~ 13 ~
Detox turned out to be a good idea. Not that I’d admit it to Amy, but the series of cleansing teas and protein drinks actually made me feel less bloated and stupid with grief. Julie even made the quinoa concoctions taste good, following Amy’s guidelines and then adding in her own touches. I couldn’t drink the aloe vera gel stuff, because the smell reminded me too much of Damien. Gabriel.
Whatever.
I moped around most of Friday, obediently eating and drinking what they handed me, and even going on a brisk walk with Ice and Julie—though I flat out refused to run with Amy. They offered to talk and dropped it when I said no, being the good friends they are. Otherwise I stayed in my room, reading novels and trying not to think too hard.
On Saturday, after sleeping in and lying there reading for a while, I looked around my room, my gaze falling on the framed photo of Neuschwanstein castle. Ready for a bit more detox, I got up, pulled on my sweats and began cleaning.
I’d stripped pretty much everything from the walls when Charley rapped on the doorframe.
“Wow,” she said, raising her brows. “Is this healthy purging or self-destructive?”
I looked around at the chaos. “Healthy, I think. I’ve maybe been hanging on to old dreams for too long.”
She gave a little one-shoulder shrug, leaning against the doorway, all long limbs and her hair hanging loose. “Dreams are good, too. I know not all of mine will come true, but I still like to take them out and shine them up once in a while.”
For once, though, I didn’t envy her casual beauty. Charley had her problems, like we all did. “You’ll get there,” I said, “and we can all say we knew you when.”
“I’ll deny it, though.” She cracked a brilliant grin, and I shook my head at her, returning to packing up my box of memorabilia.
“Have you looked at the Missed Connections?”
“No,” I said. “I’m done with that. All part of the Detox My Life program.”
“You should maybe look.”
I stood up and eyed her. “You swore not to meddle.”
She held up her hands, face solemn. “This isn’t meddling. It’s… a nudge. I think you should look, at least.” She pulled her phone out of her bra, thumbed it on and handed it to me.
“Eww, it’s all warm.”
“Baby.”
I snorted, then went still at the ad on the screen.
m4w (Chicago) Marcia.
I screwed up. But I meant it when I said I’m not that guy. I won’t just walk away from you. If you’re ever ready to listen, I’m here, running this ad just in case.
No matter what, I’ll always remember our week together as the happiest in my life.
To the good and the bad, and the best of both.
Yours, in utter effing misery,
G/D
I read it three times. As much as I’d fantasized there might be an ad for me someday from a secret admirer, I’d never imagined this. Finally I handed the phone back to Charley, who watched me with quiet sympathy.
“It’s a really good ad,” she said.
“Yeah.” I shook my head. “I don’t even know what to think, what to believe.”
She tucked the phone away again. “I don’t have any advice. You know me—I wouldn’t have given him another shot.”
I studied her. “But you think I should.”
“No,” she corrected. “I think you should do what you want to do. I just wanted to make sure you saw it.”
“Thank you.”
“The least I could do.” She smiled wryly. “I can vouch, however, that no one would put up with your mother’s shit just for fun and games.”
I winced, remembering. “I am sorry she was a bitch to you.”
Charley shrugged it off. “Good character study. She manages to pack so much insult into ‘don’t you look pretty.’ I aspire to deliver lines like that.”
“She hated Damien, too. Gabriel. Whatever.” It occurred to me to wonder if she would have liked him better as the golden boy. I have ideas. Stuff I’m working on. He hadn’t wanted to tell her the truth, because of keeping the secret from me. “Is he a good actor? Like career good.”
Charley raised her brows. “You bought him as Damien, didn’t you?”
“That’s the problem—I liked Damien. I hate to think he was just some trumped up character.”
“Well, only one way to find that out.”
True.
I thought about it for a while. And finished cleaning my room. I got rid of a lot of it—and even let Amy weigh in on redecorating ideas. Eventually I ended up ordering a new bed set in grays with hints of pink, which helped tone down the rest while still keeping the feel. And I rehung the photo of Neuschwanstein castle, because dreams can be good, too.
Every day I checked the Missed Connections, and every day the ad was still there, just like he’d promised.
Finally, I replied. Because I wanted to. A simple three-word line:
Who is this?