“Colonel,” Gina, his secretary, said through his office intercom. “Your two o’clock is here.”

Gage glanced at the printed version of his agenda for today. Major Steven Hardesty.

He grimaced. Things were still extremely tense between him and the entire maintenance group, but he doubted that was why Major Hardesty had made his appointment this morning since his notes said, “career counseling.” Could he send Major Hardesty to serve a tour in Antarctica?

It was a nice thought, but the major would probably put in a complaint to the IG if Gage tried it. “Send him in,” he told Gina.

He stared at the document he was supposed to be filling out on his computer, but he was very aware as his competition for Felicia’s affections strode into the room. “Have a seat,” Gage said and continued to work on the document until he finished.

When he finally looked up, Major Hardesty looked distinctly annoyed. “Sorry, I had to get that done.”

“Sure,” Steven bit out. “I understand you’re busy...just like I am.” Those last four words cut like ice.

Gage clenched his teeth. “What can I do for you today, Major?”

“I want to put in my separation paperwork.”

Gage had been fussing with the piles of paper on his desk, but now he looked up in alarm, frowning at Steven. “Why?”

“My reasons shouldn’t matter.”

“They matter because despite our differences, even I can see that you’re a talented officer that the Air Force doesn’t need to lose. You have sixteen years in. Why would you want to quit now?”

“Because I know there are things that are more important than my career. I’m choosing the more important thing...person.”

Felicia.

Steven hadn’t said it, but he was doing this so he could stay here with Felicia. If he stayed in the Air Force, he’d be moving next year if not sooner. He was choosing the girl over the Air Force, something that Gage hadn’t been smart enough to do when he had the chance.

Gage shook his head. “You know my job is to promote the Air Force and our need to keep quality officers. As such, I’m not happy with this. Have you talked to her about this? Told her what you plan to do?”

Steven’s nostrils flared in anger, and Gage didn’t think he’d answer, which was well within his rights. If he were in Steven’s position, he sure as hell wouldn’t tell Steven a thing about his relationship with Felicia.

“Not in so many words, no,” Steven said. “But I have let her know what I’m thinking. I have the ring and am just waiting for the right moment.”

It got hard for Gage to breathe, but he tried not to let it show. “And she’s okay with you giving up your career like this? You’re just a few years away from retirement. Why not finish it out and retire at a higher pay grade? You could manage a long-distance relationship for a couple of years, couldn’t you?”

Steven glared at him. “And how’d that work for you?”

Sucker punch to the gut. Gage sucked in air. The silence of the room reverberated with unspoken tension.

Finally, Gage managed, “Point taken, but I still want you to consider this for a couple more weeks.”

Steven started to argue, but Gage lifted his hand to stop him. “This is advice I’d give to anyone who came into my office with these plans. Take until the Fourth of July. Then if this is still the path you want to take, I won’t stand in your way.”

“Thank you, sir.”

“Is there anything else?” Gage asked.

Steven shook his head. “No. I appreciate the advice, and I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have spoken out of turn earlier. That was uncalled for.”

Gage just nodded his acceptance of the apology. “Dismissed.”

After Steven left, Gage stood, went over to his office door, shut it, and then sank to a crouch on the floor.

Felicia and Steven married, together forever.

His heart pounded in his chest. He’d tried not to let himself think through all the possibilities of their relationship. Just the idea Felicia had moved on had been devastating. But the real-life knowledge that she’d gone on without him, found love without him, might live out her dreams of a family and happily ever after...without him... He needed to run, something to get away from this pain engulfing his chest, his heart, his soul.

Oh, hell. How could he continue to live in this town where the woman he loved now loved someone else? How could he watch them plan their future together?

***

ONE OF GAGE’S DUTIES as the base wing commander was to attend functions in town as the representative from the base. It helped to promote cooperation between the town and the local communities. Two days after his meeting with Steven, Gage found himself at one of these events...a formal evening party at the local zoo to celebrate the opening of the penguin habitat.

In a surprising turn of events, London had wanted to come along. He escorted her through the reception taking place under the huge, cottonwood trees that ringed the zoo. Twinkle lights and candle-lit lanterns hung from the centuries-old branches, creating a surprisingly romantic and intimate feel to the gathering of at least a couple hundred people.

London clung to his elbow for balance in her heels on the grass-covered ground.

He leaned down to her. “It looks like there’s a bar set up over there.” He pointed her attention to the side where a large free-standing bar had been set up. “Interested in a Coke?”

“Yes, please.” She sounded relieved to have a purpose beside the normal chitchat they had to engage in at this type of thing. Right now, he’d bet good money that more than half the attendees knew that she was a senior and would be going to Terravista High in August and that she planned to study library sciences when she went to college.

He laughed. “I promise, I’ll make the misery of this stuffy party up to you, but I really do appreciate you coming and keeping your old man company.”

Her eyes sparkled in the flickering lights. “That means you’ll get us fresh crullers for breakfast in the morning?”

He chuckled. One of their neighbors had brought them the sinful doughnuts from Espresso Life their second morning in the house. All three Winstons were completely addicted. “If we keep eating those, I’m going to have to up my daily running mileage.”

London rolled her eyes. “Yeah, you’re looking real flabby there, Dad. I don’t think the seven miles you’re already doing every day are doing much for you.” She poked his taut, flat belly hidden tonight under his blues uniform.

He chuckled as the head of the zoo consortium that he’d met earlier in the evening stepped up to the podium. It struck him that the middle-aged, smartly dressed woman would fit in here in this highbrow crowd as easily as she would with braids falling over her shoulders, wrestling monkeys in the jungle. The crowd surged forward as they turned to listen. Gage and London shifted to the edge of the gathering so they were out of the way.

“Good evening. Thank you all for being here tonight. This is a very special day for our little local zoo. I don’t know if most of you realize this, but New Mexico in the summer is hot.”

The crowd tittered. They had reached a record high today of one hundred and seven. Luckily, this was the desert, and that meant the evenings cooled down remarkably well.

“So when someone mentioned penguins would be a good addition to our little, hot, desert zoo”—she rolled her eyes—“we didn’t think it was truly a possibility. Well, with the cooperation between our local vets, architects, landscape designers, and experts out of South America, not only is it a possibility, but as of tonight, it’s a reality.”

She signaled to someone standing in the wings, and the curtain that had been hiding the habitat fell away, revealing a dozen or so penguins frolicking and playing in the water and slides. Felicia stood in the midst of them, wearing a sparkly black dress with bare feet and laughing.

Gage sucked in a breath. He’d forgotten what her real laugh sounded like. It was like the most beautiful symphony playing as the sun set on a perfect day.

London turned to him in shock. “O.M.G., Dad. You still love her, don’t you?”

His gaze shot to London’s. For a moment, he’d completely forgotten that she stood beside him. Not that he could have hidden his reaction to Felicia.

Yes, he still loved Felicia. In that moment, he decided that he wouldn’t lose her again, not if he could help it. He planned to fight for her this time. All out. No holds barred.

***

FELICIA LAUGHED AS the penguins played in their new habitat. The crew of veterinarians and zookeepers hadn’t been sure how long it would take the animals to adjust to their new home, but from the looks of things, they loved it. To be part of this was incredible.

Two penguins brushed past her legs, chasing one another to dive into the chilled pool, splashing her in the process, but Felicia didn’t care. She’d come tonight just as a supporter of the zoo and the exhibit, but when the zoo’s full-time exotics vet, Maggie Miller, had gotten called away at the last minute for a family emergency, Sylvia Goulet, the zoo symposium head had asked her to step in to answer questions.

Felicia hadn’t minded at all. Steven had an engagement on base that he hadn’t been able to get out of tonight, so this gave her something to do to look busy at the mainly social function and not be alone.

Felicia hadn’t had time to go home and change, so she’d just shed her heels and figured the dress would suffer the consequences of working this close with wild animals. But this was totally worth it.

A prickle of heat settled at the back of her neck as she fielded questions about the animals. She scanned the crowd, looking for the source of her sudden discomfit. Then she saw him...

Gage.

He looked so gorgeous in his blues uniform that it took her breath away. His suit jacket clung to his broad shoulders, narrowing to emphasize his trim waist. The deep-blue color made his eyes spark even greener from this distance. The intenseness to his gaze made her heart ratchet up. He looked ready to eat her up as desire and something else flickered over his expression as he watched her.

Her core tightened, and her panties grew suddenly damp. Hell, she’d forgotten what it was like to be on the receiving end of that incredibly intense gaze. It used to be that he could turn her on with a simple look. That obviously hadn’t changed.

“Dr. Parks?”

Felicia pulled her gaze away from Gage. “I’m sorry, Sylvia, I missed the question.”

Sylvia raised one silver eyebrow and let her gaze shift to where Felicia had been focusing—Gage. “Understandable,” she murmured with an amused glimmer in her eye. “I think our penguins have us all transfixed. Mr. Ruiz had a question about how we’ll keep the penguins at a comfortable temperature in their new home.”

Felicia honed in on Mr. Ruiz, the head of the local Realtor’s association. “As you can see, most of their habitat is enclosed. That’s so we can maintain the cooler temperatures that the animals need. When they’re out here, the entire enclosure is shaded, the water in the pools are kept chilled. On especially warm days like today, there is a refrigerated water sprinkler system to keep them cool.” She waved to the canopy above her.

“Of course, the zoo personnel will also keep a close eye on the situation and on days where it’s just too hot, the animals will be kept indoors. But as you all have seen, there are plenty of viewpoints so that zoo attendees can watch the penguins wherever they are...inside or out. Luckily, our climate is such that even on the hottest days, it cools off at night, so they will be able to get fresh air and go outdoors at night.”

One of the larger emperor penguins jumped up on top of the rock just to the side of her and squawked at her. She laughed along with the rest of the audience. “I think he approves,” she told them just as he fluffed out his feathers and arched his neck up in a show for the crowd.

“Next question,” Sylvia prodded the crowd.

“I have one.” The smooth baritone of Gage’s voice made her skin quiver with awareness.

As she focused on him, she hoped her erect nipples weren’t showing for the entire crowd to see.

“How does a local veterinarian end up in an enclosure filled with exotic, Antarctic birds?”

She smiled. “Good question. That’s one of the things that the Terravista Zoo has done that is different from other zoos. This is a community project. As such, they really encourage the local community to get involved as much as possible.” She waved her hand at the party as an example. “It helps the local vets to get experience with animals that we normally wouldn’t know except from our textbooks from vet school. It’s an incredible opportunity and it works for both the zoo and the local vets. The zoo saves money by having to hire and keep multiple veterinarians on staff, and we get to play in the habitats. Of course, the vets who have exotic expertise watch over and check everything we do, but it truly is a wonderful cooperation.”

His gaze softened, and London jabbed him in the ribs, making Felicia laugh. The questions continued, but she stayed very aware of where Gage stood on the periphery of the crowd, always watching her and sending her emotions and nerves into overdrive.

Eventually, the presentation part of the evening wound down, and the guests filed in to explore the full habitat. Felicia stood out of the way in case anyone had additional questions, back in her heels and not too messy from her adventure within the enclosure.

“Twenty years ago,” a deep voice rumbled in her ear, sending chills down her spine. . “I never would have guessed that your schooling would take you to frolicking with penguins. It’s good to see you getting so much joy out of your career.”

She turned to Gage. “Thanks.”

He stood so close, and she inhaled the luscious scent of him—musky pine—that took her back in time to better memories between them. She should step away, put some space between them, but he was her drug, and she was helpless to resist.

“I didn’t expect to see you here,” he said.

“Yeah, I’ve been working with the zoo for a long time.” Almost the entire time they’d spent apart.

He gently brushed back the strands of her hair floating across her face in the breeze. “Well, the work obviously agrees with you.” His gaze dropped to her lips, and her breath quickened. “You radiate happiness tonight. I’ve missed seeing you this happy.” It seemed perfectly natural for him to brush his thumb over the fullness of her bottom lip.

She had been breathing too fast, and now, she could barely breathe at all. He seemed on the cusp...of something.

“Wh—what are you doing?” she asked, her voice barely there, afraid to break the spell woven by the candlelight and the soft breeze blowing. It would be so easy to lean over and feel his lips on hers one more time. She’d missed him so much.

“Remembering just how good it was between us,” he said, his tone low and serious. “I’d forgotten what it was like to see real joy on your face. I haven’t seen it since I’ve been back, but tonight, I saw you happy. He doesn’t do that for you.”

He.

Steven.

Oh, shit. Ice slithered down into her belly breaking from the spell Gage had woven around her. She stepped out of Gage’s reach. How could she have forgotten about Steven? She was the worst person ever.

Gage stilled, and he shook his head. “Whatever you’re thinking, stop it. You didn’t do anything wrong.”

“Not yet.” Her laugh sounded slightly hysterical. Even now, Gage knew her inside and out. “I need to stay away from you.”

“No.” Gage’s jaw firmed. “I’m not willing to accept that. In fact, you should know I’ve made a decision. I never should have given you up the first time. I don’t plan to do it again.”

“Excuse me? Give me up? You didn’t give me up. You threw me away in the search for the next available pussy.”

Normally, she would never speak so crassly, but that’s the way he’d made her feel when he’d cheated on her—dirty, thrown away, and nothing more than someone convenient to scratch his itch.

Gage closed his eyes as if the words had physically hit him. When he opened them again, the pain in his gaze radiated pain. “And I will never be able to apologize enough for that, but it doesn’t change the fact that I still care about you, and I think you still care, too.”

She shook her head. “No. Steven—”

“He isn’t here. I am, and unless he can make you as happy as a flock of penguins, then he doesn’t deserve you. I plan to be your flock of penguins again.”

“Waddle,” she corrected.

He frowned at her looking more confused than she’d ever seen him. “Excuse me?”

She couldn’t help but laugh despite the seriousness of their discussion. “It’s not a flock of penguins. On land, a group of them is called a waddle.”

“That’s...” He shook his head and wrinkled his nose. “That sounds awful.”

A laugh burst out of her, louder than before. Were they seriously discussing this? Now? “Maybe, but that’s what it is.”

His expression lifted and he pointed at her face. “That’s it. That’s the reaction I’m used to from you. Steven doesn’t make you this happy. I do. I can. Give me a chance.”

As the reality of what he was asking for sank in, her stomach swooped. Could she do this? Trust him with her heart? Oh, god. She’d barely survived him the first time. Could she do it again?

And what about Steven?

She nodded. “You’re right.”

His face broke out into a huge smile that she ignored.

“I’ve never been happier than when I was with you, but the flip side of that is that I’ve never experienced a worse pain than what you dished out, too. I can’t remember one without the other.”

His face fell.

She stepped farther away. “I can’t do this—here, tonight—with you. And I sure as hell can’t do this when Steven has no idea. I won’t hurt him like you hurt me.”

She turned and fled the party, her heart crashing in her chest.

But in reality, she fled from the emotions that Gage still brought out in her. Damn him. Why did he have to come back and ruin everything?

As she started her truck and turned out of the parking, the truth sank in. She couldn’t and wouldn’t do this to Steven.

She pulled off the side of the road so she could call him. Her old Dodge truck didn’t have Bluetooth. Her hands sweated as she fumbled with her cell phone.

“Hey, gorgeous,” Steven answered. “How was the zoo?”

Her eyes filled with tears. God, she didn’t want to hurt him. “It was good. The penguins loved the new habitat and charmed everyone. I got to play vet and answer questions for the crowd. How was your squadron thingie?”

“It was just a dinner with the guys in the dorm,” he said. “But it was good. It’s always fun to see them all in a more relaxed setting.”

She glanced down at the clock in the truck. She hadn’t even thought about how late it was. “I hope it’s not too late to call.”

“No, not at all,” he said. “I was hoping to get to talk to you tonight.”

Tears clogged her throat. “Um, can we meet to talk?”

He hesitated like he could sense where she was going with this. “Sure. Want me to come to your house?”

She glanced around. “No. Do you know where Kirby Park is? About a half-mile east of the clinic.”

“Yeah, I know it.”

“Can we meet there?”

“Um, sure... Honey, are you okay? You’re starting to scare me.”

“I’m fine. I’ll see you in a little bit.” She turned off the phone, afraid he’d ask more questions. He deserved to have this talk face to face. Her stomach tumbled again as she turned on her truck and pulled into the lit parking lot.

This old city park dated back to the 1930s. Like the park where the zoo was located, this one had lots of huge, century-old cottonwood trees. It was well-lit and had a walking path around it where people walked and ran twenty-four hours a day, so it was a good, safe place to go at night.

Her nerves jangled wildly as she got out of her truck and began to walk on the path nearest the parking lot. The night had turned chilly, and she ran her hands up and down her arms, wishing she’d thought to bring a cardigan. All she had in the truck was an old OSU sweatshirt, which...fuck it.

She strode back to the truck and yanked the oversized sweatshirt out of the back. It would probably be better if she looked unattractive for this anyway.

Just as she tugged it over her head, Steven’s car pulled into the lot and parked beside her. He climbed out of his car and gave her a weak smile. “Hey, you. I like the look.”

She shrugged. “It’s getting chilly, and my dress doesn’t have any sleeves.”

He wore old, holey jeans along with a Chicago Cubs T-shirt and tennis shoes. Even so casual, he looked good and she had a moment to wonder how big of a mistake she was making here. But it was a momentary glitch. This was the right thing to do.

He swept her in for a hug. “Regardless, you look gorgeous.” He kissed her forehead. “You want to walk?”

She clutched her sweaty hands into fists and wrapped them around her waist. She nodded. “Maybe we can head over to the gazebo.” In the center of the park was a large, old, bandstand gazebo surrounded by gas lanterns. It was one of her most favorite locations within the park, day or night.

“Sure, that sounds good.” He linked his hands with hers. He glanced at her worriedly. He could probably feel the tremors shaking through her fingers.

Neither one of them said anything as they followed the path to the large, white-painted structure. Luckily when they arrived, it was empty.

By mutual understanding, they both took the three steps into the interior of it. Steven led her over to a bench and motioned for her to sit, but he stayed standing as if he knew she needed her space.

But before she even had a chance to talk, Steven said, “Gage was at the zoo tonight, wasn’t he?”

“Yes.” He knew. And now she didn’t know what else to say. “Steven, you are the best man.” She stood and began to pace. Thinking she could sit through this was nuts. “I’ve always felt so crazy lucky that you picked me up at the bookstore that night, but I can’t keep on like this.”

“Like what?” His voice was low and serious.

She shook her head. “I know how stupid it is, and I tell myself this over and over and over again, but my feelings for him aren’t gone. No matter how many years it’s been, no matter how much he hurt me. I can’t make them go away.”

She swiped at the tears, angry at her weakness as she met his hurt gaze. “God knows I’ve tried,” she whispered. “I’m so sorry. I want to be all-in and in love with you, but I just can’t. And I refuse to hurt you like he hurt me. You are too good of a person. You definitely don’t deserve that.”

“What if I gave you permission?” he asked, his expression wary.

“Wha—what?” She frowned at him, trying to understand.

“I think the issue is that you never really had true closure with him. You had no idea the two of you were going to end, so when he cheated, it was an abrupt and sudden tear of your relationship in half. Right after that, your best friend died.” He stepped over to her and gripped her freezing-cold hand.

“Felicia, I don’t think in your heart you’ve ever really dealt with the loss. I know you have a history with him, but he broke your heart. I’m thinking your memories are fonder than the reality actually was. I’m giving you permission... Explore this thing with him, but then come back to me assured that you won’t have any regrets or questions in your mind. You need this.” He swallowed hard, and the pain in his gaze slayed her. “I don’t have to like it, but I understand and am giving you my blessing. Go to him. Get your closure. Then come back to me.” He lifted her hand and gently kissed it, bringing tears to her eyes with the tenderness he put into that one, simple gesture.

“I’ll be in touch,” he said. Steven rushed down the steps of the gazebo and strode back to his car.

Felicia stood there alone in the center of the gazebo, stunned. What the hell had just happened, and what did she do now? She sank to the cold floor and let the tears flow.