Once they were alone again, Will and Lady Katherine having gone upstairs to check on Lottie, Merry turned to Alex, and the look in her eyes gave him pause.

“What is it?” he asked. Gauging by Merry’s expression it was important.

“I’ve something to ask,” she said, her voice steady, but her manner almost apologetic. “And it won’t be an easy thing for you to grant.”

“Anything,” Alex said, and meant it. He would do whatever she asked. Without question.

Merry stood up straighter and her chin lifted. “I’d like you to let me speak to the dowager. Alone.”

His gut clenched. He’d done his best to keep his grandmother from cornering her since they’d arrived. He knew Lady Wrotham was unhappy with Merry’s presence here, but he’d confronted her about that. And it was obvious in the way she’d studiously avoided Merry that she was trying to abide by his orders to leave her alone.

“I give you my word,” he said, tracing a thumb over the back of her hand, which he still held in his, “her days of riding roughshod over this family are over. She won’t bother you again.”

“I need to make peace with her, Alex,” Merry said, her dark brows drawn with understanding. “I need to put the past behind us so that this family can move forward with no ill feelings among us.”

At that, he couldn’t stop a harsh laugh. “My dear, this is the Ponsonby family. There will always be some sort of ill feeling. It’s too deeply ingrained in the blood.”

But she didn’t laugh with him. “I believe you’ve been too accustomed to the dowager’s—and, yes, your cousin Cassandra’s—unkindness. I will not live like that. And, if you must know, I wish to ensure that your grandmother knows I will never leave you like your mother did. She needs to know from the beginning that I am not the young lady she intimidated into leaving five years ago. I won’t let you go.”

Alex felt the anxiety in his gut turn to admiration for this determined, beautiful woman who stood before him.

Leaning in to kiss her, he told her without words how much her reassurance meant to him. And with her response, she told him she was his.

When he pulled away, she was smiling at him. “What?”

“Thank you for agreeing,” she said. “I know it’s difficult for you to let me go alone. But it’s something I have to do. For myself as well as for our future.”

“You don’t need my permission,” he said with a slight shake of his head.

“No,” she said in agreement. “But I wanted your blessing. Because despite what she’s done, she’s still your grandmother. The dowager Lady Wrotham. And I know your instinct is to protect us both.”

He didn’t disagree with her.

“When will you go to her?” he asked, slipping his arm through hers.

“I believe I’d like to get this interview over with as soon as possible,” she said with a crooked smile. “Wish me luck.”

And with a kiss on his cheek, Merry withdrew her arm from his and, head held high, left to fight this particular battle alone.

* * *

Despite her declaration to Alex that she was determined to confront his grandmother, Merry felt a flutter of butterflies in her stomach as she stepped into the sitting room where the dowager was holding court. The ladies, among them Lady Willowvale and Mrs. Northman, were all sewing, though the dowager was the only one with a frame before her. Merry could see as she approached that it was an intricate floral pattern—the sort that would bring her to frustrated tears within minutes of placing the first stitch.

“Miss Parks,” the dowager said, without looking up from her sewing. “I see you’re recovered from last evening’s adventures. Such an odd start for Miss Delaford. I’m sorry to say I was unaware of her ill temper when I invited her here.”

Then, to Merry’s astonishment, she added stiffly, “I am pleased to see you looking fit. And that Lady Katherine and my great-granddaughter were unharmed as well.”

Merry felt the avid stares of the room’s other occupants, as if they were watching a tennis match and waited to see her return the ball.

She gave a curtsy. “Thank you, my lady. I am recovered, and also pleased that Lottie and Lady Katherine seem none the worse for wear.”

The other women turned to the dowager, who finally raised her eyes from her needlepoint frame and gave Merry a searching look. Reading the expression on Merry’s face correctly, she said to her coterie, “Pray excuse us, ladies. Miss Parks and I have a few matters to discuss about this evening’s entertainment.”

Looking disappointed, the ladies gathered up their sewing things and filed from the room, expressing their sympathies for Merry’s ordeal in the icehouse as they went. As Mrs. Northman approached, Merry was surprised to see a look of regret on her face. “I didn’t say so before,” she said quietly, “but I’m sorry for what I said the other evening. It was badly done. I can only say that I was unaware of the truth of the situation and my protective instincts for Wrotham had been raised.” She gave a glance in the dowager’s direction. Then, facing Merry again, she said, “I’m pleased to see you are unharmed. My cousin would be very unhappy if you’d been injured. And he is a good man.”

With that, Mrs. Cassandra Northman gave her a pat on the arm, and left the room.

When she was alone with the dowager, Merry approached the older woman with a feeling of mixed agitation and dread. This woman was responsible for the greatest unhappiness of Merry’s life. And yet, she was also the grandmother of the man she loved. Without her, Alex wouldn’t exist. And for that, at least, Merry was grateful to her.

“Don’t stand there dallying,” Lady Wrotham said wryly. “I won’t bite. Come have a seat over here. I know you do not sew, but you may untangle some of these skeins of thread for me.”

Merry knew it was at once a set down and a bit of a peace offering, so she sat beside the matriarch and took up what turned out to be quite a tangled knot of variously colored flosses.

“I am quite hopeless at keeping my threads separate,” the dowager admitted with a sideways look at Merry. “Though I do like for everyone to think I’m perfect, I do, in fact, possess some flaws.”

That was a conversational trap if ever Merry had heard one, so she kept silent, following the line of dark green thread through the tangle in silence.

“You may as well say whatever it is you came to say,” the dowager said, sitting back from her sewing frame at last. “My grandson has already read me a towering scold over my actions five years ago. It only needs your input to put that business behind us.”

This interview was not at all what Merry had expected. She’d been prepared for coldness and recriminations. Not this pragmatism.

But she, too, wished for the events of the past to be laid to rest.

“What you did,” she said, turning to face the lady beside her, who was smaller than Merry remembered, “was inexcusable. I was preparing to marry your grandson, and in bullying me to leave him, you harmed us both. Almost beyond repair.”

There was silence between them for a moment, as the two women looked at each other. Merry’s face was grim, the dowager’s searching.

“Is that it?” the dowager asked. “I expected more spirit from you, gel. Are you not the same chit who charged into Wrotham House in London with an infant in tow? Where is that fire, I wonder.”

“You and I both know what you did, Lady Wrotham,” Merry said tartly. “I see no reason to belabor the point. I am here because I know that despite what you’ve done to manipulate the circumstances of Alexander’s life—what you did to force his mother away, how you ended my attachment to him—he loves you. And I wish for him to have you in his life. You are, for better or worse, his grandmother.”

The dowager smiled a little. “That’s somewhat better. But I believe there is something I should tell you, Miss Parks. Something I haven’t even told my grandson. It’s time for the truth, though I did think it better at the time to let him believe some untruths.”

Merry frowned. Was she to be treated to some false tale of the dowager’s heroism, she wondered.

“My grandson believes,” Lady Wrotham said, her green eyes—so much like Alex’s—shadowed with pain, “that in addition to my son’s detestable behavior, I contributed to make his mother’s life difficult here, causing her so much unhappiness that she left this house without taking him.”

Since this was true according to what Alex had told her, Merry nodded.

“What he does not know,” the dowager continued, “is that my reasons for doing so were, despite what they appeared to be, an effort to remove her from my son’s immediate proximity.

“You see,” she said, “I knew long before they married what Edward, Alexander’s father, was. He was a cruel, spoiled boy and he grew up to be a cruel, spoiled man. His father was good, but he died when Edward was a child and wasn’t there to offer him the strong hand he needed. And I fear that the loss of my dear husband led me to dote on him. My daughters were older, and not as defiant. But Edward was born with high spirits. And I indulged them, thinking he would grow out of them. But he did not.

“When it came time for him to marry, I knew that his choice of bride was essential to ensuring that in marriage, at least, he could conduct himself with some restraint. However, before I could even present him with some ladies who were spirited enough to stand up to him, he’d already compromised a Miss Fairbanks, Alex’s mother.”

“I’d never heard that,” Merry said quietly. “Would it not have been gossiped about?”

The dowager shook her head. “You have a great deal to learn about the powers of the nobility to cover up those scandals they wish to keep secret. It was easy enough to turn the story from one of compromise to one of impetuous young lovers too swept away by their emotions. They were married by special license and the tawdry tale turned into one of romance.”

“Does Alex know this?” Merry asked, suddenly realizing what this might do to his own perception of himself.

“I’ve never told him,” the dowager said with a shake of her head. “But his mother may have said something during his trip to France. It’s not quite as bad as it sounds. I do believe she was genuinely in love with Edward and he with her. And they were happy for a time. Before his temper got worse

“By the time Alexander was eight or nine, however,” the dowager continued, “his father’s temper had got the better of him too many times to count. And though Alex was away at school, his mother was here and an easy target for my son’s anger. When I saw that the Sheringham’s dancing master had taken an interest in her, I admit I encouraged it. Because I believed that he might be able to get her away from Edward. I did what I could to help her. She was far too miserable to take the reins of the household. So I did that for her. At the same time, I admit that I was cruel to her. But it was with a purpose. I wanted her to leave.”

“Because you wanted her safe,” Merry said. She realized that her understanding of the dowager’s character was altering. Was she being manipulated herself? She considered it, but dismissed the notion at once because the dowager’s words had a ring of truth to them. “Why didn’t you simply have Lady Wrotham sent away somewhere? Or let her take Alex with her?”

“My son would never have let her go if she’d taken Alexander. As Edward’s son and heir, Alexander was far more valuable to him than a mere wife. If she left with another man, Edward might be jealous, but he was hardly going to advertise the fact that he’d been cuckolded. So, when she left, he did nothing. There were some rumors about her affair, but not enough to last for very long. And not long afterward, he died himself.”

“Did you not invite her to return?” Merry asked, thinking that Alex might have reunited with his mother long before if only the dowager had acted.

“By that time, it was widely known she’d left with her lover,” Lady Wrotham said. “It wasn’t on the tip of all tongues, but if she’d returned, married to the man who’d spirited her away, the talk would have reignited. And Alexander would have been forced to defend his mother’s honor at some point. I wasn’t willing to risk his life on the dueling field. He’d already endured enough hardship by then.”

Though Merry was inclined to agree that she wanted Alex safe, she thought perhaps there would have been some way to do that and let his mother figure into his life again. But that was long in the past. She wanted, now, to know about the dowager’s actions five years ago.

“You obviously care for your grandson,” she said with puzzlement. “So, why did you ruin his chance at happiness with me?”

At this the dowager looked down. “I know it seems unforgivable from your perspective,” she said. “But I was trying to protect him. You see, his father’s marriage was one between unequals. His mother was not from a distinguished family. Which is something that Edward pointed out to her every chance he had. Though Alex is nothing like his father, I feared that marriage to someone—even someone he seemed to love—who was not on the same level as he was socially might lead him to become angry at his choice later on. And I couldn’t risk it. Not for him, whom I loved, and not for you, whom I had only just met and didn’t wish to see trapped into such a marriage.”

Merry was stunned. “But you just said that Alex is nothing like his father. Did it not occur to you that in separating us, you were finding a solution to a problem that did not, in fact, exist?”

“My dear, I’d lived through the horror of my son’s marriage with him, and I was not willing to take the chance. Especially when it came to Alexander’s long-term happiness. I realize it is difficult to understand, but at the time, I thought I was doing the right thing.”

“And what of Cassandra?” Merry said. She was torn between sympathy for the dowager and anger over her continued meddling. She might have had good intentions, but there was the saying about the road to perdition.

The dowager flushed. “That was a misstep on my part,” Lady Wrotham said with a look of shame. “In my defense, you’d only arrived that afternoon, and I could see that Alexander was already becoming attached to you again. I thought if I embarrassed you into leaving, you’d go before things became too serious between the two of you.”

Before Merry could respond, the dowager surprised her by turning to take Merry’s hand. “I was wrong, Miss Parks, I know that now. I cannot deny the happiness I see in my grandson’s eyes when he is with you. I still have fears that your marriage might have difficulties, but it is obvious that you still love one another. Even after the years apart.”

She showed eyes bright with unshed tears to Merry. “I give you my word that I will not interfere with your lives again. Though he’s not made any announcement, I’m quite sure that my grandson will ask you to marry him soon. And when he does, it will be, wanted or not, with my blessing.”

* * *

When Merry finally emerged from the dowager’s sitting room, Alex was fit to burst with curiosity.

He’d expected the conversation to be brief, and for Merry to emerge triumphant but subdued.

Instead she’d been closeted with Grandmama for the better part of an hour, and there hadn’t been any shouting or, really, any raised voices at all.

“Have you been waiting here this whole time?” she asked as she closed the door behind her.

He scanned her face for some sign of what might have transpired, but he could find none.

Deciding the hallway beyond the dowager’s door was not the proper place for him to conduct this interrogation, he led her farther along, toward her own sitting room.

Once he’d pulled her inside and shut the door, he backed her against it and kissed her breathless.

When he finally pulled away, her eyes were laughing. “What was that for?”

“I was nervous on your behalf,” he admitted with a twist of his lips. “I have faith in you, but I know the dowager can be difficult. And you asked me to let you go alone, so I did. But that didn’t mean my poor nerves were sanguine over the meeting.”

Merry’s smile sent a jolt of affection mixed with desire through him.

“I thank you for your concern,” she said, resting her arms on his shoulders as she joined her hands behind his neck. “But as you can see, I survived.”

Then, her eyes turned serious. “I learned some things I’d like to tell you, however.” She kissed him swiftly, then took him by the hand and led him to her settee.

He listened intently as she told him what his grandmother had said. As she spoke, he felt a sense of disbelief mixed with sadness and frustration wash over him.

Finally, she concluded her tale by explaining what the dowager had said about their lives now.

“It’s incredible,” he said, resting his head against the curved rosewood of the settee’s back. “Why did she not tell me all of this years ago? Obviously she didn’t wish to say why she’d got rid of you. But the business with my mother was decades ago. She could have divulged all of this before I left for France.”

Merry squeezed his hand. “I believe, though it seems mad to say it, that she was afraid of how you’d react. You seemed happy enough. And you’d settled into your somewhat combative relationship. And she didn’t wish to stir up things.”

“But I might have had a happier relationship with her for all these years,” Alex said, frustrated by the whole situation.

“I believe she accepted your anger as some sort of punishment,” Merry said. “Though she’d done so for good reasons, you were still without your mother. And without a wife. She tried to make amends by bringing you potential brides whom she thought would suit you, but you, my dear man, are stubborn.”

“And I was already in love with someone else,” he pointed out, turning to look at her.

“There is that, as well,” she agreed with a smile.

“I know I’ve said I didn’t care,” Alex said, “and I don’t, but what was it that my grandmother said to you to make you leave? I’ve wracked my brain and cannot conceive of what it can have been.”

He watched as Merry’s expression turned sad. “She told me that you would come to hate me. Because I wasn’t your social equal.” She looked down at her hands. “I might have stood firm against any other blandishments. I wouldn’t have believed it if she’d told me you were in love with someone else, or didn’t care for me. But the notion that you might one day come to despise me for not being your equal? That frightened me. Because I’d seen such unequal matches disintegrate before. And I could endure anything but your hating me. So I left, thinking that if you hated me for leaving you, at least it would be better than having you hate me for something I had no control over.”

Unable to stop himself, he gathered her in his arms, realizing again how much he’d almost lost. He knew now that his grandmother had thought her reasons for encouraging Merry to leave were well-founded, but that didn’t make up for the five years of pain and loneliness he and Merry had endured as a result.

“I could never, in a thousand years, hate you,” he said into her ear. “No matter what you might do.”

“I didn’t know that,” she whispered. “And I was so afraid. I couldn’t bear it, Alex.”

They pulled away then, though Alex kept her hand in his. Unable to be in the same room and not touch her.

“It didn’t take long for me to realize that I was wrong,” Merry said sadly. “But by that time, too much time had passed. And I didn’t want to risk upending whatever kind of peace you’d found in my absence. It wasn’t fair for me to come slinking back to ask for forgiveness once I’d hurt you.”

He would have welcomed her with open arms, no matter how much pain he’d felt, but Alex didn’t dare tell her that now. It would make her sacrifice—and it would have been a sacrifice—seem pointless. And he had a very strong suspicion she’d already come to that realization on her own.

They sat silently for a moment. Side by side, contemplating the past, and on Alex’s part at least, the future.

It was time, he decided.

But before he could move, she spoke again.

“This is the first year I can recall that I’ve not spent Christmas with Papa,” she said with a bit of sadness. “I know I’m often resentful of the way he’s taken me for granted. But I don’t know how I could have survived these past years without the escape my work gave me from thoughts of you.”

Alex couldn’t help himself. He turned and took her face in his hands. Kissing her.

“There’s no shame in missing your father, Merry,” he said when he’d pulled away. “You’re close. No matter how distracted he is by his studies. He is your family. And I will welcome him here if that is your wish.”

Her blue eyes lit with pleasure. “Yes, I would like that.”

She shook her head, as if unable to believe her good fortune. “To think only last week I was quaking in my half boots at the idea of confronting you. It had been five long years since I’d seen you, but I was determined to see you for Lottie’s sake.”

“And this week?” he asked, almost afraid to hear what she said, though he knew that was foolish. It must be the ring in his pocket making him nervous, he thought wryly.

“And this week,” she said, leaning in to kiss him. “I am in your arms and looking forward to a lifetime with you.”

He couldn’t have stopped the triumphant grin that lit his face then even if he’d tried.

Still, he did pull away, which made Merry’s smile falter.

“At least, I believe that’s what will happen,” she said, a line appearing between her brows. “Isn’t it?”

Deciding it was now or never, Alex stood, then dropped to one knee before her.

* * *

At first Merry thought something was wrong. Her mind interpreted Alex’s drop to his knee as distress for precisely three seconds before the significance of his kneeling before her made her heart beat faster.

It was really happening, she realized. She’d thought she’d thrown away all chances at happiness when she left this house five years before. But she’d been wrong. She’d underestimated herself and this dear, dear man who, despite her foolish fears, had given her another chance.

It was all there, shining in his green eyes. His love as plain to see as the glint of gold in his hair. Despite her vow to remain calm, she felt her eyes well with emotion.

“Merry,” he said, taking her hand. “My dearest, darling girl. I asked you to marry me once before and you said yes.”

Her heart caught in her throat at the reminder.

But his next words reassured her.

“It’s taken years, and courage on both our parts to find our way back to one another, but now that you’re finally here where you belong, please allow me to tell you how much I adore you. I love your generous heart, your brilliant mind, but most importantly, your patient soul that waited for me to find my way back to you.”

Tears made it difficult for her to see his dear face clearly, but she heard his next words as clear as a bell.

“Will you consent to be my wife, Miss Merry Parks?”

“Yes, you foolish man,” she said, pulling him to his feet and covering his face in teary kisses.

They spent several minutes murmuring nonsense and kissing until Alex pulled away with a gasp. “I almost forgot,” he said lifting her hand and slipping the sapphire over the first knuckle of her ring finger. “With this Christmas ring, I thee betroth . . .”

She giggled. “I’m not sure that’s even the proper grammar. Wouldn’t it be . . .”

He stopped her mouth with a kiss. “We’ll have a lifetime for you to school me in grammar, Miss Parks. We are celebrating now. There’s no need for grammar.”

“Not even for me to tell you I love you?” she asked, resting her head on his shoulder. She felt the weight of the ring on her finger and smiled. It was nice to have a solid reminder that none of this was a dream. That this was happening, At long last.

“Maybe for that,” he amended softly, his solid arms holding her against him. “If grammar is the price I must pay to hear you say you love me, I’ll allow it.”

“Good,” she said into his ear. “For I mean to tell you I love you for a lifetime.”