fiercely I loved you back?”
“Yes.” I mouth the reply, not sure if I’m still making audible sounds. His next words tell me that I am, for now.
“Good, because for me that hasn’t changed.” He dips and lifts me smoothly into his arms, his eyes burning with such desire, I feel dizzy. If he didn’t have me cosseted in his strong embrace, I would be a puddle on the floor. I didn’t notice in the soft light, but the fort of pillows surrounds a deep mattress with sheets and more pillows. He carefully steps over the ‘wall’ and reverently lays me down. He holds his body half off, half over mine, supporting all his weight on one side.
“Tell me now, Tia, if you want me to stop.” His voice is gravelly and strained. As calm as he seems, he can’t hide this, and it gives me a little comfort that he is struggling just as much as I am. Inevitable.
“I don’t want you to stop.” I exhale, and my lips curl upward in a freeing smile. It feels good, right up to the moment he crushes it from my face.
It’s not like we haven’t kissed before, or maybe it is, because this feels so different. His tongue entwines with mine, controlling the movement and demanding my compliance. The friction of the soft tissue sends a wave of tingles that start at the contact and fire off in every direction across my skin. His hand cups the back of my neck, and his fingers spear into my hair, moving my head to gain better access, as if he can’t quite get enough. He groans into my mouth when he drops his weight onto my body, and I sigh. His erection feels like burning steel against my thigh, and I wantonly hook my leg over his arse and grind against the massive bulge.
He smiles against my mouth, and I do the same, and when he pulls back, I can see the joy crinkling his eyes. He looks so young, I wonder for a magical moment if we did manage to time travel after all, and right now we are just where we were supposed to be. I want that so much, tears fall from the corner of my eyes, and I can’t wipe them away quick enough. I hate that I want that to be true when I know wishes change nothing, nothing.
“Don’t, Tia, please, baby, please don’t cry.” He peppers my face with kisses so soft and tender that more tears fall. His fingers dry the stray tears his lips fail to catch.
“This won’t change a thing, Cass, and I hate that we lost our moment. It fucking hurts.” I suck back the rising sob, because I know if I let it out, it will consume us both.
“It’s unbearable.” He drops his forehead to mine, looking at me through long lashes that frame soul sad eyes, which breaks my fucking heart all over again. “This though…this changes everything.” The truth in his words holds me captive, and I can’t even draw a breath to respond. He speaks after the longest time of just staring into me. “I’ll spend every day for the rest of my life making it up to you, Tia. I promise.” I squeeze my eyes shut, but I can’t shake my head; his hand still holds it firmly.
“I told you not to—” I whisper my objection, but his interruption is emphatic.
“I promise.” It’s not an idle threat; it’s a declaration, and I so want to believe.
His mouth covers mine, swallowing any remaining resistance and consuming me with such passion and urgency, in this moment at least, I am completely his, and I want to be.
His hands sweep every part of my body, loosening and removing clothes as they go. Mine do the same, and when we are both fully naked, I gasp at the sight.
He’s like an angel. The soft glow of the flickering flames lights the curves and the lines of muscles on his arms, across his chest and abdomen. Ripples of solid muscle flex and contract with each laboured breath, and when I peek down between our bodies, I whimper. His thick cock, too hard to be lying heavily, just bobs between us and is too damn tempting for me not to tilt my hips and close the gap. He hooks my thigh over his, and his large hand presses my arse cheek so my liquid core slides against his length. He controls the speed and pressure of this unbelievably erotic grind perfectly. I close my eyes at the utter bliss assaulting my senses. Sparks sizzle, and my greedy body pushes against him for more contact, more pressure, more pace…more cock.
“Cass,” I plead against his mouth. My fingernails bite into the rock solid muscle of his fine arse with little effect.
“Something you want, princess?”
“Don’t tease me, Cass. I’ve waited too long for this,” I unashamedly plead.
“I have no intention of teasing you, baby, well, not this time.” His deep kiss makes my toes curl, and he draws back so slowly, sucking in my bottom lip, that I have to question whether the teasing comment was in fact a lie. This is torture.
He presses the tip of his cock right at my entrance. My eyes drift shut, and my whole body thrums with anticipation.
“Look at me, princess.” His deep voice rumbles with his warm breath across my lips. His glare is so incendiary, I feel the burn in my soul. “I want to see you when I do this.”
“Oh, my god!” I gasp out in between little pants as he inches inside of me, filling every bit of space and deliciously stretching me until I am full of him. He nudges just a little more, and I suck in a sharp breath filled with pain and pleasure, mostly pleasure.
He secures his arm tightly around my waist and rolls us, so he is on his back, and then he sits and pulls me back down, firmly back in place, impaled. I wrap my legs around his waist, and he opens his legs to allow me to drop fully onto him. His large hands support my arse and hold me firm. His eyes are fixed on mine, and we’re nose-to-nose, lip-to-lip, with ragged breaths mingling, just absorbing each other and this perfect moment.
But it’s not perfect. I wish it was, but there’s so much wrong with us, with me… and Logan. God what the hell am I doing?
“Stop, stop thinking, Tia, just feel.” His hands move and massage my round flesh, pulling my body onto his, making me ride his cock and meet his deep, nerve-tingling thrusts.
“Ahh.” I throw my head back in ecstasy as my shaky moral compass is shattered with the here and now.
“Look at me, Tia.” His voice is strained, and I can feel him swell inside me, enough to make my eyes water. “Jesus, you feel amazing. I want you to come with me.”
“Not gonna be able to control that one, Cass. I’m not that good.” I start to laugh, but stop when my tummy muscles contract, and a shot of pain makes me freeze mid-breath. He chuckles and jerks his hips to hit that perfect spot, and I shudder with pleasure.
“Oh, princess, you are so much better than good. You’re fucking perfect.” He brings one hand around to where we’re joined and skims his thumb over my clit, and I jolt from the shock of his touch. I feel the spark at the base of my spine, igniting an almighty burst of electricity that fires every nerve alive. He keeps the right amount of pressure, avoiding a direct hit, but building insurmountable pleasure in small circles that match the impossibly deep penetration of his cock. This combination, coupled with the gentle roll of his hips, and the way he is just staring right into me I know I’m in the arms of an angel, seconds away from heaven.
“Cass, I…I…”
“I know, baby, I can feel you squeezing like crazy, just let go. I’m right with you…all…the…way.” His fingers grip my arse so hard the imprint will last for days. He moves his arm up and around my waist, wrapping me in an embrace so tight, there’s no space for air. His lips consume mine, his tongue stealing the last of my breath as my climax grips us both, climbing so high only his strong hold has us tethered to earth. I can no longer keep my eyes open, and I bury my head in his neck as shuddering vibrations wrack my body, uncontrollable and violent tremors shaking us both. I cling to him as he wrings out the very last of my climax from my weak body, filling me with his own release.