Denise

The restaurant was getting busy for lunch and I wasn’t having the best day. I was feeling huge, even though I was only about five month pregnant. It was taking longer than I thought it would for me to get into the swing of it, but I felt like my body was being invaded by a parasite, draining me daily of all of the energy that I ever possessed.

I leaned against the side of the restaurant and breathed in the cold air. I was always hot and even though I could see my breath as I stood there, I had no intentions of putting my coat on. The stiff breeze felt good and it helped to cool my heated flesh down. Who would have known that pregnancy turned a woman’s body into an inferno? It wasn’t something that I’d known before, much like all of the other changes I was going through. The one that seemed to be the hardest to cope with was the emotions. I felt like I was on a rollercoaster and no matter how silly it all was and how much I knew it was silly, I still couldn’t get myself together. I was far too emotional for my own good.

Just now I felt my eyes getting red-rimmed and starting to get wet from tears. They flowed down my face and sadly I didn’t know what I was supposed to do about it. It was this helpless feeling that I tried to smile away, but it was moments like this when I was all alone that it got the best of me.

“Why is the most beautiful woman in Nome crying?”

That voice was one I didn’t think I was going to hear again and a strange part of me was sure that I was going to turn around and there was going to be no one there. Maybe it was just the wind and my mind, wanting to hear what it wanted to hear. Never once in those moments had I thought that it would actually be Ethan that was standing behind me.

When turned around, I was surprised that he was standing there. He looked good and he looked like he was all healed up. It was nothing like the last time I had seen him.

Without thinking, I moved to him to give him a hug. It was only when my stomach pushed back against his that I realized my error. If it really was Ethan, which it was, his body was hot against mine; it meant that there was something rather important that was going to have to be discussed right now. Now there was no timing this discussions or anything like that. Now I had to come out with it pretty quickly because he was already pulling back from me with his eyes on my waist.

“Ethan…”

“What is this?”

He was looking at my stomach like it was a bomb and the relief and love that had washed over me was getting defensive and I didn’t know what to say to his question.

“What is this Denise? Are you pregnant?”

It was kind of obvious and I covered my stomach, warding off his glare. This is not at all how I had thought this meeting, if it ever happened would go down. It was like he was accusing me more than asking me a very obvious question. I was pregnant, with his child. How hard was that to deduce?

“Yes.”

“That didn’t take long.”

“What do you mean?”

“I mean I’ve been gone a few months and you’re already knocked up.”

He was seeing it all wrong and I was so mad at him all of a sudden that I could have hit him. He didn’t get it at all and the way he spit out the words made it clear that he thought he was wronged in some way. I felt like I had to remind him that he was the one that was engaged while we were together. I was just with him. It was only Ethan and for him to suggest or accuse otherwise was more than I was willing to take silently.

“Yes, with your baby. I went to go see you in Juneau and I was greeted by your mother and fiancée. It was made clear to me then that I wasn’t welcome there. You left the hospital a month and a half ago and I never heard from you. How was I supposed to tell you?”

He looked at me like he didn’t know what to believe. It was a bewildered and lost look, like he had not honestly thought of that explanation. He also didn’t seem ready to talk about Sandy.

“It’s mine?”

Now I was getting aggravated.

“Yes, it’s yours. I’m almost five months along now.”

Ethan looked stunned and I don’t know if the accusations or this was worse. He was like a deer caught in headlights and he wasn’t budging. I was still standing by the building and I should have been back in by now, but this was something that I had to get through. This was the conversation that I’d wanted for some time, but it wasn’t going the way that I’d hoped it would.

“Me and Sandy broke up before I went to Nome. She had my mom convinced that it was something we were working through. It wasn’t. She’s a little whore and I don’t want to have nothing to do with her. I couldn’t help that she was there at the hospital, but when I woke up I had her leave. I’ve been in the physical therapy place ever since leaving the hospital. I got out last night and it took that long to get a flight up here. It just touched down a few minutes ago. You’re the only reason I’m here Denise.”