She was so unsure. Unsure of what to say, how to act, when to laugh, when to look down. The girl on the dance floor with me was a stark contrast to the one I remembered from five years ago. That confident and defiant glint in her eye was gone, and by the way she held herself, drawn inward and timid, I suspected it had been gone for some time.

I wondered what had happened to cause so much change.

The second song came to an end, and Jo stepped away from me. My hand fell from her waist, and she flattened her top, which did not need to be flattened. Then she gave me a shy smile. “I have to go back behind the bar now.” She didn’t wait for me to say anything before hurrying down the steps and back to the bar.

I trailed after her, a little confused and a little disappointed, but knowing it wasn’t my place to say or ask anything. We’d only shared a night. Clearly, it had meant more to me than it did to her. I’d known that since the morning when I woke up alone. I had to stop thinking she remembered it as anything besides a one-night stand.

When I got back to the bar and retook my stool, Ryan was pouring shots for a big group of young guys at the far end of the bar. Rosie was there, hanging over his shoulder, egging the men on as they took their shots and clinked their glasses together. They tossed them back, and Rosie collected their empty shot glasses. Then she hurried back over to where I was sitting.

“Hey,” she said, looking back and forth down the length of the bar. Jo and Ryan were both with customers. She leaned in close, and the low cut of her chest exposed the top of her very full breasts. I forced myself to look into her big brown eyes and not at her big tanned boobs. “Is Ryan single?”

“Last I heard, he’s as single as they come.”

Her cheeks flushed a bright and adorable shade of pink. “Good. Thanks. Don’t tell him I asked you that, okay?”

“My lips are sealed.”

Rosie cocked her head to the side and looked at me like she was studying the page of a textbook. She chewed the inside of her cheek. “You’re one of the good ones, right Zach?”

“What?”

“You’re not the kind of guy who would ignore or run away from his responsibilities, are you?”

I arched an eyebrow, confused by her questions. “I haven’t before.”

She grinned and straightened up, all her seriousness gone. “I didn’t think so. Just checking.”

Rosie hurried off around the bar to serve more of her tables as Ryan came back to my side of the bar. “I’ve got an early start to my morning tomorrow, man. I think I’m going to call it a night. You gonna stay and hang out for a bit?”

“No.” I shook my head and stood. “I think I’ll head out, too. See you around, Jo!” I called, waving at her at the other end of the bar. She looked up and nodded goodbye. She only spared me a second’s glance before she was back to pouring drinks.

Ryan and I stepped out into the parking lot. The evening was still warm, even though the sun had set a couple of hours ago. I went to my bike and Ryan followed. He leaned up against my seat and crossed his arms over his chest as I took my gloves out of my helmet.

“Is it weird to be back?” he asked.

“A little. It’s weirder to see how different people are.”

“How do you mean?”

“Your sister, man. Tell me if I’m overstepping, but Jo isn’t the same girl I remember. She’s more reserved and… I don’t know. I can’t put my finger on it. She’s just different, I guess.”

“You’re not overstepping,” Ryan said. “You’re not imagining things, either. Jo is different. She started seeing this guy a few years ago. Brett O’Riley. Her confidence hasn’t been the same since. I’ve tried to bring it up with her on more than one occasion, but she won’t hear it. Her stubbornness, unfortunately, is just as fierce as it used to be.”

“You don’t like the guy?”

“Not even a little bit. And I can’t for the life of me figure out why she puts up with his shit.”

I knew that now was the time to stop asking questions. Who Jo chose to spend her life with was not my concern. She was a grown woman who made her own decisions, and she didn’t need a guy like me poking around in her business. But I couldn’t help myself. I wanted to know what sort of asshole she’d hitched her wagon to. He had to be a special kind of dick for Ryan not to like him. Ryan liked or tolerated almost everyone, give or take the real sour apples in the barrel.

“This Brett guy,” I said. “What does he do for work?”

Ryan chuckled and rubbed the back of his neck. “He stocks shelves at a hardware store not far from here. He was laid off from his last few construction jobs for showing up drunk, I believe. There’s less risk of injuring someone or yourself dealing with hand tools without batteries and shit.”

“He’d show up to work drunk?” I asked incredulously. What a loser.

Ryan nodded and sighed. “Yeah. He’s got a bit of a drinking problem. Jo working at a bar doesn’t help things, of course. He uses the bar as his unlimited supply of beer. Embarrasses the hell out of Jo when he shows up to drink from the well. He’ll clear the bar right out with how obnoxious he is.”

“Why the hell is she with a guy like that? She can do so much better.”

“Oh, believe me, I know. I just don’t think she believes it. And I keep telling myself that maybe there’s more to him than I know. Maybe there are things only Jo knows or sees in him that redeems his other shitty qualities.”

“I hope so,” I grumbled.

“My sister has a good head on her shoulders. She’ll figure it out when she’s ready. Eventually, she’ll hit a point where he’s not worth it, and she’ll walk away. I have to believe that. I can’t spend my life with him as my brother in law.” Ryan shook his head. “No way in Hell.”

“He wouldn’t hurt her, would he?” I asked.

“Hurt Jo?” Ryan blinked. “Have you met my sister? She’d kick his ass if he tried.”

If we had been having this conversation five years ago, I would have agreed with him. But now, after seeing this new Jo, I wasn’t so sure. If she was already putting up with the stuff Ryan said she was, who knew where she would draw the line, if she ever would?

“She deserves better,” I muttered.

“I know. She just doesn’t seem to know that.”

I sighed and looked back up at the front door of Hart’s Pub. It sucked to be within reach of the girl I’d been dreaming about for five years and know that she was still off limits. She probably always would be.

Ryan tapped me on the shoulder to get my attention. “You sure you’re all right, man? You’re different too, you know? Since you left.”

“I’d expect so. It’s been a long time. A decade.”

Ryan shrugged. “Yeah, but you know what I mean. If you ever need to talk about anything, I’m here.”

I chuckled and shook my head at him. “I’m good, man. Trust me. No demons haunting me up here.” I rapped my knuckles on the side of my head. The only demons haunting me were in my heart. And they were evil bastards.

Ryan arched an eyebrow.

“Come on,” I said. “Don’t look at me like that. I’m fine. I can handle my own shit. You know that. I’m not a talker.”

“Your dad just died, Zach. You’re allowed to feel something, you know? You don’t have to always have it together. Maybe for your mom, but not for me.”

“What is this, a soap opera?”

Ryan rolled his eyes and laughed at me. “All right, fine, I’ll leave it. But just remember that I’m here if you need anything.”

“If I need anything, I’ll just call your sister.”

Ryan’s eyes narrowed. “Hey now, no need to get personal.”

I grinned as I slipped my gloves on. “You started it.”

Ryan walked backward across the parking lot to his car. “I’m glad you’re back in town, you smug bastard. I’ll see you this weekend?”

“Sounds good,” I called after him before pulling my helmet on and tightening the straps under my chin. Then I climbed on the back of my bike and started it up. The engine roared to life, and the seat vibrated beneath me.

I pulled out of the parking lot, burning rubber, and peeled out onto the main street, heading in the direction of my hotel. I was only staying for a couple more nights, and then I’d be moving into my new apartment a few blocks from my mother’s place. It wouldn’t take long to transfer my duffel bag worth of items from the hotel to the apartment. Then I’d just have to get myself a bed and start collecting more furniture and doing the things normal people did to create a home.

My bike satisfied a small part of my thirst for the sky. I still ached to be in my plane, soaring through clouds and chasing the never-ending horizon, but the open highway was good enough for now. At least I was close to my mom. She needed me more now than she ever had, and I had no intentions of letting her down.

My dad had been her rock her whole life. She had no idea who she was without him.

A burning lump formed in my throat, and I clenched my teeth. I’d kept my emotions at bay valiantly since finding out my dad died. After I got the call while still on base, I broke down once when I was alone. Then I held it together until the funeral, where I shed a few quiet tears during my mother’s emotional eulogy.

Since then I’d kept it together. But when I was alone, that was harder. When there were no distractions, my mind wandered through memories of playing ball with my father or being chased around the living room by him when I was really little. I pictured Christmas mornings and Thanksgiving dinners where my father was always at the forefront of my memory.

He had been my rock just as much as he had been my mother’s. I defined myself by following in his footsteps. I admired him more than anyone else on this planet. And now, he was gone.

He left big shoes to fill. I knew I was not the man he was. I never would be. But I had to try for my mother’s sake. I had to be there for her, as he would expect me to be.

When I got to the hotel, I didn’t take my helmet off for a while. I sat on my bike with my head down and waited until the storm raging inside me had abated. Then I took the helmet off and went to my room, where I was greeted by only more loneliness.