“It’s my turn!” Michelle whined.
Jake smiled at the baby. “Shh… Elle, you’re going to wake him up!”
She crossed her arms and pouted. When she turned from the impossible, baby-stealing man, she found three pairs of eyes on Jake. Part sadness and part hope shone in his direction. The man didn’t notice it one bit. He was entirely enthralled with his godson.
Michelle had learned that little fact after they were allowed back into the room. She also learned that nurses were incredibly protective over new mothers. The group was kicked out of the room soon after Bobby was cleaned, so they could show her how to breastfeed the hungry newborn.
“I’m sorry to say, visiting hours are over. It’s time mom and baby get some rest,” a nurse informed them from the doorway.
Michelle sighed as she realized her turn to cuddle wouldn’t happen until tomorrow’s visiting hours. “Baby stealer,” she mumbled at Jake.
She watched him stand and walk Bobby back to Janey. The moment his lips pressed against the peach fuzz on the baby’s head, Michelle felt her heart trip right over itself. The sweet kiss did things to her insides that she was too afraid to process.
“Thanks for coming today. You guys are our family, and I couldn’t have done this without you,” Janey whispered as she cuddled her son in her arms. Michelle could hear the utter exhaustion in her friend’s voice.
Jake bent over Janey and kissed her cheek. She couldn’t hear Janey’s whispered words. Jake’s expression became somber before it lightened. A smile crinkled his eyes. “Love you, Janey-girl.”
Michelle didn’t have a lot of time to examine their exchange as her friend’s attention moved from Jake to her. She kissed her godson’s head and looked at her friend whose eyes were narrowed on her.
Janey raised her brow. “We are going to have a long little talk when my vagina’s not on fire from being torn into two.”
“You did great, Janey. I’m so proud of you!” Michelle said, evading her friend’s threat.
Michelle and Jake walked out of the room and down to the elevators hand in hand.
“He’s so beautiful,” she told Jake with a sigh. Today would go down in Michelle’s memory book as one of her most exceptional days. Between her time with Jake to being there when Bobby was born, her grateful meter was filled.
When Jake only remained quiet, she turned to him and noticed the faraway look on his face. His mood was somber, unlike ten minutes ago.
“Guys, wait up!” Scott called as the doors began to shut.
They held the doors open, and Scott joined them. “Any way you guys can drop me off at the house?”
“Sure,” Jake told him. Michelle noted with that one word how thick with emotion his voice sounded.
The ride in the elevator went quickly. The trio moved through the hallways and outside. They walked in silence to Jake’s car. She held Jake’s hand the whole time but could feel a wall between them that wasn’t there hours ago.
“I can’t believe I’m an uncle,” Scott said after a period of thick silence.
Michelle glanced at Jake who only acknowledged his friend’s words with a look in the rearview mirror and a nod of his head.
“Jake… um… I know this is—”
“Scotty,” Jake warned.
The rest of the ride was spent in silence. Scott was dropped off at Janey’s, and then they were on their way once again. Michelle thought through all the information she learned about Jake in these last few days. The grief she’d witnessed once was drowning the man next to her now.
They arrived at her place, and Jake put the car in park. She stared out the windshield as snowflakes drifted by. Michelle didn’t know what to do—if she should push or let him be. Seeing him hurt like he was felt awful.
She had not been so affected by another’s misery, except for Janey’s, in so long that the feeling felt foreign. All she could think was that Jake shouldn’t be by himself.
“Come inside?” Michelle asked and turned toward him. “We can watch a movie or have a drink or just—”
“I’m not the best company right now,” he mumbled.
Michelle removed her gloves and cupped his face. “Come inside, honey,” she pleaded. “It’s warm inside. You can hang out while I get some things cleaned up. You don’t have to talk. Just don’t go, not when you’re clearly upset.”
She took a chance and switched off the car and removed the keys. Jake didn’t say a word, only watched her movements. Michelle got out of the car and shut the door, hoping he would follow her. She forced her feet to move, and as she let herself in, she heard his car door shut.
After locking his car, she hung his keys next to hers and removed her coat and boots. When he came in and did the same, she felt a sliver of hope.
Michelle found the bottle of Glenfiddich 18 in her cabinet and poured some into two glasses. She grabbed one and his hand, as he stood lost in her living room, and pulled him to the couch. After handing him the glass, she set out to fix them a warm fire.
In one hand, the silence was deafening. Yet she noticed her home felt right with him in it, no matter the mood and emotions he was experiencing.
She gave him space and set out to clean the food they never ate. Once everything was in its place, she grabbed her drink and the bottle and moved to the couch. He barely drank from his glass as his mind traveled to an unseen place. His elbows rested on his knees with his drink dangling between two fingers.
Michelle grabbed her throw and settled into her spot. There was a foot of space between them, but she didn’t want to intrude on whatever mental trip he was taking. She sipped her drink and became lost in her own thoughts as she stared into the pretty flames.
She didn’t know how much time passed, but the flames had died down when Jake finally spoke.
“The roads were slick from the rain. Emily was on her way home when she must have hit an oily spot. She lost control of the car and slid into oncoming traffic. The semi driver didn’t even have a chance to hit the brakes, let alone swerve, before he T-boned her. The impact caused her placenta to separate. Both of them died before the medics could get to Emily... she bled to death. I never got to hold my daughter…”
The last of his words were choked out. Michelle moved onto his lap and pulled him into her arms. His sobs reached deep inside of her and tore big gaping holes into her heart. Hot tears poured out of Michelle at Jake’s soul-crushing anguish.
Jake was meant to be a father. She’d seen the way he held Bobby in his arms. To hear him say he had never held his daughter broke Michelle. She didn’t think this was a pain he would ever truly recover from. The need to make him feel better, to know he wasn’t left to deal with his loss by himself, overwhelmed Michelle.
He cried out his sorrow, and she vowed she wouldn’t let go. Now she understood why no one had dared to take Bobby from his arms. She searched her memories for any that included Janey telling her about this accident, but her mind couldn’t seem to find any. For as close as he seemed to be to her friends, she hadn’t heard a peep about him. It made no sense to her.
When he was left with no more tears, Michelle held him and told him how sorry she was for the lives stolen from him.
Jake cleared his throat. “I’m sorry.” His voice was raw, and the words were forced.
“Shh… you don’t have to ever apologize to me for what was stolen from you,” she told him as she wiped his ravaged, tear-stained face. “Let me get you some water.”
Jake disappeared into her bathroom after she got up. When he returned, she noted the puffiness around his eyes and the exhaustion that settled from his emotional rollercoaster.
She grabbed the glass and met him. “Stay the night,” she said and locked her fingers with his.
He didn’t fight her but rather followed her lead. There was nothing sexual from her invitation. Only the need to keep him safe, and she didn’t want him alone.
Michelle changed into her pajamas, and when she returned, Jake was under the covers. She slipped in and placed her head on his bare shoulder.
“Good night, honey.”
“Night, sweet Elle.” Jake kissed her head, and a sigh escaped her lips at the sweet gesture.
The slow circles of his thumb on her hip, and the exhaustion that caught up to her, put her into a deep sleep within moments.
It was dark outside, and Michelle didn’t know what time it was. What she did know was the smell of Jake. The heavy arm around her waist kept her body flush against his front. Michelle’s brain tried to recall the events of the last twenty-four hours. Her mind was foggy with exhaustion one moment, and her eyes were filled with tears the next.
Bobby. Emily. Jake.
Jake.
Michelle bit her lip, holding back the pain she felt for this man. He was asleep, and he needed it. His mind and heart needed the rest, and she refused to bring him back to reality.
Taking slow breaths, she finally calmed her emotions. Only now, her bladder wanted her attention. She carefully slipped from the bed after prying his arm from around her. As quickly and quietly as possible, Michelle did her business and returned to bed.
“Elle?” Jake’s groggy voice called.
Michelle slipped back under the covers. “Right here, honey. Go back to sleep.”
Jake’s head cuddled on her breasts, and his arm wrapped around her midsection. Somehow, his larger frame didn’t suffocate her. She rubbed circles on his back, hoping to ease him back to sleep.
“Think… I’m… love…” His mumbled and incoherent words were spoken against her body.
Her body froze as she stared down at the top of his head. “I think I’m falling in love with you too.” Her whispered words barely reached her own ears—a confession in the middle of the night after a hard, emotional day.
A week had passed since that emotional roller coaster. With Bobby’s arrival into their world, Janey was at home, and they were one person short at work. Michelle and a few others had agreed upon a system to help pick up Janey’s responsibilities.
This meant Michelle found herself at the office every night after everyone left. She knew she didn’t have to do this, but it was her way of doing things. She couldn’t focus on one thing if there were ten other tasks needing her attention.
Normally, she didn’t mind the solitude of it all. Now… now she hated that it kept her from seeing more of Jake.
They spoke on the phone or texted each other every day. He was the last person she spoke to before her eyes shut for sleep. The thought of it alone brought a smile to her face.
Jake was… her biggest fear.
He was a romantic, even after his own heartbreak. He was the gentleman she used to fantasize about as a little girl when she dreamed about Prince Charming. He was sexy to the core, and the man could tease her through the phone like no other had.
Every day she fell a little harder for him. Which meant she was terrified of things going wrong.
Michelle’s fingers rubbed her temples. “Get your shit together! Be positive,” she reminded herself.
As if on cue, her phone vibrated inside her desk drawer. Before she could even tell herself to take a breath to calm her mind, her fingers pulled the drawer open, grabbed the phone, and unlocked it.
Jake Smith: Please have dinner with me tonight. I can’t take another day of not seeing you.
A smile spread across her face, and her stomach did a somersault. When reality crashed in that she didn’t even finish one file yet, let alone checking into Janey’s, she wanted to cry. Michelle missed him, and she worried what the withdrawals of him meant.
Michelle Harper: I can’t… God I want to…
Jake must have kept his phone in his hands because his reply came within moments of her hitting send.
Jake Smith: Then have dinner with me Elle. I’m losing my mind over here without seeing you…
Another piece in her heart disappeared, and her stomach flipped over once more.
Michelle Harper: I miss you too! I have so much work to do with Janey gone.
Jake Smith: You’re going to make me pout.
Laughter burst from Michelle. A deep, from-the-belly chuckle at imagining Jake pouting to see her. Her phone buzzed again, and she was still giggling as she read it.
Jake Smith: Okay. I’ll give you tonight but tomorrow is Friday and I refuse to go another day without seeing your beautiful face.
Michelle Harper: We’ve video chatted almost every night you big baby.
Her skin flushed, thinking about some of those calls. They may not have had sex yet, but Jake was quite creative in telling her what he wanted to do to her. What he planned to do to her.
Jake Smith: It’s not the same and you know it. I miss your smell… your taste… your warm body. Tomorrow night at six. No excuses baby.
Michelle stared at the text. Her breaths were shallow, and her legs were pressed together. When her eyes fell to the last bit, she found herself smiling like a schoolgirl. It wasn’t the first time he called her baby, but it felt different somehow.
She was being ridiculous, and she knew it. Michelle needed to tone down the emotions swirling around her head and heart.
Michelle Harper: It’s not the same. Six, tomorrow. You big baby.
She opened the drawer, intent on tossing her phone back in, when it went off with another text. Wondering what else he had to say after she agreed to seeing him, she unlocked the screen.
Jake Smith: I’m *your* big baby…
In that moment, she froze as excitement and nerves ran along her skin. This was the first time there was any kind of mention of belonging to the other. For Michelle, she hadn’t had any sort of desire to date other men since Jake had ran her over. That didn’t mean Jake wasn’t still eyeballing other women.
It wasn’t a conversation she was keen on having. On one hand, it could work in her favor and he’d be on the same page as her. On the other… she could learn he was seeing a couple of women in addition to her.
She always knew it was a possibility and planned on safe sex whenever they circled backed around to it. Her heart wouldn’t have managed learning his attention was divided. This last text led her to believe there were no others. The problem was that she didn’t know if he expected her to not date around but he still planned to.
“Michelle, quit it!” she scolded herself as her thoughts flew right into psycho land.
She inhaled deeply and tapped out one text before erasing it and repeating it before she finally hit send.
Michelle Harper: Is that a fact?
When the phone stayed silent for a few minutes, she forced herself to put it away and get back to work. Only, her mind was pure chaos, second-guessing her words and her emotions flying around. Michelle jumped when the ringtone she’d assigned to Jake filled her office.
She stared at the photo of Jake for a second before finally answering. “Hello?”
“You okay?” he asked.
“Yeah? Why?” Michelle asked, her skin prickling at only the sound of his voice.
She heard a rustle before he sighed. “Your last text…”
“What about it?” she asked after he trailed off.
“It’s a fact, Elle. I thought you knew that.” When she didn’t speak, he continued. “I am not seeing anyone else. I haven’t looked at another woman since the night I met you. I didn’t expect or plan to have this conversation over the phone either. Now… ugh… I hate to have to ask this over the phone without seeing your face, but—”
“What?” The word came out barely audible.
“Are you seeing someone else? Is that what thi—”
“No!” She practically screamed into the phone. “No. Honey, it’s only been you.” Her words ended with a sigh.
She heard a loud gush of air from the breath he must have been holding. “Oh, good… shit, that’s good to hear.”
Michelle giggled at his relief.
“Elle, you don’t know how many times I’ve wanted to ask you that. Then as the days passed and we hadn’t seen each other…”
She smiled. “Jake I’m glad you brought this up. I’ve wondered the same, but was too chickenshit to ask.”
His throaty chuckle brought a calm over her she couldn’t quite describe. “Elle?”
“Yeah?”
“I’m yours… are you mine?” His words were low as though he wasn’t sure he wanted the answer to his question. The vulnerability in his voice was clear as day to her.
“Yes…”
“Good, because I don’t share.”
Before Michelle could reply, she heard the call end. His words echoed in her head until she forced herself to focus on her work. She would never get home in time to talk to him if she spent her time daydreaming.
At least the conversation calmed her earlier fears. Jake didn’t share. That was a good thing because neither did she.