2
A life that could have been…
Jake tilted Eve’s chair back to him and kissed her upside down. He took his time exploring her mouth from the different angle. The lingering taste of pineapple on her tongue had him deepening the kiss before reluctantly pulling away.
“Are you going to eat anything other than fruit?”
Smiling up at him, she leaned her head back farther and kissed just under his chin.
“I’m not hungry.”
“Might want to rethink that, hon.” He teased and took note that the smile she gave him didn’t quite reach her eyes as he set her chair legs back onto the floor. “I got this. Go take a hot shower.”
Packing up the leftovers, Jake walked back into the kitchen, but kept his eyes on her. When he entered the dining area, she rose from her chair and he smacked her ass. “Go.” He nodded his head towards the little hallway.
Grabbing something from her bag, she walked towards the bathroom.
“Hey, Eve...”
She stopped, but didn’t turn around to him.
“Don’t lock the door.”
“Jake—I can’t.”
“You can,” he insisted.
Her shoulders slouched and her head dropped a little. “I’d prefer you didn’t. Just let me rinse off. I’ll be right out.”
Jake cautiously approached her. She reminded him of a hummingbird about to bolt. He’d been trying to get her to shower with him the last few times he saw her and she always adamantly refused. “No. You’d prefer to shower with me, but you won’t let yourself.”
Her head dropped farther. “That is the more accurate statement, yes.”
“Why do you say no, when I know you want this too?” He smoothed his fingers down along her face.
“Because it’s easier for me.” She clenched the small bag to her chest until her knuckles turned white.
“One night. Let everything outside of us go.” Pushing her was wrong, but he wanted this for them both. Wanted every experience he could get with her, before tomorrow.
Eve deserved a chance at a life—a life free of worry, free of waiting. A life he couldn’t give her right now. Tonight would have to last them for—shit, he had no idea how long. He also didn’t know how he was going to find the will to let her go. But he would, for her own good.
She stared up at him with big, blue, tear-filled eyes.
“Tonight has already been beyond anything I could have ever hoped to experience with you. This will haunt me. Does that mean anything to you?”
“You know it does.” He hated when she questioned his feelings for her.
“Does it?” Eve’s eyes moved over his, studying his face. “Does it bother you that I’ll have to miss this? Miss you when I’m gone? When you’re here and I’m on a separate coast? You go back to your life, Jake—your girls and your job. You transition between that and what it is we have much better than I do.”
“You think this is easy for me? Going months without seeing you? You have no idea how much I need you, but I have people who depend on me.”
“I understand that. You know I do, but I’ve come to depend on you too. And the simple fact is, I can’t. We both know it.”
“Memories, baby. These are memories that will have to last us a while.” Wiping away a tear running down her cheek with this thumb, he bent to kiss her cheek.
“A while...” Her shoulders straightened and a little glimmer lit behind her eyes.
Jake instantly realized his mistake. He’d just given her the suggestion of something not temporary—he’d just given her an eventually. An eventually he couldn’t guarantee.
While he would love nothing more than to give that to her—to them—he realized a lot could change in two years.
Before he could say another word, Eve grabbed his hand and squeezed. “Okay. Give me a few minutes, please.”
“Eve...” When she glanced at him, he took her face in his hands. “If you really don’t want this, say it now.”
“It’s fine.” She nodded once, turned, walked to the bathroom and quietly shut the door.
He never heard the lock click into place. Pushing her wasn’t fair to either of them, but he was being selfish tonight. He wanted to give them every experience they’d missed. All of it. Even if it would haunt them both. There was a tangible desperation riding him, as if he needed all he could get of her, because it would have to last him.
Eve took him back to when they were younger, all the living they missed together. With what he knew waited for him at home, the memories of his time with her would lighten the pain. His heart broke when he thought about Maddelyn, his youngest daughter. Jake shook his head to clear it and drew the shades together before heading to the bathroom.
* * *
Steam from the hot water quickly fogged up the large mirror of the oversized bathroom. Eve slowly ran a finger down the center of the glass, leaving tiny rings of condensation in its wake. Breathing became difficult, but it wasn’t from the murky haze filling the room.
Jake would be in soon.
Resting both hands on either side of the sink, she let her head drop. Escalation. Another moment of allowing herself to be vulnerable—letting him in further, letting him deeper inside her. Giving yet another part of herself to him. She wanted to give him everything—all of her, but that wasn’t an option. At least not in their present situation. In which case, no matter how much she trusted Jake—as a man, as a lover, as her friend—self-preservation demanded she not trust him with all of her. Not yet. This was all they had.
Moments.
For her, they were beautiful disasters of life-altering and heartbreaking moments. This was about to be another.
A gust of cold air from the outer room preceded Jake’s entrance. She’d wrapped the towel around her tighter. Hesitation. The irony being he’d seen her with nothing on many times before. This man had seen her in ways and done things to her body that no other man ever had before or ever would after him. But it was always the inevitable that made her hesitate. The inevitable moment after their moment. His absence. Separate lives. A never-ending abyss she hid from everyone around her, even him—especially him. But the dark emptiness, the loneliness was there. Always there. Waiting for the second he left her alone and went back to his life.
Jake’s hands covered her bare shoulders and ran down her forearms. He entwined his fingers with hers and her breath caught. Slowly he stroked his thumbs along the outside of her hands, his goatee prickling the sensitive part of her neck.
Eve’s mouth fell open slightly and she leaned her head back on his shoulder giving him more access. She closed her eyes, letting everything outside of him fall away. His touch alone took her there, where the world stopped. Where what could’ve been was temporarily allowed to live, to thrive.
“You’re still dressed.”
The timbre of his seductive voice moved over her skin. The tiny hairs on her arms stood on end and her nipples instantly hardened. Hurt. She ached for his touch as if he’d conditioned her body to react to the sound of his voice alone.
“It’s just a towel,” she whispered.
He wrapped her hair around his fist and tilted her head forward, kissing the back of her neck, right on top of the deep red, purple and black bleeding heart tattoo she’d had done a few weeks ago. One of her best friends, an exceptional artist, had designed it specifically for her. It wasn’t in the shape of a typical heart; it was a mosaic, fragmented human heart.
He ran a finger over it. “I hate this. It’s beautiful, but I hate it on your body. What it represents.”
Eve remained silent, not wanting to create any tension, any distance between them. He didn’t really know what it represented to her. It was a symbol of a life that could’ve been and the pain she lived with every day without him. She’d had it done on the back of her neck, because it was exclusively hers...and his. Nobody would see it. It was her dark ode to him, lyrical in its disturbing and broken beauty. An outward representation of knowing whom she should have always belonged to and possibly never would.
As if Jake knew the dark place her mind had drifted to, he slid his hands down her back and over the towel. Grabbing her waist, he turned her around, fisting the material of the towel on either side of her hips.
“Relax, baby. It’s just a shower.” He smiled at her.
It was so much more than just a shower to her and he could never seem to comprehend that.
Taking her hand in his, Jake led her over to the large stall. Opening the door, he reached inside and turned the knob for the cold water.
The hot water had been on so long, she could barely make him out through the steam.
While he waited for the water to get to a decent temperature, Jake grabbed the end of the towel and pulled, so it unwrapped and fell to the floor, leaving her naked.
Eve wrapped her arms around her chest and looked down.
“Better,” he said lifting her chin with a finger. He glanced down at his boxers and tank. “Take ‘em off,” he instructed. “But look at me.”
Eve slid her fingers down over his ribs, inside the waistband of his boxers and around his back. Keeping her eyes locked to his, she pushed the material over his ass and slid them the rest of the way off. As she stood, he stepped out and kicked them away. Bunching the bottom of his tank in her hands, she slowly began to lift it up.
When she got just under his chest, his hands grabbed her wrists stopping her. “Baby…look at me.”
It was only the second time she would see Jake without a shirt or an undershirt. He always kept one on when he was with her, sparing her the visual reminder that while he owned her heart, someone else had originally held his. She couldn’t compete with that history. No matter how much he claimed to care about her, facts were facts. He’d fallen in love with someone else when he’d returned from his second tour as a SEAL. Not her.
The mist in the bathroom was tangible and masked her tears. With a deep breath, Eve lifted his shirt up and over his head, once he removed his hands from hers. She tried not to look at his chest, but it was like trying not to play with a cracked tooth with your tongue. You just couldn’t resist touching it, although doing so would cause an unbearable and excruciating pain.
The second he was free of the tank, he didn’t give her time to think. Pulling her against him, he kissed her hard. His tongue swept into her mouth, penetrating her.
Pressing her bare chest against his, she wrapped her arms around his neck—needing the contact of his skin, the strength of his arms. Their open mouths collided, devoured. Eve licked into his mouth, sucking on his lips, his tongue, savoring the taste of him, as if unable to get close enough. His breath became hers and she gave hers back to him.
While his mouth never broke contact, Jake slapped the outside of her thigh, signaling her to move into the shower.
She stepped backwards onto the wet, marble floor and pulled him along with her, holding him tight, so he wouldn’t slip.
Shutting the door behind him, Jake pushed her up against the opposite wall in one smooth fluid motion.
The cool tile on Eve’s back had her arching toward him more.
Jake shackled his hands around her wrists, stretching them far above her head, locking her in place as he drove a knee between her legs and up against her hot, aching core.
Eve moaned into his mouth and Jake’s grip tightened. Every throbbing, hungry inch of her missed him—missed his strength, the ever present demand that seemed to hum just under his skin when he touched her. Even though she was sore beyond belief, the sweet pain of his thigh up against her too sensitive clit fueled her need of him even more.
Trailing his mouth down her neck, Jake slowly slid her hands down the wall as his mouth covered a nipple. He sucked hard and Eve pushed against him. Running his teeth to the end of her swollen peak, he gently bit down, giving her the sharp bite of pain she’d come to crave from him.
It was a strange thing about the pain Jake delivered. He always gave her just enough to stay present, just enough so she wouldn’t fall prey to the dark place that waited for her.
When he let go of her hands, she fisted them both through his hair.
Wrapping his hands around her ass, he pulled her to him and swung her around underneath the water.
To avoid the hot jets, Eve shoved against him and he laughed seductively against her neck.
“Come on, you can take it. It’s not that hot.” Jake lifted his head and kissed her cheek. Locking a hand around her nape, he held her face to his chest. His other hand rubbed her back, her hip and her ass.
The combination of hot sprays beating on her back and his warm, wet fingers on her skin were a paradox of sensuality. Hard and soothing. Exciting and relaxing. Both stimulating, both erotic.
He massaged her scalp and tilted her head back. Running his hands through her hair, he got it wet, before he pulled her face back to him. Teasing her lips with his, Jake took her bottom lip and sucked it into his warm mouth. “Give me your tongue.”
With no hesitation, Eve kissed him deep. She wrapped one arm around his shoulders and pushed her free hand through his hair.
The cap on her shower gel popped open behind her. Soapy hands moved over her shoulders, down her back and over her ass cheeks, kneading, caressing and grabbing. Turning his mouth to her ear, he bit her earlobe while he continued to play with her. “Does that feel good?” His fingers never stopped moving.
“You know it does. I love your hands on me,” she whispered.
“Mmm. Do you?” He ran one finger ran down the center of her ass cheeks.
Eve tensed, pushing against his chest.
“Relax, baby.” His finger softly played with the outside of her body, rubbing in small, slow circles, never penetrating, just arousing. “I’ve touched you here before,” he whispered in her ear.
“Barely...” She countered. “You know I’m uncomfortable with it. I don’t like it.”
Jake lifted his head but kept teasing her. His eyes locked to hers. “You’re uncomfortable with it, Eve, but I wouldn’t say you don’t like it. Uncomfortable we can work with. Dislike is something different, which is it?” His mouth was centimeters from hers.
She just wanted him to kiss her. She didn’t want to talk. “It’s just....” Staring at his mouth, she moved to kiss him.
He pulled back. “Just what?”
“It’s—it’s a lot.” True, but a copout.
“I want to give you a lot.”
“Truth?” Eve leaned away from him.
He kissed the top of her nose. “Always.”
“It makes it harder afterwards. You show me this new, intensely passionate world—and then you leave me. I understand it. We can’t change it, but it hurts. But that’s not what you want to hear, Jake. You want to hear that I can handle all of this, everything and be okay—experience all these new things and be just fine without you.”
He stopped playing with her and turned her away from him.
“I know, hon. I know it hurts.”
“Then why do you do it? If you know I can’t handle something, why do you push me?”
“Because you can handle it.”
“No. I handle it when I’m with you, because I want to experience everything with you, but it’s torturous for me when you leave.” She slapped the tears away from her face.
“So, why do you do this to yourself then? Why do you see me?”
Eve whipped back around to face him. “You ass! Did you seriously just ask me that question? Why? Gee, I don’t know, Jake! Maybe because you were my first love? Maybe because I should’ve been yours in the first place. Maybe because I’m so in love with you, I’m desperate for any time I get with you. You make it pretty fucking difficult to say no to you and you know it.”
With a grunt, Jake grabbed her shoulders, roughly turning her away from him and back towards the showerhead.
“I hate when you cuss. It’s beneath you.”
“Deal with it. You infuriate me.” If she didn’t love him so much, she would punch his handsome face.
“I know I do and I know I push you. I just want you to feel good when you’re with me. I know I can give you that.”
Water ran down his chin and dripped onto her shoulder. “That’s the thing,” Eve whispered and dropped her head. “I want so much more than just that.”
Jake kissed her shoulder, her neck. “I wish I could give you more.”
He left out the part that he couldn’t. Wish and want were a far cry from their reality, relegating those sentiments into the realm of meaningless words.
Eve watched him squeeze the gel into his hands this time and lather them up once again. As his hands smoothed over her breasts, she closed her eyes. Her nipples throbbed as he pinched them, rubbed them, before massaging the soap into her skin. “I miss you, Jake. I miss your face. I miss your hands on my body. I miss you holding me.” This man absolutely undid her. He worked her body and her heart in such a way he made it impossible to deny him anything. “I want you so much,” she admitted. “I just...want you.”
“You don’t tell me that nearly enough.” He chuckled as his hand skimmed down her stomach to the top of her mound. Gliding a soapy finger between her legs, he tapped her foot with his. “Open.”
She moved her legs out a little. “I’m sore, babe.”
“I won’t hurt you.” Pushing another finger between her lips, he ran them along the outside of her hood, lightly teasing her tender clit. “Do you miss this?” He gently pressed and rubbed her lips, stroked her soft hood, building her back up.
“I miss you,” she groaned and turned her face to his neck. Lifting her arms up behind his head and through his hair, she held him to her. “I miss all of you.”
“I know you miss me, but do you miss this?” His lips caressed her ear.
“Yes. Yes, so much.”
Doing an exceptionally thorough rinse job, Jake moved backwards until he reached the little tiled bench and sat down. He turned her around by the waist and Eve rested her hands on his shoulders.
While she tried desperately not to self-inflict pain by focusing on the tattoo that spelled out another woman’s name, her eyes instantly locked on the beautiful black script, permanently marring his muscular chest. Her heart thundered and an aching behind her eyes blurred her vision.
As if sensing the reason for the shift in her mood, Jake’s eyes met hers. “Baby....” He shook his head and glanced down for a second. Grabbing her hips, he whipped her around towards the showerhead away from him, lowering her down on his lap. “Spread your legs. Put them outside of mine.” Warm hands moved in-between her thighs and he pulled her legs out wide.
Eve gasped at the vulgarly open position.
“Don’t close your eyes. Watch how swollen your pussy gets for me.” His skilled hands skimmed up her thighs to her core where he resumed playing with her.
Her breathing labored as he pulled her lips back with two fingers and lifted his other hand to her mouth. “Get ‘em wet.”
Eve was way past thinking coherently. All she cared about right now was the pulsing between her legs and needing him to make it stop as only he could. She took his hand in hers and sucked his fingers into her mouth.
“Fuck, I’m obsessed with your mouth,” he ground into her ear.
His husky voice spiked her desire and she wanted him inside her. No more waiting.
He slipped his fingers out and ran them down between her legs.
“I want you inside me—please,” she whispered, pushing against his hand.
A sexy laugh rumbled in her ear. “Yeah. What you want and what you’ll get are two different things.”
Eve bent back and turned her face into his neck, kissing him, riding his hand while she straddled him. She had to remember not to kiss him as passionately as she wanted to—she couldn’t leave any marks on his skin. “Don’t you want to be inside me?”
“I think you’re trying to flip the game, hon.” Jake eased a finger just inside her entrance, slowly emphasizing his point. “Not gonna happen.”
Even the tip of his finger felt good inside her. Some part of him inside her body.
“Jake—yeah,” she moaned. She needed him. Now.
“You want to come?” His lips barely touched her ear. His hot breath against her skin escalated the throbbing between her legs.
Her body responded, coating his fingers with her desire.
“Yes. Yes, please.”
“I love when you beg,” he whispered to her. “Stand up.” He moved her legs together and she groaned in discomfort. He slapped the side of her thigh. “Up.”
Eve stood and moved to turn towards him, but his hands on her hips stopped her.
“Nope.”
Eve gazed over her shoulder at him, his eyes danced with hunger and something a little devious.
“Jake.” She trembled uncontrollably. The strong sprays of water assaulting her breasts and nipples weren’t helping her plight. The sharp spray made her needier.
“Bend over.” He nodded to the floor.
“What!” She wrapped her arms around her chest and spun around to him. “No.”
His head tilted a little to the side. “Eve. We both know you want to say yes. Why are you fighting me?” He grabbed her upper arms and pulled them away.
“Because!”
“You’re gonna come, one way or another. This...” He dropped one hand and slid two fingers through her drenched pussy. “Is mine tonight, baby and I’m nowhere close to being done with you. My tongue’s softer than my finger and you’re sore, right? So bend over.”
His eyes held her captive. Those gorgeous brown eyes that haunted her dreams. She glanced down at the floor. “This is...awkward.”
He pushed her forward a little, grabbed her hips and turned her back toward the water. “I got you, just bend over.”
Taking a deep breath, Eve leaned over slowly and touched the tile. “This is insane,” she said. She balanced her hands on the floor and opened her legs a little. Exposed was not the word for this. Vulnerable, explicit, graphic, none of them fit whatever this was. Raw. No boundaries, nowhere to hide was more along the lines being crossed here.
“More,” he instructed as he knelt on the floor of the shower, resting his lower back against the tiled bench. “Balance on the floor, baby and hold on.”
She opened her legs a little more.
Jake wrapped his hands around her quads and pulled her back to him, so her cleft was right over his mouth.
“Mmm, yeah. That’s it.”
Eve gasped just before he ran his fingers between her legs, cutting off any sound other than a whimper of infinite pleasure.
“That’s what I thought,” he said, lightly teasing and stroking her clit with a finger.
The position of his fingertip, since she was essentially upside down, provided a different type of stimulation. Jake caressed her from the bottom up, not touching the overly sensitive part of her, but the underside, creating a burning, unbearable sensation that continually grew with every skilled slide of his finger.
Alternating between working her clit and dipping inside her body, he teased her mercilessly.
Eve’s legs began to tremble and she gasped, trying to breathe correctly.
“I need both hands, baby. You balanced? I’ll grab you if you’re going over.”
“Mmm-hmm,” she murmured.
His hands moved to right below her ass and he held her lips open.
The water beat against the back of her scalp as his hot tongue licked at her swollen clit, teasing the abused little bundle of nerves until she actually bit her lip to keep from screaming. The soreness completely forgotten, now that he’d worked her up in this new way. She needed him to finish. He’d made her body ache for his touch through pain, through her love for him, through the way he forced her to face what she needed from him deep down in a place she didn’t acknowledge.
Soft flicks teased her aching flesh and he worked two fingers smoothly into her greedy core. Her legs shook so badly they almost gave out as he sucked her into his mouth. Just as she thought she was going to fall, Jake pulled her closer. From underneath, he pushed one arm between her torso and her hip. He wrapped it up and around to grab her ass cheek, anchoring her to him.
The hold kept her from falling, but the hand latched onto her butt cheek began to move. He massaged her and steadily moved his fingers towards her ass.
When he circled her puckered opening with a finger, Eve tensed.
“Eve,” he spoke against her flesh, which made her shake even more from the vibrations of his voice playing on her clit. “Trust me not to go further than this.” He teased his wet finger between her ass cheeks, swirling it around the outer rim, teasing the tip in and out of her.
“Jake,” she gasped.
“Relax into it. Just feel, honey.” His mouth went back to her clit. He steadily glided two fingers in and out of her pussy, while he played with the outside of her ass with his other hand.
The triple stimulation was too much. Eve cried out and couldn’t stop herself from pushing against him, taking him deeper. The onset of a more intense pressure escalated, surged between her legs. The steady circling around the rim of her ass became her undoing. Before she knew it, she screamed his name and would have fallen if he hadn’t locked both her legs to him and pulled her down on his lap.
His erotic chuckle filled her ear as his lips moved to her neck and his hand pressed against her pussy until her body calmed down. “When are you gonna learn not to argue with me?”
“Mmm…” Was all Eve could manage in that moment.
“I can make you feel good. Trust me to do that.”
They sat in silence for a moment while he held her. Eve slowly opened her eyes and she stared at the frosted door to the shower while trying to get her breathing under control. Jake making her feel good was never the problem. Why couldn’t he see? It was afterwards. When he would emotionally detach from her, which he never used to do. After spending years with an emotionally abusive, distant and closed down man, she’d built walls nobody could have breached—nobody but Jake.
His initial openness and emotional availability, to her specifically, is what made her fall in love with him. Nowadays, she was lucky if she got glimpses of that man. The man she met at the hotel earlier today was the old Jake, but she wasn’t sure how long she would have him. Their relationship was much more than physical for her and it ripped her soul apart when she felt it wasn’t for him. The tragic reality was that when it came to making her feel good, she trusted him absolutely, blindly. His recent distance caused her to question her trust in him emotionally. That reality broke her heart and was the single catalyst for her tattoo. The man she should have belonged to, the man she lost—like the design, the fragmentation of what should have been.
“Okay, baby. Up,” he said, breaking into her thoughts.
She came back to the present moment as he lifted under her arms and held her steady until she got her footing. Eve turned around to him, reached out and pulled him up.
He sat back up on the little bench and yanked her down on his lap once again. “You okay?” He nudged his nose along the side of her cheek.
“I...?”
“Enjoy me while you have me, Eve.”
Sitting in his lap for a few minutes, she let the strong spray wash over her achy body. The walls spun before her, partly from being upside down, partly from the most intense orgasm she’d ever experienced in her entire life and partly from already missing him so much it physically hurt. The impending emotional detachment after this would annihilate her.
Finally getting her bearings, she shook off the inevitable and stood up.
“My turn.” Reaching out to him, she interlocked their hands and pulled him up.
He immediately hugged her to him. “You taste amazing,” he whispered in her ear.
“You’re insane.” She chuckled. “Let me wash you.”
He turned in her arms. “Do it behind me. I want to feel your body against me.”
“Jake.” Shower gel in hand, Eve hesitated while staring at his back. “I don’t care. Okay? I’ve seen the tattoo before. You’re the one who wanted me to experience my first shower with someone, so let me experience it.”
“First, I like feeling you pressed up against me. Second, don’t lie to me, Eve.” Pulling her arms around his waist, he took the shower gel and kissed the center of both her palms. He squeezed soap into her hands and she rubbed them together in front of him. “I don’t want you to hurt unnecessarily.”
The irritation rose and Eve reacted before she could stop it. “So, I’m never going to be able to see you without a shirt? Because of a tattoo?”
“I don’t want to talk about it.” His tone rang final.
She sighed. “Of course, you don’t.” From behind him, she massaged up his chest to his neck, working the soap over his muscles. Bringing her hands under his arms, she lathered his back and down to his waist. Running a finger slowly over the scar on his lower back, she wished she could take away all his pain. She worked her hands down along his hips, over his ass, squeezing, until she was met with a sexy moan. Smiling she bent down, rubbing one leg with both hands and then back up before repeating the same process on the other. Standing, she hugged him to her and stood under the water until they were both thoroughly rinsed off.
“There’s more behind the tattoo than what you see. You see a name. I know the why behind it.” He played with her hands in front of him.
“I don’t want to talk about it.”
He nodded his head. “I hate when you’re in pain. When you look at me without a shirt you’re destroyed. It’s in your eyes. Did you think I’d miss that?”
It was more than a tattoo that hurt her when she looked at Jake, but now wasn’t the time. Squeezing more soap into her hands, she leaned her face against his back and reached around his waist. Her soapy hands worked over his stomach down to the side of his groin. Carefully, she stroked underneath his shaft, caressing between his legs, circling and teasing his sack until his groan turned throaty, needy. Only then, did she use both hands to stroke his cock, slowly, gently, one hand on top of the other, up, down while splitting her fingers and running them over the tip of him.
“Rinse me off, baby. I’m coming inside you, not on the fucking shower floor.” His hands covered hers and he stroked himself using her hands.
Eve kissed the bottom of his shoulder blade, long, open-mouth caresses with her lips and her tongue as she pressed her body to his.
“You’re done playing.” He pulled her in front of him and moved them both under the hot spray.
She wrapped her arms around his waist, afraid to let him go, wanting to keep him here with her forever.
Jake slapped her ass and walked her backwards to the door.
“Grab a towel,” he said as he turned to shut the water off.
Stepping out of the shower, she wrapped a towel around herself and held one out for him. He wiped himself off, shrugged back into the tank and wrapped the towel around his hips.
“Don’t get too dry. I prefer you wet.”
He grabbed her hand, leading her out of the bathroom and into the living room where he lit three candles on the mantel before walking back to her. He moved to the couch, sat down and pulled her in between his legs. Yanking on the end of her towel, he ripped it away from her.
Her arms went up immediately.
Jake cuffed her wrists with his hands. “Why do you always do that? Why do you hide from me?”
“I don’t know.” She wouldn’t meet his eyes.
“Look at me, Eve.”
She sighed and finally met his gaze.
He pulled her astride his lap so her pussy pressed against his hard cock through the towel. Lacing his hands in her wet hair, he pulled her face to his until their mouths were inches apart.
“Kiss me.” Grabbing her ass, he brought her tighter against him.
Eve leaned down and teased his lips with hers, running her tongue over the seam of his mouth. Taking his bottom lip between hers, she sucked it gently until his tongue filled her mouth—hot, strong, dominant.
Scooting forward on the sofa, Jake leaned her back with one hand and pulled the coffee table closer with the other.
“Lay back,” he said, nodding behind her.
She turned and glanced at the cold glass and then back at him. “On that?”
“On that,” he confirmed. He picked up the towel he’d thrown on the ground and haphazardly laid it in back of her.
Gingerly, she moved off his lap and sat on the coffee table in front of him.
He gave her that devilish smile, the one that never failed to make her stomach up-end.
Jake pushed the table back farther.
“Now lay back.”
Eve reclined on the towel until her head hung off the table. Lifting up, she watched as he pulled her legs up and pushed them back to her sides, spreading her open.
“Jake!”
He closed her legs, brought her knees up and kissed the pads of her feet. “Touch yourself.”
She just stared at him for a minute without moving. “Babe...I’m too sensitive. Can’t we—?”
“I want to watch you. I’m right here. I’m not far. Lick your finger.”
Eve stared at him a long time before moving. Something in his eyes was—off. Jake was the strongest man she knew, yet, there was something desolate and alone behind his eyes that brought an instant round of tears to hers. Slowly moving her right hand up her body, she put her finger into her mouth, getting it wet.
Jake pushed her legs out to the sides once again, opening her to him. He reached up, pulled her finger out of her mouth and positioned her hand between her legs.
“Touch yourself the way you would if I wasn’t here. When you’re alone. When you want me and can’t fight it anymore. Show me what you do when you think of me.”
She could do this. For him. He gave her so much. More than he would ever realize. When he left her life, he would never understand what he’d given her. What she would never have with another man. She would never trust anyone but Jake and when he left, he would leave a shell of a woman behind him. And something deep in her gut said he would leave. Again.
Her vision blurred and she gently touched the side of her clit. Direct stimulation didn’t do it for her right away. It was the teasing, the build up. On the rare occasions, she allowed herself to do this, she always started the same way. She tentatively rubbed herself a little on the outside of her lips, but she was already swollen, already greedy for him, for his mouth. That was her trigger. She didn’t have to touch herself long at all. All she had to do was imagine his beautiful mouth on her pussy. She moved her finger in soft, slow circles on the left side of her hood. The heat of his hands holding her open made it even hotter. No retreat. No hiding.
“God, you’re fucking gorgeous. You like it soft? Is that what gets you off when I’m not there?”
“Yeah,” she moaned. “Yes.”
“What do you think about?” He moved one hand from her thigh to tease his finger around her entrance while she circled her clit and her breathing labored.
Eve began to move in rhythm with his touch.
“Tell me,” he urged, slipping a finger inside in her, shallow at first, then he plunged deep. “So wet. Talk to me.”
“You.” Eve brought her finger back up and licked it, getting it wetter. “I think about you.”
“Be specific.”
The fact that Jake was watching her, while she refused to admit it out loud, turned her on even more. Knowing he liked watching her, knowing she was the one arousing him gave her a sense of empowerment. She wasn’t cold with him, wasn’t broken with him. She arched her back as the climax began to build.
“Don’t you come until you tell me what you’re thinking, Eve.”
“You. Your mouth,” she groaned out.
“What about my mouth?” Two of his fingers now moved inside her, deep, steady, smooth.
Oh, God. He felt so good. His fingers inside her, so damn good. “I....”
“Fucking say it.”
“Your mouth on my clit. Holding my legs back, so I can’t move,” she whispered.
“Finally.” He growled. Strong hands suddenly ripped hers away and Jake’s mouth covered her cleft, running his tongue up along the middle of her saturated folds. His hands wedged under her knees and pressed them so far out to the sides her quads hit the table. He sucked her swollen bud into his mouth with enough pressure that she let her head fall back off the table and drove her hands into his hair.
“Shit, Jake! Yes! Just—like that...goddamn you,” she sobbed, holding his face to her. Saying the words were like a dam breaking. Once it cracked, there was no stopping it. She wanted him raw, demanding, and damn him for making her crave what only he could give her. Her entire body shattered with the sweetest pain.
Eve’s back arched off the table. She tightened her grip his hair. Wrenching one leg out of his hold, she wrapped it around his shoulders, moving her hips against his mouth, riding his tongue.
“Straight to hell, baby,” Jake grumbled, just before shoving both hands under her ass cheeks and lifting her even closer to his face. He sucked her clit hard over and over, the strong suction of his mouth and each pass of his tongue left no doubt who she belonged to, body and soul. He took her right over the top into another series of spasms, before licking at her softly until her breathing evened out.
Still, she wasn’t settled. While she wanted nothing more than to feel his thick cock stretching her tight channel, she wanted to give back to him physically the way he gave to her—no boundaries.
Feeling bold, Eve ran a hand softly through his hair and she sat up, trying to orient herself again.
“Can you sit back for a minute?”
Pushing his chest, so he was sitting against the couch, she slowly knelt between his legs and rested her hands on top of his thighs. The long, hard length of him pressed up against his lower abs. Her stomach knotted and she tried to focus strictly on Jake. He’d never hurt her, sexually. She knew that implicitly, but she was going way outside her comfort zone—back to a painful past, she’d rather forget. If he emotionally pulled away from her after this, she’d retreat and lose any trust she had in him.
Taking a deep breath, her eyes locked to his. “Please tell me before anything happens. Please,” she whispered. As turned on as she was, as much as she wanted to give him this, give to him as he gave to her, wholly, fully, unconditionally, she was frightened of this act. She glanced down at his waist and took a deep breath for courage.
Jake leaned forward and cupped her cheeks in both hands, bringing her face within inches of his. “Eve, I know where your head’s at. If this was something you enjoyed doing or got off on, I’d know by now.”
“I want to, but—please don’t touch me,” she murmured. “Don’t grab me.”
“Baby, why would you say that to me?” His eyebrows furrowed while something very close to violence flashed in his eyes.
“Can we please not talk about it?” She watched his face, waiting for a reaction.
Jake seemed to be studying her for a while. His eyes stayed locked to hers and whatever he’d intended to say, he bit it back.
Grateful he didn’t speak, she unwrapped the towel from his body as if she were unwrapping an expensive present she was afraid might break.
“Honey.” Jake’s voice held that steel edge to it.
His tone ran along her skin and almost stopped her heart.
When her eyes met his, his hands locked on hers. “I don’t need this. I’m more than satisfied with what we share together. If I wasn’t, I’d tell you.”
“I want to. I want you to feel how you make me feel. I just don’t know....”
“Aw, Eve. I don’t need you to do this to feel loved. Baby, I feel your love when you kiss me.”
“It’s okay.” She nodded to him and ran her hands up his thighs. “I’m okay,” she whispered.
On a long exhale, he finally sat back. “Alright, sweetheart, then I need you to stop shaking.” He let her hands go and rested them alongside his thighs.
The room was dark and her hair was long, so he wouldn’t be able to see her face. She leaned down against him, resting her head on his chest for a minute, allowing her hair to shroud her. Kissing her way down his stomach, she ran her hands up his thighs to his cock.
Stroking him firmly, she leaned down and licked the top of him tentatively, hoping when she did it that he felt as incredible as when he did this to her. Shaking her hair out around her, she closed her eyes and ran her tongue up one side of his shaft, then down the other. Jake’s encouraging groan eased some of her tension. Swirling her tongue around to top of his head, she softly sucked the tip of him inside her mouth.
“Shit me, Eve. That mouth. Son-of-a-bitch!”
She paused, waiting to see if he would move. Waiting to see if he’d grab her, but he didn’t. When he just sat there, she repeated the same motions, except this time, she took him a little deeper. Careful to keep her lips over her teeth, she sucked a little more and then released him. While her hair provided coverage, it was getting in the way. In her mouth. Untangling her hand from her hair, she slid it up and down along the length of him, using her saliva to keep him wet and slippery.
When she kissed the tip of him again, Jake moved his hands to either side of her head, gathering her hair in both hands and holding it away from her face.
She stopped. Paralyzed.
“Easy, honey. I won’t take advantage of this. Just making you a little more comfortable.” He held her hair back with one hand and ran the other over her back.
She closed her eyes and tentatively began moving her hands over him. When she became more confident that he wouldn’t do anything other than hold her hair, she ran her tongue over the top of him again, before slowly taking him deep inside her mouth.
“Your mouth feels—fuck, baby...”
She could feel the tension in his thighs as he fought the urge to push himself farther into her mouth. She boldly sucked him a little deeper, his cockhead sliding along her tongue, nudging the back of her throat. Pulling him out, she used both hands to stroke him while she licked and kissed his soft head.
Jake inhaled quickly, tightened his grip in her hair and pulled. She sat back on her heels and stared up at him.
He was watching her and had that grin that made her knees weak. Her face heated instantly.
“Gotta stop.” He anchored her hair behind her ears. “Have I told you how fucking beautiful you are?”
Eve glanced down and ran her hands over him.
Covering her hands with his, Jake tugged her up astride his lap.
She wrapped her arms around his shoulders. “I’m sorry I—”
“Hold up. What the hell are you apologizing for?” He interrupted her. “You’ve just given me something else to obsess over when I’m away from you.” His hands moved under her thighs. “Lift up.”
As soon as Eve got up on her knees, he entered her quick and hard. He shoved his hands under her arms and around to anchor her shoulders down, just holding her immobile.
Gasping, she closed her eyes, tightened her grip around his neck as her body contracted around him. When her swollen channel adjusted to him, she began to move.
“Here—” Jake groaned as he surged up into her. “— Deep inside you. Your tight pussy choking the shit out of me. This is what I need more than anything. You’re my peace—from the chaos, from the past, from everything.”
Lifting up, she sat down on him hard. Jake groaned and took her mouth as they moved in sync. Holding each other’s faces, their tongues and lips merged, stroked, ate at and gave to the other. Their hunger feeding their frenzied movements.
She couldn’t get him deep enough, couldn’t get close enough to him.
Jake dropped his hands to her hips and guided her movements. He pulled her down harder with each lift of her hips.
If she could spend the rest of her days making love to him—she would. He made her a stronger version of herself in so many ways...and weaker in others.
“Can you take me harder, baby?” His forehead pushed against hers, their breath mixing with each spoken word.
“Yes.” With each downstroke, she sat down harder despite the pain of him stretching her to an almost uncomfortable degree.
He picked up the pace, gripping her hips, grinding her up and down on top of him. He moved his mouth to her shoulder.
When he bit down, probably harder than he intended to, something deep inside Eve’s being shifted. Not just her body, he affected her anatomical being. She nearly screamed his name as she wrapped her arms around his head. Growling into her chest, he held her down hard against him. Her body spasmed with each warm jet pumping deep inside her, and she didn’t think she could love any man more than she did him. This was what she’d always hoped and imagined making love would feel like—desperate, heated, loving and consuming.
Her eyes stung with tears while the first time she’d ever seen Jake flashed through her mind. She knew in that moment, no matter what happened between them, no other man would ever be able to compete with him. While fate had intervened, he’d somehow found her again. They were where they belonged. For tonight... Eve rested her head on his, her mouth open, taking in as much air as she could and trying not to think beyond this moment. Finally able to breathe normally, she leaned back.
Jake kissed her forehead and brought her head back down to his shoulder. “Don’t move yet. I want to sit here with you wrapped around me.”
His husky voice washed over her and she finally exhaled. Content, she absently smoothed a finger over the scar on his cheek. She knew every inch of his face by touch. His face brought her a sense of peace she’d never known before. He was so beautiful to her—she didn’t see the scars when she looked at him…ever. The scars were evidence of a life’s transition from a boy to man. The experience behind each scar had changed him from when she knew him so long ago. With her, though, he’d been the same caring, charismatic, and beautiful person she’d loved at first sight. It’s why she’d presently fallen so hard for him. Thirteen or thirty-six, she’d only ever see the person behind the magnificent exterior.
These days, she always felt as if she was holding her breath around Jake. Like she could blink and find him gone. Again. At least for right now, he was here, solid beneath her, holding her, buried inside her, loving her. By check-out tomorrow, he would disappear and she would have more than enough time to hate herself for giving more than she knew she was capable of handling. She’d crossed more boundaries with Jake tonight, more than she ever had before, and yet she’d never felt as close to him as she did right now.
A breeze came in from the open screen door and ran across her back, making her shiver against him. Jake’s arms tightened around her, trying to ward off the cold. She couldn’t help but wonder if the bone-deep chill was from the air cooling down her heated skin, or the alarming feeling that she was losing him with every passing second.
10.5 hours