Chapter Forty-Nine
It’s late when we return to the Rydell estate, our hair still damp with seawater. Tarik meets us at the door. His eyes briefly meet mine, the urgency of tonight burning in his gaze. Perhaps he’s wondering if I’ve said anything to Kalen.
“Tarik,” Kalen says, hardly offering a glance at his steward. “Send someone to bring us wine.”
We head up to his room, and Kalen offers for me to take a shower first. I soak up my last hot shower, scrub the seawater off my skin with the same persistence that I try to wash the guilt of betraying Kalen from my soul. When I finish, he takes his turn showering, and I use the opportunity to check his dresser for the ignition key.
Still there. Perfect.
Briala comes up a moment later with wine. Her eyes meet mine, and I can see the jealousy boiling beneath. Don’t worry, Briala. After tonight, he will be all hers. My own heart burns with jealousy at the mere thought. I pour myself a glass and sip, but my stomach is too upset to drink. Worms from the thought of running away tonight. And the deep sense of filthiness for using his ship.
A cool breeze sweeps in from the balcony. I step across the cool tile floor outside. I’m feeling unexpectedly light-headed and need some fresh air to help me think. The Red Moon is full tonight. That revelation is like a punch in the stomach. Full Red Moon: night of escape. How are the runaways who are leaving their homes tonight, risking their lives for freedom? How many people will show up to escape with us? We’re planning on a few hundred, but what if no one appears? The rumors the king spread about the Renegade being a bunch of cutthroats clearly has the slaves terrified. I lean my hip against the railing, nervously run my fingers through my wet hair. It seems like a lifetime that I’ve been on this planet. And yet…it went by way too quickly.
I hear the bathroom door open, and a moment later Kalen comes up behind me, snakes both arms around my waist. “Did you have fun today?”
I smile at the memory of seaboarding, the thrill of flying over the water at the speed of lightning, the wind against my face, the sun on my skin.
“That was exciting, Kalen. But my muscles demand an apology.” I massage my lower back and groan dramatically.
Kalen snorts. “Perhaps I should get my masseuse up here to tend to your sore muscles.”
“I think I would rather your skilled fingers do the work.”
His brows arch in pleasant surprise. “That can be arranged.” He gently runs his hands across my back, then grips my shoulders and digs his thumbs into the tense muscle, slowly working his way down my back. I lean forward against the banister and give a very unladylike groan.
“I could seriously get used to this.”
“If you stay,” he says, “I would dedicate time every day to this.”
Tempting.
He sighs deeply. “Lark, you provoke the most unfamiliar emotions in me. I’ve never felt this way, not with anyone.”
I shake my head and breathe out a laugh. “That’s something I will never understand.”
He freezes, then slowly turns me to face him. “What?”
“Why you say I make you feel so…different. I don’t get it. Why me?”
He stares at me like he can’t believe my misunderstanding. “Because even though my company enslaved you, you still helped Adeline get better. Even though your life was on the line, you rescued those sick slaves from execution. You’re brave and strong, but you’re also compassionate.”
Brave and strong? I would have never used those words to describe myself a year ago, but now…I don’t know. It’s like being immersed in a new culture has brought out a new me. Being faced with these fears has challenged me to be brave. I’m not afraid to be heard anymore, to do things that actually matter.
“It’s this love, Lark. Love,” he says. “It’s strange and magnetic and confusing, but uncontrollable. I love you. You alone. You should at least be able to understand that, if you don’t understand my other reasons. I love you fiercely. Passionately. In a growing flame type of way.” He pushes a loose strand of hair behind my ear, tilts my chin up, and searches my eyes. “You have a certain passion that completely takes me off guard and draws me in. You make me feel things I’ve never felt before, and it terrifies me.”
His words make a crack in my heart. They rearrange the veins so my blood doesn’t know which way to flow, and I’m confused, so confused because what he’s saying right now makes me rethink everything that I’m about to do with the Renegade. But I can tell Kalen none of this. So instead of saying anything, I pull his head down. And kiss him on the lips.
It’s a kiss of promise and passion.
It’s a kiss of serenity and complete abandon.
But most of all, it’s a kiss of betrayal.
He cups the back of my head and deepens the kiss. All my worries and fears vanish at his touch. I stumble closer until I can feel the length of him pressing into my stomach, and a breath escapes me at the divine proximity. He swoops me into his arms and carries me to his bed, where he lays me down and crawls on top of me, kissing my neck, my cheeks. His lips move up to my ear and he licks my ear. I shudder, my back arching in response. And I’m helpless, pinned beneath his weight as his hips press into mine. My fingers make their way beneath his shirt, caressing his skin. He gasps as I wrap my fingers around the hem of his shirt and begin tugging it off, but he grabs my hand, stopping me.
“If we go any further,” he says huskily. “I’m not sure I’ll be able to stop myself.”
“Then don’t.”
His eyes widen and he pulls back, as though to see if I’m serious.
“I want this, Kalen,” I press. “It’s not an escape to me. Not anymore.” It’s a good-bye.
His throat convulses in a swallow. He releases my hand and pulls his shirt over his head, tossing it aside. I run my hands down his muscled abdomen, across his naval, down the V where my fingers stop at the hem of his pants, and he groans. The deep sound carves out the pit of my stomach, and I feel a pull. I want him.
Now.
All of him.
I lift my eyes to his, which are violet and warm and filled with a primal hunger.
“Please,” I whisper, because I need him. I need him so desperately, and I don’t want to wait another second. “I want you.”
The need in his eyes only deepens that longing. He leans down, his lips once again on mine. I kiss him back, hungry, starving. I want to rip open his rib cage, connect our beating hearts, weave our souls together, and never let him go.
His kisses make their way to my lips. He runs his hands down the length of my waist, grabs the hem of my tunic, and begins tugging it up. I lift my arms above my head and he slides it off. His fingers glide back down the length of my arms, down my chest, between my breasts where he snaps off my bra. I allow his hands to roam across my breasts as he brushes off the fabric.
He studies my body with open admiration, and I swear, no man has ever admired at me the way Kalen admires me now. No man has ever made me feel so worthy and…unattainable. His eyes lift to mine, and the wonder I behold within takes my breath away.
“Lark.” My name is a love song coming from his lips. “You’re. So. Beautiful.”
I inhale sharply. I don’t think anyone’s ever called me beautiful. He leans down and presses his lips against my temple, my cheek, my neck, around to the other side, and with each caress, I lose more of myself. He loves me. Fiercely. Me alone. And how can I betray the one person who ever made me feel like somebody?
He kisses every inch of my skin. One breast, then the other, then the valley in between. He grips my rib cage, his thumbs gently stroking the tender place beneath my breasts, and his kisses make their way down my sternum, my stomach, to my hips. And every kiss makes another crack in my heart. He presses his lips to the insides of my thighs, and I nearly come undone. Closing his eyes, he inhales deeply. “You smell so good, Lark. I can’t wait to get a taste.” He opens his eyes, and the dark carnal desire I find within those violet pools takes my breath away. “Later, though.”
By the gods.
“Take your pants off,” I order.
A predatory grin spreads across his face, but he obeys. Not fast enough, I have to reach up and unbuckle it for him.
“So eager,” he growls.
He hooks his finger into the hem of my underwear, and I release a gasp as he yanks them off and tosses them onto the floor. I feel the length of him against the inside of my thigh, and my desire grows, burns, nearly consumes me.
I grab his shoulders and pull him on top of me. I need him. I need this last night with him. I need to commit it to memory, a moment I can look back to when I’m back on Earth and missing him terribly. He kisses my neck, captures my wrists and pins them above my head while wrapping his other hand around my waist. My skin warms to his possessive touch.
His pulsing becomes rougher, rhythmic, persistent and unrelenting. My body reacts to his every silent command. Every emotion I’m experiencing is unfamiliar but so, so beautiful, and I embrace it, I drown in it, I lose myself in it. My breathing is fast and ragged, mingling with his short breaths. And the pressure is building, building, building. One more shove, and I release all my anxiety, all my fears, all my inhibitions, gone. My subconscious is floating somewhere in space, and I’ve no desire to return to reality.
“I love you, Lark,” he breathes in my ear, finding his own release. “Gods, I love you.”
It’s in that moment that I realize he’s telling the truth.
And it’s in that same moment that I realize it’s too late to turn back from betraying him.
I blink, and a tear rolls down my temple into my ear at the thought of leaving him—hurting him. Never seeing him again after tonight.
“Lark, what’s wrong?” He moves beside me, propping himself on his elbow.
I stare up at him through my tears, and swallow against the burning in the back of my throat. “I just—I love you, Kalen. I love you so much.”
He strokes a finger down my temple, brushing away the tear. “I love you too, Lark. There’s nothing—nothing that can take away my love for you.”
And those words are my final undoing, because I think there might be one thing that can take away his love. And there’s no way out of it now.