— THIRTEEN —
SEPTEMBER brought the start of school, edits on Faith’s finished book, and daily video calls with Zander, usually after dinner in Tobermory, which was about the time he got home from work in Wainwright. Most days he was still in his camo fatigues, which Eric loved—and it didn’t take Faith long to figure out that’s why Zander didn’t change first before he Skyped them.
Right now, Eric was holding the iPad at the table, sitting with his back to Faith so she could see the screen over his shoulder as she tidied up the kitchen. She watched with amusement as her son tested his new best friend with spelling words.
“Brontosaurus.”
“B-R-O…”
She went to the front hall to get Eric’s backpack as Zander kept spelling. When she pulled out his lunch bag, it felt suspiciously heavy. Damn it. She should have checked right when they got home from school, but her mom had been raking leaves and they’d gotten distracted by jumping into the pile and taking some impromptu family pictures.
“Eric, honey, say goodbye to Zander,” she said when she returned to the kitchen.
He groaned, but when she wiggled her fingers, he handed over the iPad.
“Go find a book about dinosaurs for us to read together, please.” She waited until he was upstairs until she collapsed on the couch and gave Zander a sad face. “He didn’t eat his lunch again today.”
“Ahhh, shit. I’m sorry, babe. Did you talk to his teacher about that anxiety you were worried about?”
Yeah, and it had been a bust of a conversation. “She thinks he’s just too busy talking with his friends.”
“What does your gut tell you?”
“I don’t know. I’m worried I’m being paranoid.”
He gave her a gentle but firm look. “That’s not an answer to the question.”
“I think he’s struggling.”
“Then keep on it. Trust your gut.” The screen blurred as he moved through his small apartment, then he propped his phone against something in his bedroom and she watched as he first stripped off his uniform shirt, then the skin-tight, olive-green t-shirt underneath. He came closer to the screen—maybe his phone was on top of his dresser?—and then stepped back and pulled on a basic black t-shirt.
“Shame to cover that up,” she whispered, and he winked at her.
“Got a book, Mommy.”
She jumped up as Eric leapt onto the couch beside her, the iPad tumbling out of her hands. When she picked it up again, Zander was biting his knuckle to keep from laughing. She could feel her cheeks were on fire. She covered her face, then waved at the screen. “Okay, we’re going to go read that book.”
“I’m going to finish getting changed and hit the gym.”
It was the most mundane, ordinary conversation, but as they said their goodbyes, Faith felt refreshed.
Three weeks had gone by, and there was no sign of Zander losing interest. She’d been afraid that when he wasn’t near her, he would change his mind. Go back to being the guy who lived just for the present, and since his present reality was thousands of miles away…
But while he was there, he was also still here in her kitchen, in her living room, and some nights, after Eric was asleep, they’d call each other again, and he’d be in her bedroom, too.
It was easy and wonderful, and almost too good to be true.
She tried not to think about that last point too hard. He’d be back in another week for Dani’s wedding, and she’d have a chance to hold him in her arms. Feel his strength and refill the hope bank a little more.
— —
Zander sat through the rehearsal dinner at his mother’s cafe trying hard to contain his impatience. His sister was getting married. That was important. Jake was a great guy—even better. But they were going to do this again in another two days, and there was only so much polite, multi-generational friendly conversation he could make when he hadn’t seen Faith in a month and he was probably missing Eric’s bedtime and why hadn’t he invited them to this?
Right. He was trying not to rush her.
That was rolling around in his head as he finally made his goodbyes, taking his dessert to go. It had required admitting to his mother that he was going to “his friend’s” house for the night, but she’d put two pieces of chocolate tart in his takeout box, so that was something. And his sister just gave him a thumbs up as he kissed her cheek and apologized for ducking out.
No ribbing.
No demands for information.
The distraction of a wedding was proving to be a good time to show a slice of his personal life to his usually meddlesome kin.
Arriving at the little house overlooking the harbour in Tobermory was like coming home, although he was smart enough not to say that to Faith. She needed a long, slow courtship, he’d realized once he’d arrived back in Alberta. With some distance, he could see how the week of constant, escalating tension between them—good tension, holy shit—had been too overwhelming.
How he’d overwhelmed her.
So now he was playing a long game. He was all in, but she didn’t need to know that yet. He could show her, because deeds felt good. Right. And where words could be doubted, his actions would build a solid, dependable foundation for Faith to believe they could build something real on top of.
He pulled out his phone and texted her. I’m sitting in your driveway like a creeper. Wasn’t sure if I should knock, don’t want to wake up Eric if he’s asleep.
Ten seconds later the front porch light turned on, and ten seconds after that she was in his arms on the front walk.
She was salty-sweet softness and unexpected steel. Her mouth crashed into his and her hands dug into his shoulders as he lifted her in the air, not caring if anyone saw how much he’d missed her.
“He’s asleep and my mom is gone for the night,” she whispered, nuzzling against his neck as he lowered her slowly to the ground.
He picked up his duffle bag from where he’d dropped it and followed her straight to bed.
— —
The second Faith’s front door opened on Saturday afternoon, a wave of calm settled over Zander. He’d only been gone for five hours, but it was enough to once again remind him that this was where he belonged.
He hadn’t let himself in—there was something formal about coming to collect her as his date for his sister’s wedding, so he knocked and waited for Miriam to open the door.
“Faith is upstairs changing her dress for the fifth time,” she stage-whispered.
From upstairs, Faith groaned and called out that she could hear them.
“You look lovely,” Zander used his sergeant’s voice to make that clear, even though he hadn’t seen her yet. He had no doubt she’d take his breath away, she always did.
She appeared at the top of the stairs, and lovely didn’t cover it. She was wearing a strappy, sky-blue chiffon dress that floated down her body and skimmed the top of her bare knees. A dark blue wrap was fisted in one hand and her other was thrust toward him, holding a pair of flat silver sandals with straps that would probably wind around her ankles and drive him mad. “Can I wear these? Should I wear heels? That seems impractical for a dock wedding, but I don’t want to—”
He held out his hand and crooked his index finger. “Come here.”
“Nope, can’t do. I still have to do my makeup. Yes or no on the shoes?”
“Yes.”
She grinned at him. “Ten more minutes.”
“Sounds good. Where’s Eric? I’ll go hang with him until you’re ready.”
“He’s out in the backyard,” Miriam said, shooing him in that direction as she moved to follow her daughter upstairs.
“Thanks.” He found Faith’s gaze again, holding it for longer than was probably decent. He didn’t care. “You really look extra beautiful today.”
She twirled away, her skirt lifting high enough on her legs to give him a glimpse at her thighs. Gorgeous.
Outside, he found Eric stretched out on a blanket with a bucket of Lego and a hardcover kids’ reference book about construction vehicles. He was building something similar to what was on the page.
Zander dropped down beside him. “Hey.”
Eric flashed him a grin and kept building. They’d hung out for hours the night before, from the time Zander picked him up from school with Faith to the extra-late bedtime since it was a special occasion. Eric had been like a spider monkey, all over Zander and full of silly giggles, but now Zander was already part of the background again. The resiliency of kids always shocked the hell out of him. He hadn’t been this strong when he was four.
He rolled onto his back and watched the clouds, asking Eric a question or two about what he was building. Apparently the spies at his spy base needed custom-built dump trucks and bulldozers for an undercover something.
After a few minutes, Eric pushed aside his project and rolled over as well, using Zander’s arm as a pillow.
“Look at that cloud,” Eric said, pointing at a low-lying puffy dragon riding a motorcycle.
“And there’s a horse,” Zander added, but as a wispier altostratus cloud floated behind, Eric pointed out it had transformed into a unicorn. “Good point.”
“There are a lot of clouds today. Is it going to rain on your party?”
“Nah. It rained last night, and some of those clouds are left over from that. Did you know that? Those streaky clouds, they come after a storm, not before.”
“That’s weird.”
“Yep. Science is often weird. And cool.”
“What kind of cloud is that one? It looks full to bursting,” Eric asked, pointing at a cumulus cloud.
“That’s a marshmallow cloud.”
“No it’s not.”
Zander laughed. “No. It’s called a cumulus cloud, and it is full of water vapour, but it’s a hungry cloud that wants to get bigger, so it eats all the water droplets and doesn’t let them go until it gets big enough. So it floats on by, getting bigger and stronger and eventually will rain somewhere else.”
“When it gets to China?”
“Maybe, sure.” Zander hesitated, then turned his head and looked at Eric. “Are you a hungry cloud? Are you eating all your food and getting big and strong?”
Eric gave him a confused look.
Shit. He should mind his own business. “Never mind.”
“I eat my lunch sometimes,” Eric said, his voice extra small. Smart kid, figuring out where Zander was going—where he had no right to go, though.
“That’s good.”
“Do you always eat your lunch?”
“Every day.”
“Do you ever run out of time?”
Awww, poor kid. “Sometimes. Especially if I’m thinking hard about something.”
“Like what?”
“Football. You. Work, sometimes.”
“My mom?”
Hell fucking yes. “Sure thing. I think about your mom a lot.”
“Me too.”
“Your mom wouldn’t want either of us to worry about her so much that we don’t eat our lunch, though, right?”
“I guess.”
“What are you thinking about at lunch time?”
“My spy base.”
Zander laughed gently. “Yeah?”
“I wish I could go to spy school instead of regular school.”
“I’m pretty sure you need to finish regular school first. Spy school is like college.” Zander squeezed Eric close in a little kid version of a one-arm bro-hug. “We should go inside. Your mom is probably ready by now.”
“Are you taking her to a fancy ball?”
“My sister’s wedding. Which is going to be like a ball, but outside.”
“My mom got married in a church.”
“Lots of people do.”
“Where did you get married?”
He laughed. “I’ve never been married.”
“Why not?”
“That’s a big question.”
Eric gave him a look that said, clearly not, it’s only two words. Did four-year-olds understand the idea of a loaded question?
“How about, it’s a small question with a big answer?”
“Okay.”
One of Zander’s favourite things about talking to Eric was how he just bounced along. Were all kids this agreeable? Or smart? Or funny?
Eric rolled over on his tummy, more interested in talking than getting up and going inside. “I don’t want to get married.”
“Why not?”
Now it was the kid’s turn to laugh. “I don’t know!”
“I’ll tell you this much. My sister? Today is the best day of her life. She’s over the moon happy about this wedding. And if you grow up and fall in love with someone, and they get that happy about having a party to celebrate your love, you might just change your mind.”
“Nope.” Eric poked at Zander’s suit jacket. “I don’t like clothes like this. I only like jogging pants.”
Zander knew the feeling. “It makes girls happy, though.”
“I like to make my mom happy,” Eric said quietly.
“Me too, bud.”
“Is that why you’re wearing the suit?”
“Nah. This is for my sister. But I asked your mom to come with me because I knew she’d have fun getting dressed up.”
“My mom?” Eric shook his head. “She hates getting dressed up.”
She might stress about it, but the twirling skirt and bright eyes he’d left inside said otherwise. “You think?”
“That’s what she says.”
“Life lesson number one, Eric. Girls don’t always say what they mean.”
“That’s weird.”
“Yep.”
“Hey, do you want to come to the park with me tomorrow?”
Zander’s chest squeezed tight. “I…I’m getting on an airplane tomorrow. I’m flying back to my army base.”
“Oh.”
“Next time I visit, okay?”
“When will that be?”
Shit. Not until Christmas. “Maybe in the winter. Can you still go to the park in the winter?”
“I think you can. But my mom says it’s not safe.”
Zander couldn’t quite figure that one out, but he’d already learned not to disagree with Faith’s mama bear instincts. “Does it get slippery?”
“I guess.”
“I’ll be back for a week at Christmas. We’ll do lots of fun stuff. Safe, fun stuff,” he hastened to add, because he wasn’t going to promise anything he couldn’t deliver.
“Like what?”
“I don’t know yet. I’ll talk to your mom and find out what we’re allowed to do.”
Eric giggled and buried his face in the blanket.
Zander cleared his throat. “You know, even at work I need to get permission to do things. We have to fill out a threat assessment and get five different people to sign it.”
Eric lifted his head and gave him an appropriately scared look.
“Right? It could be way worse. How much paperwork does your mom require for a park visit?” Zander hopped to his feet and held out his hand. “Come on. Let’s go tell your mom she’s not as bossy as a Canadian Forces base commander. She’ll get a kick out of that.”
— —
From the upstairs window, Faith watched Zander help Eric fold up the blanket they’d been lying on together, then she turned to her mother who was fussing about what earrings she should wear.
Nothing dangly, Faith thought, remembering the brush of Zander’s lips against her neck.
“Mom…” God, this was harder than she thought. “If I didn’t come home tonight…?”
Miriam nodded. “I’ll make pancakes in the morning and distract Eric.”
“Am I being foolish?”
“I can’t answer that for you. Do you love him?”
Faith jerked her head back, alarm zinging through her body. “What? No.” Not yet. It’s too soon.
“He’s flown across the country to see you.”
“He flew back for his sister’s wedding.”
“Honey, most of the time, for a family wedding, there’s a lot of milling around and pictures being taken before the ceremony. Most brothers of brides don’t leave town to go pick up a date, and lie down on the grass and have a deep and meaningful chat with a four-year-old.”
“Do you think we’re distracting him from something more important?”
Miriam laughed. “I think to that man, you are more important.”
Well, that did nothing to calm the nerves zinging around in her belly. “He’s not moving here until the spring.”
“Good.” Her mother handed over a pair of simple diamond studs. “That’s probably how long it will take you to figure out whether or not you can love him.”
“What are you now, a relationship expert?” But Faith said it softly, because between the two of them, her mother was the expert. She’d had a better marriage than Faith had, longer too, and now she’d shifted into happily dating a new man with zero drama.
Faith had no clue how to do zero drama. It sounded nice, though. Like something she might want to try if she could lock down her overactive imagination long enough to be a normal person.