CHAPTER EIGHT
Harmony arrived at Rave’s, I mean… our house, a few minutes before I was to leave for the boys-only dinner because it was at Raider’s house. Supposedly no witches allowed. Rave told me to take the Spyder and gave directions how to get there. Turn left from the drive, circle around the hill, take the second left and climb until I could see redwood timber and stone.
Raider’s house couldn’t have been more different from the two houses I’d been in so far. It looked like a northwest pacific lodge with an A-roofline in the center where the front door was prominent and wings jutting out on either side. My first thought was that it suited Raider perfectly.
I followed the circular drive and pulled up to the front where I could see two valet parkers waiting.
“Good evening, Mr. Draiocht.”
I was sure I’d never get used to being called by name by strangers, much less being called ‘Mr. Draiocht’.
“Hey. This is the place, huh?”
“You’re in the right place, sir. We’ll take good care of your car.”
Leaving the key in the ignition, I said, “Thank you,” got out and walked to the door.
Someone who appeared to be staff opened the door as I approached.
“Good evening, Mr. Draiocht. Follow this hallway to the end and take a right. Everyone is outside. You’ll hear the music.”
“Thank you,” I said, thinking ‘follow the yellow brick road’.
By the time I was halfway down the hall I could hear the thump of metal bass. The terrace was covered with terrazzo stone in a pinkish reddish color that matched the feel of the house. And it was immense. I suspected there were fifty guys there, but it would have accommodated two hundred.
There were three very long tables set for dinner, arranged parallel to each other and perpendicular to the head table. Off to the side, at the very edge of the terrace were two huge built-in grills that formed the center part of a luxurious outdoor kitchen. Two guys in chef gear were grilling steaks. There’s no way to adequately convey the aroma, but if you’ve ever been in the vicinity of steaks being grilled to perfection out of doors, you know what I’m talking about.
I heard Kellan’s voice before I saw him. “Man of the hour!”
Everybody stopped and turned to raise their drinks to me. I raised my chin and smiled, a little embarrassed to be the center of attention. Strange reaction for a would-be actor, right?
Raider came over and slapped me on the shoulder almost hard enough to knock me over. “How you doin’, hero?”
I suspected that would always get a smile out of me. “I was pretty good before you tried to start a fight.”
He guffawed at that. “Willem, you’re one of a kind.”
“Call me Will.”
“Will it is then.” Kellan strolled up. “You’ve met Kellan.”
“I have.” Kellan and I were shaking hands in greeting when a waiter showed up by my side to ask about a drink. After a double take, I said, “Roque! Roque Quintanilla!”
The man looked both proud and pleased that I remembered him. “Yes, Mr. Draiocht. What will it be my pleasure to bring you? Margarita? On the rocks, no salt, Jose Reposado?”
I laughed. “You have an incredible memory.”
“As do you, sir.”
“Hmmm. Well, tonight I’ve got the nerves of a virgin groom. I’m going with whiskey neat.”
“Very good, sir. We have…”
I held up my hand. “I trust you, Roque. Bring me what you think I’d like.”
After a smile and a head nod, he disappeared.
“Nerves of a virgin groom,” Raider repeated with a belly laugh. “I suspect whiskey will help out with that.”
“So who have you met?” Kellan asked.
“Just the two of you and Simon.”
“Simon?!?” They both asked it at the same time and then shared a glance.
“Is there something wrong with Simon?”
“Uh, no,” said Raider. “He’s alright, but he’s not what you’d call…”
“…outgoing.” Kellan finished the sentence. “Keeps to himself.”
“Is he here tonight?”
“No. He doesn’t usually come to these things.”
“What exactly is this? Ravish said it’s kind of like a bachelor party, but not.”
“It’s a chance to introduce you around. Don’t worry about not remembering everybody’s names. That’ll come in time,” Kellan said.
“So, if Simon isn’t here, that means there are probably others who aren’t here?”
He nodded. “There are about twenty or so others. Mostly old guys. They’ll be at the ceremony, of course, but going out twice in one day is too much for some people.”
“Save me from that day,” Raider said.
“No worries. You’ll never make it to fifty,” Kellan told Raider.
“Good. Just as well,” he said. “I’m going to supervise dinner. I have a lot of experience with cooking meat outdoors.” I didn’t doubt that for an instant. “Catch up with you later.”
“Raider!” He stopped and turned around. “Really nice house.”
He gave a cautious smile, like he wasn’t accustomed to being complimented on his house, and a chin dip before resuming his mission to ‘supervise’ the cooking.
“Come on,” Kellan said. “Get ready to press some flesh.”
He wasn’t kidding about shaking hands with a lot of dudes. He also wasn’t kidding about the fact that I had no hope of remembering their names. It wasn’t just the aroma of steaks grilling to perfection that had me grateful when Raider shouted, “Dinner!”
“This way,” Kellan said.
I followed him to the head table. Three guys were already seated. I assumed one of them was the other inductee. Kellan gestured to the chair that was in the middle of the remaining three. Kellan sat down to my right. Raider appeared from nowhere and sat to my left.
It was beginning to get dark so the gathering was lit with tiki torches and an extremely generous distribution of candles on the tables.
Like the barbeque, we each had two iced carafes of sweet tea and water. The waiters began making their way down the rows, delivering plates. What was on my plate was an extra large filet mignon, butterflied, and cooked medium well, more well than medium. Just the way I like it.
I turned to Kellan. “This is my favorite.”
His blue eyes twinkled with amusement. “By the time you get this far, they know everything about you, Will.”
“I don’t know whether to be flattered or creeped out.”
“This time next week I’ll remind you that you said that. We’ll see how you feel by then.”
My plate also held an enormous Idaho potato wrapped in foil. A waiter appeared on my left, grabbed my potato and smushed several times using a pristine white towel. He then opened the foil, cut it down the middle, and asked what I would like from the variety of goodies on his two-tiered condiment server.
“Butter.” He gave me two spoonfuls. “More,” I said and he added another spoonful. “Bacon bits. Cheddar cheese. Little bit of sour cream. Not much. Perfect.”
When he turned away, another waiter took his place. “Green beans almondine, sir?”
“Yeah. Sure.” He scooped them up with tongs and laid them on the platter so that they were photograph-ready.
I was offered several more vegetables, but decided there was enough in front of me already even though my girlfriend could keep me from gaining weight. Yeah. It sounded funny to say that even in my head, but even though that was a perk beyond compare, she couldn’t keep me from being uncomfortable as the result of obscene eating, otherwise known as gluttony.
The men seemed to be chatting amiably over dinner.
“So I’m the guest of honor?” I said to Kellan.
“Indeed you are one of two as you will be again at the end of the year.”
“So what do I need to know about community politics?”
“What do you mean?”
“It hasn’t escaped my notice that you’re more or less in charge.”
Kellan laughed. “Well, I wouldn’t call that politics exactly. Glory and I both like entertaining. I get along with people. They get along with me. It just kind of happened naturally.”
“Naturally.” I repeated. “You just ended up with that castle naturally?” He laughed again. “I know there’s a chance that could have sounded like envy. Believe me, it’s nothing of the sort. I’m wandering around in Rave’s house as it is.”
“Rave?”
“Uh, yeah. That’s what I call her.”
He smiled as he took a bite of his New York strip. “Okay.”
“Anyway I don’t want your house, but I’m curious as to how things work.”
“In a cooperative like this one, things have a way of working out the way they should. People take on tasks according to their own talents and, mysterious as it may seem, everybody ends up liking their role, the way they fit in.”
“Very Utopian.”
“Well, money helps give us the freedom to pursue our own interests. It makes it possible for us to hire phenomenal help who take on the aspects of living that are more drudgery. Not going to lie about it. In many ways that’s the best thing of all.”
I nodded. “Yeah. I see that. Rave has this amazing cook named Angie who makes gingerbread I’d die for. And this guy named Ed. I’m not sure what all he does yet, but he keeps the mud off her Jeep so that it always looks like it’s sitting in a showroom.”
“Somethin’ else,” Raider said from the other side of me. “You know that Bible thing about coveting your neighbor’s wife?”
“The commandment? Yeah. You don’t come from a state like Alabama without hearing about such things.”
“That’s not a problem here. You’re going to find that, no matter how beautiful the other women are, the only one you’re gonna want is your own.” He grinned. “Nice how that works out. Keeps everybody happy. Male and female. Just like it should be.”
“They put a spell on us?”
Kellan and Raider looked puzzled by that, but Kellan answered. “Truthfully I don’t know, but I also don’t care. Happy is happy.” He smiled. “You know what I mean?”
“Well…”
Kellan stood up before I could say more. “Gentlemen, we’re here tonight to welcome two new members to what is, perhaps, the most elite fraternity in the world. Cairn Connelly and Willem Draiocht. By the way, he prefers ‘Will’.
“Tonight they will take the first step which, of course, all of us remember with fondness because it was the beginning of Earth’s best version of a life. In other words, it doesn’t get any better than this.
“The men who are gathered here tonight, your future friends and neighbors, want to extend our hearty congratulations on winning the best prize in the known universe. If you think that’s exaggeration, you’re wrong and will soon know it.”
There was a smattering of laughter and agreement.
“Now I’m going to sit down and let our host say a couple of words about Will.”
Raider stood up, slapped his big right paw on my left shoulder, and said, “I wish I had a recording of what happened when I took the contestants out on the river. As you know, I like to turn canoes over now and then. I think it builds character.
“Well, knowing Will was one of the winners, I took my measure of him and decided he needed a dunking. So shortly after lunch I made my way through the water with him in my sights. Things didn’t go the way I expected. It was like he knew what I was going to do. Just when I was within striking distance, he shoved his paddle under my canoe and tipped me over.”
Raider waited through the gasps and following laughter.
“Yep. There I was in the river. So, on a wild hare, I decided to see what would happen if I pretended I couldn’t swim.” That brought a round of laughter, much louder than the first. I assumed that meant that he was known for being a good swimmer. “So I flailed around in the water and cried for help.”
He stopped and looked at me fondly. “There were twenty four contestants on the river that day. Only one of them jumped in to save me. Willem was pulling off his life preserver when he jumped, so that he could offer it to me.”
Raider shook his head. “That’s why I call him ‘hero’. He knew I was a whole hell of a lot bigger and that I was likely to take us both under, but he didn’t hesitate to step off the canoe and take me on in the water.
“I gotta tell you. I was impressed. Of course that didn’t mean that I could let him get away with dumping my ass in the water. I have a reputation to protect. So I had to dunk him within an inch of drowning.” He smiled at me. “But it was all in good fun. Right, Willem?”
I realized that every eye was on me and waiting for an answer to that question. I hesitated for a second, debating about whether or not to tell the truth. “No, Raider. There was nothing fun about it. If I had it to do over, I’d let you drown.”
Everybody laughed, no one more than Raider.
“Well, I may have to rethink your nickname then, hero.”
When Raider sat down, the guy to the right of Cairn stood up and recounted a couple of references to interesting points in his biography. I was grateful that I’d had Raider to say something more entertaining.
When he was finished, Kellan stood up again. “In a few minutes we’ll be taking the boys to the ready rooms. You know the drill. Make them feel welcome whenever you see them out and about and don’t be surprised if they don’t remember your name at first.”
Kellan sat down and said, “Eat up,” then with lowered voice and a grin. “You’re going to need your energy later.”
I looked at my plate, still half full, and agreed that, whatever was coming next, I didn’t want to be distracted by hunger. That wouldn’t normally be an issue for me. I supposed there must be some magical property in the Wimberley air to put me on the verge of ravenous half the time.
Giving my plate my full attention, I set to work finishing the feast of kings that had been set before me. When my favorite bar man brought me a third drink, Kellan put his arm between Roque and me then shook his head. The drink turned around and went the other way along with Roque.
“Hey,” I said. “I’m on a two-drink maximum?”
“Yes. You’re signing a contract tonight and it’s the most important contract you’ll ever enter into. This is not a frat party hazing, Will. It’s serious as can be and it doesn’t count if you’re not sober.”
“I’m sober!” I protested.
He pinned me with a blue-eyed stare. “As. A. Judge.”
Seeing that he meant what he said, I decided to get on board. “Okay, then. Not trying to cause trouble.”
“Yeah. You say that now, but I can already see that you’re going to try to shake things up every chance you get.”
“Me? No. You got it wrong. I’m not the rebel type.”
Kellan barked out a laugh. “Whatever you say. If you’re done with that plate, we’re moving on to the next step.”
“We as in you and me?”
“Yes. And Raider.”
“Should I expect to be punked?”
Kellan chuckled. “Not tonight. Like I said, this is serious stuff.”
“Okay. So where are we going and what are we going to do?”
“We’re going back to my house, which is where the ceremony will be. You and Raider and I are going to hang out in the east wing with non-alcoholic beverages, while we give you the rundown on what to expect tonight and get you ready.” My eyes flicked from Kellan to Raider and he smiled. “Think of us as your best men. We both asked for the honor.”
“Well,” I said slowly, “thank you. That was nice of you.”
“It’s more than just tonight. We’ll be your backup if you have questions about living with a witch. No matter how enthralling they are, there’s usually a period of adjustment.”
I looked between the two. “I might have some questions about that now.”
Kellan exchanged a look with Raider. “Not surprised. I was kind of expecting that. Let’s go.”
“Rave’s car…”
“It’ll be waiting for you at my front door after the ceremony.”
“Okay.”
Kellan’s ride was a Range Rover custom long-wheel base. Raider rode shotgun and I was in back, but there was enough room to stretch legs out straight. Or to fit somebody Raider’s size comfortably.
The ride to Kellan’s house was less than three minutes. We could have walked. Easily.
“So, Will,” Raider said, “you ride?”
Running through the possibilities of what that might mean from Raider’s perspective, I assumed we were talking motorcycles. “Never have. I’m pretty sure I’d crash into a wall before getting out of first gear.”
Raider lifted one huge shoulder in a shrug. “Happens.”
With that kind of reassurance, I would be changing my status to ‘never will’.
We pulled around Kellan’s massive manor house and entered one of six garage bays at the rear.
I opened the door and stepped out onto a smooth shiny, brick-colored floor that looked like it had been waxed a hundred times.
“What is this?” I said, looking at my feet.
“Oh,” Kellan said, “it’s a kind of new thing. Cool, isn’t it?”
“Yeah, cool.”
Raider had walked on through the back door like he owned the place. I followed the two of them through the house as Kellan extended cordial greetings to every staff member we passed.
“Mr. MacNamee!” someone called. Kellan stopped and waited as an officious-looking man hurried up to him in a tux. “Everything is prepared according to instruction except that there were so many respondents we can’t fit the children’s tables in the main room. We can open the doors to the dining hall so that there’s not a barrier between the children and their parents. Will that work?”
“Who’s supervising the kids?”
“Madame LaBeau.”
“Sure. That will be fine. Kids don’t care if they’re in the main room or not. They just want to be with the other kids.”
“Very good, sir.”
As the man hurried off, I was thinking, How bad can it be if they have children’s tables?
“This way,” Kellan prompted me to follow.
We made our way to a large comfortable study with burgundy leather couches, dark wood floors and walls of built-in bookcases, several Remington bronze statues displayed around the perimeter of the room on pedestals and a bar with Ernest Hemingway-style leather bar stools. Very masculine. Very comfortable.
“Wow. You have a bar in your study.”
“One of the room’s best features, but you’re on sissy beverages until after the ceremony. Raider and I will do the same as a show of solidarity.”
“It won’t bother me if you drink.”
“Well, in that case,” said Raider.
“No.” Kellan gave him a look. “It won’t kill us to be fully lucid for a couple of hours.”
Raider grumbled something unintelligible.
“Would you like water, soft drink, coffee?” asked Kellan.
“Now that you mention it, coffee sounds good. You have a machine back there.”
“Oh yeah. Coming right up.”
“So what do I need to know about the proceedings?”
I sat down on one of the barstools as Kellan began brewing coffee. “Well, as you know, two couples will be giving vows tonight.”
“Vows?” I don’t know why that word alarmed me, but it sounded way too permanent. “I thought this was a promise for a year.”
“It is.” Kellan gave me a funny look, as did Raider. “The vows cover such things as being exclusive with each other and pledging secrecy regarding what you learn about the community.”
“And what is that?”
Kellan set a steaming coffee mug on the bar. “You take cream? Sweetener?”
“Yes. Both, please.”
He set a carton of half and half on the bar along with an assortment of artificial sweeteners, white refined, and brown raw sugars. I dumped raw sugar and cream into the cup, stirred, and carried it to one of the sofas.
“I think you already know the answer to that. Magic is real. It happens here.”
“Succinct.”
“Is that a compliment?”
I laughed. “Maybe.”
“The other couple will go first.” Kellan sat down on the other sofa facing me. Raider sat in an oversized chair that formed part of the conversation area. “They’ll sign their names in their book, recite their vows, snuff out the candle and ring the bell.”
“I heard about that. Frankly, it sounds silly.”
“Think what you want,” Kellan said. “It’s one of the old traditions they’ve kept. I think it makes them feel connected to the past. The old ways.”
Nodding, I took a sip. “You make a good cup of coffee.”
“No trick to it nowadays, but thanks anyway.”
“Raider,” I said, “you seem really quiet.”
“Kellan can talk enough for four people. I’m here to have your back. Not a lot needs to be said about that.”
“Well. Thank you.”
“Don’t mention it.”
“You were saying the other couple will go first?” I asked Kellan.
“Yes. There’s really not much to this. You do need a special outfit. We have your clothes in that bag right there.”
I followed his eyes and saw that there was a black hanging bag. “What’s in there?”
“Black suit. And a hooded robe.”
“Hooded robe,” I repeated drily.
“Yes. You both, meaning you and Ravish, will wear robes with hoods pulled down so that you can’t see each other’s faces until after you’ve spoken the vows. You’ll snuff out the candle, ring the bell, take off the robes that symbolize your former life as individuals then kiss.”
“Sounds easy enough.”
“After that you leave and get on with enjoying your prize while everybody else stays and enjoys champagne.”
“I definitely get the better part of that deal.”
Kellan smiled. Raider sniggered.
“So what insider tips are you going to give me about how to please my prize?”
“Since each prize is different, you’re on your own. Just trust that you wouldn’t have won if it wasn’t the right thing for both of you. You’re a matched pair. You couldn’t stop yourself from loving her.”
“Love?” I might have sounded a tad alarmed. “I’m not promising that, am I?”
“No. There’s no language about love in the vows.” Kellan gave me one of his stone-cold serious looks. I was beginning to be able to read him. “You’re not afraid of love, are you, Will?”
“Afraid? No. I wouldn’t say afraid is the right word. I just don’t think love figures in my future because I don’t think it’s real.”
“I see.” Kellan exchanged glances with Raider. “Well, stranger things have happened in Wimberley.”
“How strange?”
“It would take all the fun out of getting to know the place if we started telling tales.”
“Tales? Or eye-witness accounts?”
“We’ve both seen our share of things we once believed impossible.” Kellan pointed a remote at the wall. Book cases slid back to reveal a giant flat screen TV. “You like sports, Will?”
“Not as much as people who go to games or sports bars, but to an extent, yes.”
“What kind of sports do you like to watch?”
“Hockey. The last ten minutes of basketball. The U.S. Open.”
Raider laughed. “How about canoeing?”
“Well, yeah. I like doing stuff more than watching stuff.”
“We’ve got half an hour to kill before it’s time for you to get dressed. What do you want to do?”
“See what’s on the History channel?”
Kellan grinned. “Okay.”
As it turned out, All Star Pawn Las Vegas was doing a rerun marathon and that delighted Raider.
“This show is great!” he pronounced. “Those guys know everything in the world!”
I’d never seen it before, but by the end, I had to admit I was impressed with how much encyclopedic knowledge the owners could regurgitate at a moment’s notice.
When it was over, Kellan said, “Time to get ready.”
“I’m gonna watch another one,” Raider said.
Kellan handed me the hanging bag, which was a lot heavier than it looked. He opened a door to a large bath with dressing area. “We’ll help you with the robe. Just get yourself into the suit.”
“I guess it’s a sure fit.”
Kellan smiled. “You’re learning. That suit will fit you like it was custom made in Hong Kong.”
With that he closed the door.
I looked at myself in one of the full length mirrors and wondered, for the umpteenth time, if I knew what I was doing. The answer was no. I did not know what I was doing, but it was just a year and it promised to be a much better adventure than the one I’d been on in L.A. Actually that had stopped being an adventure after the first year and become an endless dreary existence of standing in line for auditions that never worked out. Another good reason to promise no more than a year and keep options open.
First things first. I emptied my bladder. Wouldn’t want to interrupt rituals for a pee break.
Black suit. White shirt with classic dress staved collar. Black tie. Black ostrich cowboy boots. Nice touch. I’d never worn cowboy boots before. They were surprisingly comfortable. And everything was a perfect fit.
I ran a hand through my hair. Damn. Ravish was going to take one look and be glad I was the one she was taking home tonight.
I opened the door and stepped back into the study. Raider whistled.
“You clean up nice, Will.”
He reopened the black hanging bag and withdrew the hooded robe. It was a kind of charcoal gray color, made of some kind of fabric that looked old, homespun or something like that. It also looked hot as blazes.
“I’m not going to be very attractive dripping with sweat and red in the face.”
Raider looked amused. “No worries. It’s air conditioned.”
I gave the robe a dubious look. “Air conditioned.”
Raider raised a blonde eyebrow. “Magic.”
It wasn’t that I doubted the unusual things I’d seen and heard since arriving in Wimberley, but it seemed to me that the entire community was suffering from an attack of hyperbole. Perhaps it was a delusion. Who knew how much was really “magic” and how much was coincidence? I mean, anybody could get lucky with the stock market. Right?
One thing was certain. The pull I felt toward Rave was real. I’d been separated from her for a matter of hours and was feeling anxious about it.
“Get that thing on. Kellan will help you with the hood.”
“Kellan will?” asked Kellan. “What’s wrong with you? You’re standing right next to him.”
“I don’t help other men get dressed.” He turned away, then as an afterthought turned back with a twinkle in his sky blue eyes. “Now, if your prizes need help getting dressed…”
“Stop right there,” said Kellan, then he turned to me. “Do not pay attention to this hulk. First of all, if he even thought about looking at another woman, Harmony would turn him into an icicle and hang him from a tree for birds to peck at.”
Ew.
“Second, he’s as devoted to her as if he was born a species that mates for life. Like swans. When he says stuff like that, it’s just his old life bubbling to the surface.”
“Okay,” I said.
Kellan glanced at his watch, then walked over to me. He fastened the loop hook at the neck of my robe, which made it fall into place and drape, um, like magic. Then he pulled the hood over my head.
“Careful not to muss his cute little hairdo,” said Raider.
Kellan gave Raider an irritated look. “Shut up. You’re starting to annoy me now.”
Raider laughed like that had been his goal. “I’m not trying to annoy you, Kellan. I’m trying to annoy him!”
“Well, stop it because your irritating behavior is like a shotgun spray.” Kellan pulled the hood down so that I could see if I tilted my head back a little, but it would be hard to see me with my face in shadow.
“This is ridiculous,” I said.
“It’ll be over soon. Then your prize will be yours and this indignity will soon be forgotten.” I sighed deeply. “Time to go.”
We walked to the room where the ball had been, Kellan in front, Raider bringing up the rear. I focused on the floor since that was what I could see without effort.
Officially Izzy was the family beagle, but Destiny thought of him as hers and Izzy thought of himself as belonging to her. Mostly. Destiny was a little concerned about leaving him alone because he’d been causing more than his share of mischief lately.
She was looking forward to the party. The annual ceremonies weren’t a chore to attend. They were fun. There would be cousins and friends and a riotous good time they would all remember forever. There was no question that she was going, but there was the worry about what Izzy would do if left alone. Then she had an idea she thought brilliant.
“There’s more than one way to skin a cat,” she said to Izzy.
If she’d really thought about that saying, she would have been a little horrified. Witches had stopped skinning cats around the time the real Arthur united a cluster of those barbaric little kingdoms that are now England. Still, some of the language lived on.
Opening her closet, she fetched the step stool, opened it and climbed up to reach her pink rolling Izzy-size suitcase.
“Since you don’t seem to be able to behave yourself, you’re going to have to go to the party with me, in this suitcase. I will leave it unzipped enough for you to breathe, but you’re going to have to stay quiet and still. Understand? If you’re really good, I’ll give you a treat every fifteen minutes.”
Izzy, who had no idea what fifteen minutes meant, looked at her with baleful eyes and sighed. He whined when she put him in the suitcase, but quietened when she gave him a T-bonz treat.
“Shhh. Be good and you’ll get a bunch of those.”
Her parents were curious as to why she was bringing a pink suitcase. So she lied.
“Just stuff I want to show Roslyn and Temerity.”
She lifted the bag into the backseat floor space of her parents’ SUV. When the vehicle started, she reached inside the bag, gave Izzy a couple of reassuring strokes, and a dog treat. It seemed her idea would work out.
There were lots of tables set around the perimeter of the room and more in an adjoining room. It seemed they needed even more space to accommodate the guests. No expense had been spared. Each table featured a gorgeous floral centerpiece that was unique, but still part of the theme incorporating the same flowers, greenery, and ribbons. Each table was also laden with ornate china, crystal that picked up the smallest light, and silver that looked heavy enough to belong at Buckingham Palace.
Guests were dressed in semiformal wear, men in suits, women in cocktail dresses. The prepubescent girls wore frilly party dresses. There were no boys, which seemed odd, but I supposed Rave was telling the truth about witches conceiving girls.
Two tables occupied the space in the center of the room, each displaying a leather-bound book, a candle, a candle snuffer, and a bell. There was so much space left around them that they couldn’t help but command attention. And they would even if each one didn’t have a spotlight shining down on it.
The room was brightly lit with all the chandeliers and sconces on full wattage.
I looked around to see if I could spot Rave. Of course I wouldn’t know which one she was. That thought caused a momentary panic, that I could be giving vows to somebody I didn’t know. Then I remembered that, even if her face was hidden, I’d still recognize her voice. Anywhere.
“Wait here,” said Kellan.
I was standing in a corner with another hooded figure I presumed to be Cairn Connelly and the man who spoke for him at the dinner.
“You’re going first.”
“Yeah,” he said, voice a little shaky.
“Don’t be nervous. It will be over soon and then you’ll be alone with your prize. What’s her name again?”
I could see just enough of his face to know that made him smile. “Deli.”
“Do you know her specialty? Her, uh, magic specialty?”
“Yes.” He smiled again. “She can make it rain. Anywhere. It’s amazing.”
I started to respond, but I felt a tug on my robe. Looking down I saw that it was Destiny wearing a big, beautiful grin. “Hi, again.”
“Destiny. Hi. What’s in the suitcase?”
She motioned for me to bend down then whispered, “Don’t ask.”
I straightened, nodded, and said, “Okay. I like your dress.”
“This old thing?” she said. “My sister looks beautiful tonight. You’re gonna like her dress.”
“No way. Not Ravish. She’s the ugliest girl I ever saw!”
Destiny giggled loudly, but stopped abruptly when the lights went down. “See ya.”
She walked away quickly pulling her little pink bag and looking cute as a little girl could be.
Turning my attention to matters at hand, I lowered my voice and said to Cairn, “Good luck, man.”
“Same to you,” he replied. “Here goes nothing.”
As Cairn and his prize came together in front of their bell, book, and candle, they were two indistinct figures obscured by hooded robes and could have been anyone. The spotlights on the two tables were prominent with all the other lights dimmed.
Guests had left their tables and drawn close to the center forming a tight, crowded circle.
Fortunately, they left enough space so that I could witness the proceedings. A female official in a robe that matched the couple’s stood on the other side of the table and instructed them to sign their names on the first page of the book. Her hood was back so that I could see she was an attractive fiftyish woman.
Surprisingly enough, they were each asked to repeat only one vow.
“For a year and a day, we vow to cleave only unto each other, honor our community, and keep its secrets buried deep in our hearts.”
Deli took the candle snuffer and put out the flame. Cairn rang the bell.
I jumped a little when everyone broke into cheering and applause. It was such a contrast to the quiet and solemnity of the ritual, but at least I knew what to expect.
The couple removed their robes. He wore a suit similar in color to the one I was wearing, but the cut was slightly different. She wore a white cocktail dress that fell to just shy of her knees. If appearances counted for anything, they’d be solid because there was no doubt they were a beautiful couple. Judging by the way they looked at each other, they also believed they were halfway in love.
They left the ballroom with people cheering until they were out of sight.
“Your turn,” Raider said from behind, giving me a slight nudge to the back. Slight in Raider’s terms meant that I lurched forward.
Funny how you think of strange things at strange times. It was in that moment that I realized that I wasn’t hot under all those clothes. Huh. Since I wasn’t prepared to put stock in the notion of magically vented robes, I concluded that they probably planted a hypnotic suggestion that my body would control its temperature.
I walked forward, the hood either covering my face or leaving it in shadow. When Ravish reached my side, she took my hands in both of hers. I didn’t need to hear her voice to know that the robed figure in front of me was my prize. I was already so in tune with her energy that I knew she was mine by touch.
We signed the book and repeated the vow just as the first couple had. It was at that point when madness ensued.
It would appear that one of the little girls, wandering around the house because that was more fun than the party, had discovered Glory’s cat in his carrier in its usual dark and cozy spot under the kitchen island between cupboards. Naturally, the child opened the carrier and released the cat.
Just as naturally, the cat trotted toward the ballroom to appease his curiosity and see what was going on. He entered the room unseen, saw the crowd and took a turn toward the open door and adjoining room, where the kids’ tables were set. That’s when he smelled it. Dog.
Glory had not neutered her cat. So he met the indignation of canine on his premises with all the considerable indignation a tomcat would muster.
Destiny had left her bag underneath the table at her spot in the kids’ room to join the crowd. When Izzy smelled cat, he stuck his nose through the zipper opening to get a better look at what was happening. When the beagle’s head popped out of the bag, the cat was infuriated to learn that he’d been confined while a dog had stowed away with a guest and been brought into his house. He arched his back and let out a long, malicious hiss.
That act of aggression was simply too much for poor Izzy. Without the ability to exercise self-restraint, he immediately shifted into a black bear, simultaneously obliterating the once-cute pink bag, and answering the cat’s hiss with a roar that could be heard for miles.
I heard someone near us ask, “What was that?” just before the crowd parted before the black bear like the Red Sea.
Understanding the smarter part of valor, Rambo ran straight for us with the bear in pursuit. Pulling Ravish well out of the path of Izzy’s alter ego, I watched as the cat jumped up to the first couple’s table then leapt to ours, knocking the candle over, which put it out. The bear followed close behind, stepping on the table cover which dumped everything on the floor, ringing the bell in the process. He was followed by Destiny, yelling at Izzy to stop.
I pushed my hood back then did the same for Ravish. “The candle’s been snuffed and the bell has been rung. So far as I’m concerned, it’s a done deal.”
Rave laughed then shimmied out of her robe revealing a white, low cut, beaded version of what it takes to gobsmack a fella like me.
Following her lead, I got out of the robe and draped it over the nearest chair. “Let’s get out of here,” I whispered in her ear taking her hand and pulling her toward the door.
She nodded enthusiastically. “The car’s out front.”
“I’ll drive.” We ran toward the front door, hand in hand, until I stopped us. “Hold on. The ceremony has to be sealed with a kiss.”
In the hallway between Kellan’s study and the ‘morning room’, I pushed Rave against the wall and proceeded to let her kiss me stupid. I knew it was dumb because my hard-on was bigger than the pants, but that’s what zippers are for.
As soon as I was behind the Boxster’s steering wheel, I said, “There’s nobody at our house tonight, right?” She nodded. “Okay, then.” I unzipped to give my cock room to breathe. I never would have guessed the sight of my engorged penis would be such a turn on for Rave. She stared like she’d never seen male parts before.
“Rave. You alright?”
“You know the way home?” she asked.
“Yeah. I think so.”
“Drive.”
I hit the accelerator but almost wrecked us when she bent over and took the head of my cock in her mouth. I wasn’t sure if I’d just gone to heaven because Ravish was giving me a partial blowjob or if I’d gone to hell because I had to concentrate on driving.
“Rave. Goddamnit. Can you wait?”
She let my dick go with a pop. “You started it.”
So that’s how it was going to be. “Just till we get home. Just wait until we get home. Then I’m all yours.”
“Promise?” She licked her lips which, again, almost had me running off the road.
“Promise. Stay on your side of the car for one more minute. Then I will fuck you into next Tuesday.”
She treated me to her fabulous whore’s laugh and made me even harder. “Holding you to that.”
I didn’t want to bother with the garage so I parked right in front. When the car stopped, she rushed out of the passenger side and up the steps to the porch before I could even turn off the ignition.
Running in after her I started to lock the front door.
“There’s no need,” she said. “No one can come in without my permission, but if it makes you feel better, go ahead turn the lock.”
My hand went from the lock to her waist. If she wanted me to trust her on this, then that’s what she was going to get. I pulled her in tight, my lips targeting hers like a heat-seeking missile, but she ducked away.
“Let’s go upstairs. I don’t want the first time to be on the floor, or the stairs, or against a wall.”
“Okay,” I panted, trying to stuff my dick back into my pants. “You’ve got a one minute head start.”
I heard a tiny shriek of delight before she kicked off her high heels and ran for the stairs. Every impulse to chase was ignited by watching her run away, but I hung back for the full minute promised and used the time to undo my tie and the top button of my shirt.
Not knowing if she could hear me, I sang, “Time’s up.”
I pulled a pink rose out of the arrangement in the foyer and began to climb the stairs slowly. At the top of the stairs, I sang, “Almost there. Ready or not.”
When I stepped inside the master suite, I could see candlelight flickering in the master bedroom. Wow. She’d been busy.
The master bedroom was indeed outfitted with what might have been a hundred white candles. It was, well, magical. But not nearly as magical as the sight of Ravish. She was standing on top of the mattress, hair let down around her shoulders, wearing nothing but a white sheet modestly wrapped around her body in the style of ancient Mesopotamians. I mentioned that I liked social studies in school, right?
I licked my lips, wanting nothing more than to grab the sheet and fall on her like a crazed animal. Apparently she liked what she saw on my face because she smiled with distinct approval. I stalked toward the bed, handed her the pink rose, and pulled her forward toward the edge of the mattress.
“Rave,” I said. A hundred thoughts swirled through my mind, but the only thing that came out of my mouth was her name.
Perched on the mattress she had a height advantage of about twelve inches. She bent her head and kissed me tenderly. When she pulled back, I urged her to loosen her hold on the sheet. The fact that she resisted made me smile and made the experience of tugging on the sheet excruciatingly delicious.
“Let me see, Ravish,” I said. And that was when I learned that I hold a strange power over my prize. I could see by the look on her face that she would do anything I demanded.
The knowledge that I held that power was potent enough to give me an erection that was porn-worthy. But that was nothing compared to what I felt when I pulled the sheet away from her body.
Some women might be surprised to know that men have fantasies, too. We imagine that there is one female in all creation, someone we’ve never seen, who is simply perfection in every possible way. Seeing Rave standing before me naked for the first time was exactly how dumb shepherds must have felt when Venus appeared to them in the altogether.
“Jesus Fucking Christ.” That was the best I could manage as I stared at her breasts.
She smiled seductively as she began unbuttoning my shirt the rest of the way. I ran my hands down her sides, memorizing her body as I reveled in the touch of velvet skin.
I’ll never know where the question came from, but I heard myself ask, “Am I yours?”
She grinned and nipped at my earlobe. “Let’s see.”
All of a sudden I was anxious about what she might think of me. I mean, I knew I had it going on, but I needed Rave to think she’d won her own prize.
She stepped off the end of the bed, shoved my suit coat off my shoulders, pulled the unbuttoned shirt free, and let it drop on the floor by the coat.
She ran her hands over my bare chest and flicked her tongue at my left nipple. I almost came right then.
The belt buckle was too close to the evidence of my arousal and I was beginning to think there could be a significant danger of being as excitable as a fourteen-year-old.
Mother of God.
I did not want to embarrass myself in front of my prize on our first turn around the block. I pulled her hands away thinking that I might calm down a little if I took off my boots. I sat down on the end of the bed. Seeing what I was doing, Rave grasped one boot and tugged. When it came free, it made her tits jiggle in the most delightful way. That did not help me calm down. She repeated the process for the other boot with me watching her breasts like they were going to deliver breaking news.
“Stand up,” she said.
My eyes jerked to hers and locked there as I obeyed her command. She tugged my belt buckle free then pushed my pants and boxers down to my ankles. As she rose, I stepped out of the discarded clothes. She hesitated midrise when she was eye level with my cock. As she returned to a standing position she grabbed for me, enclosing as much as she could in her soft hand. When she gave it a squeeze, I gasped.
I wanted to throw her onto the bed behind her, but was temporarily paralyzed with pleasure. All I could manage was to say, “Kiss me.”
You have to understand that Ravish’s kisses are not just kisses. Each one is a drug that induces a more heightened state of horniness. The second she released my cock, I pushed her backward onto the bed.
Falling over her, I put my arm under her body, around her waist, and pulled her up so that we both had full use of the mattress from head to toe. When I nuzzled her neck, she gasped. I couldn’t help the smile that broke out on learning that she was as easily stimulated. She moaned long and low as I rolled and tweaked the nipple of one perfectly round breast before taking it into my mouth.
Her hands were running over my back. When she began to massage my butt cheeks my pelvis involuntarily rocked forward and I groaned.
I moved my hand down to her pussy. “I’m glad you’re not bare.”
“Bare?” She seemed to be confused. “Oh. There. No. There’s a reason why nature gave us that and one of the reasons is that the hair follicles create extra sen…”
She cried out when my hand slipped gently over her core. I slid a finger deep into the wetness.
“That’s good,” she said. “But I don’t want your finger. I want you, Will.”
“You mean my cock?”
“Yes.”
“No can do, sweetheart. I’m so worked up I’m going to go off like a firecracker the minute I get inside you. Let me take care of you first.”
“Don’t worry about that.” She pushed against my hand. “Just do it. It’s what I want.”
Well, the point of delayed gratification wasn’t to stand on principle. It was to please my prize. She’d asked for a two-thrust come even if it meant that she was more a spectator than a participant. I figured I could make it up to her later.
So I positioned myself at her center as she encircled my waist with shapely legs and pushed in. She was so wet there was no resistance even though the size of my dick was enough to give some women pause. And there it was. Heaven to the hilt. But the strangest thing happened; I didn’t explode on contact, as predicted.
I pulled out slow and raised my head so I could see her face. The emerald green of her eyes glittered with reflected candlelight. Mesmerizing.
“Look at me,” she whispered.
“I am.”
I pushed back in and realized that what I was feeling was the opposite of being out of control. My body was taking direction from my mind, movements controlled and gauged to maximize the experience for both of us.
“Rave,” I said in a voice too deep and gravelly to be my own, “we fit perfectly.”
She grinned. “Told you we were made for each other.”
I made love to her slowly and deliberately for longer than I would have believed possible. When the moment felt right to move faster, she responded with a few encouraging moves of her own and, in the end, we actually experienced that elusive, practically fictitious event, the simultaneous orgasm.
Christ. Good doesn’t begin to describe it. Sex with Ravish wasn’t just sex. It was a transcendent experience.
It was so good that, over the next twelve hours, we experimented with six different positions in six different places: the bath, the kitchen, my study, her closet, the cabana, and the swimming pool. We sat at the kitchen island in white robes feeding fruit and cheese to each other in between sips of Zinfandel wine from their own vineyard in Fredericksburg.
Her eyes flicked to the LED clock on the microwave. “Staff will be arriving in twenty minutes.”
“Nooooooo.” I shook my head in denial. I wanted to stretch the moment into infinity, live there, and never leave.
“You know what they say, all things must pass.”
“Let’s be in denial together.”
She laughed softly. “I’ll go anywhere with you, Will. Even denial.”
She was so perfectly mussed, disheveled hair falling around her face and shoulder in random waves, lips swollen from my kisses, and wearing such a glow I would have sworn I could see auras. At least hers.
“No. We don’t need an alternate reality. The real world is looking pretty good to me right now.”
Sliding off her stool, she put her arms around me for a quick hug and a big smooch on the cheek. “Quick. What do you want to do today?”
“Let’s get a canoe up river, just the two of us, and float down to the taco stand for lunch.”
She laughed. “Will! That’s a perfect day!”
“No, it’s not. A perfect day would be that followed by lots of fucking in our very fabulous bed.”
With a snigger and what might have been a blush, she said, “You’re the best day planner ever.”
We enjoyed a honeymoon in the sense that, for a week or so, we did nothing but plan activities around sex. We were into each other and nothing else really mattered.
When Rave was called to her parents’ house to put a no-shift spell on the beagle, it seemed she had several other magical specialties, I went with her and got to know them better. They were unquestionably accepting of me, which laid the groundwork for a really comfortable relationship.
They apologized for the way our ceremony ended and punctuated that with a glare aimed in Destiny’s direction.
I chuckled and said, “I wouldn’t change it for the world. Not everybody gets their candle put out by a cat and their bell rung by a bear. It was marvelous!”
The entire family looked at me like I should be presented with the keys to the kingdom.
Rave and I went to San Antonio for a long weekend and stayed in the Presidential Suite at the Omni La Mansion Del Rio, which was right on the Riverwalk. She gave me a tour of her favorite historical sights, restaurants, and shopping.
A couple of weeks later we did the same thing in Austin, again staying in the Presidential Suite just a block away from 6th Street. She showed me the capitol, walked me all over the University of Texas campus, and introduced me to the delights of 6th Street music.
It was a whirlwind of new experiences. Believe it or not, adjusting to a super-rich lifestyle is not as easy as you might think. Not that I’m complaining. I’m just saying that it’s strange to know you can have anything you want when you want it.
What I found I wanted more than anything was Rave.
One morning over coffee on the terrace, she got around to asking what I wanted to do… other than her.
I said, “You mentioned going back to school? An ad hoc degree plan concentrating on paranormal studies?”
“Yes.”
“Well, now that I know my way around campus, more or less, I think that if I could get in starting in January, that would be awesome. I don’t even mind that I’ll be an old man by undergraduate standards.”
She scoffed. “I’m going to have to put an ugly spell on you to keep the girls off.”
I laughed. “An ugly spell, huh? Don’t do it. It could affect my grades.”
“What?”
“Everybody is influenced by looks, Rave. At least give me a fighting chance and put an average-looks spell on me. But you don’t have to worry about me being interested in what anybody else has to offer. Right?”
“Yes. I know. I just thought I’d spare UT a few hundred broken hearts.”
“You’re very good for my ego. You know that?”
“You have every right to a nice plump ego, Will.”
So beginning in January, I commuted to school in Austin four days a week. It was a joy because I did it in the Porsche and, if there was any question about whether or not I was flying on the wings of magic, I scored a miraculously impossible faculty parking spot right on campus.
Rave. Gotta love her.
She had offered to get me any kind of car I wanted, but there simply wasn’t any car that felt more ‘me’ than the Boxster. I’m not saying it didn’t get looks when I pulled up to my parking spot, but I was so much older than your typical undergraduate, nobody questioned it.
At the house, my study was updated with the latest tech marvels and life was paradise. I had the time to study what I loved when I wasn’t in bed with Rave, which was a lot of the time. Time spent with her never got old or boring.
When I refused to shop for clothes, my closet began filling up with or without my participation. It probably won’t surprise you to learn that Rave’s taste in men’s clothes was pretty damn good. I don’t think there was a thing I didn’t like, but my uniform consisted of faded jeans, faded tee shirts and handmade to-die-for cowboy boots that probably cost as much as the car. After learning how much I liked them, she filled my closet shelves with ten pairs in every shade and skin imaginable. She called it a birthday present, but the real present was her popping out of a cake as I’d requested.
I found that university, part deux, was a thing altogether different. I was focused. I was glad to be there. And the high grades that had eluded me before seemed almost effortless the second time around. When summer came, I was enjoying school too much to stay away. So I signed up for summer compression classes. Different, but also fun.
Little by little I learned the names of the people in the witch colony. And gradually I noticed that other people began calling my prize Rave instead of Ravish, which pleased me in indescribable ways.
It took months, but Raider eventually talked me into learning to ride a motorcycle. It was terrifying, but I did it. I accused my prize of putting a you-will-not-crash spell on me, but was secretly okay with it if she did.
Kellan introduced me to an old guy named Cravitt who was a metaphysical scholar. It turned out that there were a lot of intersections between the paranormal and the metaphysical. So I enjoyed spending time with him and soaking in his experience.
Rave was fun, intelligent and witty. She knew when to talk and when to let silence speak for itself. She liked the same music and TV shows. It was as good as life gets and I was so fully in the moment, I never felt the end of year creeping closer every day.
Of course everybody in the witch colony who had been there for a while was accustomed to extraordinary events. They were so commonplace that they ceased to be remarkable, but for me, I never lost a sense of wonder about it all.
For instance, one day I told Rave that the sun was blinding in my shower, coming through the east window in the mornings and asked if I could get some glass tinting or something of the sort. When I returned from school a few hours later, I found that there were no longer any east-facing windows in my bathroom, but much larger north-facing windows instead. I found her in the kitchen making a baloney sandwich.
“We could have just gotten shades for the windows in the bathroom.”
“Why do things half way?” She smiled, as she offered half her sandwich to me.
I ate it out of her hand then started nibbling on her fingers while she giggled like a tween.
“One of these days will you explain how you do these things?”
“Will, when you get hungry, you look for food, eat it, and your body processes it into energy. Can you explain that?”
“Sort of.”
“Liar. You cannot.”
“I don’t think magically replacing windows and eating food are comparable.”
“That’s only because you weren’t born with the ability to replace windows. If you had been, you might find explaining it difficult.”
“I’m gonna let that ride for now.” And I did. What difference did the ‘how’ really make?
Another time, when I was hiking with her in the hills, she stopped me and indicated that I should be still. She quietly pulled out field glasses, handed them to me and pointed to a location slightly above and to the northwest of us.
Bringing the glasses to my eyes, I adjusted the focus and began panning to see what was of interest. When I came to the huge mountain lion sunning itself on a flat rock, I know I jumped. The thing was beautiful, magnificent even. It was also terrifying.
Rave whispered, “Time to go,” then the cat disappeared. One second it was there. Then it wasn’t. That also made me jump.
“What the hell?” I lowered the glasses and looked at Rave accusingly.
“He doesn’t belong here. Too many people. I sent him to Big Bend where he’ll be more at home.”
“You sent him? You mean you teleported that huge beast nearly five hundred miles?”
She shrugged, sniffed, and turned away as she began walking back down the trail. “Call it what you want. I poofed him. He was here. Now he’s there.”
“And he’s unharmed?” I hurried after her.
She stopped abruptly and looked a little incensed. “Of course he’s unharmed. What do you take me for?”
“A creature who wields staggering power.”
“And you think I’d misuse it?”
There was no question that she was indignant and no question that I was out of line simply because I was out of my purely human depth. “I’m not saying that. Exactly.”
“We work hard at making sure that nobody abuses their gifts, Will. Anytime you think that of me, feel free to take it to the Council and they’ll begin an inquiry.”
That was new. “The Council?”
“Let’s go home. Have a bath and dinner.”
“No. Wait. What about the Council? Who are they and what do they do?”
She sighed. “Tell you on the drive home.”
I was temporarily appeased, but as soon as we were in the Jeep and on the highway, I started in again like a dog after a bone.
“Council, Rave.”
“It’s a self-governing body set up to insure that the very thing that’s spooking you doesn’t happen. My mother currently serves. If we’re going to live in close proximity to the general population, we have to be sure that our special talents remain in check.”
“What was the catalyst?”
“Sometimes you’re too smart, Will.”
“Not an answer, Rave.”
“Okay. Okay. It was over a hundred years ago. There was a dispute between the colony and the mayor of Wimberley. One of us decided to resolve the dispute in ways that were severely unpleasant for the mayor and his family. She punctuated that with a vague threat that it would be imprudent for any future city government official to oppose the will of the colony.
“Naturally the whole thing made people afraid of us. And we can’t have that. When people are afraid, torches and pitchforks usually follow. Not that torches and pitchforks are a threat to us, but you know, it gets messy. So the colony elders got together and decided on a punishment of banishing, which really is the worst thing imaginable for one of us. They decided that having a regulatory body was a good idea and turned it into a pillar of the community.
“The Council renews perpetually with a constant seven members who are above reproach. If anyone is suspected of doing anything that might create problems for the colony, they’re given a fair hearing and then they’re given the boot.”
“I see.”
“The reality is that purely human residents of Wimberley enjoy all kinds of benefits because of our presence that they wouldn’t have otherwise.”
Purely human?
“Like what?”
“Like super clean drinking water. Just the right amount of rainfall, not too much, not too little. Price control on rents and groceries. Financial support for the schools and hospitals. They’re the best to be found anywhere. Stuff like that. Nobody in Wimberley lives in a cardboard box under a bridge.”
I thought back to the two old codgers who were on the porch of the hotel the day I met Destiny. One of them had said, “She’s one of them.” They’d been amused by my reaction to Izzy’s performance, but they were clearly not afraid. In fact, it was almost said affectionately, like they think of witches as patron saints.
“You think the townspeople know what you are and like having you here?”
“Some know. The rest suspect. Do they like what we do for the town?” She grinned. “Of course. They’re not stupid.”
“I didn’t mean to insult you when I asked if the disappeared cat was okay.”
She pursed her lips and stared at the road. “How are you going to make it up to me?” Slanting her eyes sideways, she gave me the smile I’d come to know as an indicator that she was in the mood for a good licking.
“I’ll buy you chili cheese fries at the tavern.”
“What else?”
“I’ll run you a nice warm bath.”
“What else?”
“I’ll eat you until you scream my name thirteen times.”
That got me a grin. “And then you shall be forgiven.”