I BLINK MY eyes. They feel heavy.
I look around trying to figure out where I am. There’s muted, flourescent lights and a bleachy smell. I try to move, but my limbs feel like lead.
I groan, and it vibrates roughly through my whole body. Where am I? What’s happening?
“Well, good morning,” a pleasant voice chirps from above me. A woman I don’t recognize comes into my eye-line. My heart palpitates, and I hear quick beeping in the room. “It’s okay, Mr. Ellis, you’re fine.” The older woman with kind brown eyes tries to soothe me.
“Where am I?” I croak. What the fuck is wrong with my voice?
“You’re at County State Hospital, darlin’.” She fluffs up my pillow.
Hospital?
“What happened?” I can barely push the words out.
She pours me some water. “Here, drink this. Your mouth is dry.” The water is cold and quenches my thirst. It feels like I’ve been sleeping in the desert. “I’m going to get the doctor and your mama.”
“What happened?” I ask again, but she doesn’t provide me with a response.
“Just hold tight. They’ll explain everything, sugar.”
“Kam!” a few minutes after the nurse disappears, my mother rushes to my side. “Baby, we were so worried.” She kisses me all over my face.
“What happened?” I ask for what feels like the hundredth time.
“Baby, you had an accident of sorts. During the game, you were sacked after your last pass. It was a cheap shot by the other team. Something happened in your brain when you got hit. The doctor can explain it better. But you didn’t get up.” Tears pool in her distressed, hazel eyes. “I thought we lost you.”
“My brain?” I repeat, my voice becoming a little stronger.
“Yeah, baby. You had surgery. You’ve been in a coma for two weeks.”
“Two weeks?”
She nods, the tears falling down her cheeks. A moment later, an older man with a white coat and glasses enters the room holding a tablet.
“Mr. Ellis.” He attempts a smile, which doesn’t really work for him. “Welcome back.”
“Where the hell did I go?”
“First, I’m Dr. Saltzman.” He puts his hand out. I lift my arm with some difficulty and we shake. He seems to be assessing my every move. “I performed your surgery and have been monitoring your progress.” He pulls a chair up to the side of my bed and takes a seat. Make yourself at home, why don’t you. “Mr. Ellis, you had a brain aneurysm, or cerebral hemorrhage, during the game. I suspect it was always there, but when you were hit, it ruptured, causing a bleed in your brain.”
All I can do is blink as I process the words aneurysm, cerebral, and hemorrhage.
“We repaired what needed to be fixed, but you didn’t come out of the coma right away. This is sometimes normal.”
“Am I okay?” I glance at my mother restlessly.
“Yes, as far as I can see. We’ll have to do some more scans now that you’re awake, and you’ll have to stay in the hospital for observation for a few weeks, but I think you are going to recover just fine.”
“So I can still play football?”
“As long as there are no stemming neurological effects.”
“Neurological effects?” Too many medical terms I don’t like in one conversation.
“We don’t know the extent of the damage the hemorrhage caused, if any. We’ll know more as you recuperate. You’ll need physical therapy to reverse the muscle weakness from the coma.”
“Is that why I can barely lift my arm, Doc?” I make a fist.
“Yes.”
“How long?”
“How long what, Mr. Ellis?”
“How long will it take me to recover?” I press.
“Well, that depends on you, and how your body responds to the therapy. In my opinion, you are in exceptional shape—young, athletic. You should have no issues bouncing back as long as you are committed to therapy.”
I glance at my mom again. She’s been silent the whole time but looks like she’s ready to fall apart.
“When can I start?” I ask Dr. Saltzman.
He tries to smile again. His thin lips look like a squiggly line. A happy face really doesn’t work for this man.
“We’ll get you up and walking in a little while. You’ll start physical therapy here in the hospital while under observation. I’m going to recommend you stay at home for a month or so after you are released, so you can solely concentrate on rehab. I think a stress-free environment will aid in the recovery process.”
“I’m good with that.” I’m confident, ready to face this head on.
Dr. Saltzman nods, then stands.
“Thank you.” I track him with my eyes gratefully.
“It’s what I’m here for. Now, hurry up and get better. The Crimson Tide needs a quarterback next year.” He winks.
I can’t help but snicker. Everyone’s a fan, even straight-edged neurosurgeons with the quirky smile.
“Mom, you okay?” I turn my attention to my mother once Dr. Saltzman leaves. She nods, but the dam breaks.
“I’m sorry, Kam. I want to be strong.” She wipes her eyes. “But, baby, almost losing you . . .”
“Mom, stop.” I can’t stand it when she cries. “Just come here and hug me.” I can’t stand it when any girl cries. She darts the two feet separating us and gingerly wraps her arms around me, her tears wetting my cheek. I hold onto her as much as my weak muscles will allow. This really sucks. I feel helpless. “You heard the doctor. I’m going to be okay.” I try to reassure her.
“I know, thank God.” She pulls away from me and smiles rubbing her swollen eyes and red nose.
“That will be it, baby, I promise. No more tears. Unless they’re of joy. You’re awake and alive, and that’s something to celebrate.”
“Damn straight.” I try to sound cheerful, but I’m suddenly really, really tired.
“Dad is picking up Trevor and Luke from school. They should be here in a little bit. He was upset he left right before you woke up.”
“How’s he doing?” My parents divorced when I was ten and my twin brothers were six. He still plays a very active role in our lives, despite being remarried and living in another town.
“He’s a mess. His all-star, golden boy and first-born son? He would be done if he lost you. We both would.”
“Well, apparently it’s kind of hard to get rid of me.”
“And we thank our lucky stars for that.” She kisses my head. “Get some rest so your brothers can come and harass you.”
“Can’t wait.” I yawn, barely able to keep my eyes open.
Physical therapy is a mind fuck.
My brain says run, but my body laughs and holds me hostage at a snail’s pace on the treadmill. It’s been three weeks since I woke up from the coma. Two weeks were spent in the hospital and the last week I’ve spent at home, focusing on rehab. I didn’t realize the toll being unconscious for fourteen days took on my body until I tried to stand. It’s like everything just stopped working and has been protesting to start up again ever since.
“Come on, Kam, two more minutes, then you’re done,” my trainer, Dylan, says. He’s been assigned my case. That’s what I’m called, a case. It pisses me off royally. I’m Kamdyn Fucking Ellis, not a case. Not an invalid or some impaired Joe Schmo, even though that’s how I feel at the moment.
“Just rev it and give my body a challenge. I’m tired of the leisurely strolls.” I bark, frustrated.
Dylan laughs, his big, brown eyes sparkling. He doesn’t look much older than me, even though he claims to be in his mid-twenties. “Look, all-star. I get you’re used to pushing your body. But it’s still recovering. I’m not going to chance an injury just because your inner warrior wants a battle. For now, you just have to grin and bear it. We’ll get there.”
“Grrrr . . .” I can’t stand this. “I want to run, I want to punch, kick, shred. I feel like a walking set of stripped bones.”
“Easy, killer.” Dylan laughs mild mannerly. He’s like the most laidback person I’ve ever met. It’s annoying, frankly.
The treadmill beeps and turns off. I am beyond frustrated. I hate this. I want to be better. Tomorrow. “I know this is hard on you, seeing as you’ve probably never been held back a day in your life.” So true. “It’s an emotional challenge as much as a physical one. You just have to stay in the zone and keep your eye on the ball.” Dylan places a hand on my shoulder.
I grimace. Laney’s football references are so much sexier.
I’ve been thinking about her a lot lately. I miss our back and forth banter in chem and hearing her laugh, and seeing her smile. Is that crazy? Maybe. But she’s definitely someone I like to be around. And being sequestered has made me realize that. A highlight of mine was when I received a card from her while I was in the hospital. It read:
An apple a day keeps the doctor away . . . if you have good aim and it’s accurate.
Kam, this card made me think of you. Hope you get well soon. Chem sucks without you.
Laney xo
I contemplated calling her but decided against it. What would I say? Hey, want to come over and hang out with a cripple who may never play football again? Whose future might be fucked? Yeah. I don’t think so. Who’d want to spend time with a loser like that?
I step off the treadmill, my body a pathetic sack.
“Good work today.” Dylan slaps me on the back. I want to growl at him, but I don’t. I’m going to beat this recovery into the ground then run ten miles over it.
I slip into my mother’s 4Runner and stare mindlessly out the window as she drives away from the rehab center.
“There’s someone coming from school tonight to start tutoring you while you’re home,” she reminds me.
“I didn’t forget.” I roll my eyes. I can’t wait to see who the school designated for this. Probably some nerd from the academics team who’s going to put me back in a coma. My life is so great.
“Good. I’m making spaghetti and meatballs for dinner tonight,” she nudges me, as if trying to cheer me up.
“I’d rather have homemade mac and cheese.” I give her the puppy dog eyes.
She glances over and smiles a surrendering expression. My mother can never say no to me when I’m sick. Even if those times have been few and far between. I think my last devastating illness was freshman year when I had the flu, and all I wanted to eat was watermelon. So weird.
“Fine. I’ll drop you off then go to the store. Spoiled.”
“You made me that way.”
She smirks. “Sometimes you deserve it.”