CHAPTER FOURTEEN
Ivy had never heard Zane’s voice riddled with such pain before. The same question that had plagued her since he’d come to her rescue ran through her mind again: Could they have a future together? She had nearly three weeks of accumulated vacation; she’d ask to take it now so the two of them had a chance.
She stood and extended her hand. “Come on. You need your medicine. We both need rest.”
He threw the dredges of his coffee into the fire-ring and wrapped his arm around her shoulders. “All I need is you.” The heat from his body warmed hers. Sounds of a movie filtered from the living room when they stepped inside. He didn’t speak again and neither did she until they were in his bedroom.
Depression slipped into her soul like a cold breeze at night. Did she really want to leave? Didn’t Quinn deserve more time with his daddy? She certainly wanted a few weeks to absorb his strength. After years of being in charge and carrying the load of a working mom, she was ready for a break.
“How about we shower together tonight? I could gently wash your bruised back.”
Say no, her mind demanded.
Her hormones had other ideas and started arguing right away. After he washes our back, I get to soap his cock. No! Me…me! I want to touch him all over. You’ll go for the meat while I want to rub over his six-pack and those broad shoulders and his tight ass.
She smiled at Zane, her mind smitten with everything about him. “Okay.”
Her mind rolled over and beat its forehead against her skull. Her sex-starved hormones were too busy dancing and shimmying to “Get Down Tonight” to give a shit.
Both of them eyed the other as they undressed. Desire warmed Ivy inside and out. Her ripped naked SEAL giant held her hand and walked her into the large bathroom. It was certainly built for his size. He covered her wound and his so they’d stay dry. Once the water was warm, he led her in the shower.
He trailed his fingertips down her spine. A faint contact she’d dreamed of so often that sexual awareness skittered over her skin, as if just seeing him naked didn’t already have her acutely aware of every inch of him. Her breath quickened. Her nipples peaked.
“Baby, I knew you had bruises, but I had no clue they were this bad. Does it hurt when I stroke you?”
She glanced over her shoulder. “Not when you use a light touch.”
“Fuck, now that I see how badly you’ve been hurt, my temper is off the charts. It pisses me off so damn bad, I want to go back and kill those bastards all over again. Slower and more painful this time.”
“We can’t work on us if you’re constantly gone.” This was one of the main concerns she had. Would he go missing from her life again?
“What about if you leave? The way you sounded outside, you’re almost eager to get back to your job.” She’d angered him with her talk about returning to work.
“Let’s work on honesty in our fragile relationship. I admit to being confused. The part of me that still loves you wants to stay. The other part, the one that’s supported Quinn and me, wants to hang onto the security of my job.” She was on a teeter-totter of passions; she needed time for her up and down emotions to level out.
He turned her around and cupped her face. “I could give you security, Ivy. Love. A future. A sense of family. Financial stability.”
“I know. But after so many years, can we adapt to the changes in each other? We need time.”
“I’m so fucking tired of talking about time. Time carries no guarantee.” The muscle in his jaw ticked. “I’ll wait but, damn, I won’t beg. If you don’t want me, then there’s nothing I can do to change your mind.” He made a turning motion with his index finger, soaped his hands and barely touched her bruises as he washed her back and bottom.
His pressure increased as he lathered the backs of her legs. He turned her around, his dark eyes piercing hers. “Fate didn’t just throw us together again. Being with each other is our destiny.” Her Dom was out, voicing his opinion. The submissive in her wanted to agree.
His lips feathered a few kisses across her shoulders; her nipples ached for his touch. “I want to work on us.” His warm soapy hands covered her breasts. “These are fuller, more lush than I remember. On his knees, he washed her abdomen, sending arrows of need to her core. “Is this silver scar from your c-section?”
She inhaled enough air to speak; she’d been holding her breath in total mindless enjoyment. “Yes.” She was tensed, waiting for the next step she was almost sure was coming.
He lathered her mound, running his fingers through her slit. She whimpered in pure desperation as he began washing her legs. “What does my lioness want?” The Dom was going to make her beg.
Her head dropped back to the shower wall. “For you to give me a climax.” Her voice was breathy.
“You are so gorgeous, my tawny-haired beauty.” He allowed the warm water spray to rinse off the soap on her curls. “I’m going to lift your legs over my shoulders. You know the position.” He gently cupped the backs of her thighs and placed them over his shoulders while he sat on his knees and calves. Separating her folds, he leaned in and swept his tongue through her slit.
She moaned with pleasure and need so strong her eyes crossed. He repeated it again and again before circling her clit. “Zane. Zane, please.” Her abdomen coiled like a spring ready to explode into a lightning flash.
His tongue entered her while his thumb scraped over her button. A few strokes and he pressed it to her clit. On a cry, her sexual world shattered. While she trembled all over, he pressed the side of his face to her abdomen. Once she stopped shaking, he turned off the water and carried her out of the shower.
Soft towels blotted her skin dry while she tried to gather the pieces of her world together again. He hadn’t allowed her to touch him. “What about you?”
“I’ll wait until I know if you’re staying. If I make love to you, letting you go will be six times as hard. Hell, a dozen.” He towel dried her hair while she did her best to comprehend his reluctance.”
As soon as they crawled into bed, his lips covered hers in a slow, sexy sipping motion. She moaned and he snatched the opportunity to slip his tongue into her mouth. Their tongues touched and danced and mated. “Baby, I can’t lose you again,” he growled and took the kiss deeper. His fingers forked in her hair and lit up her scalp. Her arms wrapped around his shoulders to hold him closer while the kiss grew in potency. His kisses were always like coming home; like being exactly where she belonged.
“How’s your cut healing?” She needed time to cool down before she begged him to make love to her.
He kissed her collarbone. “Baby, that little cut even when it was burning like the bowels of hell was nothing to the pain I’ve felt in losing you. It was like having my soul ripped out. For years, I dreamed about you, thought of you, ached deep inside for you. I dated from time to time to release the pressure, but I always came back lonelier than when the date started. No one could fill your spot. No one.” His teeth grazed her jaw line and down her neck.
“You went out with other women?” Her temper rose. “I never dated after you.”
“That’s because you’re a better person than I am. Men are weak when it comes to their libidos.”
She struggled to sit, but his hold on her strengthened. “Well, why didn’t you masturbate the way I did? What the hell, Zane? I’m alone suffering and you’re dating all kinds of women?”
“Two. In five years, I dated two women occasionally. Nothing regular. Nothing passionate. Nothing that really mattered.” He kissed her collarbone. “That’s as honest as I can be. Besides, I had no idea I’d ever find you again.”
He was right. Their being given a second chance was something she never dreamed would happen. In the nearly past five years they’d mourned for each other. In many ways, the sensual parts of them died without the other. Now, they had another chance at happiness. If only she could reach for it. What if as soon as they made an agreement, he went off on another mission and didn’t come back?
Over the next four days, she and Zane discussed a lot of their emotions and hopes for the future. He told her he wanted marriage. His willingness to commit surprised her.
There was a wall of fear shielding her deep emotions and she didn’t know why. What was the cause of it? Although she spent hours analyzing this needless fear, it remained a controlling force.
Every night Zane brought her to climax and yet kept her from touching his body. The man baffled her.
Gina helped her recover from the bullet wound. The bandage was no longer needed and the bruises had faded to a sickly yellow. Her range of motion was less painful. She walked more normally.
She and Junebug grew closer. The woman loved showing off her flower and vegetable gardens. It was nearing mid-day when the older woman grabbed Ivy’s hand after pulling some fresh pea pods. “Look.”
Zane was astride his large black horse as it galloped full-speed. His cowboy hat was low over his eyes and one arm was firmly around his son while they sped across the meadow dotted with wild flowers. What a masculine sight the man made. Talk about a hunk on a horse. Ivy’s heart filled with love. She stood still, taking it all in.
“I don’t think I’ve ever seen my Zane so happy. Having you here to talk to and sneak a heated kiss behind one of my apple trees—” she elbowed Ivy and snorted. “Didn’t think I saw that, did you? He opens up when he’s in your company. Then, of course, there’s my perfect grandson.” She cast worried eyes on Ivy. “Are you giving any thought to staying on with us? You know I’d be thrilled.”
“I don’t know. Something’s keeping me from making a decision and I can’t put a finger on it.” She slipped her arm through the older woman’s. “Tell me, Junebug, why am I so scared? Zane’s been nothing but caring and open about his feelings. I want to stay. I also want to work. I miss the law, not the rat race I was in back in Tampa. It was wearing me out. But I miss doing something. I know it would do my son a world of good to be here with you and his daddy.” She lifted her open hands in a helpless gesture. “So why am I so indecisive?”
“You’ve always been number one in ZQ2’s life. Maybe sharing his total love with his father has you a little uneasy.”
Ivy’s eyes pooled with tears. This was part of her fear—loosing her importance in her son’s life. Now that it stood in front of her like a blinking neon sign, she felt damn petty. Her palms wiped away a flood of tears.
Junebug took her hand. “Love grows, you know. Let’s say you had another child.” Zane’s mother’s eyes twinkled. “Would that new baby make you love ZQ2 less?”
“No. Of course not.”
“See? It’s the same for the little boy. His love for you won’t diminish just because he also has another parent to love.” Junebug smiled. “And a wonderful grandma.”
Ivy hugged her and sniffed. “Oh, that goes without saying.”
That night when she slipped under the covers, her head rested on the muscular arm Zane had extended for her. He pulled her close and slid his thigh between her legs. “Did you have a good day, Ivy?”
“Absolutely. I’m feeling so much better. I called my boss today about coming back to work. I gave him a date.” Zane tensed all over.
She gave him a quick kiss. “What is it?”
“That damn job. I want you to stay here on the ranch with me forever. I want to marry you and raise my son. If you’re able and agreeable, I want another child. One I can feel growing inside you and hold as soon as she’s born. In years to come I want the grandkids running around this place, raising hell. But most of all, I want you to be happy and I pray to God it’ll be with me.”
“You always were one to push. Well, I can push, too. I started procedures to have Quinn’s name changed to Zane Austin Quinlan, the second. If everyone is going to insist on calling him ZQ2, he might as well have the legal name to go with it.”
He bolted upright in bed and stared at her, a slow smile spreading. “You’re serious about this? You’re giving him my complete name? I mean how did you know my middle…?” He nodded. “Mom told you I had my dad’s name, Austin.”
“The papers have already been filed. Besides, I talked to our son about it and he was thrilled to have his daddy’s name. You better approve. The legal system is pushing it through.”
“Approve? Baby, only one thing could please me more. That would be if you agreed to marry me.” His extra cell phone rang and he cussed as he snatched it from the nightstand. “Yeah.”
He slowly sat on the edge of the bed. “We can be ready for liftoff in two hours. No, that’s the earliest. I understand. Will do.” He ended the call and his thumbs flew over the phone’s keyboard. “I have to go to work. I’m notifying JJ, Titan, Dust, and Steelhead to get their asses in gear, ready for liftoff.”
“Where are you going?” Fear and a bit of annoyance slithered through her.
“Can’t say.” He put on his prosthesis and walked to his chest of drawers, pulling out clothes and getting dressed. From his closet, he snatched his duffle bag and packed it.
“Will you be in danger?” Would he be back at all? What if she lost him again? This was the wall, the feared obstacle she couldn’t identify.
“Depends.”
“When will you be back?”
“Have no clue.”
She’d have to handle, have to deal. “Will you call me and ZQ2?”
He shot her a glance that told her she was being needy. “No. There won’t be any calls until we achieve our objective and depending on how hot things get, maybe not afterward either. Look, I can’t answer your questions. This is part of the deal. My team requires secrecy and often spur of the moment missions. This is how your life will be. Get used to it.” He was in commander mode and there didn’t seem to be time or any inclinations for details—or calming her nerves, if he even cared she was suffering from any. While he wanted her to give up her job, his work ran his life and those around him.
He leaned over and gave her a quick kiss. “See you on the flip side.” Duffle bag in hand, he strolled out. It was five years ago all over again.