Chapter Seventeen
Torr hadn’t been unaffected by what Diana said in the wee hours of the night. He’d known she loved him, but had ignored that fact because he wanted to be with her. Or he had before he discovered her to be a liar. He still did not understand why she had lied or why she’d come to Gealach in the first place. If there was another country vying for Scotland’s throne, it’d be sorely disappointed, but he didn’t doubt her sincerity in how she felt about him. He could only hope she would forget him over time. Oddly, he felt a certain sympathy for her. He knew what it was to lose someone he loved. It was why he kept his heart safe.
At the thought of never seeing her again, his gut tensed. He wished she hadn’t taken him from his clan. If she’d been what she appeared, a distant relative, they would have shared many a night together. He’d even contemplated only sharing his bed with her. He shook his head. How could he have been so deceived?
He picked up the brat and paused. Maybe because Diana never meant to cause him harm. She wasn’t like Graham, pretending to be a clansman to better cause his downfall. So what had been her purpose? To marry him? He nodded. That was a common motivation among women. He’d seen it with Margaret before he had to send her away.
Donning the brat, he left the belt loose to avoid his healing wound. Today, he would start his journey home. Even now, Kerr could be injured or Robert cornered. At the thought, his muscles tensed ready for action, but the feeling was strange. His body had changed, and he worried that Diana’s healer had worked some kind of magic upon him.
The door to the room opened, Diana stood there staring at him. “You’re ready then?”
He took a deep breath. Seeing her in Scottish clothing again reminded him of what they had shared. She belonged with him.
He forced the thought away. She was from another country and he was a MacPherson. He could not give her what she wanted even if he could trust her, which he did not. He could not love her, yet despite all she’d done, he would miss her.
Her green eyes were as bright as the grasses on a summer’s day as if she barely kept her tears at bay. His gut ached for her, but his mind refused to allow her heartache to sway him. Clan and king came first.
She took only two steps into the room and crossed her arms over her stomach. “I’m not sorry I saved your life. I’ll never regret that. You deserved to live, but I am sorry for the life you’ll have to live now.”
He frowned. Did she have yet something else planned for him? “There is no need to be sorry for my life. I will go back to Gealach and continue the fight for Robert’s throne.”
She shook her head. “You can’t be involved with them if you go back. You must not interact with any of them and stay out of the war completely.” Her voice cracked and dropped to a whisper. “You have to live the life of a broken man.”
He refused to look away. Her absolute confidence caused him to doubt, and he could not doubt his course. He had not been exiled from his clan. He was their leader and structure had to be maintained to keep everyone alive. “Gealach is where I belong.”
A single tear fell down her cheek causing his sympathy for her to rise again. He would not be swayed from his purpose by tears. He broke her gaze and tightened the belt of the brat, stifling a moan at the pressure on his wound.
“I didn’t mean for this to happen to you, I swear. Your clan believes you’re dead, and it must stay that way.” Her voice rose and trembled.
“Why? Why can I not return home and defend my clan? They will be pleased that I have escaped death and thankful to ye.”
She looked away. “If you rejoin your clan, King Robert will lose his throne.”
He froze. “I would help him keep it, not lose it.”
She shook her head. “No, your death is what spurred the Bruce on to defeat the English. Your friendship meant so much that once he believed you dead, he became determined to avenge you, his brothers, and all who had fallen before you. If you return alive, you will douse the flame of determination that was lit by your death.”
“And this ye know because it happened after I fell in battle?”
She held his gaze. “Yes.”
“And the king has regained the throne then?”
“No, but he will, if you don’t return to your clan.”
He didn’t want to believe her as she’d lied to him before, but her tears had dried and she no longer spoke from the heart, but from her head.
“How do ye know this? Were ye not here at my side while I slept?” Or had she lied about that, too?
“I was.” She took a deep breath. “But I have friends who have watched to make sure that all continued as expected in Scotland and it has. If you return and let your family know you’re alive, it will get back to the Bruce and he will fail.”
The surety with which she stated her words caused a shiver to run up his spine. That there were forces beyond his knowledge, he did not doubt. That Diana may be linked to them had occurred to him more than once since he’d woken. He’d never been one to believe in magic, but there was much that he could not explain here. Still, he would make his own decision. “Then I will watch over them secretly. I must know that they survive.”
She opened her mouth and then closed it.
He stepped forward and laid his hands on her shoulders. When she finally looked up at him and met his gaze, he spoke. “Show me the way home.”
She swallowed then nodded, and relief poured through him.
“Take my hands and hold tight no matter what.” She held her hands between them, her palms up.
He released her shoulders and took her hands. This must be a ritual she performed before a journey. As she grasped his tightly, he responded just as the colors in the room blended together and everything turned to purple and red. His body felt weightless and he itched to grasp his sword of which he had none, but Diana’s grip on his hands reminded him to hold fast.
It was an odd sensation, as if they were flying through water, but he could breathe. He looked away from the fast-moving colors and focused on her. Her eyes held fear and a sorrow so deep, he could feel it in his own chest. What kind of magic did she practice on him? At that thought, he started to lift his hand to twist away, but the colors slowed and dissipated as he once more felt solid ground beneath his feet.
He was no longer in Diana’s strange room, but in a forest alive with summer growth.
She disengaged her hands from his. “You’re home, or rather close to it. This is the wood near the small pond that the others like to come to on Sundays.” She pointed. “And that way is Gealach, but you must never go there or come in contact with anyone from there. If you do, Robert will lose his crown.”
He walked forward, anxious for a view of his home. It wasn’t hard to see the crenellation on the wall-walk, though the rest of the castle was hidden by the foliage. His spirits lifted, and he looked back at Diana, a smile on his lips at the joy of seeing Gealach again. He opened his mouth to thank her, but the fear in her eyes made him swallow his words.
The strangeness of his journey registered fully. Just moments before, he’d stood in her room and now they were at his castle. That was impossible…unless some Druid power was involved. Suddenly, her statements in her home held new meaning. If she was able to bring him from one place to another within seconds then she obviously could travel through time.
She hadn’t lied.
He tried to grasp the concept, his whole body tense at the implications. It was wizardry for certain, and the only magic he’d ever heard stories about always came with a curse. Was this his curse now, to live out his days separated from those he loved? He stepped toward her, but remained cautious about moving too close. “Can I not return to my family once Robert is on the throne?”
She shook her head.
He took a step closer. He still had the urge to protect her though she had powers far beyond what he understood. “Ye are afraid. Tell me why.”
“I am. I’m afraid you’ll get caught and change the course of events. I’m afraid you’ll come to harm living away from your family.”
The mandate that he live apart from Gealach was the hardest to accept. He understood why now, but he chafed against it. If he’d never met her…“Why did ye come to Gealach?”
Her eyes widened. “I was sent here to ensure you died in the battle against the Comyn and to find the Disruptor who saved you.”
“Disruptor?”
“Yes. They are time travelers as well, and they go back in history to change it, causing problems for the future.”
He wasn’t sure he understood completely. “And this Disruptor. What did he do?”
“As I said, he saved you from being run through. Because you lived, Robert the Bruce never became king of Scotland. The English who took over this country spread themselves too thin, and France took over.”
He shrugged. “Better France than England. And ye say this all happened because I lived. Who was this Disruptor?”
“Douglas. He would have been on the field with you that day and saved you from dying, but I didn’t know he was the Disruptor. I thought it was Angus.”
Now he was confused. “But if ye were sent here to make sure I died, why did ye save me if that would keep Robert from the throne?”
She sighed. “Because I fell in love with you. Actually, I didn’t expect you to die. I was going to let you live because you were more important to me than the entire future of mankind, even more important than my home and my own clan. Once I’d saved you, I thought we could grow old together in my time.”
Her reasoning was so much like a lass and not like a powerful Druid priestess, it touched his heart. He took the two steps that brought him to her and cupped her face. “Diana.” He rubbed his thumb along her soft cheek. Her love for him was so evident in her gaze that his heart missed a beat. Though she was very powerful, she loved him, and he couldn’t deny she meant something to him.
Not that he loved her. He couldn’t love anyone else, but he did care deeply for her.
She laid her hand on his chest, over his heart above the bandage. “What were you thinking when you fell in the battle?”
He pulled his head back, but forced himself to think about those moments. “At first, it was searing pain. Then, then I couldn’t believe it though I knew I was dying at the same time.” He looked away from her as his memories tumbled forward. “I was afraid. Not of dying, but for Kerr and Robert. I worried they would be harmed.”
He looked down at her as his memory of those final moments cleared. “Then I was happy. Happy that I had spent days with ye. Ye made life more than just survival. With ye, I lived.” With her he’d felt joy in life. “As I sank into oblivion, it was as if I sank into yer arms.” He smiled. “It was an honorable way to die.”
The glimmer of a smile lifted her lips. “You were in my arms. I ran from the castle when I saw you fall.” Her features clouded over as she looked away. “I’m so sorry. I was selfish. I should have let you die.”
He lifted her chin with his finger. “I do not blame ye anymore. You did for me what I would have done for Kerr or Robert. That kind of…” he hesitated over the word love, “…loyalty is precious.”
She met his gaze and held it, her eyes sparkling with unshed tears. “I’m afraid this pain in my heart from loving you will never go away.”
He laid a hand to his chest, the pain there familiar and yet different from when he’d lost his father and brothers. He still cared too much. She’d brought him joy and happiness, but she would leave him here alone and he would never see her again. Words rose unbidden from deep in his soul.
“Stay with me.”
…
Diana sucked in her breath. He wanted her. Though he knew she came from another time, he still felt something for her. Could it be love? Did he simply not want to admit it to her, or could he not admit it to himself? Either way, her heart lifted with happiness. She smiled, reveling in his obvious feelings for her.
Then reality set in.
“We could build a cottage not far from here.” His eyes lit with excitement. “Everyone knows ye at Gealach. Ye could visit and see if everything is well, then come back and tell me.” He sobered. “It would not be an easy life.” He paused. “Would ye stay with me until I died?”
She wanted to scream at the agony tearing her apart all over again. She laid her hand against his on her cheek as she shook her head. “I am not immortal. I have no long lifespan. Even if I was, I could not stay.”
He moved his hand away and wrapped his arms around her. “Why not? Ye have said how important it is that Robert take the throne. I cannot believe that will happen in just a fortnight.”
“I have to go back and do my job. There are very few of us, only a handful, who can travel through time and fix what the Disruptors have changed.”
“But once you catch this Douglas, you could return here?”
Oh God, the hope he kept dangling before her was too much. In his world and his time, life was so much simpler. She ached to stay with him, think like he did, but she could never forgive herself if she did. Mankind needed her. She shook her head. “I can’t.” She forcefully held back the tears. “I can’t risk changing history again.”
He pulled her against him and held her quietly, his chin resting on her head. The comfort he offered was all she’d ever wanted, but only a piece of what she had to give up. She wanted to curse at the Disruptors, but if it wasn’t for them, she would have never known Torr. Though she’d probably feel a lot better had she not met him, she wouldn’t trade loving him for anything.
She wanted to stay in his arms forever, right here in the middle of the south wood and pretend nothing else mattered. Why couldn’t she stay with him and then when they were old and gray return to present day and no one be the wiser? And if Stonehaven no longer existed? If America no longer existed? If what she believed Jules feared had come to pass? Could she live with that? As much as she wanted to answer her own question with yes, she couldn’t.
Lifting her cheek away from the warmth of Torr’s leine, she looked up at him. “I want to stay.”
His arms tightened about her. “But you cannot.”
She shook her head, her throat closing as sorrow filled her.
“I will never forget ye, lass.”
She swallowed, but still couldn’t make her mouth form any words.
He lowered his head and brought his lips to hers. His kiss was gentle, loving, and she wrapped her arms around his neck and kissed him with all the love she had, her tears falling as she gave him her silent goodbye.
When he lifted his lips, she wanted to grab his head and pull him back, but it was time. Staying longer only postponed the inevitable. She forced herself to step out of his embrace. At first, he resisted, but then he opened his arms and gave her a silent nod.
She took another two steps away, afraid she’d fling herself back into his arms. “I’ll never forget you.”
He swallowed hard, his Adam’s apple moving along the sinews of his neck. “I will remember ye always.”
She gazed at his red-brown hair, high forehead and crooked nose as if she could keep his image before her forever. Finally, she looked into his bright blue eyes before the colors of the scenery swirled into the purples and reds of the Timestream.
When her room came into focus, she fell to her knees and let her sobs fill the air.
…
Diana meandered along the beach of Spindrift Cove. She had always come here as a child to pout, plan, or simply have fun among the crashing waves and frothy water, but today she did none of those things.
A tern squawked as she walked too close and flew off, chiding her for her intrusion. No, today she was here because she didn’t want to be near any of the people in the house. They were full of platitudes about her feelings but they had no clue. She missed Torr. It was as if half of her were still in medieval Scotland and the other half didn’t care about anything.
She crawled up onto a boulder and dug her toes into the sand, which was warm in the morning sun. By noon, the cove would be in shade. Listlessly, she began to drag her foot through the wet granules, digging a trench to nowhere while she studied the horizon and the blue-green water of the ocean.
“So, you finally broke a rule.”
She jumped at the voice and turned to find Go-Lucky sitting on the rocks the tern had so recently vacated. “I didn’t know you were back.”
“I wasn’t supposed to be. I came back for you.”
The caring in his eyes was everything she’d hoped for in her substitute family. It was too much for her brittle heart and her eyes started to water. “You don’t think he should have gone back?”
Go-Lucky threw his hands up. “Hell, no! Love is hard enough to find as it is. You certainly don’t let it go once you’ve found it.”
She tried to smile, feeling as if she’d been about to fall over a cliff and had just been yanked back from the edge, but tears rolled down her cheeks…again. An hourly occurrence since she’d brought Torr back. “I had to let him go, but I miss him.”
The little man sat on the rock beside her and crossed his legs. He was dressed in black jeans and a black sleeveless T-shirt. Very casual for him. “He wanted to leave then.” Go-Lucky shook his head. “He’s an idiot.”
She smiled. “No, he just loved his home.” She looked out at the ocean. The waves crashed on the rocks and the water gently floated in to lap at her feet. “He didn’t love me.”
“What? Of course he did. How could he not?”
She shook her head. “I think he would have if he let himself, but he refused to love anyone after his last brother was taken prisoner. He does it to avoid the pain and I think he has it right because I thought having all these people”—she threw her arm up to indicate her mansion on the hill—“would make losing someone I loved easier, but it doesn’t. I was so convinced after Mom’s and Dad’s deaths that if I had just had more people I loved around me, it wouldn’t have been so devastating. Now, I see it doesn’t help at all. They don’t understand how much it hurts.”
Go-Lucky shook his finger at her though sympathy shined in his eyes. “You and Torr both have it wrong. Nothing can keep you from the pain of losing someone you love. Love is what makes life worth living, but there is no defense against the pain that comes with it. The man is a fool.”
She put her hands on her hips and glared at him. “He is not. He’s incredibly intelligent, has the kindest heart I’ve ever known, and he’s an amazing strategist.”
He grinned. “Plus, he’s built like a mixed martial arts fighter on steroids.”
“Yeah. He was not only drop-dead gorgeous but massively muscled as well.”
“Muscled? In the dictionary all they need is a picture of him under the word ‘hunk.’”
She chuckled. “Thank you.”
The little man stood. “For what?”
“For still being there for me.”
“I’m always here for my girls.” He pointed above. “Everyone up there is here for each other. We are all special and we stick together, but the pain of losing someone can’t really be shared by those who didn’t know him.”
He did have a point. She felt empathy for their newest recruit who had just lost her father, but she didn’t actually feel Sedona’s loss. Maybe she expected too much from her adopted family. Go-Lucky was right, they couldn’t help her through this, if there was actually a way to get “through” it. “I’m worried about him.”
Go-Lucky cocked his head. “Do you really think Torr needs protection?”
“No, not from physical threats, but I’m worried about his mental state. Because of my actions, he’s being forced to live in a limbo. He can’t interact with those he cares about, and I’m not sure what that will do to his psyche.”
The little man jumped down from the rock and took her hand in his. “Do you want me to check on him?”
She bent low, her tears at his kindness falling again. “No. I don’t think I could bear to hear that he’s joined another clan and had four children by three different women. If he does something to mess up the Timestream, I’m sure Jules will tell me, but if he’s killed… What am I saying, this is the twenty-first century, he’s already gone.” Another tear rolled down her cheek.
He squeezed her hand. “Then it sounds like you need to morn him like you did your parents. Take the sympathy your friends offer. We are stronger together.”
She glanced up to see pride in his eyes. She’d been so busy wallowing in her own misery, she’d forgotten how far they’d all come to do the job they were tasked with. Go-Lucky was proud to be part of TWI, and she needed to find that feeling again. She used to be proud of her abilities. She’d felt special.
Go-Lucky let go of her hand. “Come on. Let’s go up to the fortress and get some lunch. I came straight here from the French court of 1788 and I’m starving.”
Diana stood and followed Go-Lucky as he started to climb the path to her home. “Who’s there?” She shuddered. That was just before the French Revolution.
He looked over his shoulder at her. “Jane. And if you think your assignment was tough, you’ll have to ask her about hers. The men can’t keep their hands off her and it is royally pissing her off. No pun intended.”
She shook her head. “How come I haven’t had a new assignment?” Not that she was ready for one. Then again, maybe it could help her remember why she was a TWI agent in the first place.
Go-Lucky stopped and turned to face her. “Have you looked at yourself lately?”
She pulled the clip out of her hair and tried to pull it into a knot, but the ocean breeze refused to let her. She gave up. “That bad?”
“Your eyes are greener than jade stone and red rimmed to set them off. You haven’t been training, either, have you?”
She lowered her head. “I don’t feel like it. I have no interest in anything.” Even her favorite chocolates had failed to entice her with their usual comfort.
Go-Lucky took her hand. “I can tell. Jules is planning on sending Katz back out today.”
“No! She can’t do that. Katz just got back and I’ve been back at least a week longer.”
Go-Lucky studied her keenly. “It’s either her or you.”
Her heart clenched. She didn’t feel like going into the field again, but Katz had done so much for her that was far out of her comfort zone. She owed her. “Let me go. I need a distraction. Moping around here isn’t going to make me feel any better.”
“But are you ready? Can you keep your wits about you and are you physically able? It’s been a week since Torr left.”
Her eyes began to water at the mention of his name.
“Diana?” He squeezed her hand again. “Can you do it?”
She looked at him, his concern obvious.
Puck. She had nothing left to lose anyway. She’d lost the man she loved. She pulled her hand from his. “Yes. I’m ready. Tell Jules to contact me.”
He stared at her, his worry still evident, but finally he nodded.
Vaguely, she wondered about the assignment she’d just volunteered for. It really didn’t matter when it was. She’d do it because it was the only reason she wasn’t back in fourteenth-century Scotland with the man who held her heart.
…
Torr hid just inside the south wood. It had been six days waiting, hearing nothing of import from the villagers who did commerce with Gealach. They hadn’t even mentioned the king, though he had learned the story of his own absent body. They said Diana had been so distraught by his pain that she had dragged him off the field and tried to save him. When she couldn’t, she buried him, but she never returned to Gealach because it reminded her of her grief.
He wasn’t surprised by the story. Anyone who knew her would understand the depth of her caring. Even his own brother had thought kindly of her. His chest grew tight, a common occurrence lately whenever he thought of her. Now that he’d witnessed the special power her clan had, he understood he’d misjudged her. She may have lied to him while living at Gealach, but he couldn’t deny she had brought something special into his life, something good, something beyond simple existence.
It had to be his lonely existence that had him mourning her absence. He felt about her now as he had felt about his clan while at her home. He couldn’t allow himself to think of her. It bothered him more than he cared to understand, especially now that he had experienced the magic of her people. That experience would stay with him the rest of his life.
He accepted that his clan and the king must think him dead and that he must not interfere in the battles to keep King Robert on the throne. If he did, it could jeopardize Robert’s final victory. He would have never believed Diana if he hadn’t experienced the journey himself from her home to Gealach.
He moved closer to the edge of the south field. He had to focus on his duty as he always had. Today was Sunday, and someone had to make the trek to the small pond. If no one did, he would be forced to move to the east wood where his clan hunted deer.
He stroked his full beard, Arthur’s strange words when they met echoing in his head. At the time, he thought the man more than a bit addled, but after coming back to Gealach, Arthur’s warning that anything he did could affect Diana being born, had him being extra cautious. If he understood the man, if Diana was never born, he’d no longer have a memory of her, and he wanted that. So he would let his beard grow long and ragged and appear as if he had no clan.
His chest felt heavy as his thoughts rested on her once again. He would never forget her standing on the wall-walk, the moonlight reflecting off her pale braid, shadowing her features to make her beautiful green eyes appear mysterious. Calming Stoirm, nudging Evan, talking with Mairi, she was always helping others. She deserved to be loved, but he couldn’t do it. Even if he’d stayed with her, he couldn’t love her. He couldn’t bear more loss, yet he wished her with him, despite everything.
Movement at the castle redirected his attention. He peered through the trees and watched as the portcullis cranked upward. Six horses galloped through and headed south toward the village. He studied the men as they rode closer. It was Fergus and Ian leading others of his clan.
Laughter to his left caused him to step back, deeper into the woods. Others had left the castle and approached on foot while he’d studied the riders. Before the people made the trees, he silently sped through the forest to the dense wood near the pond. Finally, he would know.
He waited patiently, but his heart raced with anticipation. Eventually, Braigh and Mairi, now obviously with child, came into view. They were followed by Evan and Nessa, Beth, Helen, and…Kerr. He was so glad to see his brother, he stepped forward, but stopped himself in time. As least he could sleep now, having seen his brother alive. Relief brought a welcome peace with it.
As the others spread blankets, Kerr looked back along the trail. At the sound of a horse, Torr moved to find a better view. Seeing his clan members again relieved the edge of desperation he’d lived with since the battle. If he could hear how they were managing, he could step away for good, or perhaps with just an occasional hidden visit. His responsibilities to them had become habit. It would be difficult to set them aside.
Movement on the trail caught his attention. Angus appeared and then what looked like a litter attached to…Neul? Neul was his older brother’s horse. He’d ridden him to battle the day he was taken prisoner. How did Kerr find the horse? Unable to tear his gaze from the litter, Torr gasped as Carnach’s face came into view. Luckily the noise of the others masked his sound. He gripped his leine over his chest and watched as Kerr helped Carnach from the litter to a woolen on the ground.
His older brother scowled, revealing his pain. What did that bastard king do to him? Carnach’s face appeared drawn, his formerly muscled body gaunt. Even his dark brown hair had been cut away, and he favored his right side. Kerr laughed at Carnach’s grumbling and then let Beth and Helen fawn over the wounded man. As Carnach leaned against a tree and relaxed, the scowl left his face.
Torr couldn’t stop staring. He’d never expected to see his older brother alive. How did he escape? He had to know. Meeting with Carnach after a year’s absence shouldn’t affect the future. Maybe he could slip into the castle tonight and discover what had happened. But even at the thought, he rejected it. He couldn’t, not if it might affect the King’s triumph…and Diana. If he’d died at his last battle, he would never have known Carnach lived. He had Diana to thank for that.
As the group settled into their various activities, he moved closer and sat upon the ground, near enough to hear any conversation around Carnach. The urge to touch him, prove that he was indeed alive, was strong, yet Torr resisted. As some of his clan waded in the pond, the two couples walked hand in hand farther into the meadow. Kerr alone sat next to their brother. “Do ye remember this place, old man?”
“Watch yer tongue, or I’ll cut it from ye.”
Kerr laughed, but Torr tensed. Carnach had never spoken so harshly before.
“Fine, but do ye remember it?”
“Of course I do.” Carnach looked out at the pond, but his gaze was confused. He examined the area carefully as if scouting it out for battle.
“Good. And do ye remember Robert the Bruce?”
“O’course I bloody know the King of Scotland. How do ye think I got these blasted wounds? Why must you hound me with these questions?”
Kerr’s face sobered, and he glanced around. “Because the king is gathering forces on the islands and will be returning with a new army.”
Carnach looked directly at Kerr, his eyes glittering with contempt. “I thought the fight had gone from him when his wife was captured with me.”
“I don’t know about that, but I do know when Robert witnessed Torr being run through, he swore he’d not let another MacPherson die in vain. He left the next day for the isles.”
Carnach digested the news as did Torr. The king had begun his campaign, just as Diana had tried to tell him. His death had been important to the Scottish cause.
“I heard ye decimated the Comyns after Torr was wounded.”
Torr watched in surprise as Kerr’s face hardened. “Aye.”
Carnach peered keenly at him as if he wanted to twist a blade in an open wound. “I hear you turned berserker.”
Kerr wouldn’t meet his brother’s gaze and simply shrugged. Torr’s gut twisted. His younger brother had changed. The carefree outside was no more than a facade now, hiding a darker man. Torr wanted to change that, but he couldn’t. According to Arthur, Kerr would be important in the rebellion. Why hadn’t Arthur or Diana told him about Carnach?
Nessa and Beth approached the blanket, and Kerr’s face changed once again into its typical grin. “Is it time for food?”
Beth rolled her eyes at him, but Nessa speared him with a look. “Ye can make yerself useful by filling the bucket with water.”
Kerr jumped up and bowed. “Of course, yer highness.”
She smacked him on the arm, and he strolled over to the horse to grab the bucket. Nessa took out trenchers and prepared them with food. “Evan, I need yer help.”
Evan stopped his conversation with Braigh and strode toward her.
Beth addressed Carnach with a smile in her voice and a nod toward Nessa. “Not two days betrothed and already she is telling him what to do.”
Torr watched as his brother nodded sagely, and Nessa blushed. So, Evan had finally asked Nessa to be his wife. Diana would be pleased to learn… A sharp stab of pain sliced through his heart. He would never see Diana to tell her. Would she know? He wanted her to know. He wanted to tell her, share this news with her.
As the others gathered for the meal, Torr slipped away, deeper into the woods. This would be his life until he died, on the edges of humanity because he wasn’t supposed to be alive, and he could not stomach joining another clan as a broken man. He was a MacPherson, always. His clan now had two hardened warriors to lead them, and Robert had started to rally his forces. If the future held as Diana explained, then he was no longer needed at Gealach. He was no longer needed anywhere. In fact, as she had tried to tell him, his death triggered all these favorable events. To come back, alive, meant to ruin all the good his death had brought, and it could threaten Diana’s life.
His stride lengthened as he moved farther into the wood. Diana.
With his worries about his family gone and the constant habit of responsibility removed from his mind, she became the focal point of his thoughts, his heart, his existence. He found himself running, his heart racing, his body shaking with adrenaline. He’d demanded she take him home, but he had no home without her and there was no way back. The agony tore at his insides. He ran faster, tree branches scraping his arms and face.
Diana.
His wound throbbed and still he couldn’t stop, the pain of her loss too great. If he stopped it would overcome him. His own idiocy burned inside him, urging him on even as rage engulfed him. He ran hard along the river that filled Loch Gynack. Faster. He swatted away branches even as his vision turned red. He wanted to destroy, to kill, until ahead he faced a stately pine with needles the color of Diana’s eyes, and he couldn’t hold it in any longer. He charged the tree, his left shoulder hitting the center of the large trunk.
The tree moved, uprooted, and fell.
Torr fell to the side at the unexpected outcome, the jarring sending a burst of pain through his chest. He tried to stand, but doubled over, the physical pain manifesting the agony within. The loss of another he loved was too much. He fell to his knees and clutched at his chest. Throwing his head back, he howled as his already tortured heart broke.