Chapter 13
Jax
Despite the shitty-arse bed I’m sleeping on, that was one of the best nights’ sleep I’ve had in a while. I smile as I remember what happened between Bentley and me. She could deny it all she wanted, but I knew she wanted me. Now that she’s had me, we can ride off into the sunset together. I’m sure Mav wouldn’t mind if I borrowed his bike for a bit. I open my eyes, expecting her to still be beside me, but she’s not. I look up and check Buttons’s cage, but she’s not there either. Hurriedly I get dressed.
“Bentley?” I call.
“In here,” she says, her voice coming from the exam room.
I walk in and find her sitting on a stool, Buttons on a blanket on the table, eating from a dropper. “Hey,” I say as I walk over to her. When I get there, I kiss the top of her head. “How’s our girl?”
“She’s better,” Bentley says with a tight smile that doesn’t reach her eyes.
“But?” I ask.
“But nothing.”
“So why does your face say otherwise?”
“No face,” she says, wiping all emotion from it. “Buttons is doing well. She responded well to the antiserum and has had a little bit to eat. Once Lisa gets in I’ll have her check her over, then she can probably go home.”
“That’s great!” I say, and lean down to kiss Bentley, but she moves and dodges it. “Okaaayyy,” I say, confused about her avoidance and overall weirdness.
“I should get everything set up for the day,” she says as she gets up.
I bundle Buttons up and chase after my girl. I’ve just caught up to her when Lisa, the vet, walks through the door.
“Hey, you two,” she says, smiling. “I brought breakfast, I figured you could use it.”
I look to Bentley, who is steadfastly ignoring me. “That’s great, Lis, thanks.”
“Yeah, thanks,” I mumble.
“You’re welcome,” she says, coming over to me. “How’s our patient doing this morning?”
“Bentley says she’s better,” I reply.
“Well, let’s check her out,” she says, grabbing Buttons from me and heading to the exam room.
“Hey, Lis,” Bentley calls, “I’m just going to run home and take a shower and change, all right?”
“Oh sure, hon,” Lisa says, her focus fully on Buttons, “take your time.”
Without a word to me, Bentley’s out the door.
A few hours later when Buttons and I leave the clinic, there’s still no sign of her.
***
The next day Bentley isn’t at the gym for our usual session. In fact, over the next two weeks, I don’t see or hear from her at all. I thought after our night together that would be it, we would put all the bullshit playing around we’ve been doing behind us. Apparently she had other ideas. It doesn’t mean I’ve been able to stop thinking about her, though. Every night when I go to sleep all I can see is her beneath me, the look on her face when she came etched into my memory. I know that even if I never see her again, I’ll never forget it. I thought that this time, something would go right, that Bentley would be different. Maybe it was naïve of me to think we’d go riding off into the sunset, but I did. I wanted to. I wanted it so badly. I thought Bentley did too. Clearly I was wrong, just like I have been so many times before.
I stomp into the house after another Bentley-less gym session, and flop on the couch.
“Hey,” Mav says as he pokes his head around the corner of the kitchen, his mouth full. I lift a hand in reply. I hear the fridge close, and he comes over to join me, dropping into a recliner. “What’s up?” he asks as he takes a sip of water.
“Nothing,” I sigh.
“Uh-huh, and I suppose that’s the same nothing that’s been up for a fortnight, right?”
“Yep,” I say, popping the p.
“Come on, Jax, talk to me. I know it’s not our thing, but it clearly didn’t work for me, so, what’s up, bro?”
“It may not have worked for you, but I’m a BMX god, things are my bitch,” I say. Mav doesn’t reply, just sits and stares at me. “What?” I ask after a minute of him not saying anything.
“Nothing,” he says, but doesn’t look away from me.
“Grr,” I say, annoyed. The look on his face changes from neutral to smug. “You’re a fucking pest, you know that?”
He chuckles. “Where do you think you got it from?”
“No one. I’m Jax Ryan. I imitate no one, I’m one hundred percent original.”
“Uh-huh, sure,” he jests.
“Whatever,” I mutter.
“Seriously, Jax, tell me what’s going on. I know there’s something. You never know, I may be able to help.”
I sigh. “I slept with Bentley.”
“Oh.”
“Yeah, and it was fucking fantastic, like, I saw stars and shit. So I wake up the next morning and she’s ice-cold towards me.”
“Oh,” Mav says again.
“Yeah. That was two weeks ago, and I haven’t seen or heard from her since.”
“So I guess it wasn’t just a one-night thing?”
“Not for me,” I say, picking at a seam on the couch.
“Does she feel the same?”
“I don’t know, because she won’t fucking talk to me,” I say, my frustration rising to the surface. “I’ve been calling and texting her, trying to get her to say something, anything, but it’s been radio silence. I thought about turning up at her work but I thought that may be a bridge too far. I just don’t get it, man. We were perfect. We are perfect. How can she just walk away from this?”
Mav sighs and runs a hand through his hair. “Don’t take this the wrong way, but maybe this is for the best.”
“What? How?” I ask, jerking upright.
“Don’t lose your shit on me, but is Bentley really someone you want to take this leap with?”
“Why wouldn’t I?” I ask, confused. I don’t get why Mav is asking this question. Bentley’s amazing and incredible and all sorts of good things, why wouldn’t I want to be with her?
“I don’t know,” he says, scratching his cheek, a sure sign he’s uncomfortable. “When I met her she seemed kind of, I don’t know, closed off, I guess.”
“Not with me, she’s not.”
“Okay,” he says.
“That’s it?” I ask. That was way too easy.
“What else is there? She’s different with you, I believe that.”
“But you think there’s more, don’t you?”
He sighs. “I say she seems closed off, you say she’s different with you. I’m not saying that’s not the case, but from what I’m seeing right now, her avoiding you, I’d say she’s closed off to you too.”
I shake my head. “You’re wrong. You’re dead wrong.”
Mav’s words are still swirling round in my head two weeks later. Luckily the doc checked me out and said I am officially free of all concussion symptoms and can resume full training. I have to admit it felt fucking amazing to be told that. There was a second there when Bentley crossed my mind. I thought of how proud she’d be of me and the progress I made, but I dismiss it quickly. I don’t want thoughts of her to occupy my happy place. Even if she does make that place brighter, I can’t have her invade it. She’s made her feelings more than clear. It doesn’t matter how much I wish she’d reconsider, and how much I hate myself for wanting that. Bentley La Roche is out of the picture. And that leaves me to be my amazing self once again. Crisis averted. And just to prove she is out of my system once and for all, I’m taking Josh out on the town. I’m going to get that kid laid if it kills me.
“I don’t think this is a good idea,” Josh says as he shifts from foot to foot nervously.
“What’s not good about it?” I ask while we wait in line to be let into one of the Coast’s hottest clubs. All around us are a ton of beautiful people. Guys in tight shirts opened almost to their navels, and girls in dresses that would be hard-pressed to be classified as tops.
“This isn’t really my scene.”
I sling an arm around his shoulders. “No offence, Josh, but nothing is really your scene.”
“Exactly, so we should just give up and go home.”
I sigh. “Aren’t you bored of doing the same old thing day after day?” I ask. “Not doing anything other than playing on your computer or hanging around with your sister and my brother? Where’s the excitement there? We’re both young, and single, we’re in the prime of our lives and you’re letting it pass you by. We should be out every night, living it up.”
“Living what up?” he asks.
“Life, my friend, life,” I say as we move to the front of the line.
“Oh shit!” the bouncer says when he checks us out. “You’re Jax Ryan!”
I laugh a little self-consciously. “Yeah, that’s me.”
“Oh, whoa, man, you’re like, totally rad,” he says.
“Thanks, I appreciate it.”
“You looking to party tonight?”
“Ah.” I look to Josh who looks like he’s about to make a run for it. “Nah, me and my mate here are just wanting to hang out for a bit, you know, check out the talent on display, that sort of thing.”
The bouncer nods. “I feel ya, man,” he says. “Here.” He unhooks the velvet rope. “Tell Tina inside I told ya you’re good and to let you into the VIP area.”
I offer him my hand. “Thanks, my man. I appreciate it.”
After a little fun flirting with the very lovely Tina, Josh and I go up to the VIP area above the club. Immediately we’re shown to a booth and our drink orders taken.
“See, isn’t this great?” I ask Josh as we sip our beers once they’re delivered.
He shrugs. “I don’t understand why it’s so loud in here. Or why it’s so dark. The flashing lights are hurting my eyes.”
“You’ve never had fun in your life, have you?” I ask.
“Not everyone’s idea of fun is the same,” he says defensively.
I blow out a breath. “I’m sorry, I’m being an arse. You’re a good sport for coming with me so I can drown my sorrows.”
“Was she really that amazing?” Josh asks tentatively.
“You ever been with a woman?” I ask. He shakes his head infinitesimally. “The moment when you first slide into a woman… it’s like nothing else on the planet, man. It’s like all the best things in life. But being with Bentley, it was just… more, you know?” He shakes his head. “It’s like, because we were friends first, it just meant more. There was this connection between us that elevated everything. Plus, she’s beautiful. I’ve been with a lot of women but Bentley, she was, she is unlike any of them.”
“Are you in love with her?”
“What? No!” I say. “We’re just friends.”
“But you want to be more, right?”
I nod. “Yeah, a lot more.”
“So why not go after her? You’re Jax Ryan after all.”
I laugh. “If only that would help in this case.” I blow out a breath. “But there’s always plenty more fish in the sea, right?”
“Ah, yeah, right,” he replies.
I down my beer and motion for another one. “So let’s go fishing, my friend.”
More than a few beers later and Josh and I are surrounded by a bevy of babes and things are getting, well, sloppy for want of a better word. There are hands and mouths flying all over the place, and I think my shirt has been ripped open. It’s not like I give a flying fuck though.
“See?” I ask Josh. “Plenty of fish in the sea.”
“Yeah, sure,” he says, sipping his beer.
“What’s up?” I ask. “Are you not having fun?”
“How is this fun?” he questions. “You’re basically being mauled by a bunch of plastic bimbos, whose names you don’t know, won’t ask for, and who you won’t even remember in the morning. And for what? To forget a girl you clearly don’t want to forget, much less get over.” He shakes his head. “And I have to sit here and watch all of this go down? Yeah, this is just tons of fun.”
“Geez, twin dude, that’s a bit harsh.”
“Is it?” he asks. “Sorry, I lost my patience after you did a shot of whatever that was out of that girl’s belly button.”
“Tequila,” I answer.
“Whatever.”
I sigh and take a look around me. Josh is right. We came here to have fun. Sure, the girls surrounding us are beautiful, and I know one or more of them would be more than willing to come home with me. In fact, I could probably persuade one of them to show some love to my man Josh over here, but for what? A ten-second release followed by days or even weeks of regret? No, Josh is right. None of these girls can replace Bentley. If, and that’s a big if, I’m going to get over her, I’m going to have to do it the hard way.
“Come on,” I say, getting up, “let’s go home.”
“Really?” Josh asks, excitement lighting his eyes for the first time tonight.
“Yeah, you’re right. There’s nothing here for me, so let’s get out of here. I hear there’s a Game of Thrones marathon happening right now.”
With my preferred method of avoidance proving to be a bust, I headed to my first love to keep me busy and my mind off all things Bentley La Roche. I had Reed ship one of my bikes to me, and for the first time in four and a half months, I’m about to get back on. I’ve got to admit, there was a part of me that thought this may never happen, that I was done. It scared me shitless. I should’ve known you can never keep a good thing down. Besides, I’m not a good thing; I’m the best thing. And at twenty, there’s no way in hell I want to be thinking about what I’ll be doing after I’ve finished riding. Hopefully that’s still a very long time off. Riding has taken up so much of my life, I have no idea who I am without it. And I don’t want to find out. I love what I do, who I am, and the wind blowing in my face reminds me of that. The local skate park has a pretty decent set-up, so I roll in there. I’m not going to lie, it feels fucking incredible to be back on my bike. For me, riding is a way of expressing myself, of letting go of everything and just letting loose. Today is no different. The kiddies that usually hang around are at school, so I have the place to myself. Or at least I think I do.
“Looking good out there,” a voice says as I stop to get my breath back and have a drink. I spin and see a guy, probably in his forties, leaning against a fence.
“Er, thanks?” I say, unsure as to who the fuck this guy is and what he wants.
“Knew you wouldn’t be down for too long.”
“Yeah, right,” I say.
“Oh, sorry,” he says, coming towards me, hand outstretched, “Dean Toms.”
“Jax Ryan,” I say, grasping his hand. He’s shorter than I am, probably more around Josh’s height, so five five, five six maybe, with weird-arse yellow eyes, salt-and-pepper hair, a hook nose, a pot belly, and a limp.
“I know who you are,” he says as his left hand covers the one of mine he’s still got in his grasp. “I’ve been a fan for a long time. Been wanting to meet you as well. I’ve been hoping I’d see you around, so you can imagine my delight when I saw you here. ”
“You must have been stoked,” I say, trying to wrangle my hand free, “and, ah, thanks for the support.”
He smiles, and it’s just a tad creepy. “You’re most welcome. I always like to keep an eye out for the best talent. I’m pretty sure that’s you, isn’t it?” He squeezes my hand tighter.
“For sure,” I say, now making an obvious effort to get my hand back.
“You don’t know who I am, do you?” he asks, pulling my trapped hand and the rest of my body closer to him.
“Not the foggiest.”
He chuckles. “I’m the guy that can send your career into the stratosphere.”
“It’s already pretty good,” I say. “I’m sorry, but can I have my hand back?” I don’t know who this guy is or what he wants, but he’s really starting to piss me off and creep me out.
“And are you happy just being pretty good?” he asks, ignoring me and my attempts to get free. I’ve got to hand it to the dude, he’s strong.
“It’s fine. What’s not fine is your grip on my hand,” I say.
“Oh, sorry.” He releases me. “I get a bit carried away sometimes.”
“I can see that,” I say as I stretch out my cramped digits.
“But seriously, Jax, with my help you could be a household name, the BMX equivalent of Tony Hawk.”
“That’d be amazing, but I’m pretty happy with what I’ve got going on now,” I tell him.
“With your family right?” I nod. “I get it, they’re blood so you can’t tell them you want out, but there is so much more waiting for you.”
“Look, man, I’m flattered but I’m really not interested,” I say as I pick up my bike and start heading towards the car.
“So you’re telling me your own line of sunglasses, T-shirts, energy drinks, maybe even a mobile app or your own reality show don’t interest you?” he calls after me.
“My own reality show?” I ask.
He grins, pleased he’s got my interest. “Sure, why not?”
“Who would want to watch it?”
“Who wouldn’t want to watch it? You’re part of an emerging trend area. People like watching you guys do all your fancy tricks. Kids want to be you, women want to fuck you. You’re marketing gold, my friend.”
“Eh,” I say, “it sounds good, but I don’t think it’s my thing.”
“Being famous and earning a shitload of money isn’t your thing?” he asks.
I shake my head. “That’s not how my family operates.”
He leans up against my car, his arms folded across his chest. “No offence, but I’ve seen how your family operates. They’re small-time.”
“My brother has won three National Racing Series with them. Last season he and our other rider finished one-two. That doesn’t happen if we’re small-time. Neither does a single rider being invited to compete in every BMX discipline at the Extreme Games. So yeah, you can say we’re small-time, but our results don’t back you up.”
“You can’t tell me you’re content with this,” he says, and gestures to the park around us.
“It’s good enough to get me eight Extreme Games medals. I’d say that’s pretty fucking good.”
“Eh.” He shrugs. “You’re right, you’re obviously not ready for what I have to offer.” He pushes off the car.
“Sorry to waste your time.”
“No worries, it was good to meet you, Jax. I’ve been waiting for a long time.”
“Yeah, you too,” I say as I pack away my bike.
“But just in case you change your mind,” he says, pulling out a business card, “here’s where you can find me.” He tucks it into my gear bag before sauntering off.
I watch him leave, confused as all fuck as to what the hell that was. I take a look at the card. DeanStars is in bright yellow writing. I should’ve known. I’ve heard about them. Apparently, they’re more than a tad pretentious, with a focus on flash over substance. They’re more of the show crowd, there to entertain people but not really make waves in the competitive side of the sport. Of course, the guys who ride for teams like those are rolling in dough, but it’s not my scene. But hey, props to… Dean, for trying to convert me to the dark side. Or maybe he’s trying to branch out, who knows? Either way, I won’t be partaking in his brand of BMX. The dude is creepy as fuck. Shaking my head to clear it, I take a look at my watch and see that if I hurry, I could make a yoga class at Bert’s. I haven’t been for a while, and if I want to stage a comeback, I’m going to need to be at my best.
With a minute to spare, I slip into the class and grab a mat and an empty space on the floor. I’m so busy trying to get ready I don’t even notice who I’ve set up next to. I raise my head and come face-to-face with the girl who’s been haunting my dreams.