Chapter 22
After Sasha spoke with Torkel Alonson, some of the pressure about being on Enotia eased. He questioned her extensively about her interactions with The Collector. Some points he asked for further detail while others he glossed over.
Everyone knew the head of the Jutaks here was Marenian by birth. Rumors abounded but none to her knowledge had broached the subject to his face. Torkel’s intimidating presence in the spacious office reaffirmed Sasha’s opinion to stay off the radar of the Enotian military.
Nothing would get past the brown eyes watching her across the large desk. In the end, he decided Sasha had given as much information as she could. Jaron greeted her as soon as she walked out, his eyes dark with concern. “Are you alright?”
“Fine.” And she was.
What should have been a few days blended into one week then two. As Sasha sat in the eating area amongst the Chosen of the Jutak warriors, she wondered at their innate camaraderie. Sylvie was blonde and blue eyed, Chosen to the half-Argoran shifter, Faye with her brown hair and brown eyes was Chosen to Torkel himself which impressed Sasha to no end.
She’d met Lissi a day or so again. The native Enotian was sister to Torkel and Chosen to a Jutak Sasha had yet to meet.
Then there was Joni, the red-haired Chosen to Kyele, who didn’t speak much but always watched, silent in his vigilance. Since the announcement of her pregnancy, Joni couldn’t move more than a few feet from his space or he began to fondle the knife on his thigh.
It would have been amusing if Sasha didn’t feel the thrum of dangerous energy around him every time he did it. She’d witnessed the green eyed, scarred soldier kill once without remorse and bet it wasn’t the first or last time.
The women’s conversation had rambled into upcoming babies, sensitive nipples and raging hormones. The sharing and obvious love between them hit hard. Another reason to move on. Sasha took a deep breath and blurted, “It’s time for me to leave.”
Speech broke off immediately and four sets of eyes turned toward her. Sasha cleared her throat, refusing to fidget. “I have to get back to work and there are things I need to get done.”
“Have you told Jaron?” Faye’s gaze was troubled as she asked.
Sasha tipped her chin up. “I’m planning to inform him later.”
Not that he was her boss.
More blank stares and then they all started to speak at the same time, protests and concerns overlapping one another. Beneath it all, the message remained the same. She should talk to Jaron before making any decisions.
Sasha laughed. “I’ve been on my own for a long time.”
Sylvie remained silent though her eyes held…condemnation. Sasha held back a growl. They didn’t know her well enough to try and judge her.
“Anyway,” Sasha continued, stomach churning. “Jaron will be fine and couldn’t care less that I’m going.
“You know he has a dick, right? So he’s going to be far from fine about that,” Joni said with all her apparent candor.
Sasha let her grin fly free. She really did like this female. “Yes, I’ve had ample use of said…dick.”
And was going to miss it when she left. Back to her lonely existence. Joni sighed and rubbed Sasha’s shoulder. “Take a bit of advice from one who knows. These men, Jaron, my Kyele, they’re a different breed. Like on the outside you think you have them figured out. Then Bam!”
Joni released Sasha to slam her palms together. The smack had Sasha jumping. Joni grinned. “Then they surprise you by peeling back a layer and letting you see deep inside of them. Jaron did that for you.”
Sasha tried a joke. “He showed me his guts so I should stay?”
Joni’s stare was completely serious. “Yes, but he’ll understand if you don’t.”
Tingles trickled down Sasha’s spine. Joni was too close to touching a truth Sasha didn’t want to acknowledge. They all assumed she would stay here and that Jaron wanted her as his Chosen. He’d not mentioned it once to Sasha. A part of her hurt at the lack while the other part of her pretended it was good because she’d have to turn him down anyway.
There was no place for her on Enotia with these females and their friendly ways. Sasha didn’t do friendly. She had inherent trust issues.
Joni stood and pointed to Sylvie and Faye. “I have to pee. Let’s go.”
“I don’t have to pee,” Sylvie protested.
“We’re pregnant, we pee together. Now!” Sylvie and Faye blinked but jumped up to join Joni who pointed to Lissi. “Use your mojo and talk to her.”
Lissi who’d been mostly quiet up until that point waited until the women walked across the room, but not to seek out a cleansing room. “Jaron will be disappointed. He cares for you.”
Jaron, Jaron. What about her and how she felt? Did no one take into account the Jutak had yet to ask Sasha to stay? “You expect me to stay here and what…do nothing?”
“Of course not.” Lissi pursed her lips and seemed to debate the wisdom of her next words. “Jaron would never ask that of you. You could still take bounties and he wouldn’t care. I think he just wants you to stay.”
Sasha didn’t like how Lissi’s words made her want to melt. “I can’t. I’m a Bounty Retriever and we roam. I’ve worked hard to get where I am and I’m good at it.”
Very good.
“It brings me pleasure.” And Sasha didn’t want to let that go or the sense of accomplishment it gave her. “I’d never ask Jaron to leave the Jutaks.”
Lissi’s smile grew soft. “Being a Jutak warrior is who they are.”
Sasha waved a negligent hand about her. “Do any of you work?”
Expression going dark and surprising Sasha with her vehemence, Lissi glared. “It is meaningful being a Chosen. I love Rydak and not a day goes by that he doesn’t show how much he loves me in return. Not working for the United Tourism was hard. But I put myself at risk and my children staying there. Rydak never asked me to leave. I did it on my own after Aya came. One parent in a dangerous job was enough and Rydak has already lost one family.”
Lissi singled out the full-figured brunette. “Faith is from Earth. Torkel was going to help her find a role similar to what she did until she was attacked by Marenians. Even after knowing how worried he was, he still encouraged her to work if she wanted, but she got pregnant and decided not to.”
Lissi’s finger shifted to the two women standing together and laughing so hard Sylvie had tears. Joni made no effort to hold in her loud chuckles. Obviously, no one had to use the cleansing room. “Sylvie and Joni. They don’t want to work and have little skills because Earth had a shortage of jobs, but if they did, Arak and Kyele wouldn’t stop them.”
Lissi took a deep breath. “It’s about priorities and loving another enough to consider their feelings.”
Sasha swallowed. This tiny woman with her fierce statements made her feel small. “So if I told Jaron I was scared of him going on missions he’d quit the Jutaks?”
“The Spectar army is the only military force bigger and stronger than the one here on Enotia. Jaron and the guys fight every day to help others.”
Sasha snorted. “But Enotians are peace loving. Why such a large force?”
Another smile. “Because we fight for those who can’t. And knowing that, Jaron would still walk away from it if you asked him.”
Sasha pressed a hand to her mid-section. Conviction. Lissi said it without a single drop of doubt. “It doesn’t matter. I’m leaving.”
Lissi inclined her head. “It’s always your choice. Jaron won’t stop you.”
Sasha had enough. She refused to feel guilt about her actions even as her chest grew tight when she turned and walked away. The problem was letting herself believe a relationship between them could work.
Across the room, Jaron chuckled and knuckled one of his teammates on the head. The male slugged Jaron, laughing as he did it.
All of them were doing their part to convince her to stay. Lissi, Joni. The side glances from his other friends. It was clear Jaron had a full family of supportive friends.
Sasha swallowed. Another sign she didn’t fit. She wouldn’t know how to handle all of this.
Jaron belonged here and Sasha was the one standing on the outside. The women fit as well. There was a synergy between them and none of it included her. Sasha heaved out a breath and gathered herself. She slid into the hall undetected amidst their celebration.
***
2 days later
“Fuck, Jutak.” Sasha collapsed on the bed, her lungs laboring as she sought to catch her breath.
Sweat coated her body, cooling as the heat of sex sharing died down. Jaron smoothed a hand over her ass cheeks, gave it a smack then rolled to the side behind her and pulled her up tight to his chest. Each time, each and every time without fail, he held Sasha in his arms like this before falling to sleep. Sex sharing or no sex sharing.
Tonight, he’d been away on a mission with his team. Half-sleep, she’d heard his soft footfalls as he entered the bedroom, removed his uniform and used the cleansing room. Skin damp, he’d climbed into the bed and kissed her shoulder exposed by the sheet, making his way across her collarbone and ending at the pulse by her throat.
As always, Sasha responded with a low growl, rolled over and tackled the hard body poised beside her. Now, she let the sound of his soft snores soothe her. Drowsy, she massaged the warm palm braced on her belly. Another thing he did, as if his touch alone could hold her here.
Jaron was too good to be true which meant at some point this…whatever they shared would implode on her. So Sasha did what she did best. She leaned over, ever careful, kissed the side of his cheek and snuck out.
Proud of herself, Sasha made it to the lobby of the Jutak home undetected.
“Leaving?”
She came to an abrupt halt at the sight of the familiar Jutak soldier leaning against the wall near the exit of the facility. His voice grated as he asked the question, but upon closer inspection, he looked pale and shaky.
Despite her inclination to escape into the night, Sasha drew near. “Are you alright, Kyele?”
He snorted and the corner of his mouth turned down. “There is an Earth thing when a female is with child.”
Confused, Sasha waited. He straightened then groaned and clasped his middle. He really didn’t look good. “Should I get your Unit Leader? A medic?”
If she contacted any of them then Jaron would be notified. Kyele shook his head and slumped back to the wall. “There is no cure for the alien sickness. It will pass. Joni promised.”
He glanced up and to her surprise, grinned when he faced her. A scary grin, but a grin none the less. “If you are planning to leave I suggest you hurry. Jaron’s alarms went off.” Kyele tapped the small black disc in his ear. “He’s up and heading down.”
Sasha didn’t know what to make of his warning. A trick? “You’re his friend and teammate, why help me?”
“Sometimes you have to learn the hard way to accept love.” He shrugged. “At least that is how it appears.” His skin grew chalky. “Morning sickness is a vile, vile thing.”
Without explaining what he meant, Kyele left her standing alone as he rushed off.
“Going somewhere?”
Sasha spun around. Bare foot, Jaron stalked toward her, wearing nothing more than low slung black wide legged pants. Kyele had managed to fool and delay her in the process without seeming to. Smart. She’d remember that in the future.
***
“Going somewhere?”
Sasha spun around and Jaron had the pleasure of catching her off guard.
“I was leaving.”
He’d figured that out when he woke to an empty bed. At least she was honest. “I see.”
“How did you know?”
“Sensors on the doors alert to my comm. The moment you left, I was awakened by the chirp.”
Sasha cursed more elaborately than usual.
“Kyele knew I’d take the nearest shaft down.” Jaron tipped his head toward the one she’d used. “Not that one.”
“Oh.”
There was no need in pretending what they both knew. He couldn’t believe the weeks together meant nothing and she’d do this. Still he felt the need to dig at the hole in his heart. “Without saying goodbye, Sasha?”
“Goodbyes are unnecessary, don’t you think?”
She attempted to be flippant, but Jaron caught the myriad of emotions on her face. Sasha thought she was adept at hiding from him but Jaron saw beyond the facade.
“I hoped there would be no need for goodbye.”
Which probably made him an ebo. He thought he had more time. Time to figure out how to keep Sasha with him.
“You never mentioned wanting more,” she added with a light shrug of her shoulders.
Then she was blind. “I do. I want you to stay.”
Would she consider it? Sasha nibbled her bottom lip, fangs scraping the plump flesh. “I have a bounty. A big one.”
He didn’t care. “Then do what you have to and come back.”
Jaron wasn’t sure why she looked so shocked. He thought it was obvious how he felt.
“You really mean that, don’t you?”
“Yes.”
“You are a sweet one.” Sasha came to stand next to him. “I think I will return here when I’m done.”
His relief was staggering. Jaron slid his arms about her waist and tugged her close. “I think that’s an excellent idea.”
Sasha’s shy grin caused all sorts of reactions—anticipation, excitement and hope.
“Here’s something to remind you of me while I’m gone.” She rose on tip toe and kissed him. Soft. Teasing. She palmed the back of his head to hold him steady until she was good and ready to let go. Jaron stiffened, feeling the move down to his gut. When Sasha leaned back she winked. “Just the way you like to be kissed.”
It was more than the way he liked to be kiss. It was Sasha. Jaron forced himself to strive for humor and grinned. “You did it right.”
Her lips quirked. “Good.”
She stepped away, hands sliding from him and Jaron wanted to snatch her back in his arms. He swallowed past the knot in his throat, the very act of breathing obstructed by the yawning hole spreading inside. “How long will the job take?”
“It’s a high level retrieval. A few weeks? I might not be able to communicate with you until I’m done. You understand this, Jutak?”
Sasha didn’t know him as well as she thought. He was an expert at tracking people. He’d find her wherever she was and make sure she stayed safe until she came back to him. “Yes.”
She turned to leave and Jaron caught her hand. She arched a brow. He flipped her wrist over and entered his code on her new comm. “My comm code in case you need me. For anything, kitten.”
“Aww, will I get the mysterious Jutak commander if I use it.” Her lips curled as if amused by the thought.
Jaron hurt too much at letting her go even briefly to be amused. His voice remained serious. “No, you’ll get me. It is a direct link. No matter when or where, I will always answer if you call.”
Sasha cleared her throat then nodded. This time when she turned and walked away, Jaron didn’t stop her.