The darkness seemed to assault her senses. Lillianna struggled to be able to see in the dim light. They wanted her on the fourth floor. "You're small," they said.

She could feel the clamminess in her hands; the hair was rising on the nape of her neck. She was terrified. The steps disappeared, above her, into the darkness, with the thunderous shouts of Fenwirth echoing at the top. She couldn't even see the large, angry man whose mouth continually turned down at the corners, but she knew he was waving his cane about. He'd used it on her before, when she was unable to get the loom fixed. She feared what he would do if she was unable to repair it.

In terror, she slowly climbed the stairs upward. From the top of the steps, she could barely see it. It was a monster, possessed, clacking loudly at her, evil. She felt as if she was freezing, unable to move.

"Go on, girl. Hurry it up!" The cane threatened.

Lily gulped and moved forward as he took a step toward her. Some of the other children were already there, waiting, trying to get into position. Slowly, she crept nearer and climbed underneath it. The noise it made as it threatened to collapse, yet again, caused her to tremble violently. Lily felt her teeth chatter as she took her place. The vile thing was waiting…just waiting. She reached her left arm upward.

That's when it happened—the collapse of the loom on her, her scream, mixed with the cries of the other children, and the explosive outcry of Fenwirth. Colin's voice could be heard in the sounds, calling for the help of the other men on the floor to lift the loom, while Fenwirth just stood, screaming angrily at her.

She felt it vividly—the inability to escape, the pain in her arm, and the smell of blood as it poured forth from the long gash in her shoulder and traveled downward. She saw the red stain that began seeping through her sleeve, then to the skirt of her gown and spreading downward to the floor as it mixed with the stains of the other workers from past injuries, now becoming fresh again.

She was trapped, unable to move. The loom was pressing down on her, hindering her ability to breathe. But when Mr. Fenwirth turned toward her, it was not his face she saw.

It was the face of the countess, with hatred in her eyes.

* * *

The truth…

The screams Lillianna uttered filled the room and frightened Darby out of his wits. He gathered her up and spoke gently into her ear, shaking her lightly, "Lillianna, wake up, sweetheart! Nothing will hurt you. I have you, shh, I have you. I promise, you're safe now." He tried to speak the words quickly and quietly, to comfort her.

Lily opened her eyes. It was obvious she was staring but not seeing. When she finally began to blink, she began weeping. "Oh, Charlie, hold me—please hold me!"

"I've got you, my love. I won't let you go."

A moment later, he was whisking her through the house and down toward the kitchen, covered in only her nightgown. She was shaking miserably, and he cursed himself for not grabbing a blanket on the way. Reaching into the cabinet, he poured a glass of brandy as he held her against his chest. "Here, sweetheart. I want you to drink this."

"What i-is i-it?" Her teeth were chattering as she stuttered.

"Brandy. It'll take away the dreams and let you relax so you can get back to—"

"I hate brandy."

"My apologies. You'll drink it, anyway."

Lanterns were being lit, and he glanced up to see Winston, the butler, standing in the doorway. "May I help, my lord? Tell me, what can I do?"

"Thank you, Winston. Stoke the fire in the drawing room and in our chamber." He looked down into Lily's face. She was staring at the butler as he asked for direction. Gone was the stiffness he usually showed. It was replaced with concern. He hurried away, and a moment later, Darby heard him in the drawing room, stoking up the fire in the huge hearth. Seconds later, the elderly man brought in a lamb's wool throw and handed it to Darby. "For Lady Darby, my lord. To warm her."

"Thank you, Winston," Lily said softly.

The butler gave her a warm smile and nodded to Darby. "I'll light the lanterns in the hall and stoke the fire in your room, my lord."

"As my wife says, Winston, thank you. We appreciate you." Darby put the brandy into her small hands and moved nearer the fire with her. Settling her into his lap, he took the glass from her and held it to her lips. "Drink, my darling."

Lily glared upward. "I'd rather not—"

"Unless you prefer to be put over my knee?"

She sighed and took a sip. A fit of coughing ensued, and she leaned back against him. "I told you I didn't like it."

"I'd rather have you do a small bit of coughing than to wake up screaming again. Lillianna, you terrified me with that scream, I'm telling you. Here, another sip."

She obediently took one and then another, until he was satisfied with her compliance. Leaning back once more, she gave a contented sigh.

"Better?"

She nodded.

"All right, tell me what the nightmare was about."

No sooner had he spoken than he heard his mother's voice in the foyer, "What in heaven's name is going on, Winston, that we all should be shaken from our beds in the middle of the night?"

"I believe Lady Darby had a nightmare, my lady."

"Good God, not again. I thought she'd have gotten over those by now."

Darby's face grew grim as he listened. A moment later, the countess came into the drawing room. He turned to stare at her. "She might get over them, Mother, when you stop being so inhospitable to her."

Lily whimpered in his arms, and he cuddled her closer but continued to stare at his mother. "Mother, I love you. But right now, if it were not for the fact that it would hurt my father, I would take Lily away from here, just to get her away from you. Please consider that. And as soon as his health is better, we will find Gregory and catch the next voyage to America."

His mother's eyes widened. She whirled away from him and left the room. But he heard her as she stopped outside, in the foyer. "Well, Winston? Can you believe she has turned my own son against me?"

There was a pause as Darby listened. When he heard Winston's voice, it was firm, "With all due respect, my lady? You have turned him against you, all by yourself."

A gasp from his mother was clearly heard. "Winston!"

"Madam, we have known each other for many years. I have never once lied to you, and I refuse to start now. Bess isn't coming back. You are doing yourself and everyone else in the house a terrible disservice by clinging to that notion. If you choose to manage without my services, I shall find other employment. However, if you choose to keep believing in this fantasy of yours, I will lose total respect for you."

A long pause, followed by loud weeping, was the next thing Darby heard as his mother left and ran back to her room.

"All right, my darling. I'm sure you heard that. Now, it's time for us to be honest with each other—" He stopped, suddenly, as his eyes lit on the young woman in his arms.

She was asleep.

* * *

And the present…

Much to her dismay, Lily had been assigned a lady's maid by Darby's mother. She was tall and thin with a sallow face, but she was very capable. Lily felt that it was nothing more than a desire to keep a closer eye on her and have someone to report everything she was up to. But a few days later, Lily sought her husband out after breakfast.

"Lillianna, you look as if something is on your mind," he said softly, bringing a stray lock of hair back behind her ear.

"That's because there is, Charlie. I heard from Rebekah that your mother is having guests for tea again this morning and I have not been invited. I'd like very much to go into the village and do some shopping, if it's all right?"

He eyed her, frowning. "As long as you take Rebekah and the groom with you and stay on the path, I will let you go. Promise to stay with them?"

She looked away. "I promise."

"Lillianna." His voice was deep and stern. "For some reason, I'm not convinced. Look me in the eye and promise me."

She forced herself to meet his eyes. "I promise."

She breathed a sigh of relief when he finally allowed her to go but spoke with the groom before putting her into the coach. "Please look out for her carefully." When he turned toward Lily, he kissed her on top of the head. "Keep Rebekah with you to help you with packages, my love."

"I will." The tone of her voice was almost accusatory. He didn't trust her? She sighed as the coach pulled away. Perhaps he didn't.

Again, during the night, she'd awakened in Darby's arms, crying, with the same recurring dream. It was the third night in a row. She glanced toward her new maid, sitting across from her in the carriage, and tried to think of conversation she could make.

Rebekah was friendly and polite enough, but Lily still didn't know her maid's opinion of her. She had tried once or twice to find out what the girl thought of serving in the manor, but Rebekah was tight-lipped. Perhaps she worried what would happen to her if she gave out any information.

I'd be worried, too, if I worked there, she thought. But she also found herself wondering if the countess was pressing Rebekah for information about her. She sighed, turning toward the window.

Suddenly, she saw it and gasped, clenching and unclenching her hands into the folds of her gown as they passed the hulk that was the source of her nightmares. The textile mill that took up an entire city block seemed to be mocking her.

The sounds, the shouts, the clacking of the loom was there again, along with the pain in her arm. And the face of Charlie's mother again replaced that of Fenwirth's.

She called out desperately for the groom to stop and barely made it outside the coach, before she leaned forward and began to retch.

* * *

It was lunchtime when she reached the manor again. Rebekah seemed concerned, and the groom took things slowly getting them back to the estate. Charlie had rushed out to meet her and had swept her up into his arms and carried her into the house when he saw how pale she was.

"Lillianna," he spoke softly into her ear. "What happened while you were out? I may not let you leave again the next time without me."

"I just…became ill, Charlie. Please, I just want to lie down and rest."

"Certainly, my love." He carried her past the open parlor door, past the stares of his mother and her guests, irritated at the obvious attempt to shut Lily out, and took her to their bedroom. When Rebekah would have followed, he shook his head. "I'll stay with her, this afternoon. However, you might check in a little later and see if she feels up to eating something."

"Yes, my lord," she murmured quietly and curtsied, backing away.

When the room was empty but for the two of them, he closed the door. Checking on the wardrobe and the smaller areas of the room, he leaned over her. "Now, Lillianna. It's time to tell me. What upset you so? And don't think I'll let you get by without answering me, because I won't."

She opened her eyes but looked up at him with a forlorn gaze. "Oh, Charlie, I saw it."

He frowned, waiting.

"I saw the mill where I used to work. And then, all of a sudden, I heard the voices and the sounds of the looms, and…" She closed her eyes, trying not to cry. "I remembered what it was like when I was trapped under it."

His concerned eyes searched hers carefully. "That's what you've been experiencing in your nightmares."

Without opening her eyes, she nodded and took a deep breath. "And Mr. Fenwirth shouted at me, and I was trapped, and it hurt so badly, and then…" She turned away and began weeping. There was no way she could tell him she'd been dreaming of his mother's face in the place of Mr. Fenwirth's. He would think she was losing her mind.

"My darling," he whispered quietly in her ear. "I think I need to get you back on ship and away from this place."

"No, Charlie. This is something I must learn to face. That was why I lost my job at the mill. They considered me a liability, after the accident. I must learn to face up to your mother, and I must learn to be strong enough to…" Her eyes closed once again, and he cradled her close, rocking her.

"You must never go near the mill again, Lillianna. That's an order. Tell me you understand."

"I understand," she whispered, without opening her eyes.

But she did not promise to obey him.

* * *

The next morning, she awakened and deliberately put a bright smile on her face. She had Rebekah apply extra rouge when she helped her dress and went in to breakfast with Darby, holding on tightly to his arm.

"And good morning, Lillianna." The earl gave her a big smile, and she returned it. "I see you look better this morning."

"I feel better." She gave a curtsy to both the earl and the countess. But when she glanced up at Darby, she realized he was giving her an odd look. She smiled sweetly and squeezed his hand under the table.

Her husband turned to her, studying her carefully. "And what are your plans for the day, my lady?"

"I would like to go back to town," she announced. "I fell ill yesterday before I managed to do my shopping, and I didn't get the things I needed."

"I'll go with you," he said.

"But there is no need, my lord. I will be fine with Rebekah and Jacob with me. I don't wish to rob your father of your time."

His expression told her he obviously was unconvinced, and she flashed him a big smile. "Please don't worry, my lord. If I feel unwell, I'll come home straight away, I promise."

"You should trust her, son," her father-in-law said from the end of the table. "I have a meeting this morning in the library, and I would like you to be present for it. You've been invaluable to me since you've been home. Lillianna will be all right."

But Darby was still eyeing her suspiciously. Lily recognized that gaze and gave him another smile.

She didn't think he would allow her to go, but he finally walked her out to the coach and leaned down to kiss her. Lowering his voice, he spoke softly into her ear, "If I find out you've disobeyed my orders, young lady, you're going to have a great deal of difficulty sitting down for a few days. Is that understood?"

"I understand, sir." She reached up and put her arms about his neck, holding on longer than necessary.

Later, when he at last lifted her into the coach, he held her eyes with his for a long time, and, finally, he turned toward the groom. "Jacob, if she becomes the least bit ill, I want her brought home immediately."

"Yes, my lord." There was a bow, then Jacob mounted to his place topside.

Darby returned to the porch but kept her in his sight until he could no longer see her. Lily watched him until the carriage reached the main road and he was not visible and then leaned back with a sigh.

She glanced at Rebekah, who was looking out the window on the other side.

"It's a beautiful morning," Lily murmured, smiling.

"Yes, my lady."

"I was hoping for sunshine today. In England, you never know."

"That is quite true, my lady."

Lily sighed softly and was quiet, after that. Apparently, that was going to be the end of the conversation.

Jacob brought them in from a different direction, this morning, and Lily looked out the window, smiling. The part of the village she could see was quaint and beautiful. Ivy crept up the sides of the shops and looked lovely and welcoming. When Jacob pulled to a stop and helped her out, she led Rebekah inside.

It had been a long time since Lily had been able to walk into a store, knowing she was not limited by her lack of funds. Even with the money Darby had tucked into her hand yesterday, knowing she could have just about anything she wanted, she found herself reluctant to purchase it. She wandered about, looking at the offerings and smiling.

Finding that the store had a huge selection of things to choose from, she picked out a pattern that would support what she wished to make. She turned around, studying Rebekah's face and taking note of the color of her eyes. The girl returned her gaze oddly, and Lily grinned at her. A moment later, she picked out some material in a deep dark brown that she knew Darby would like, to make him a scarf. Then she found another, longer, woolen piece of material she could use to make one for Jacob. Cooler weather would be here soon, after all. Gathering up a few more things, she put them on the counter—a new handkerchief for Winston and a tin of the earl's favorite tea was added. She also picked out a length of grosgrain ribbon for Rebekah, the same cornflower blue color of her eyes. She examined the needlework pattern and found some soft floss to make it and some felt to line the back. A yard of material came next, in a bright blue, and she picked out a yellow to go with it. The only person she hadn't bought for was the countess. Truly, the countess didn't deserve a gift from her, but after struggling a few minutes, she decided it would not be fair to slight her. She picked out an aqua colored decorative scarf and added it.

Troubling her lower lip with her teeth, she glanced down at the counter at her purchases and then looked around to find Rebekah. But her maid was over by the window, leaning down to study a small toy train in bright colors. Lily moved toward her and stood quietly.

As if she hadn't realized she was causing Lily to wait on her, Rebekah looked up apologetically. "I'm sorry, my lady. I didn't mean…" She paused. Lily was looking at the little train.

"It's darling. Were you thinking of it for someone you know?"

Rebekah gulped. "My little brother, Finnian. He would love it."

"How old is he?" Lily asked softly.

"He's seven. But he's very small. He works at the mill. I fear for him." Her eyes had a sadness in them that Lily was easily able to identify with. "It's the small ones who are in the most danger, my lady."

Lily nodded, putting an understanding hand on her maid's arm, but said nothing. As soon as she had paid for her goods, Rebekah picked them up and took them out to the carriage.

Lily turned back to see the store owner, who was watching her.

"May I help you with anything else, my lady?" The odd expression of remembrance on his face made her think he might remember her.

Lily glanced back at the window. "The little train," she said softly. "How much is it?"

"For you? I can take a bit off the cost. There's a little boy who wanders this way quite often, gazing at it. He never comes in, only stares at it through the window. I think if it was gone, he'd be very disappointed."

Lily turned to make sure Rebekah was not within hearing distance. "Is his name Finnian? Rebekah's little brother?"

His expression serious, he nodded. "It is."

Lily reached into her purse and pulled out enough to cover it. He raised his brows in question. "Shall I wrap it up for you to take with you?"

"No." Lily shook her head. "But I'll pay for it today. Keep it there in the window where he can see it, and don't let anyone else buy it, please? I shall be back for it in a few days. Oh, and one more thing. Can you tell me if the Tea Room is still down a block or two from here?"

He smiled. "Two blocks, my lady. It's still there."

"Thank you most kindly," she murmured. Turning toward the carriage, she made plans quickly. The mill was not far from the Tea Room.

"Jacob, I believe I'll walk on down to the Tea Room. Would you care for anything?"

He stared at her as if she had two heads. "No, my lady. But I have instructions from Lord Darby not to let you out of my sight. Are you sure you wouldn't rather ride?"

Lily shook her head. "No, thank you. It's a lovely day. The park is nearby, however, if you'd like to pull the horses down under a tree and rest a bit." She leaned in toward Rebekah. "The ribbon, Rebekah, is for you. I picked it out because it was the color of your eyes. I'll be back in a moment with some scones for you both."

Rebekah's eyes grew wide, as if she didn't quite know what to say at receiving the gift. When she finally nodded, Lily closed the door to the carriage and began to walk at a leisurely pace down to the Tea Room. She went in and ordered scones for the servants, in hopes that eating them would keep them distracted while she went back in.

She sighed. If she could go inside and take a table, even for a few moments, she might be able to get away without the groom and the maid knowing where she went. The main purpose of today's excursion was to know if the children who worked at the textile mill were treated decently. She wished to know. She had to know.

* * *

Somehow, she managed it. Rebekah and Jacob had gone to the park across the street to have their scones. Jacob had watched her carefully as she re-entered the Tea Room. Glancing back out the front window, she politely asked for a table in the back, where she felt he wouldn't be able to see her.

One thing she'd learned as a child was stealth. Today, she was thankful for it. After paying, she managed to exit the Tea Room from the back door of the kitchen without being seen. The thing she had most excelled at since her days at the convent orphanage was sneaking around without notice.

She closed the door silently and looked out the back and across the street. Her hands were clammy, and it was impossible to keep her chin from trembling, but she made her way down three blocks toward the gate.

Could she do this? Quaking, she slowly approached and looked in to see if the gatekeeper was still there.

She, at first, thought he was gone, when suddenly his face appeared before her.

"Ye must go away, my lady. This ain't the place for ye."

Momentarily, she forgot her fear and stood there looking at him. She remembered him.

"Ashton?" She forced herself to smile, but she knew her lower lip was trembling.

He stared at her, as if trying to reconcile her face with her fine clothing.

"It's me, Ashton, Lily. You remember me?"

A big toothy grin lit his mouth through his thick beard. "Ne'er would I forget ye, my Lily. An' ye look fine—but ye shouldna be 'ere. Not after ye was 'urt. 'Tisn't safe."

Lily grinned at his familiar blend of dialects and shook her head. "But I'm fine now. Listen, Ashton, I need to speak with Mr. Abbott. Does he still work here?"

"Colin Abbott? Aye, 'e does. But ye canna go in there."

"Could you go and get him, then?"

An eyebrow rose. "Promise ye'll stay 'ere?"

"Yes, I'd like very much to see him."

He turned to go inside but took one last look back as he disappeared. Lily watched as he left the gate unguarded, and she snuck inside, trembling. She hoped she didn't get Ashton into trouble. If he lost his job because of her, she'd never forgive herself. She hurried past the door. As he turned right, she made a sharp left and went toward the upstairs, where the carders were. If there were children present in the mill, they would certainly be there.

She heard footfalls, suddenly. The textile mill was a dark place. It almost reminded her of the areas below deck aboard the Charlotte. She tried not to think of the day she'd come face to face with Miller, who'd been drunk. Her trembling increased.

"'Ere she be. I knew she wouldna' stay where she should." It was Ashton's voice. Surely, he hadn't betrayed her! But when she looked up, it was into the kind face of Colin Abbott.

"Mr. Abbott!"

"Lily!" The old man opened his arms, and she flew into them. "I haven't seen you, not since—"

"I know," she whispered, looking around. "Mr. Abbott, how are the children? Are they taken care of? Are they safe? Are they allowed to take time enough to eat? Are they still forced to climb under the looms to try to repair them?"

"Ah, Lily." His voice sounded sad. "I fear I can't tell you what you want to hear. I try to bring them what I can from home to eat, but it's never enough. And the answer is no. It seems their time for lunch gets shorter and shorter. And, yes, the little carders are frequently called on to repair the looms when they go down. Come with me. But I know you won't want to see this. Fenwirth owns it now. I fear it's worse than it was."

Lily gasped, fighting her trembling, and followed. Ashton went back toward his post at the gate, and Colin crept forward, keeping an eye out for the owner while bringing her to the spot where she could see.

The room was full of children who appeared to be ages five to eleven or twelve. Her heart caught in her throat as she watched. They were mostly barefoot, with rags for clothes. They looked hungry, and they looked cold.

"Oh…" she whispered. "Poor little things."

He nodded. "Most I can do right now is try to keep them safe. Occasionally, one gets hurt." He turned to her. "Fenwirth still comes for the little ones when the looms break down. It's much too dangerous for them."

Ashton's frantic voice from behind them tugged at their attention. "Fenwirth!"

Immediately, Colin shoved Lily into a small cubbyhole behind him and stood in front of the spot where she hid. A shadow fell over them, and a large man approached. "Send me two of the boys—and the girl. We need help upstairs."

Lily gasped, and Colin's hand, behind his back, motioned her to keep quiet. "Can I not send one of the larger—"

"I said the small ones! And the smallest girl," the terrible roar answered. The shadow disappeared, and Colin turned to her. "Go." He motioned toward the area downstairs where the gate was. "Get out while you can, Lillianna. This is no place for you, now." He turned. "Lechlan?"

"Aye, sir."

"Fetch Finnian and Bryce. And bring Annie."

Lily froze at the name Finnian. Could he be Rebekah's little brother? She peeked around from behind him as a tiny little girl looked up, her face full of dread. Slowly, she crept forward, her small face thin and pale. The child looked as if she was starving. Two little boys were approaching from the back of the room. She had no idea which of them was Finnian, but they both appeared frightened, in spite of their attempts to be bold.

Lily couldn't bear it. Suddenly, she reached into her small purse and pulled out the rest of the money she had, shoving it into Colin's hand. "Use this to buy them some food. I'll try to help more, soon." She hurried downward, looking both ways as she approached the gate. Ashton was worriedly scanning the area and motioned her forward and outside.

"Stay gone, Lily. Fer yer own safety."

"Oh, be quiet, Ashton," she growled back at him as he locked the gate between them. "I'll try to see what I can do to help, soon as I can."

He frowned at her and motioned. "Away with ye. 'Tis not safe. Ye know it."

She stared back at him. "Well, it sure as bloody hell isn't safe for those little carders or for the women who work here, either."

She crossed the street and made her way slowly back toward the Tea Room, thankful she'd paid for the tea and scones before leaving. Slowly, she came around the corner of the building and face to face with Jacob. She gasped. He'd followed her?

She forced herself to give him a huge smile. "Did you finish your scones? I took a walk after I finished. What time is it?"

"Time to leave, my lady, if you wish to be home by noon."

"Oh." She frowned. "I must have taken longer than I thought. My apologies."

She allowed him to help her back into the coach, but Rebekah was staring out the window toward the monstrosity that was the mill. There was something in her face that spoke of deep heartache, Lily thought. Rebekah was troubled.

Lily watched her a moment and finally asked, "Does the mill bother you as much as it does me?"

As if Rebekah didn't even realize Lily was there, she shook her head. "I hate that place," she muttered under her breath, her eyes narrowed. "I hate it!"

"So do I, Rebekah," Lily whispered. She, too, watched through the window until it disappeared from view. Then, she leaned back against the leather seat and closed her eyes.

The enormity of what she'd done hit her suddenly, and she fought to keep from crying. She'd gone back to the very place she'd vowed never to lay eyes on again; the origin of her fears and her nightmares. She stole a glance at Rebekah, who was holding the blue ribbon in her hands, appearing baffled. Lily turned away, thankful that her maid didn't seem to witness her terrible shaking. She could almost see the disapproval in Darby's eyes as she thought of what he'd told her just recently. 'You are never to go near the mill again,' he'd said. No, this would not be a good time to tell him what she'd done.

There was silence inside the coach until they pulled up in front of the manor. Darby's face appeared immediately, and he opened the door and reached in. "You're quite late, my love. We have guests and have been waiting lunch."

"Guests? Who is here, my lord?"

"The Viscount and Viscountess Smythe."

She gasped in delight. "The captain and Arabella?"

"The same. They are anxious to see you. Lillianna, where have you been?"

"I went to the Tea Room after shopping." She glanced up briefly, trying to adopt an air of innocence. "I'm sorry, my lord. I lost track of the time." She looked up into his face. His distant expression of hurt told her, quite firmly, that he did not believe her.

Dear God, he'd caught her lying. Again.