Chapter 17

The penthouse was nothing like how Tyson’d imagined. It was cold and hard, lacking in color and decoration. A bit like Emily’s office, which came as a surprise considering he’d seen Birdie’s when she’d grabbed her laptop that evening before Aspen, and he'd seen it had been warmly decorated.

He guessed that, and the amount of boxes everywhere, was a testament to how little time she spent here. A notion that saddened him.

He worked long hours, that he'd admit to, but he also knew how to play. Knowing Bernadette and how dedicated she was, he knew that playing was a word that no longer existed in her vocabulary.

He’d napped for a while, loving the feel of her in his arms as they rested. To himself, he'd admitted that having her there was something he'd feared he'd never experience again. This past week had been an eye-opening experience, one he didn't want to repeat. But, even though the only place he'd wanted to be was with her, after a few hours' rest, he’d awoken and rather than disturb her, he’d decided to leave her there to carry on sleeping.

Heading to the kitchen, he’d made himself a coffee, and had taken a seat at the breakfast counter to check over his emails.

Gill had been relatively sympathetic to his plight this week, mostly because Karen had called him, and he’d been the one to mess things up with him and Birdie.

When he’d informed his boss that the reason the deal wasn’t going down was because Gill had divulged his location to Karen, Gill had been kicking himself ever since. Though the reason was the intrusion of his personal life into his business life, Gill recognised that his interference was at the root of the problem. If he'd left it to Tyson, Karen would never have known about Aspen, and more importantly, to Gill at any rate, Hedonist Central would have a contract with Grafix.

“Why the fuck did you tell her anyway?”

His boss had grimaced when Tyson had yelled that at him; too hurt over what was going down with Birdie to care that the man held his job in his hands. “She cried, man. What else was I supposed to do?”

Tyson had blinked. Was it seriously as easy as that? Karen had shed some crocodile tears and had managed to ruin everything he had with Birdie as a result?

The notion still had his gut clenching today, two days after the argument with Gill.

As he checked his emails, he managed some of the work that had cropped up in his absence. Making a few calls, he found a pad of paper and a pen in a drawer and handled some issues that were more urgent.

He had time to kill anyway, why not work until Birdie was awake?

It was when he was on the phone with a client in China that she made an appearance. She’d changed from her ‘power’ suit of earlier; a neat pencil skirt and jacket in a bright, fire engine red that did wonderful things to her ass and tits and managed to augment the hints of auburn in her hair. Instead, she was back in yoga pants and a loose tee.

A sight he’d grown accustomed to seeing in Aspen.

Their eyes caught and held, and she ducked first as she headed into the kitchen and looked in the fridge.

As he finished up with his client, she dragged out a box of take out from the fridge. The faint smell of fish and soy sauce came to him, and hunger pangs stirred in his belly.

When he cut the call, she murmured, “I didn’t know you spoke Mandarin?”

“I spent a year there a while ago.”

“You did?” Her eyes caught his in surprise as she stopped pulling trays and boxes out of the larger carry out to look at him.

“Yeah. While I was at college.”

“Wow.”

He grimaced. “Don’t be too impressed. It wasn’t easy.”

Birdie sighed. “Nothing good ever is.”

He froze at that, then watched as she dished up several pieces of sushi onto two plates. She shared out some pickled ginger, wasabi, and soy sauce into the containers provided, then perched them onto both dishes.

“Do you want to eat here or at the table in the dining room?”

He shrugged. “Wherever you’re more comfortable.”

He had to admit, he was surprised she was willing to share food with him. Breaking bread had to be a good sign, didn’t it?  

She grimaced. “To be honest, the kitchen is probably the most unpacked room in the apartment.”

“Then here’s where we’ll stay,” he said easily, nodding at her in thanks as she handed him a pair of chopsticks.

“I wasn’t sure if you’d still be here when I woke up.”

Her hesitant words had his chopsticks hovering over the plate of sushi. “Why do you think I’d have left?”

Her mouth quivered as she took a seat. “Because I treated you poorly and believed a woman I didn’t know at all over you.”

He closed his eyes, relief unfurling through him. “You mean that?” His throat felt suspiciously thick. For reasons he didn't wish to explore.

She whispered, “I’m sorry, Ty. She played on my insecurities, and I let her.”

He turned to her. “I swear to you, I never called you a fat bitch or Em a dyke. Never.”

Her lips quirked up ruefully. “I thought she’d been to talk to you.”

“She did. Two nights ago. She agreed to help us.”

Birdie let out a shuddery breath. “I know. You wouldn’t have been there if she didn’t believe you.”

“Gill told Karen where I was staying, Birdie. Not me. And I had no idea she would still be in town. I thought she’d have grabbed the first flight here, not hang around in Aspen.”

Bernadette shrugged. “It doesn’t matter. She was jealous. I knew that. You’d have to be blind not to, it was just… I wanted so badly to believe you when you told me I was beautiful, but years of hearing the opposite made it so easy to believe Karen instead. Plus,” she admitted ruefully, "both of you suit each other. You look like you could be models."

Hurt hit him square in the chest. He reached over and cupped her chin. “You are the most beautiful woman in the world. To me. And that's all that matters. You’re sexier than I can handle,” he said ruefully. “Everything about you was made for me, Birdie. Can’t you see that?”

Her lips trembled, and she tilted her head into his hand, letting him support the faint weight. “I’m learning to,” she whispered softly.

“Good,” he retorted. “It bothers me how you second guess yourself, Birdie. You’re fucking stunning. Why can’t you see that?” Then, he shook his head. “In fact, why am I even asking that. You’re a woman. You always second guess how you look.”

She bit her lip as they trembled harder. “I’m fat,” she told him, ducking her gaze so she could hide from him. Fuck, he was tired of that.

He never wanted her to hide from him.

If anything, he wanted her warts and all. Every flaw and imperfection exposed to him, because he knew that was the only way this would work - and it would work. Of that he had no doubt in his mind. But, for it to function properly, they had to share. He had way too many flaws and imperfections of his own for him to feel like he was the only one whose shit didn’t stink.

“No. You’re not, dammit. You’re sexy and curvy, and so much more than I can handle. Every inch of you is goddamn perfect. I wish you could see yourself through my eyes. Because,” he confessed, “If you did, I swear to God, you’d be wet all the time. Just like I’m hard. Whenever I’m around you. It doesn’t even matter when you’re dressed up for work or a night out, or even in your ratty yoga pants. Everything about you turns me on, Birdie. How can’t you see that?”

Birdie swallowed. “You’re the first person who has ever thought that.”

“I doubt that. But…surely I’m the only one who goddamn counts,” he said gruffly, his possessiveness where she was concerned rearing its ugly head.

The sigh she sucked in had him staring at her in concern, fear that she didn’t like that side of him putting him on edge.

“Do you know how happy you made me in Aspen?” she asked softly, the question coming out of nowhere it seemed.

He frowned. “No. Not particularly. I knew you were having a good time.”

Bernadette’s snort had his lips twitching. “You never did know how to BS, did you? Jesus, you’re such a guy sometimes.”

“Why would I? I’ve never had to bullshit with you. That’s not how we work,” he retorted. It was one thing he loved about her.

“What I’m trying to say is… I haven’t felt so happy, so at ease, and so at peace since…” She closed her eyes. “Since you left. You’ve always been able to do that to me, Ty. Make some part of me, deep inside, so content to be with you that I forget everything else. I mean, I didn’t even care about Grafix, and that’s literally my life’s work. Do you realize how much power that gives you over me? That you literally can make or break my happiness?” she cried.

He stared at her, stunned by her admission. “I guess it’s only fitting that we’re on the same page where that’s concerned,” he told her, realizing the truth of that as the words slipped from his lips.

“I thought you couldn’t BS,” she snapped.

“I’m not bullshitting,” he snarled. “You think you’re the only one who’s at peace here? I never thought about it before, Birdie. Fuck, I’m a man. We don’t think about shit like that. We don’t second guess ourselves. We just take white as white and black as black. But you’re right. In Aspen, for the first time in forever, it felt like I could breathe.”

The breath she sucked in now had his eyes snatching to hers. He saw the wonder buried in them, then she dampened it and her response to his admission. “Okay, so if you can understand that… can you also understand why hearing what Karen had to say, even if it was stupid and immature, could hurt me like that?”

“Of course, I can.” He wasn’t a total fool. “But, you have to bear in mind that you ran. You didn’t tell me what or who had hurt you, Birdie. How am I supposed to make things better if you don’t tell me what’s going on?”

She winced at that. “You’re right. Looking back, I see how immature that was. But you were the source of the pain, Ty. I had to run away from that and you. It was like being kneed in the balls. If I had any.”

“I’m really grateful you don’t,” he slipped in.

Bernadette rolled her eyes at his quick interruption, but her lips twitched in response. “I didn’t believe her. I couldn’t. Being around you was as easy as being around you back in high school. That had to mean something, I told myself. And then, maybe not even being called a fat bitch, but the fact she knew Em was gay when she only came out to me herself maybe a few months or so before you left… it just hit me where I was weak… But then, I am weak where you’re concerned, Ty. I always will be. You have the power to hurt me so bad, and when I figured that and what she’d said, I just couldn’t deal. I had to get out of there. I had to protect myself. I already knew what it felt like when you went away. I couldn’t deal with that again. I just couldn’t… not when we were a thousand times closer because of what we’d been doing to each other.”

“Fucking each other’s brains out,” he said huskily. “Exploring every inch of each other’s bodies until I didn’t know where you ended and I began.”

“Stop! Please,” she breathed, her eyes fluttering shut.

He reached for her hand, curling his fingers over hers and squeezing, loving the intensity of her response. How she could react so ferociously to his words. “I knew Em was gay a lot longer before you probably did, Birdie.”

Her eyes flashed open. “What? She didn’t tell you. I know she didn’t.”

He shook his head. “Of course not. But…” He grimaced. “This is going to make me sound such a dick but… nearly every girl in class was drooling over me. She never did.”

“So you did know I was hot for you!” Bernadette cried.

Tyson scowled at her. “No. Of course not. It wasn’t like that with you.”

Her mouth dropped open. “If you say I was like one of the guys, I’ll stick this fucking chopstick in your eye!”

“No! Dammit, no. Look. Let me try to explain something I’ve never really thought about myself.” He licked his suddenly dry lips, and had no choice but to reach for the water bottle he’d grabbed earlier, and take a sip. “You were…” He sighed. “Everything, Birdie. I wasn’t looking for that from you, because you were everything I needed to stay sane. It was like… you were my safe haven. The rest of the chicks looked at me, but they saw the face. You know? The jock. The cool kid. They didn’t know the shit that was going on inside my brain. They didn’t even know I hated football.”

“I didn’t know that either,” she inserted sadly.

“No, but think back… you knew I was unhappy, didn’t you?”

A retrospective cast came over her features and he knew she was looking back into the past. Slowly, she nodded. “I did. Yeah.”

“How?”

“You were the life and soul of the party but it was never in your eyes. You always looked tired. You never seemed to be able to work up much enthusiasm with me. Like…”

“Like I could be myself around you,” he pointed out softly. “You didn’t need me to be jacked up. You just wanted me. It didn’t matter if I was down, you still sat with me. It didn’t matter if I didn’t want to talk, you just understood me.”

“I sound like such a drip,” she moaned, covering her face with her hands.

“No!” His snarl had her jolting, and he reached for her wrists and pulled them down so he could stare her in the face. “You read me, without even knowing you were doing it. You saw the real me, Birdie. Can’t you understand the power you had over me? I didn’t have time for sex, Birdie. That’s the God’s honest truth. I didn’t lose my fucking V-card until I was in college, dammit. Until I was away from my micro-managing father who had every minute of my goddamn day scheduled months in advance.”

“I was tired, you’re right. Too tired to do more than think about sex. Sure, girls offered, but do you even remember me going on a date with them? That couldn’t be a part of my life at that point. My dad was too controlling. Too into every aspect of my day. I knew the shit he’d give me for dating, so I just blocked it out. I knew I had to do that anyway because he already saw you as a threat. If I’d let things develop between us, which, if I’d had a normal fucking childhood, would have been a given, he’d have done everything in his power to destroy what we had. Hell, he’d have transferred years earlier. His girlfriend, be damned, I’m sure.”

“When dad said we were moving, nothing else mattered but losing you. I had to shore myself up inside to make the move, and every time you sent me a letter, you were so accepting of the fact I was being a dick, it just rammed home what I was missing by not having you there.” He gulped. “I think, even though I wouldn’t have been able to put it into words back then, I recognized you were my soulmate.”

He saw her chestnut eyes start to glisten. “You really mean that?”

He scrubbed a hand over his face. “I really do.” Tyson cleared his throat, feeling how thick it was, and knowing that she wasn’t the only one whose eyes were wet. “It doesn’t excuse me for being a dick to you. You deserved so much better, and I think I knew that, because it made me want to steer clear from you all the more. Every letter you sent that I ignored, just confirmed that you deserved so much better than me. I was too messed up, Birdie. Too busy hating on my dad and what he wanted for me to see you. Properly.”

Her bottom lip trembled. “Do you see me now?”

“Like I’ve been short-sighted all my life and suddenly, someone gave me glasses,” he said gruffly, but his teasing comment had her lips twitching. “I see you in all out Technicolor, baby girl. I did the moment I walked into that office. I never expected to see you there, and the minute I did, I knew it was you. You had me torn up in knots from the first.”

“But, let me explain. The other girls in class were interested in me, but Em wasn’t. It made me realize she was different. I didn’t think about ‘how’ different. Not until Randy Connors came onto her and she blanked him. He was pissed and his feathers had been ruffled, so he called her a dyke. I didn’t say anything aside from breaking his fucking nose, but I realized he was right. She was. She wasn’t like the other girls. For a long while, I watched the pair of you, wondering if you had something going on.”

Birdie groaned. “Not you too.”

His lips twitched. “You were so close.”

“We were best friends, dammit.”

“I know, but I guess, I just felt like it was natural. You loved each other. I saw that, and just wondered if it went deeper than appearances let on.”So, maybe I dunno, Karen and I had a conversation about being a gay kid or something. I seriously don’t know. Maybe I mentioned my best friend being gay. I seriously have zero idea how she’d know something like that unless I mentioned it in passing. And I really think it was pot luck on her part that she picked up on that and found the exact way to hurt you the most.”

“He shrugged. “I have no other explanation. But the truth is, she doesn’t matter. She never did, Birdie. Look, before you, no other woman mattered. I know that makes me sound like a bastard, and I was. But…” He rolled his shoulders with discomfort. “I have to wonder if I was just comparing them to you or something. That sense of peace we had? I never found that again. Did you?”

“What do you think?” she said on a faint huff.

He grinned. “Does it make me a jerk that I’m glad about that?”

“No,” she said softly. “How can it? When I’m so glad you never had it with anyone else too.”

“What a pair, eh?”

She swallowed thickly. “Is that what we are?”

He caught her gaze. “It’s what I want us to be.” He played with the bottle in his hand, the plastic crinkled and made scratchy noises as he squeezed it. “When Em came to me, I knew it for what it was. A lifeline.”

“It’s funny you should say that,” she murmured. “When I woke up, that’s what I thought. If Em let you get to me, if she let you know when to come for me, then she trusted you.”

“And you trust in her,” he said softly. “I hope, Birdie, that one day, you’ll trust me the same.”

He could see her heart was in her eyes, but rather than fear it, rather than want to run away from it and her like he’d done with every other woman who’d looked at him like that, he reached out for her. It was awkward on the barstool, and it only worked because there was a kind of short wall that he could lean back against, meaning she could take up some space on the stool.

It didn’t matter how awkward it was, though. All that mattered was she was there, in his arms.

“I want that,” she told him softly. “I want you to trust in me that way too.”

He closed his eyes, pressed his forehead to hers. “It might take me some time, baby girl. I’ve never opened up that way before. Not since you. I mean, I didn’t even do it so much with Emily. There was always something about you that got me though. That hooked me in. Just… be patient with me. I don’t expect the world, I just mean… I’m going to make mistakes. I’ve never done this before.”

“And you think I have?” she said with another huff. “I’ve been married to my job, Ty. That’s it. Grafix is my boyfriend. I’ve been working twenty-hour days since college, and that hasn’t let up now the company’s worth a fortune.”You think you’re the only one who’s going to make mistakes?” She shook her head. “I’ll make them too, but we just have to remember how shit it felt to be apart.”

He shuddered. “It hurt worse than the first time,” he admitted.

“For me too,” she whispered softly. “I didn’t even think that was possible. I mean, losing you back then was probably on par with losing my grandparents. Which, I know sounds terrible, but the way you cut me off, it was like you’d died,” she cried. “Please, don’t ever do that to me again.”

“I swear I won’t, Birdie. If I hurt you, it will be because of stupid dipshit stuff, like arguing over leaving the toilet seat up.”

“You leave the toilet seat up?” she squealed. Then, in mock-disgust added, “You have to be the only guy on the planet who actually does that.”

He snorted. “I promise. I’m house trained in every other way that matters.”

Bernadette grinned, and an ease overcame her, one that he felt flush through her. It was like his words had been the key to the lock. His teasing about something so silly, but something so basic about living with someone and being with them in a relationship, had done that.

Huh. Maybe he could do this.

He knew there’d been many reasons to avoid relationships all his life. He didn’t want the stress of having to answer to someone. He had hated the way his mom and dad had interacted, and then to find out his son-of-a-bitch father had been cheating on her for so damn long? Yeah, it hadn’t helped his opinion of relationships or marriage any.

Yet, with Birdie, she made it all seem worthwhile.

If anything, like it could be some kind of adventure. A path they’d explore together, and one they’d find mutual pleasure in because they’d go down that unwinding path as a couple. And knowing her as he did, he knew there would be some hilarious times ahead.

As thoughts of the future spilled into his mind, ideas of what he wanted to do with her, places he wanted to go, things he wanted to show her, how he wanted to please her… Tyson let it all coalesce into one act. He kissed her, and sealed the only deal that had ever mattered in his life.