Caroline

A few minutes later, I slip between the sheets with my laptop and switch on my favorite streaming service. I have four brand-new episodes to watch. Rubbing my hands in excitement, I press Play.

I am midway through the third episode and my second glass of wine when my phone beeps. Someone who probably just remembered it was my birthday. I reach out for my phone without taking my eyes off the screen. The leads are just about to kiss for the first time, and it looks like the ten-episode wait will be worth it.

But then I forget all about the kiss as I read the message.

Daniel: 12:01, birthday day is officially over. Time to tackle that elephant. 

I should have known he wouldn’t let me off the hook so easily. Pressing Pause on the screen, I sit up straight on the bed, my heart thumping in my throat. I can do this. It’s best to clear the air, and it’s easier to do it via text or on the phone than face-to-face.

Caroline: Tell me what you were worried about today.

Daniel: ????

Caroline: Don’t be cruel, ease me into this.

Daniel: Had two incidents with leaked photos from celebrity events to the press. The problem is I suspect someone from my team did it. On purpose.

I read through his text twice, my neurons a tad befuddled by the wine. But the second his meaning sinks in, my stomach coils. I call him right away.

“What do you mean, on purpose? Why?” I ask instead of saying hello.

“Money. Gossip magazines pay a good buck.”

“Let me get this straight. These are pictures of events you did for your famous clients?”

“Yeah.”

“And you’re sure some other attendees didn’t leak the pics?”

“Not one hundred percent sure, but everyone attending wants privacy. And it happened at two different events, no common attendees.” 

I hug my knees to my chest, resting my chin on them. “What are you going to do?”

“Do a bit of detective work. I like my team. I trust them. Not looking forward to it.”

“I bet not.”

“So, time to bring up the elephant.”

Damn! I’d almost forgotten about it. Carrying out this conversation after I had two glasses of wine isn’t the smartest thing. I might let slip things I don’t mean... or worse, things I do mean but don’t want him to know. Breathe in, breathe out. I can do this. Time to rip off the Band-Aid.

“It was a one-time thing, Daniel. Let’s forget about it. These things happen, right? Wouldn’t be the first time two exes fall in bed with each other.”

A brief pause, and then he talks in a low, smooth voice. “It wasn’t just sex.”

His words wrap around me like a blanket of comfort. Knowing it meant more than sex to him too reaches somewhere deep inside me. Still, it doesn’t change things.

“No, it wasn’t, but it was still a one-time thing.”

More silence, which unnerves me. Daniel usually has no problem filling silences of any kind. My stomach twists and turns in anticipation.

“Why did you give up on me so easily, Caroline?”

Huh? Not what I was expecting at all. Tension gathers between my shoulder blades, but I try to keep my calm. “What do you mean?”

“When I told you it was best to break things off, you didn’t say anything.”

Right, out the window goes my determination to remain calm. “You’d broken my heart, what was I supposed to say?”

I climb out of the bed, suddenly filled with too much energy. Needing to walk it off, I just pace my bedroom.

“Something. Anything. Fight me on it. You accepted it so easily, as if it was what you’d wanted too.”

“Is this what you told yourself to feel better about being an ass?”

“Partly,” he admits. “But it did feel like you accepted it all too quickly.”

“I can’t believe this. I was twenty-one, and hurt, and it was clear you didn’t want me anymore. What was I supposed to do? Beg?”

“No, just... I don’t know, Caroline. I’ve been thinking about it many times, about how it could have gone differently.”

This catches me off guard. “Different how?”

“No idea, any way I got to keep you.”

Is he saying what I think he’s saying? No, it can’t be. Must be all that wine, and I’m reading into things. But not even I can read too many things in “any way I got to keep you.” Still, I gather the courage to ask for clarification.

“Dan, what are you saying?” I whisper.

“Of my top five regrets, losing you is right at the head of the list. I should have told you that a long time ago. I’m sorry I didn’t.”

Ah, but even hearing it now is more than I was hoping for. Time to put his mind at rest too.

“I didn’t want to break up, Daniel. I just didn’t know how to fight you, or fight for you. I thought pushing back would be humiliating.”

“And I’d just broken your heart.”

Despite myself, I laugh. “Yeah.”

More silence follows, but it’s not uncomfortable this time.

“You know what the second thing on that regret list is?”

“What?”

“Not getting my act together sooner and pursuing you again. I never stopped caring.” 

Oh God, make him stop. Is he aware that this is every woman’s dream? Well, my dream at least. To find out that I still mean something to the man I could never forget? Who still means so much to me....

“I didn’t stop either. Caring, I mean.”

He lets out a long breath into the phone. Sounds like a relieved breath.

“Summer was right,” he says with a chuckle.

“You told Summer about our night? Aw, come on. The girls have been dropping hints about us for a long time. What are they planning? Setup lunches? Impromptu get-togethers where we somehow end up alone? Something even worse? I need to start preparing my defenses.”

I only stop because I’m out of breath. I even stopped pacing to concentrate on remembering the girls’ techniques, but I’m not naive enough to believe I remember them all. And regardless, they can whip up plans faster than I can come up with defensive techniques.

“Slow down, woman. Take a deep breath. Good to know I’m not the only one they’ve been pestering. And no, I haven’t told them. I’ve learned to keep my mouth shut unless I want everyone in my business. Come to think of it, I wouldn’t mind that right now.”

What does this even mean?

“But Summer said you and I have been involved with each other’s families because we didn’t want to let go.”

“Ah, and here I was thinking you watched games with my dad out of the goodness of your heart,” I tease.

“I do like spending time with your dad, but I won’t lie. I was half hoping you’d drop by whenever I was there.”

“Can’t say my mind wasn’t on the same track when I was helping your mom and sisters plan Blake and Clara’s wedding. Though I love the bunch of them as if we’re related.”

“You’re adorable.”

“No, no, you don’t get to charm me.” I’m so proud that I’m still hanging on to my defenses. By my fingertips, but still. “Clearing the air was good, but that’s all this was. We’re in the past.”

“Except the still caring bit.”

“We can handle it. We’re adults, and I’m not the girl you fell in love with anymore.” I don’t volunteer more information because that’d be one confession too many. And he doesn’t need to know, anyway.

“I changed too. It’s been ten years for both of us.” After a brief pause, he adds, “Remember the night I told you I loved you?”

I smile. Oh, I only remember every detail about it. “Yes. You were so nervous that evening at the restaurant. And then when you said it I teared up and tried to hide my face, and you were so sweet. God, you were so sweet. You held me and said it again, and again.”

“I haven’t felt that way about anyone since.” 

Boom! Straight through my defenses. This would be a good moment for my heart to pull up those walls, remember all the crying I did after we broke up. Instead, all I can remember are the good times. Sort of like biting into a delicious but hot s’mores and burning your tongue. All you remember later is how good it tasted, not how badly your tongue burned.

“Neither have I, Dan.” 

Rubbing a hand over my face, I decide it’s time to end this call. I’ve had too much wine, and he’s way too good with words. If we take a walk down memory lane, I might not come out unscathed.

“I...I don’t know what else to say. We should call this a night,” I say firmly. “It’s late.”

“Yeah, you’re right. I have to wake up early anyway.”

“On a Sunday?”

“I’m leaving with a group to go to the Adirondack Mountains. Hiking trip until Thursday. We’re leaving at five o’clock, so I’d better go to sleep. But Caroline? What happened in the marina hotel wasn’t a mistake. There’s a reason neither of us moved on. Good night.”

“Good night.”

After we hang up, I feel a little shaken and a lot flummoxed, a single thought circling in my mind. How will the dynamic between us change after our midnight confessions?