CHAPTER ELEVEN
I had a four day reprieve in the sense that I didn’t have to tell Rave outright that I was leaving at the end of my contract. It wasn’t a carefree four days because she kept asking me what was wrong. Jesus. No wonder I never got an acting job. I sucked at acting.
On the fifth day we went down into town for greasy burgers and greasier fries.
“Harmony wants to host our one-year party. We don’t have to have everybody like last time. We could ask just a few people if you want. Also, you had said something about going to see your family. We could do that right after if you want. Take the trip we talked about. Go through New Orleans. Drive along the coast. Stop at the Hard Rock in Biloxi and gamble a little. What do you think?”
What did I think?
I thought that sounded like heaven. I had to beat back an image of driving along the shore at Pass Christian with the Boxster’s top down, Rave’s hair blowing in the breeze. I’d have to be a fool to turn that down, a fool or some guy who was so paranoid about being boxed in that he was willing to give up everything for freedom.
What was that line from Bobby Mcgee? Freedom’s just another word for nothing left to lose.
Bottom line was that I was more afraid of closing all the doors on all the possibilities life had to offer than I was of living without Rave.
Looking down at her burger basket, I could see that she was almost finished.
“Come on,” I said. “I have something to tell you and I don’t want to talk about it in here.”
A line formed between her brows, but she said, “Okay.”
That was Rave. She was agreeable unless something was a ten with her.
We walked out to the parking lot in silence. When we’d closed the doors to the Jeep, she said, “What is it?”
I looked over at her, sitting behind the wheel. So beautiful. I didn’t want to tell her, but I didn’t want to lead her on and leave like a thief in the night either. She deserved better. She deserved to be told straight up.
“I promised a year. And a year is all I have to give.” Her lips parted and I heard a tiny gasp. Her eyes were wide, searching mine, and I was afraid she wasn’t breathing. “Rave. I’m sorry. It’s not you. You’re perfect. It’s just that I…”
My hand was in midair, reaching over to stroke her cheek and console her, when she slapped it away. The expression on her face changed from heartbroken to furious in the blink of an eye.
“Do not touch me. And don’t call me that, either. If you’ve made your decision and you know you’re not staying, I want you to go now.”
“What? Wait a minute. I still have twelve days.”
“You have what I give you. This car. Your clothes. Five thousand dollars. And no memories of ever having been here.”
“But…”
“No talking, Willem. I never want to hear your voice again.”
I closed my mouth and faced forward.
Rave pulled out her phone and speed dialed while she was driving.
“Hi,” I heard her say. “Are you home?” Pause. “Willem won’t be staying when our year is up.” Pause. “Yes. He’s sure.” Pause. “I’m dropping him off at your house in five minutes. I’ll have Ed pack his things and deliver them with the car and some traveling money. You do the rest.” Pause. “Yeah. I’m fine.” She ended the call and tossed the phone into the cup holder.
This was not how I thought things would go, but maybe she was right. Maybe it was better to pull the Bandaid off quick.
I said nothing as we passed the turn to our house, but it did make my heart hurt - the idea of never seeing our home again…
Rave pulled up in front of Raider’s house. Staring straight ahead, she said, “Get out.”
“Rave, I…”
“OUT!” she yelled, leaning over me to open the passenger door. Clearly, she wasn’t kidding.
Again, this was not how I pictured this. I’d imagined a lengthy goodbye with lingering kisses, maybe a few tears. This was not the way it was supposed to go.
I pushed the passenger door all the way open and got out. Before I closed the door, I bent down and said, “I’m sorry.”
She took off without waiting for me to close the door. I stood on the driveway and watched until she disappeared around the bottom of the hill, out of sight. The door opened behind me.
“Come in, Will. We have a few things to talk about. Raider will be home shortly.”
Raider. He was probably going to finish the job he started in the river the day I tipped him over.
I turned around. I’d never seen Harmony look sad and it didn’t make me feel good, knowing I was the one who’d put that look on her face.
Without a word I climbed the steps and went inside. I followed her to the morning room and sat at the glass top table.
“You want something to drink?” she asked.
“Uh, no. We just ate at the tavern. I’m good.”
“Well, let’s get started then. First of all, you should know that you have the infamy of being the first and only contest winner to ever leave at the end of his one year contract.”
Since there was nothing to say to that, I said nothing.
“When Ravish’s man arrives with the car and your things, you’ll be escorted to the gates. You have from now until the time you cross the city limits to change your mind. Once you drive past the Wimberley city limits, you will have no memory of anything that has happened since before you took the card with the contest number on it. Do you understand? Is this what you want?”
That was such a complicated question. “It’s really not what I want, Harmony, but it’s what I have to do.”
“Alright then. I’ll leave you alone. If you need anything to eat or drink, you know the way to the kitchen.”
She left me to the silence and solitude of the morning room in the afternoon. Since the sun was overhead, it was less bright, but not less beautiful. I was thinking about all the things I would miss, when the ghost appeared, standing across the table from where I sat.
“Willem Draiocht. You shall not leave.”
He ‘spoke’ in an accent that was English, but not like any I’d heard.
“Is that what you meant when you said, ‘No’, before?”
“Leaving Ravish Wimberley would be a grave error in judgment. Are you dead set on walking the hallways of hell with me?”
“I can’t stay.”
“You cannot leave.”
He vanished after that repeated pronouncement, just as someone from the kitchen popped her head in.
“Can I bring you something while you wait, Mr. Draiocht?”
“No. Nothing. Thank you.”
She hadn’t been gone a full minute before I heard Raider’s heavy boot stomp coming toward the morning room.
“Will! Goddamnit. What the fuck do you think you’re doing?”
He didn’t look any happier than Harmony.
“I can’t stay, Raider.”
“Why the fuck not?”
The Voice was screaming that same question at me, over and over. “I can’t live behind a locked door.”
He shook his head. “What does that mean?”
“If I promise to stay in a permanent no-way-out relationship with Ravish, I might as well be a prisoner at Huntsville.”
He looked at me like I was certifiable. “Huntsville? There’s not a single guy in Huntsville who wouldn’t do anything to trade places with you. Don’t compare your life here to prison. That’s ridiculous.” He ran a hand through his hair. “What about your friends? Forget that. What about Rave? Don’t you care about breaking her heart? Don’t you love her?”
“Yes. I care about her and I don’t like breaking her heart. But no, I don’t believe in love.”
“You don’t believe in love.” His repetition was dripping with derision. “Well, wake up, fool. It just so happens that love believes in you. That thing that you’re feeling right now? The pull that says you’d like to kick your own ass for hurting her? That’s love. When you go to Austin to take your little classes and can’t wait to get back to her? That’s love. When you can’t imagine ever fucking another woman no matter what the circumstances? That’s love.
“The way you looked at her when you sang that old song on her birthday? You wouldn’t find one person who was in that room who wouldn’t swear that what they were seeing was, yeah, you guessed it. Love.”
That was probably more words than Raider had spoken in a week, but I just sat there shaking my head.
He raised his arms and let them fall to his sides. “You’re really going through with it,” he said, beginning to resign himself to the fact that I couldn’t be talked out of it. He pulled out a chair and slumped into it. “You know it’s permanent. You can’t change your mind later. If you leave, you’re gone for good. There’s no way back.”
That made my heart beat faster. I hated the idea of no way back. That was another kind of permanent that was unappealing, but I’d made up my mind. “I know,” I whispered.
Raider sat without speaking for half an hour then rose and left the room without another word. Another twenty minutes after that, someone was sent to tell me that my things were waiting for me outside.
Making my way back to the front, I realized that I was sorry to not have the chance to say goodbye to Kellan and Simon and so many others I’d come to feel close to.
The Boxster was waiting with the top down and the driver’s side door open. It was polished and detailed to showroom perfection.
Ed stood next to the car. “Your things are packed and in the trunk, sir.”
“Thank you, Ed. For everything.”
He bowed his head in acknowledgement. “Sorry to see you go, sir.”
Harmony and Raider had come out onto the porch. Big tears were streaming down her face. Raider was embracing her from behind, looking both angry and grim. He probably wanted to kick my ass for making his wife cry.
“Sorry,” I said and it sounded lame even to me. “Tell Ravish I said thank you for the car and… everything.”
I walked around to the driver’s side, but before I could slide under the wheel, Deck Durbin appeared, blocking my way.
“You will not go,” he said.
“This is getting old. Get out of the way. I’m going.”
“Who is he talking to?” I heard Raider ask Harmony.
I looked up in time to see her shake her head. “You don’t see him?”
“See who?” she asked.
“The ghost. Deck Durbin.”
“No, Will. I don’t see him.”
I turned back to the car. “Whether they see you is neither here nor there. Get out of the way. You’re just prolonging the inevitable.”
“Love is everything,” he said. “I refused to accept that when I was alive and now I’m cursed to live like this. In hell. You know what hell is, Willem? It’s knowing I’ll never see Pleasant again. There’s no second chance for me. But you can be saved! Don’t go. Listen to your heart. Stop while you can.”
When I reached up to shove him out of the way, he vanished.
With one last look at Raider and Harmony, I got in the car and drove away. Slowly. Reliving the memories I’d made during my year in the colony. Good memories. Memories I wished I could treasure forever.
I knew where I was headed. Southeast to San Marcos, on to I10 which would take me all the way home to Fairhope. Twenty yards away from the city limit sign, the car stalled. Just as I was thinking that was impossible, Durbin appeared in the passenger side of my car dressed like a highwayman.
He’d become more than a supernatural curiosity. He’d evolved a first rate pest.
“Christ,” I said.
“I was like you,” he began. “So sure there was more. There wasn’t more. When I was home with Pleasant and our girls, I held everything in my hands. I gave it away for an illusion. It was an illusion that cost me my soul. Hear me well, Willem Draiocht. You are about to surrender your own soul to a life of empty searching, trying to recapture what you already have, but failing.
“Love is the only thing worth dying over and the only thing worth living for. From this side of the veil I can see more clearly than you. For your own sake. For the last time. Do. Not. Go.”
The worst part was, I think I knew deep down that he was telling the truth. But I was so stubborn, I left anyway.