“Mom, this isn’t a good idea,” I repeat once again.

But like always, I’m out voted by the women in the house. This shit is unfair. I’m like their damn whipping boy. And since they have their friendship necklaces locked around their necks, you’d think Vannie and my mom run the world. The best purchase I ever made. The two women lit up when I gave them the cheesy necklaces. Apparently, the cheap metal means more to the women than I’ll ever understand.

“Hart, I’ve gone to the Western Day parade in the town I grew up in since I can remember.” Mom shakes her finger at me. “I’d take you and Belle when you were younger. It’s one thing I’ve never missed and don’t plan to this year.”

I bite down on my bottom lip, trapping all the things I want to say to her. Like she’s too sick, this is going to make her tired, and that I want her to conserve all her energy to live longer. It’s selfish, I know, but doesn’t make any of it easier.

The glimmer of happiness in my mom’s eyes is the only thing driving me forward. I know the Western Day’s celebration in her hometown has always been one of my mom’s favorite events to attend. It’s a short drive from Nashville, and she’s right. She did take Belle and me every year. I remember begging for corn dogs and cotton candy then basically pushing down Belle to get all the candy from the parade.

“Okay, Mom.” I brush my hand through my hair. “Let me pack snacks and then get some bags.”

“Bags?” Vannie turns her head in question from her spot on the couch.

“For the parade. If I’m going to a damn parade as an adult, you bet your ass I’m pushing down little kids for candy.”

“Candy?” she asks.

“Another first for you, Shug.” I wink at her then get shit ready for my girls.

I listen to Mom and Vannie’s conversation from the kitchen.

“You’ve never been to a parade, dear?”

“One, but I had to stay in the car while my foster parents took their children to it. The father in that house didn’t care for me.”

“How old were you?”

“Nine. I did see some of the floats and horses from back of the Suburban.”

I shake my head and try to focus on packing the bags for the day road trip. I’m impressed that Vannie now can so easily talk about her past. She’s comfortable and feels safe and that alone makes me proud. On the other hand, I’m fucking livid about what she went through. If I could, I’d go and pay a little visit to all her former foster parents who treated her like shit. She’s opened up more and more over the last week about some fucking horrendous things she went through.

Her performance last night at the bar makes me wonder if those haunted memories provoked her moving performance. It was chock-full of pain and sorrow. Every single person sitting in the bar felt it. Fuck, I had tears in my eyes watching my beautiful girl sing up there.

She does belong on the big stage, but I get why she doesn’t want to. I can’t even imagine how many fucking monsters would come out to get a slice of fame and money. She’d be fresh meat dangling from a stake for all the predators.

“Peaches,” I holler from the kitchen. “Get your ugly ass out to the car. We are blowing this popsicle stand.”

I hear growls and groans coming from the hallway, and I know she’s on her way out. The girls are working on another word search puzzle in the recliner. I pack everything out to my car. Yes, we are taking the least comfortable car, but it was at my mom’s request. It guts me knowing everything we’re doing will be the last.

I have her blankets laid out in the front seat with a few pillows. Vannie and Peaches have Mom all ready to go when I get back inside. I scoop up her fragile body that’s diminishing on a daily basis, but her soul is still wildly alive. After getting her arranged in the front seat, Peaches crawls into the back. Vannie tries to follow her.

“Sit up here.” My mom pats the middle part of the seat.

“Peaches will be all alone then,” Vannie responds.

“I’m hung over and really didn’t want to be around people. Sit your ass up there.” Peaches flops down on the backseat, covering her eyes with her forearm.

“Alrighty then,” Vannie whispers.

I chuckle, catching the reference from Ace Ventura the movie. Another first of ours, making Vannie watch movies that are so dumb they make you laugh like a lunatic.

“Get in, sweet cheeks.” I palm her ass when she climbs in, knowing that I won’t be getting any of her until tonight.

Vannie nestles in comfortably, wrapping her arm around my mother and giving her all of her attention. My mom is the only person that Vannie could give all of her attention to, and I wouldn’t get jealous. I settle for laying my hand on the inner part of her thigh as I drive. No music playing, just the chatter of my two girls and the snoring from Peaches in the backseat. The sweetest song I’ve ever heard.

Mom decided telling embarrassing stories of me from when I was younger is a smart idea to pass the time on the drive. She holds nothing back in the embarrassment department.

“When he was five, he learned at school that Dick was a nickname for Richard. He begged me for weeks to change his name so everyone would call him Dick.”

Vannie’s laughter fills the cab of the car.

“He made Belle and me call him Dick for a good three months before giving it up.”

Out of the corner of my eye, I catch Vannie staring at me.

I shrug. “Hey, Dick is a cool name.”

Mom continues rattling off more and more stories. It takes me back to good days when Mom, Belle, and I took care of each other and lived carefree. My dad’s drinking hadn’t gotten too out of control yet. His temper was still there, but with the three of us, we managed to get by.

“One day I was baking cookies for the kids and heard them playing in Belle’s room. They were either playing like best friends or beating the crap out of each other. There was no middle ground.” Mom laughs lightly, remembering. “I could hear them playing some version of one of their made up games, and Hart kept calling Belle cocksucker. The first time I heard it, I knew I must not have understood. But then he continued. Every time he’d call Belle a cocksucker, she’d answer with no worries in the world.”

I can’t help but laugh at hearing my mom say cocksucker.

“When I busted into the room and demanded answers, my sweet, little Hart just shrugged his shoulders and informed me he thought it was a nickname.”

“Are you serious?” Vannie blurts out. “He was playing that innocence card back then, too?”

“Oh no, sweetie, this time he really was. Told me he heard his dad call the dog cocksucker all the time and he thought it was Spanish for dog.”

I shake my head at the memory with a smile dancing on my face. “I never have mastered Spanish to this day.”

“He was also so curious,” Mom says.

“Some things don’t change,” Vannie adds.

“When he was about six, he came out of his room very concerned.”

“Mom!” I glance over to her, knowing exactly what story is coming next. It’s her favorite one. “Let’s change the topic.”

“No, no.” She pats Vannie’s leg. “She has to hear this one.”

“I agree. You’re outvoted. Sorry,” Vannie squeals then claps her hands together.

“Anyway.” Mother carries on having way too good of a time. “He came waltzing out of his bedroom still in his pajamas with a worried look on his face and sleep still covering his face. I can still see his crazy blond hair shooting in every direction. There were tears brimming in his eyes. When I asked him what was wrong, he told me his pee-pee turned into a stick.”

Mom erupts in laughter, and even though I hate this story, I’m smiling happily to hear my mom laugh.

“He began sobbing, just sure it was going to fall off, and he’d turn into a little girl with his wiener gone. It took me a long time to quit laughing and gain my composure to explain to him what was going on.”

The girls giggle for a long time then begin poking jokes at me. Another last involved with my mom that I’ll cherish forever. Ironic how the two women I love the most are experiencing their firsts and lasts. I grip the steering wheel until my knuckles go white, fighting the nasty cycle and struggle to enjoy the day.

Pulling into the small town which is now full of activity. Mom fell asleep ten minutes ago with her head on Vannie’s shoulder. A domino effect happened with Vannie putting her head on my shoulder for the remainder of the drive. There’s a good forty-five minutes before the parade starts, giving us plenty of time to get a parking spot near the main road and setting up Mom’s chair.

“Is she going to miss the parade?” Vannie whispers.

“No, Shug.” I squeeze her leg. “We will let her sleep, and I’ll wake her up right before the parade.”

There’s a perfect parking spot near the main road. I pull in and kill the engine.

“Stay here with her, and I’ll go set up our chairs.” I kiss her forehead.

“Okay, don’t forget our bags.”

The innocence and enjoyment she experiences with every first gives me a high that I can’t explain. I jump from the car and quietly shut the door, then pull the chairs from the trunk. The town is the same as I remember it from so many years ago.

After setting up the chairs in front of the local pharmacy, I glance up to the sky and smile knowing Belle is up there somewhere singing her heart out. I could count on one hand how many times I’ve let myself think about her. It’s my coping strategy to keep shit blocked out, to not experience pain. Mom’s stories reminded me of all the good times we shared.

By the time I get back to the car, Peaches is pulling out a tote bag full of snacks while Vannie gets my mom’s hat and jacket adjusted in the car. The happiness beaming from my mom is contagious. We all make it up to the main road and settled in the chairs in plenty of time.

“Maria?” A voice interrupts us.

All four of us look up to a man who seems to be a bit older than my mom.

“Samuel?” my mom asks.

“Yes.” The older man drops to one knee in front of her. “It’s been years.”

My mom blushes, her pale skin coming to life with the attention of this man.

“Yes, it has. Are you back in town?” she asks.

“Just moved back after I lost Rebecca.”

My mom’s bony hand reaches out to take his. “I’m so sorry to hear that.”

Peaches, Vannie, and I all share a glance, but then let the two old friends have a moment of time. I stand up from my chair and let Samuel sit next to my mom. Right before the parade starts, I notice Samuel reach his hand over and lace his fingers with my mom’s.

I tense, wanting to beat the shit out of him for touching her.

“Relax.” Peaches pats my back.

“Why is he touching her? I’m going to beat his ass.”

“Samuel was your mother’s high school sweetheart. Everyone thought they’d get married, but he enlisted in the Army, escaping an abusive father, and then your mom met your dad.”

I remain silent for long beats of time with everything falling into place. My mom sent me to the Army to save me from my father. I glance back over to them holding hands and chatting away. That woman, who is the strongest and bravest one I know, has always sacrificed her happiness for others, and now she’s getting a little bit of it back.

Samuel could kiss her right now in public, and I wouldn’t do a damn thing. Gross. I distract myself with getting the bags ready when I hear the police sirens signaling that the parade is about to kick off.

“Shug, stay out of my way. I will trip you for a Tootsie Roll.” I hand her a plastic shopping bag.

She giggles knowing that I’d never hurt her, but then again, she’s not accustomed to the parade culture either. Grabbing her hand, I lead her to the edge of the curb and then sit down, scooting my ass back on the sidewalk. I pull Vannie down between my spread legs and wait for the parade.

“The key is to give the other kids the stink eye, letting them know you’re for real and not to be messed with.” I slip my hand up her shirt roaming my palm over her skin.

“Hart.” She throws her head back, peering up at me. “They’re like four and five-year-olds.”

“Yeah, but when you put candy in front of a kid at a parade, they’re vicious little bastards.”

“If you push down a kid for a damn piece of candy, I’m getting you counseling.”

The police car goes by with blaring sirens; I glance up at Mom to see Samuel covering her ears for her. I pull Vannie tighter to me, praying we get the chance to live out our love story, unlike my mom and Samuel.

Vannie squeals when the local riding club goes by on horseback, then all the local businesses and their floats drive by. When the first handful of candy is thrown from a float, Vannie sprints out into the road with the rest of the children gathering it up in their bags.

I remain frozen watching her.

“Hey, you didn’t get any.” Vannie sits back between my legs, picking through her candy and putting some in our bag.

“Had to give you a head start, Shug.” I kiss her cheek.

Then it’s on, both of us racing out to get candy as each float goes by. Vannie is vicious trying to push me back down on the sidewalk and getting a head start on me. She snaps a hundred different selfies of us blowing bubble gum, chewing candy, and kissing. She also takes pictures of all the different floats between gathering candy. The girl is going to quickly run out of space on her phone, and I’ll just buy her a bigger one.

After the parade, we walk to the park while Mom and Samuel remain in the chairs chatting. We eat corndogs, cotton candy, and kettle corn then drink beer. Peaches gags at the smell of the beer, telling me she’ll drive back and to drink away.

It’s one of the best days of my life. I should know better though because happiness doesn’t last forever.

* * *

“I drank too much last night,” Vannie whines rolling over in bed.

“Lightweight,” I taunt her, pulling on my boxers then gym pants. “I’m going to go check on Mom.”

I slap her ass for good measure then let her fall back to sleep. My morning wood is strong even after the two of us stayed up half the night screwing each others’ brains out.

A rustling noise comes from down the hall. It’s an odd sound, sending me on high alert. I race into my mom’s room, and my world falls apart. Her entire body is convulsing with the bed sheets ripping around her body.

“Mom.”

She doesn’t respond to me.

“Peaches,” I roar. “Peaches!”

I grab the phone near her bed and dial 911. The problem is I can’t gather a thought to save my life. The phone is ripped from my hand, and I’m pushed aside. Peaches shouts into the phone while cradling my mother, keeping her safe.

I hear a scream at the door and turn to see a ghost white Vannie covering her mouth. I can’t go to her. I can’t move, think, or even begin to remember how to breathe while watching my mother being taken away from me.

Peaches pushes me into the back of the ambulance with my mom when it arrives. She helps Vannie into her truck. Everything is a blur. My heart shatters, forgetting how to beat, watching my mother cling to her life.

Her seizure is over, and she’s fighting to talk.

“Mom, I’m here.”

She reaches up her free hand for mine, and I take it like she did so many times when I was younger, always consoling me. Roles have been reversed.