“You shouldn’t be alone on New Year’s Eve,” Finn said. 

“I’m not alone.  I’ve got Daisy and Netflix.  I’ll be fine,” Harper said, trying to sound lighthearted even though this would be the second New Year’s Eve in a row that she’d be spending alone. 

“Yes, but a dog can’t talk to you.”

“I think you underestimate Daisy,” she quipped, and was met with Finn’s gruff laughter. 

“All that little furball is capable of is yapping,” he teased. 

“Hey, she’s not a little furball.  She’s a cuddly Pomeranian.”

“Same thing,” he said. 

“Anyway, you go out and have fun.  Drink a glass of champagne for me.”

“I’d rather you come and drink one yourself.”

She sighed.  “We’ve been over this, Finn.  You know how I feel about going to parties that are mostly made up of couples.  It’s hard enough for me at this time of year…”

“You’re right.  Sorry for pushing.”

“That’s ok.  I know you have my best interests at heart.  I’m just not up for it.  Not yet.”  She wondered when she ever would be.  She’d made some strides over the past six months or so, but she still had a long way to go.  The ache in her chest over losing Blake had dulled some, but it was still there, ever-present, a constant reminder of what she’d lost.  Add in the holidays, when everyone was celebrating with their loved ones, and it was a recipe for disaster.  She was much better off staying at home with Daisy than trying to make small talk with a bunch of partygoers. 

“Well, if you change your mind, you’ve got my number,” Finn said.

After they’d hung up, she hugged Daisy to her chest and sighed.  “It’s just you and me, kiddo,” she said.  Her parents had given Daisy to her last Christmas, believing that a pet would help her get over Blake.  While a dog could never replace a person, she’d appreciated the sentiment, and Daisy had proved to be a loving and faithful companion.  Now she couldn’t imagine not having the little “furball” by her side. 

Scrolling through the options on Netflix, Harper settled on the movie The Holiday, starring Kate Winslet and Jude Law.  She’d seen the movie before, but it seemed especially fitting at this time of year and based on what she’d gone through.  Like her, Jude Law’s character had lost his spouse, and he was having a difficult time rebuilding his life without her.  Of course, in the movie, he had two kids, which would make things infinitely harder.  But maybe not.  Maybe it would have been better if she and Blake had had children.  At least then she’d have living proof that they’d had a happy life together even though it had been cut short. 

She’d often wondered what their kids would have looked like.  Would they have had golden-blonde hair and light-brown eyes like hers, or dark-brown hair and caramel-colored eyes like Blake’s?  Or maybe a combination of both.  It seemed like her images of him were becoming fuzzy, like an old photograph that was starting to fade.  When she was feeling particularly lonely, she’d pull out pictures of him and of the two of them just to remember.

But tonight, she didn’t want to feel sad.  She wanted to lose herself in the movie and admire Jude Law for a little while.  The man was easy on the eyes, and she hadn’t looked at a man that way since Blake.  Somehow, it didn’t make her feel guilty to ogle a celebrity, but a flesh-and-blood male—well, that was a different story.  Her sister and a couple of her girlfriends had recently been talking about setting her up, but she’d managed to hold them off.  They’d been insisting that she “get back out there” and “explore her options,” but she didn’t feel ready for that.  Not yet. 

Dating had been tricky enough back in her college days, but to consider it now, at almost thirty-three—well, the idea was daunting at best.  She couldn’t imagine starting over with someone new, having to go through the ritual of getting to know someone, becoming intimate, navigating the emotional roller coaster that was love.  The sex part especially tripped her up whenever she thought about it (which wasn’t often).  Would she ever be able to have sex without thinking about Blake?  Would she feel guilty, like she was cheating on him?  How could she be intimate with another man when she still felt married in her mind? 

It was all too much to handle, which was why, tonight, she was staying in.  She didn’t want to mingle with strangers who were on the prowl to get lucky.  She didn’t want to appear like the poor, lonely widow—one of the few people without a date.  Of course, Finn had offered to be her date, but that wasn’t the same. 

Finn O’Brien.  Her husband’s best friend since high school.  The man who had been her rock after Blake’s death.  The man who’d taken it upon himself to protect her, rushing to her aid whenever she needed him and even when she didn’t like tonight.  He’d literally called or stopped by to check on her once a week ever since Blake had died.  Without making a nuisance of himself, he’d made it clear that he’d be there for her for whatever she needed whenever she needed it. 

She’d often wondered if he and Blake had made some sort of pact, that if anything should happen to Blake, Finn would be there to help her out, since that’s exactly what had happened.  It was hard to imagine a single, good-looking guy like Finn, hanging around her for any other reason.  It certainly couldn’t have been because of her sparkling personality, because she’d been anything but sparkling over the past year and a half.  Yet he’d continued to be there for her, strong and steadfast, refusing to be pushed aside.

Harper shook off her thoughts of Blake and of Finn and immersed herself in the film, which was both sad and uplifting at the same time.  She could relate to every emotion that the characters expressed, including loneliness, despair, and hopefulness, especially at this time of year.  Plus, she loved the charming setting of Cotswolds, England, where Jude Law and Cameron Diaz eventually fell in love. 

The credits were rolling, and she was sniffling and wiping the tears off her cheeks, when her phone buzzed with a text from Finn. 

You still up?

Glancing at the clock, she wondered why he’d be texting her at eleven thirty at night.  The party should be in full swing by now, with everyone anticipating the stroke of midnight when they might get lucky or at least get a kiss.

Yes.  How’s the party?

Kind of lame.  Thought I’d stop by on my way home.

Really?  Now?  She glanced down at her fleece pajamas and then typed her response.  I’m probably going to bed soon.

What?!  Before the ball drops?

She could just imagine the expression on Finn’s face, and it made her smile. 

Not everyone’s a partier like you!  She waited for his response, and after several minutes went by, she wondered if she’d offended him.  Finn had been the partier among Blake’s core group of friends, but not as much in recent years.  He owned a landscaping company with his two brothers, and that seemed to occupy most of his time now.  Well, that and taking care of her.  Feeling guilty, she started to type another message.

Just teasing.  You’re welcome to stop by…  But then her doorbell rang, and she bobbled the phone in her hands.  Daisy, who had been curled up in a ball next to her, leaped off the couch, and immediately started yipping. 

“Coming,” she called as she quickly donned her robe and hurried to open the door. 

“Did you look through the peephole first?” Finn asked in lieu of saying hello.

Rolling her eyes, she motioned him inside.  “I knew it was you.”

“How?”

“Because you were just texting me about coming over.”

“You still should have looked through the peephole.”

“Yes, Dad!”

He followed her into the living room, picked up the remote, and selected the channel that aired the ball dropping in New York City.  Then he plunked down on the couch, with Daisy between them, and made himself at home. 

“So, why did you leave the party early?  No hot babes?” she teased.

“Nah,” he said.  “Same old group of people getting drunk, laughing too loud, and flirting with each other.”

She laughed.  “I thought that was your scene.”

“Not anymore,” he admitted.  “So, which movie did you watch?”

He looked thoughtful as she described the movie, and then he said, “You should get out there again too.”

She shook her head.  “You sound like my sister, and Julia.”

“Two smart women.”

“I’m not ready yet.”

“It’s been over a year, Harper.”

“Don’t you think I know that?  I’ve been aware of every single day that’s gone by without…”

“Blake.  I know.”

He’d averted his eyes to the television, and she felt a twinge of guilt again.  She wasn’t the only one who’d lost someone important.  Blake had been like another brother to Finn ever since they’d played high school football together.  She knew how close they’d been all the way up until Blake’s sudden death. 

“I’m sorry, Finn,” she said, placing a hand on his shoulder.  “I know you miss him too.”

He swallowed hard and then sprang up off the couch.  “I’m going to grab a beer.  Want anything?”

“I’ll take a beer too,” she said and watched him walk out of the room.  Once again, she wondered why Finn wasn’t taken.  Handsome in a rugged, outdoorsy way, he had a full head of wavy, dark hair and crystal-blue eyes under thick eyebrows, and he currently sported a beard that he’d said helped keep him warm in the winter.  To her, it added to his overall sex appeal.  He was solidly built at just over six feet tall, with broad shoulders and muscular arms, compliments of the work he did. 

Since she’d known him, he’d only been serious about one woman, Ava, who’d broken his heart when she’d left him for an ex-boyfriend.  After that, Finn had dated sporadically, but he seemed more committed to his job, his family, and taking care of her than anything else.  She doubted that he lacked female company, but he never talked much about it, and that was fine with her.  His love life was really none of her concern, although he seemed to be interested in hers (or the lack thereof).

He waltzed back into the room with two beers and handed her one before sitting down next to Daisy again.  Daisy peered up at him and then put her tiny face between her paws and sighed.  She tolerated Finn’s presence, but she always kept a wary eye on him as if she were protecting her owner from the big, bad beast. 

They drank their beer and watched the ball inch down the pole in Times Square while the countdown flashed in the bottom corner of the screen.  Only four more minutes until the new year.  Another year without her husband.  Another year to get through.  Maybe her friends were right. Maybe this year, she should try dating again.  She’d missed having someone to go out and do things with on a regular basis.  And more than that, she missed the human touch.  Specifically, a man’s touch…

Just then, Finn reached over and squeezed her hand.  “You ok?”

“Yeah.  I’m fine,” she replied, giving him a watered-down smile.

He didn’t let go of her hand as they heard, “Five, four, three, two, one.  Happy New Year!”

And then the camera zoomed in on the revelers as they hugged and kissed their significant others on the streets of New York, bundled up against the bitter cold yet warmed by love. 

Startled by all the noise emanating from the TV, Daisy hopped down from the couch to investigate, leaving Harper and Finn to themselves.  Finn dropped her hand but opened his arms to her and said, “Happy New Year, Harper.”

He’d hugged her many times before and after Blake’s death, so it wasn’t anything new.  She immediately moved into his warm embrace, enjoying the feel of his strong arms around her and his hard chest against her soft front.  She wasn’t even embarrassed that she was in her pajamas and robe because Finn had seen her in just about every manner of dress, except naked, of course.  When Blake had first died, it had been a chore to get herself ready every day, so Finn had seen her without makeup, her hair up in a messy ponytail like it was now, and in old, worn-in sweats.  None of it had seemed to matter to him.  He was Finn, her husband’s best friend and now one of hers too.

“Happy New Year,” she said against his chest. 

He held her like that for what felt like a long time, stroking a hand over her ponytail, his heart beating steadily in her ear.  Suddenly, she felt uncomfortably warm, which she blamed on her layers of fleece.  Hating to break the contact, she pulled back a little and peered up at him.  What she saw in his eyes startled her and froze her in place.  He was smiling, which wasn’t unusual, but there was a flicker of something else there too.  Something that reminded her that she was a woman and he was a man, and they were touching. 

It frightened her but not enough to pull away.  Finn studied her closely, and then he slowly brought a hand up and caressed her cheek with the back of it.

“I hope this will be a better year for you,” he said softly. 

It struck her that for being such a big masculine guy, he could be amazingly tender.  Swallowing hard, she nodded.  “Me too.”

And then he started to lean in just a fraction of an inch, the movement so slight one might not have even noticed it, but she did.  She was aware of every single breath, every goosebump that had broken out on her arms, and the flash of heat that rose up her neck. 

This can’t be happening.  This is Finn.  Blake’s best friend.  I can’t do this.  And then, as if sensing her owner’s distress, Daisy turned around and made a running leap onto Harper’s lap, breaking the connection between them. 

Finn immediately dropped his hand and sat back while Harper petted Daisy reassuringly. 

“I should probably go,” he said.

“Yeah.  It’s late,” she replied for lack of anything better to say. 

Holding Daisy under one arm, she walked Finn to the door and watched as he shrugged on his coat and boots. 

“I’ll probably stop by and plow your driveway tomorrow morning,” he said with one hand on the doorknob. 

Whatever “moment” had passed between them seemed to have disappeared, and he was back to being Finn the Protector. 

“You don’t have to.  I can take care of it.”

“It’s what I do, Harper.  It’s my job.  It’ll only take me a few minutes with the plow.”

In the winter, Finn’s landscaping business included snow-plowing, and given the rough Michigan winters, there was usually plenty of work to be had.  Between him and his two younger brothers, they’d built up a large clientele and were well known in their little corner of southeast Michigan. 

“I know, but it’s New Year’s Day.  Don’t you have plans with your family?”

“You’re my family too,” he said, and then, looking uncomfortable, he started to open the door. 

“Wait,” she said and set Daisy down on the floor.  “Thank you for coming over tonight.  I really appreciate it.”  And with that, she came up on her tiptoes and kissed his cheek. 

Hugging was one thing, but kissing was quite another.  She told herself that it was because of the holiday and she was feeling extra sentimental. 

Staring down at her for a long moment, he looked like he was about to say something, but then he just nodded, turned, and walked out the door. 

Shutting the door behind him, she shivered, but it wasn’t just because of the cold blast of air.  Standing at the front window, peering out into the snow-covered night, she watched Finn’s truck lights disappear.  And for some reason, his absence made her even more lonely than she’d been before.