SUNDAY. ERBIL INTERNATIONAL Airport, Kurdistan.

Riley’s neck and shoulders were tighter than a hidebound drum. He dreaded the upcoming flight, and not just because he’d been seated next to Erin for over thirty hours in the air. He kept telling himself that what mattered was that they were all going back in one piece.

Melody’s heels heralded the woman.

He leaned his head back and closed his eyes. She’d been telegraphing not so subtle you’re in the doghouse vibes at him since they’d left the police station. He knew what side she was on in all this.

“What is your problem?” Melody nudged his boot. “I know you’re not asleep.”

“Can’t a guy dream?” He cracked one eye open and watched Melody take the seat next to him, Erin’s computer bag in her lap.

“What did you say to Erin?”

“Nothing.”

“Bullshit. When you got to the house yesterday you were inseparable, now you can’t even look at each other.”

“I thought you’d be happy I was doing my job and keeping my distance.”

“Why the change?”

Riley shrugged.

Melody leveled that skin-peeling stare of hers at him. Usually she reserved that look for Vaughn and Grant. It was the first time Riley had felt the power of it, and he fought the urge to slide further down in his seat.

“Erin almost died because I was distracted.” He stared out through the glass windows at the landscape beyond the tarmac.

“But she didn’t. You’re both alive.”

“Do you realize the only thing that stopped the first bullet was a couple photo albums?” When he’d seen those mangled books, he’d almost been sick.

“You were lucky. You were lucky when you decided to leave the safe house. You were lucky today.”

“I shouldn’t need luck. I should have been focused. I should have done my job better. If I had, we might not have had such a close call.”

“Hope I’m not interrupting.” Nolan sank into the chair across from Melody, a coffee in one hand, and stretched his legs out.

“Nope. We were done.” Riley closed his eyes.

“Is she giving you hell about Erin?” Nolan asked.

Riley pried one eye open and frowned at the blond man across from him. Melody didn’t respond. Nolan just sipped his coffee.

“Vaughn was just talking to me.” Nolan nodded down the terminal. “If you’re not interested in her anymore—”

Riley was on his feet across the aisle, his vision hazing red, before Nolan could finish the sentence. The other man held up his hands and howled with laughter.

“Face it dude, you like her and your fucked-up, scrambled egg can’t handle it.” Nolan sipped his coffee that stupid grin teasing him.

“What’s so funny?” Erin’s voice sent a lick of awareness down Riley’s spine. He turned to stare at her standing next to Melody with a plastic bag in hand.

“Just giving Riley hell.” Nolan wiggled his eyebrows at Erin.

“Feel free to share the joke.” Erin sank into Riley’s recently vacated seat next to Melody.

“Nolan, will you help me pick up our dinner order?” Melody checked her watch. “We should start boarding in a few moments.”

“Sure thing.” Nolan tipped his cup up and drained the coffee.

“I am going to leave this here with you.” Melody handed Riley the laptop case.

“I can carry it,” Erin groused.

“Not without it hurting.” Riley accepted the case and sat on the other side of Erin.

Melody and Nolan strolled across to the pizza joint, leaving him alone with Erin.

Maybe Melody had a point, but his time with Erin was limited. Why bother? What was the point?

“I got some painkillers, if you need something for your neck.” Erin rattled a bottle at him.

A lump lodged in Riley’s throat. God damn, she was an angel and he a rotten bastard. She didn’t deserve the way he’d treated her earlier.

“Where’d the others go?” Erin glanced up and down the terminal. She seemed to have given up being angry at him. Because he didn’t matter? Because he wasn’t worth her time?

“Grant, Brenden, and Vaughn are taking a walk before we board.” He glanced at the pizza joint to check Melody and Nolan’s progress. His neck cramped in protest of the movement and he hissed.

“Careful. I got one of those refillable ice packs, too. I figured we could trade off using it.”

He didn’t deserve her kindness. He didn’t deserve anything.

“Is Grant still not speaking to you?”

“Not really.”

There was something about the way she looked at him that made him want more. To change. That little glance she tossed his way out of the corner of her eye. He didn’t know what it meant, but he wanted to find out. He wanted the chance. But at the cost of risking her life? He couldn’t do that.

She shoved the purchases into the laptop bag then stretched out her legs and leaned back, staring out the windows at the landscape surrounding the airport.

“I’m sorry for what I said earlier.” Riley hated how cheap those words sounded. He was sorry he’d failed her. That he was a fuck up. That he should have done more. That his words had hurt her.

“Which time? The part where I’m a distraction? Just a piece of ass?”

“I never said that.”

“No, but you might as well have.” Now her tone went frosty.

“I didn’t... That’s not what I meant.” He leaned forward and bounced his knee, fighting the urge to pace.

“Then what did you mean? I’ve got time to kill. Tell me.”

“I told you. I got distracted, and you nearly died.”

“Your friend? The one you enlisted with. How’d he die?” Erin’s gaze bored into his soul.

A cold sweat broke out along Riley’s hairline.

Fuck.

He swallowed and turned his gaze to the windows.

“He just died,” Riley muttered.

“You don’t go home, because when you do, you feel guilty you’re the one who survived. I get that. I live that. Why do you think I don’t want to live in Miami? I know too many people who never came home. People I got to be friends with.”

Riley squeezed his eyes shut.

He tried to not think about Jimmy. The guys had called him JimBo. He made Riley’s country roots seem positively contemporary. JimBo’s family were good people, but poorer than dirt. His stories about hunting for dinner and scrounging as kids had earned a lot of laughs. Riley’s family had scraped by, but not as bad as JimBo’s. A lot of their holidays included inviting JimBo’s family over. Sharing what little they had. Even now, JimBo’s younger brothers did seasonal work for Riley’s family.

“What was his name?” Erin sat leaned forward, studying the side of his face.

“Jimmy, but the idiots called him JimBo. He talked slow. Kind of funny, but he could outshoot us all. Fuck.” Riley shook his head. All those days squirrel hunting had paid off.

Erin reached over and took his hand as though she knew the next part was bad.

“We got into a bad situation. Jimmy and I were bringing up the rear, but I was too distracted with what was going on ahead of us. He took one shot. Killed him instantly.” All because Riley couldn’t do what he was supposed to.

“It—”

“Please don’t say it wasn’t my fucking fault, or it’s war, or any of those other bullshit lines.” He turned his head to stare at Erin. “I fucked up. And I fucked up again today.”

“I forgive you. For the fuck up. Jury is still out on if I’ll forgive you for being an ass.”

Riley held onto her hand. He couldn’t make himself let go.

“I still haven’t called my parents,” Erin said.

“You want to do that now, or wait?”

“I should do it, shouldn’t I? Tell them I’m coming home.”

“Now or in Frankfurt. I think Grant is going to get us rooms there for a few hours.”

“That’ll be nice.” She glanced at him. “Do you call your family while you’re working?”

“Not usually, no. I’ve worked very hard to train my mother into thinking I’m unreachable when I’m working.” He chuckled.

“Yeah, with your mom you kind of have to, don’t you?” Erin smiled and bumped her shoulder to his.

“I really am sorry. For all of it.” Riley turned his head despite the way his neck protested.

“That’s good to know.” She really wasn’t letting him off the hook easy.

“Are you... You okay?”

“Just doing some thinking.” She let go of his hand and eased back in her eat. “It seems like the more I figure out, the more I realize how little I knew about everything else, you know?”

“Yeah. Yeah, I do.” Riley grimaced and rubbed at his shoulder.

“On one hand, I understand why NexGen and the government would want to keep the last week quiet. It’s bad for tourism. It would give insurgents the wrong idea. It could destabilize the whole region, and that would risk so many lives. On the other, how can they just sweep this whole thing under the carpet like it didn’t happen?” She turned, and he felt her gaze on the side of his face. “You’re doing your job, and I know this isn’t your problem. Sorry.”

“Don’t be sorry. Never be sorry for caring.” He reached over and took her hands in his, giving them a squeeze. He didn’t have an answer for the rest of it, but he could listen. Until she was home safe, he was on her team.

From what he’d seen, Erbil was a thriving city. Kurdistan was a beautiful country trying to repair the damage done by years of war. There could be no easy solutions, and chances were whatever healed those wounds wouldn’t come from people like them.

“What are you doing after this job? Do you have somewhere your team has to be?” Erin searched his face, looking for something.

“We’re scheduled for a few days off, at least.” He hadn’t made plans since they so often got canceled in favor of whatever emergency they had crop up.

“What do you do on your days off?”

Riley squinted at the ceiling. It was a simple question and yet his palms grew sweaty trying to think of an answer that didn’t sound lame. The older he got, the less interesting shit he did. “Laundry?”

“That’s exciting.” She chuckled.

“Deadly is more like it. Shit.” At this rate he was going to have about a month’s worth of clothes to work through. That wasn’t something he wanted to be reminded of right now.

“This time next week, I’ll probably be in Miami.” She turned her hand in his until she was holding onto him.

There was a change in the atmosphere as though they were on the brink of a storm. Riley’s mouth went dry, and he stopped breathing.

“Ever been to Miami?” she asked.

Sweat broke out under his arms and suddenly it was too warm in the terminal. Was she asking him to come visit her? Was this a booty call? Or did she want more? Riley couldn’t offer her what she needed. He was never around enough, he’d disappoint her, at some point he’d cause her more grief than he was worth. But that was if she wanted more than he’d already offered. It wasn’t like either of them had made a mention of something other than fun.

“Couple hours in the airport count?” he asked to say something. She’d told him plainly that she didn’t want a relationship, which meant Riley was getting ahead of himself.

“No.” Erin snorted.

“Never had the pleasure then,” Riley replied. Erin had been through hell. In her shoes, he might want a friend around while he eased back into real life. That was something he could do. She wasn’t asking him for the moon, just some time.

“You should. The humidity might drown you.” She turned her head and studied Riley’s face.

“I’d have to pick your brain for good places to go.” He could get behind a whole weekend with Erin. Getting lost in Miami, hanging out at the beach. It wasn’t a bad way to spend a few days.

“I know all the best ones.” One side of her mouth hitched up and a mischievous light twinkled behind her eyes.

Riley glanced over Erin’s shoulder. Melody pinned him with a death glare and jerked her head toward the gate. He was going to get it from her once they were done with this, he just knew it.

“Here comes dinner, and it looks like we’re going to board soon.” He nodded behind her.

Erin turned and watched the others come their way. She squeezed his hand, then let go.

Riley hoped they were on the same page. He’d hate to disappoint her. He always left. It wasn’t going to change.

“I guess we should get ready for a long sit,” Erin said.

“It’s just three hours.” Riley stood and looped the laptop bag over his shoulder. He then offered her a hand up.

Erin took his hand, and he hauled her to her feet. She swayed, clutching onto him tightly. Despite the last two nights of rest she’d had, Erin was still running on fumes. It was going to catch up to her sooner rather than later.

“Come on, we’ll talk about Miami later.”

SUNDAY. HILTON GARDEN Inn, Frankfurt, Germany.

Erin’s whole body hurt. Each step jarred her poor muscles and she couldn’t take a breath without wincing in pain. And that was from three hours on a plane. What the hell was she going to do in eight hours when they got on their trans-Atlantic flight? Was there some way she could buy some muscle relaxers? Was booze the answer to her problems?

She’d worry about that later. Right now, it was one foot in front of the other. Soon she’d have somewhere to hide.

Erin squinted at Melody chatting with the concierge. What Erin would give for some sunglasses right about now. The posh, glistening lobby of the airport hotel was so bright it hurt. She needed water, for sure. Not drinking anything while in the air was a mistake she was paying for now.

Falling asleep on the plane was a terrible idea. Those seats were not made for comfort, much less sleeping. She didn’t know how Riley or the other guys did it with their sizes.

“Okay.” Melody approached their ragtag group and handed out room keys. “We are in two groups of rooms, half on the third floor, the rest on the fifth. Room service is sending up a meal for everyone. The wakeup call is in six hours, so spend your time wisely.”

Erin stared at the keys, watching the numbers Melody handed out until it got to Erin. She stared at the single key, a pang of loss jabbing her in the stomach. She’d half hoped that she might share with Melody and save herself from pining for Riley. They’d mended the bridge a little. She was still hurt. But it didn’t change the way they’d left things between them.

She didn’t know what she was expecting from him. It wasn’t like he owed her. She only had herself to blame for thinking there was more between them.

“Come on. We’re both on fifth.” Riley nudged her and nodded at the elevators. “Give me that.”

“I can manage myself, you know?” She didn’t fight to keep her keycard. She was too tired to fight with him, not that it would make a difference in a few days.

“I know you can.”

Riley, Erin and Grant rode up to the fifth floor together. Erin wasn’t crazy about the booming silence between her them, but at least she wasn’t the only one with nothing to say.

Grant’s phone rang the moment they stepped off the elevator. He grimaced at the screen.

“I’ve got to take this.” Grant glanced at Riley. The worry creasing his brow was new. Different. “Give me a minute?”

“Sure thing. I’ll check Erin’s room.” Riley placed his hand on her shoulder.

Erin frowned at him but didn’t ask questions. Grant struck off without them while Riley matched stride with her. It wasn’t that she wanted to have a slow stroll with Riley, she just didn’t have it in her to walk faster. He guided her down the twisting halls. Again, neither spoke.

They’d lost the easiness they’d shared. They were nothing to one another now.

She should say something, but what? What was the point?

Riley was scared of screwing up, which she understood. She’d been there. She wanted to help him see that he couldn’t shoulder the blame for every loss. They couldn’t save everyone. He couldn’t take responsibility for every tragedy. And yet, if he couldn’t see that on his own, her arguing with him wasn’t going to help.

“Here you are.” He swiped her keycard and held the door for her.

“Did you check to see if it is safe?” Erin plodded into the lavishly appointed hotel room and squinted at all the lights and chrome. This place was fancy with a capital F. It was too much for just six hours of downtime.

“Here’s your bag. Food should be up soon.” He set the laptop bag down on the bed.

“You know it would probably hurt me less carrying that than you?” She turned and her heart quaked. Even looking at him was painful, yet she wanted to burn this moment into her mind. Remember how the lamplight made him seem ten times bigger than reality.

“It’s fine.”

She turned, fleeing to the other side of the room. Except he followed her all the way to the entrance of the room.

“Okay.” Erin peered into the bathroom at the huge soaker tub.

She could spend the next six hours in there, since she wasn’t likely to sleep.

It was time to start their series of goodbyes.

Tonight was the first.

When they reached Dallas, there’d be another.

Each one put a massive hole in the wall holding all those emotions in. When that structure went, she’d be a mess. She’d like a little privacy for that.

They stood at the door for several moments, neither reaching for the handle.

“I’ll be down the hall if you need anything.” Riley braced his hands on his hips.

Erin bit her lip. She couldn’t ask him to stay. She had to be her own person. She had to handle her own shit and stop leaning on Riley. She’d managed just fine before him, she’d be okay after him, even if it didn’t feel that way right now.

“Well, thanks for the escort.” Erin pasted on a smile.

Riley frowned at her, his brows drawn down into a line. Whatever he wanted to say, he kept to himself. He finally opened her door and let himself out.

She stared at the wood grain door and listened to the silence. Riley was gone. They were through. It was time to move on, and yet she didn’t want to. He reminded her to live, to want better for herself. And yet Riley didn’t see the same things were within reach for himself. He was stuck in the past. She couldn’t save him from that. He had to make the decision.

“Fuck this,” she muttered.

Erin paced to the other side of the room, following Riley’s earlier path. She stared out the windows onto the Frankfurt airport. The sun had set and the city lights threw off enough illumination it wouldn’t be truly dark in the room. She was surrounded by people.

She could do this. She could be alone.

A night by herself was inevitable. She couldn’t live attached to anyone’s hip. It was best she got this over with now. The sooner she nursed her broken heart over Riley, the sooner she could move on.

Erin walked into the bathroom and stood next to the tub.

A good, long soak would help with her knotted muscles so she could at least breathe with less pain. The rest of her was beyond help.

She got the water running, stoppered the tub and found a bottle of some froufrou smelling bubble bath to go with the opulent luxury of her surroundings. That done, she shed her clothes and pinned her hair up. With six hours to kill she could allot three to a bath, one to shower and the last two for aimless channel flipping and still be bored.

Erin climbed into the tub, hissing at the scalding temperature. She adjusted the settings until it was at a comfortable, almost boiling point then settled in. The first few minutes she couldn’t get comfortable. As the warmth seeped into her skin, her muscles relaxed and she drew her first easy breath in hours. The tension in her shoulders eased, and she slid farther down.

She’d overestimated her bubble needs. A good six inches of frothy, iridescent bubbles threatened to drown her. She cupped some in her hands and blew gently, watching the smaller ones take flight.

Mom used to make her take baths with her little sister. They were some of Erin’s earliest memories. Her sister loved to splash, and Erin hadn’t helped matters. They’d make a mess every bath time, all while Mom chided at them in Iraqi. Erin and her sister hadn’t understood the language at the time, but it hadn’t stopped her and her sister from mimicking their mother.

Erin’s nephews were still small. Did her sister bathe them like their mother had? Did she have to clean up buckets of water they splashed out onto the tile? Did she use Mom’s method of griping at them in another language so as to not hurt their young feelings? Erin wanted to know these things. She barely knew her nephews. That wasn’t right. Her family was living a life she knew nothing of, all while she was here. Denying her heart what it needed.

When this was over, she was going to spend some time in Miami. There was no way she could live that close to Mom. Erin didn’t have her sister’s patience. Erin didn’t know what she’d do, or where she’d live after this chapter closed, but she wanted to be closer to the people she loved. At least until they drove her stark, raving mad. By then she hoped to have a plan. Something better.

Funny, she’d thought the decision to leave her job would give her more pause. That she’d miss it. So far, the only thing she was sad about was losing the summer camps. Weeks of connecting with kids, teaching them, learning their stories. That was what she’d miss.

Could she go back for that? Maybe take a bigger role?

Erin turned the tap off before she sloshed suds on the floor and settled in to think.

The camp organizers didn’t have a lot of money. She’d have to finance the trips back herself. Without her NexGen job she didn’t know how she’d make it happen.

A rapid, faint beep brought her attention to the present.

Erin sat up and frowned.

What the hell was that?

The door to her room opened, and a shadow stretched across the carpet. A figure stepped into view carrying two trays.

Room service.

Shit.

Riley glanced into the bathroom, his face lined with worry.

Melody had mentioned that, and Erin hadn’t entirely been listening.

“Just put it on the bed, please?” she eased back into the water, sinking up to her neck.

“You couldn’t even wait ten minutes?” Riley walked sideways into the bathroom.

He had two trays.

For two people? Or did he think she was that hungry?

Riley set both trays on the expansive vanity and turned toward her. His face was lined with something she might call worry, though what he was concerned about she didn’t know. There was something about the slope of his shoulders that didn’t speak to the need for urgency. Whatever bothered him, it wasn’t an immediate danger.

He tugged at his shirt then wiped his palms on his pants before finally meeting her gaze.

“I wanted to apologize. About earlier.” Those had to be bitter words from the way his mouth screwed up.

Her heart climbed into her throat. He wanted to take it all back? Or just part of it?

She swallowed and folded her hands over her stomach.

Hope was dangerous.

“You already apologized. If there’s something else, you’re going to have to be a little more specific.”  She couldn’t let her heart run off, drunk on ideas of them together.

Riley blew out a breath and sat on the edge of the tub facing her. The bubbles hid her from the chin down, and yet, she’d let him in. She’d laid herself bare, and he’d let fear push them apart. That wasn’t someone she could be with.

“You couldn’t just say okay and forget about it?” One side of his mouth screwed up, and he closed one eye.

“No.” She couldn’t tell if the heat crawling up her neck was from the hot water or the sheer embarrassment eating away at her. She’d known better than to hold onto Riley, but she’d been weak. She’d never stood a chance against those lashes or the way he made her laugh.

“What happened... No one could have expected this morning. I can beat myself up all I want, but they had one up on us. Probably because of Thomas. If we’d listened to you, if we’d have given him the boot faster, maybe none of this would have happened.” Riley lifted his shoulders and dropped his gaze to the ground. “All I know is, today could have gone a lot different, and if I’d have lost you I’m not sure I could have forgiven myself for that.”

Riley wasn’t speaking as a soldier or her body guard. This wasn’t the job talking. It was him. All the fucked up stuff they’d seen, the people they’d lost, it changed them. She knew what it was like to hit the wall where she just couldn’t see another friend dead.

Erin reached out and covered his hand gripping the edge of the tub. She’d already forgiven him. He might still be the wrong man for her, but they’d survived this together.

He glanced at her hand on his, then her face.

“We’re good,” she said. “You have to figure out how to forgive yourself. For this. For Jimmy. You can’t keep blaming yourself.”

“If I’m not responsible, who is?” Riley turned his hand and squeezed her hand back.

“Sometimes it’s no one’s fault. If you’d been looking behind you, do you think you’d have seen the guy who shot Jimmy?”

“There wasn’t anything there...” He stared at the tile, but she knew it wasn’t this room he was seeing.

“Take it from me. You have to figure out how to forgive yourself.” She’d made her share of screw ups to know the truth.

“I’ll get there.” He smiled weakly at her. “Hungry?”

“Yeah.”

“Would you mind some company?”

That was a dangerous question right now.

She couldn’t say no to Riley.

“This stuff smells good. Want to eat here?”

“I might try to live in a tub like this.” She sighed. Not only was the tub deep enough she could sink down to her neck, it was long enough she didn’t have to stick her feet out or poke her knees above the water. Besides, the tub put a little distance between them. Distance could be good.

Riley merely chuckled and grabbed one of the trays. He liked to cover up pain with laughter.

Erin bit her lip watching him set the tray across the tub, but there were several inches of clearance on either side for it to perch safely. Riley lifted the cover off the meal and she got a face full of steam and delicious aroma. There was a salad, grilled chicken breast in some sort of cream sauce with vegetables, mashed potatoes, flakey bread, and a slice of chocolate cake.

“Oh, my God. I didn’t realize I was starving.” She sat up a bit and tried to figure out what to eat first.

“When was the last time you ate? That granola bar at the airport? Because you never touched the pizza Mel got you. The guys tore through that. There was no stopping them.” Riley took the other tray to the floor and settled in with his back to the vanity and his meal perched on his thighs.

“I think so.” She dug her fork into the cake, just for a quick taste. It practically melted on her tongue. “That’s it. I’m going to live here.”

Riley chuckled at her and tucked into his food.

“You know, you could get a chair or something?” She stabbed her salad and wolfed it down without touching the dressing.

“I’ll call this my penance for being a dick earlier.” He flashed her a grin.

“Suit yourself.” She chuckled and tucked into her food.

All was forgiven. Amends made. Which meant the future was once again uncertain. She refused to let herself think too hard about what it all meant for her. Them. Next week. For now, she just wanted to enjoy being together.

For a while neither of them said anything. The only sound was of their cutlery on plates. It was nice sharing these quiet moments with Riley.

“Any more thoughts about NexGen?” Riley asked after a while.

“If I tell you the truth would you turn me in?”

“Depends... Who’s getting hurt?”

“No one.”

“Then there’s nothing for me to talk about.”

“I think I’m going to quit.” She pushed her food around her plate.

“That—that’s an awfully big leap.”

“I’m pretty sure they’re going to fire me as part of a cover up, but I don’t know if I want to give them that. Even for a severance package.”

“You don’t come to big decisions like this, this quick, unless it’s been in the back of your head.” He used a finger to scratch his hairline.

Was this the direction she’d been headed?

Erin took another bite and stared at the bubbles.

She’d been distracted lately. She couldn’t deny that she’d taken less work home with her than usual by choice. But was it because she’d been unhappy?

“When I got out of the Army, I just wanted to be left alone. I think I went too far.” She glanced at Riley. “I need my family. I need...people.”

“What do you think you’ll do?” he asked.

“No fucking clue. I mean, who has backup plans these days?” That was a problem for later. She had enough saved up she could take a few weeks once she turned in her notice and seriously consider the next steps. There was always freelance work, and she’d worked with the Department of Defense enough as a contractor that she had options.

“I do.” Riley folded his hands in his lap.

“Oh? Care to share?”

“I’ve got a ten-year plan,” he said in a whisper, as though he were inviting her to conspire with him. “The money on Lepta Team is good. We don’t see as much risk as the other teams.”

“What other teams?”

“There’s Alpha, Troy and Omega.” He ticked each one off on a finger. “Alpha gets into some crazy shit, but they’ve got nothing on Troy or Omega.”

“What makes them different?”

“Well, anyone with money can hire Alpha. They usually do a lot of tourist rescues. Dumb kids getting themselves into trouble. Lepta, companies like NexGen hire us. Troy was recently contracted directly for DoD use. And Omega, well, they do the kind of shit you don’t expect a guy to come back from.”

“You sure you’ll survive ten years?” From the sound of it, Riley’s job was a lot more dangerous than what he let on. Still, his eyes seemed to light up at the idea of his plan.

“I’m not staying on Lepta for ten years. I give it three to five more. Our boss in Seattle is expanding the business and in three years he wants to start consulting. I figure that’s what my goal is. When that starts, I jump on it. They’ll promote from inside, so I’ll have a good chance of getting in on the ground floor. Put in five years or so doing that and I should have enough connections that by the time I’m forty-five I could get a job as head of security somewhere, working behind a desk if that’s what I want to do. Or stay on as a consultant. Either way, it gets me behind a desk, doing something I’m good at.”

“Wow. I’m impressed.”

“I’ll take that as a compliment.”

“You should. You’ve got your shit more figured out than I do.” She set her fork on the tray and lay back in the water, staring at the ceiling.

She didn’t know what she wanted. Except Riley. But she couldn’t have him. Not in the way her heart wanted, and she couldn’t settle. If she was leaving her job, she had to leave these ideas that she could be happy with less than she deserved. The truth she’d tried her best to smother was that she needed to love and be loved. She needed her family. That support structure. A partner would be great, but she couldn’t control when that happened. Only how she chose to live.

Riley pushed to his feet and stretched. He seemed to be slowing down. They were all tired.

“How’s your neck?” she asked.

“It’ll be fine. Want me to take that?” He pointed at her now empty tray.

“Yes, please.”

Her bubbles were beginning to disappear, and the water was decidedly cooler. It was probably time to get out and try to sleep, or shower.

Riley grabbed her tray and stacked it with his before leaving the bathroom to place both trays in the hall.

If he left, it would be better for her in the long run. But if he stayed, she’d be driven by what she could get in the here and now.

“You going to sleep in there?” He leaned a shoulder against the door.

“No.” She sighed and sat up. It was better to face things head on. She pulled the stopper from the drain and sat there, the buoyancy of the water leaving her a victim of gravity.

Erin stared at the towels on a shelf by the door along with the bathmat she hadn’t put down.

Riley followed her gaze and chuckled. He grabbed both the mat and one of the big, fluffy towels and brought them to her. He dropped the mat to the floor and shook out the towel. She was willing to bet that when his mother got sick, he was the brother who made a mess in the kitchen trying to make her soup.

She pushed to her feet, shivering as the cool air met her heated skin. She focused on the towel rather than his face. It wasn’t the first time he’d seen her. It wasn’t a big deal. He held out the towel, and she took it, wrapping herself in terrycloth and ideas better had when she was alone without the source of temptation offering her a hand.

“Thanks,” she mumbled and stepped out of the tub with his assistance. She wiped her feet on the mat and tucked the towel tighter around herself.

“Erin?” Riley’s hand tightened around hers.

She glanced up at him and froze. His gaze reflected back all the desire she was trying to smother. Her throat tightened to the point it hurt.

His eyes traced her lips, his stare so intent she felt it.

Giving in to him would be easy. It was what she wanted to do. But it wouldn’t help her.

She planted her hand against his chest and pushed. Her arm shook with the effort, but he rocked back on his heels.

“You said this wasn’t what you wanted, remember?” An apology didn’t change those words.

He covered her hand with his and leaned toward her.

“What if I was wrong? I’m a dumb guy. What do I really know?”

A lump lodged in her throat. She was fucked. She wanted Riley, and it wasn’t a good idea. It wasn’t what they’d agreed on, but she couldn’t change the way her heart led. What he was offering was for now. In the moment. It was nothing more than that.

“I was wrong.” He dipped his head, closer to her and her knees shook.

“You seemed pretty serious.”

“Seriously stupid.”

“That sounds right.”

His nose bumped hers.

She gripped the front of his shirt and closed her eyes.

It sucked being the one in love, but at least she’d have the memories after tonight.