Chapter 25
“My comm? You mean when I reached out to you? I thought…wait. Did you tell anyone about this?”
Jaron waited for the truth to hit her. It didn’t take long. Her face shifted going from confused to budding awareness. The brightness in her green gaze dimmed as the knowledge set in.
“You used me?” She met his stare head on. Disillusion.
He tensed, prepared to defend himself when not if she attacked. Sasha surprised him though. Her gaze roved around, taking in Arlo being led away by his teammates, then back to him. The devastation showed in tiny cracks. Spreading until nothing was left. Broken. He’d broken an integral part of the bond they’d shared.
“Sasha, I can explain.”
“When you took my comm, you sounded pleased. Happy to hear from me.”
He was. He had been. “Hearing from you was the best thing to happen to me after weeks of silence.”
“It was all a trick,” she continued as if he hadn’t spoken.
His stomach churned. Guilt shredded his insides until he felt brittle. “Sasha, I would have done this differently, if I could have.”
“Liar,” she spat, facing the wall over his shoulder.
Regret joined his guilt and Jaron had to clench his jaw to hold back further words of explanation. She wasn’t in a good place to hear what he had to say. Logically, he understood that, but it didn’t make it any easier to swallow.
“I was glad to hear from you, Sasha.” The comm in his ear buzzed but Jaron ignored it, waiting for her to accept his words. She continued to ignore him, her mouth pressed so tight it formed creases at the sides. He couldn’t take the way she stared through him. He’d beg if he had to. “Say something, Sasha. Anything.”
***
Betrayal. The word sounded simple enough and yet it didn’t come close to conveying all the pain, the hurt or the rush of anger that came with it.
Though she didn’t want to, Sasha faced him, breath coming in pants. “Do you know if you had only shared…if you had told me what you needed, I would have agreed. We could have worked together, Jaron.”
Regret. His eyes filled with the pointless emotion. “Sasha. Kitten—”
“No,” she snapped, cutting off whatever he’d been about to say. Her heart bled and the more he spoke, the more she felt lacerated. “No more of your lies, Jutak.”
“No lies, Sasha.” He grimaced. “I had a job to do.”
His expression grew pensive, the somber look unnerving. She wouldn’t let it derail her. Composed now that the initial surprise wore off, Sasha stormed past him.
Jaron caught her arm above the elbow, stopping her escape plan. “Sasha, I need to explain.”
She yanked on her arm, but he failed to release her. She could have clawed him to gain freedom but didn’t want to reveal the level of anger and pain his betrayal caused.
“There’s nothing to explain, Jutak. You were doing your job.”
Like she’d been doing hers. Only she allowed feelings and …weakness to make her forget her number one rule.
Never trust anyone.
“You would have done the same. Do not forget I have seen your record as a Bounty Retriever.”
How dare he! Sasha hissed and tugged on her arm again. “The difference is you did your job at my expense.”
That tore her apart the most. She thought she knew this man. Thought they understood one another in a way that made them special.
Sasha wanted to laugh, but the mangled sound lodged in her throat. Trickster. If nothing else tonight, Sasha had learned Jaron was a trickster. He pretended to be whatever he thought you wanted him to be. Friend, confident, …lover.
He’d been all those things to Sasha and now she saw his true self. A male determined to have his way no matter the obstacles. He had a mission and would see it through.
Jutak warrior.
Never had she understood the title more than in this moment as they stared into each other’s eyes. Him with a weary grace he couldn’t quite pull off while anger burned her insides with the force of an explosion.
“You need to hear me out.”
“I don’t need to do anything, Jutak.” Her low growl accompanied the snarl. She hoped he’d leave and prayed he’d stay.
Jaron bit his lip, cursed under his breath. In a calmer tone, he asked, “Will you at least listen?”
Sasha would never be a willing participant in his lies again. “No.”
“Kitten.”
Now she raged and shrugged off his hold with a violence that left her wrist burning from the force. Her claws released with a snick. “Don’t call me that.”
It hurt what he’d done. What a fool she’d been.
“Then let me talk!” Jaron blew out an exasperated breath and slouched against the wall next to the booth of the table they’d been sitting at.
“Say what you need, Jutak.”
Because that’s what he was to her. All he’d ever be. The elite solider, a man committed to his service.
Jaron sighed and shifted from his position on the wall. “No second chances with you is there, kitten?”
She ignored the deliberate emphasis he placed on the once adored endearment and backed away. “Second chances mean death in my world. Or imprisonment by a crazy scientist while reliant on a lying bastard for survival.”
Jaron winced at the recital and Sasha squashed her small surge of pleasure. If only he felt half of her pain.
“I see.” He slid his hands into his pockets and sauntered toward her. She refused to glance down to see how the material hugged a certain portion of his anatomy. “In light of your feelings right now, it probably won’t mean anything, but it would be remiss of me not to say what I should have said that last night.”
Sincerity bled through his tone. On the inside her heart leaped. Sasha pushed back the eagerness. Jaron was at his most dangerous when he was sincere. She’d fallen once and had no desire to repeat the experience.
“You have nothing to say that I want to hear.” She pushed at his shoulders and marched outside of the bar into the fresh air outside. Nothing could ease the ache in her gut. She paused outside the entrance, unsure where to go or what to do next. The Jutaks gathered off to the side with Arlo. Waiting. She huffed. For Jaron no doubt. He was their Team Leader.
“Sasha!”
During the two days after she had contacted him, Sasha had created fantasies about their life together. About him. Her real life hero. She shouldn’t have. Why hadn’t she learned from Orland? Love and happy ever weren’t for her.
Bit by bit the pain receded. The hurt blended with her disappointment. Not with Jaron. With herself for being stupid enough to believe.
Another spasm as her heart continued to break into tiny pieces. When Jaron joined her, he invaded her space, giving her no chance to get away. One hand locked on her waist and he cupped her jaw with the other. Sasha hissed and contemplated biting his fingers.
***
Jaron wanted to cast blame, to rage. But he was at fault. There was no way to soften the blow of what he’d done. No time to prepare her for his transgressions. Arlo glared in their direction. His team had him in plasti cuffs and ready for transport to Enotia where he’d be interrogated and then sent to a prison colony. There would be no bounty for Sasha to collect.
His fingers flexed at her waist. “I wish you’d let me explain, kitten.”
Her flinch at the endearment savaged him. “It’s far too late for explanations now.”
He allowed every word she said to sink into him. Accepted every score to his heart as his due. “Sasha, I’m sorry.”
“I’m done. This is goodbye for good, Jaron.”
He released her face on the complete and utter lack of deceit in the denouncement.
“I could have worked with you.” Her words came out halting. “I didn’t need the bounty that bad. I have enough credits to live comfortably until I die!”
“My Unit Leader wasn’t sure. We needed to catch Arlo and he has an amazing knack for evading the Jutaks.”
Sasha continued as if he hadn’t spoken.
“All you had to do was tell me. Trust me.” She huffed out a laugh, the sound so jagged it scraped Jaron raw. “But that’s it, right? It all comes down to trust.”
Tears glistened in her green eyes before she blinked them away with a snarl. “Trust, Jaron. You didn’t trust me.”
His throat swelled in the face of her agony. “I trust you, kitten.”
“Don’t call me that!” she screamed.
They were drawing stares even in this environment of ill repute. Unable to witness her pain any longer without doing something to stop it, Jaron wrapped his arms around Sasha. She struggled, kicked and bit. He endured, not letting her free of the embrace. “I trust you. I trust you.”
“You didn’t. You betrayed me. I hate you.”
Pain lanced his heart, leaving him bleeding on the inside. “Sasha, please. Please. I’m so sorry I had to do it this way. Please.”
She broke away, claws slashing. Jaron grunted. They both glanced down at the even row of diagonal slits in his shirt. She’d missed breaking his skin, but red welts formed along his bare flesh. Her face paled. Then she turned on her heel, the leather spiked boots enhancing her stride. His men watched her strut away, head high and body swaying to its own sensuous rhythm.
No one attempted to stop her. Jaron could do nothing but stare at the sweet curve of her ass defined in the way too tight leather pants.
An awful tightening sensation pierced his chest. She was really going to leave him. He shook his head when Geile and Gregir approached. His teammates stepped back. This wasn’t happening. Jaron chased after Sasha. She was moving at a brisk pace. Not running, but not wasting time either.
As soon as he caught up to her, Jaron spun her around and met the force of her anger. “Sasha, don’t. Tell me what you want. Anything. Just…don’t leave. Let me make it up to you,” he broke off on a curse, his head going up to stare at the sky as he blinked.
When he faced her, he didn’t care if she saw into his soul which was bare for her to witness. “I love you, kitten. I love you.”
He’d never said that to another woman in his entire life.
“You broke trust with me.”
He stepped toward her. When she didn’t bolt, he closed the gap between them and wrapped her in his arms. He buried his face in her hair, the scent so familiar he choked on the feelings welling up. “I’m sorry. I love you. I’ll make it up to you. Please say you forgive me.”
He punctured each phrase with a kiss. Her forehead, her nose and then he reached her mouth. Her delectable lips. Wanting to stamp his mark on her, he took her mouth in a maddening kiss.
“I—I can’t.”
Jaron picked her up without protest and walked to a turned over receptacle and sat with her. He held her as she cried, running his hand up her back and tucking his face in her neck to hide his own wet eyes.
She belonged to him. Sasha F’lan was his and his alone. Her arms came up around him at last as more of her tears fell. Jaron kissed her quivering lips and tasted the salt of her pain. “I’m sorry. I’m sorry.”
He’d say it a thousand times.
Sasha gripped his shirt, fingers clenching and unclenching. He lowered his hand to covers hers and squeezed. Their gazes met, held. “Can you forgive me?”
Jaron waited for her answer. Everything he wanted suspended in this one moment.
***
Sasha sniffed back a hoarse cry and leaned back from the comfort of his chest. Tears ran in rivulets down her cheeks she didn’t bother wiping. More would replace them because she couldn’t turn off the massive hurt tearing her apart. She pushed out of his arms and struggled to her feet.
How could he do this to her? Sasha shuddered, her lips trembling but unsure if she could move. Jaron stayed seated, staring up at her with a face ravaged by remorse. She wanted to believe him. Wanted to spend her life with him too.
“You lied to me,” she croaked. The betrayal sat in her gut and pierced her heart like a sharpened blade. It was hard to accept. Especially from him. Nothing anyone else had ever done compared to the pain of Jaron’s actions.
“I did.”
Stars! He wasn’t trying to justify or cover his actions any more. Maybe he understood how bone deep he’d hurt her.
“Say the other words again.”
He didn’t smile at her demand. He touched a tear, his eyes dark with torment. Sasha’s heart raced faster than ever. “I love you, Sasha.”
She cried harder. He meant it. At least she thought he did and still he did what he did to her. Jaron had to have known how she’d react. That made this entire situation worst. He knew and still followed through. Duty first. Sasha last.
Curling her arms about her middle, Sasha harshly whispered her rage. “Damn you, Jaron! I came to say I loved you today. I fucking love you! And you ripped my heart out and stomped on it.”
Sasha pulled away from him and sniffed. Sometimes love wasn’t enough. If she couldn’t trust him, they had nothing. “Stay away from me, Jutak. We’re done.”
This time when Sasha marched away, he didn’t give chase. Courage kept her shoulders braced, pain kept her steps steady and pride enabled her to leave.
But love…love kept the tears flowing down her face.