Sunday 29^th January

I sat on the porch, leaned against the wall, and watched Jess wander out to the letterbox. It was Sunday and it was hot again.

“What do you want to do today?” Jess asked when she came back with the junk mail in her hand.

I knew what I should be doing. The grass was long. The butterflies were in the cabbages again. The breakfast dishes were sitting on the bench. For that matter, so were last night’s dinner dishes. But what the hell? If they were still there tomorrow, we could do them before we went to work.

I hadn’t touched a guitar for eight months. As for the journals, they’d spent the time lined up on the bookshelf collecting dust. If the violin and piano still have strings, I wouldn’t know. All that seemed to die with Isabelle.

Why bother? Mum found Jess a job at the local paper, so she’s the writer now.

I watched a car roll up the drive. Jess shaded her eyes to see who it was. Her mum got out and went around to the passenger side. She took an envelope off the seat then shut the car door and came over.

“Good morning, you two. Isn’t it a lovely day?” she said.

“Hi Mum. Do you want a coffee?” asked Jess.

“If you’re making one.”

I hauled myself up. “I’ll make it.”

Jess’s mother was all right, but sometimes all that niceness could get on your nerves. I left them to talk.

Her mum settled on the step. I found the coffee pot, washed out three mugs, and made coffee.

I went outside, and Jess had the envelope her mum had got out of the car. She held it up so I could see it.

“Mum’s brought your birthday present around, Isaac.”

I swapped a mug of coffee for the present. I was turning twenty-one in a couple of days.

“Thanks.” I handed Jess’s mum her mug.

“Thanks, Isaac.” She looked sort of hesitant.

I opened the envelope. Inside was a birthday card and two tickets for the Big Day Out in Auckland on the 20th. It was an expensive birthday present. I stared at the tickets. Jess’s bloody parents were interfering again.

“I work on Fridays.” I went to hand the tickets back.

Jess’s mother nodded. “I know.” She still looked hesitant. That’s not like her at all. Usually she crashed in where she wasn’t wanted. She never minded her own business like she should.

She took a breath. “I went and talked to Mr Reilly. He said you can have the day off if you want to go.”

Did I want to spend all Friday at a music festival?

I pushed the tickets back at her. “No.”

Instead of taking them, Jess’s mother put her hand over mine.

“You’ll enjoy it, Isaac. And Jess too. It’ll do you both good to get away and do something fun. You need to start living again.”

“Do you want to go?” I asked Jess. Maybe a day together acting young will make things better. It can’t make them worse.

She nodded.

“Okay, thanks.” It was ages since Jess and I did anything together.

Two weeks later we piled into the car early in the morning. We went to Auckland and headed for Mt Smart Stadium and the Big Day Out. The crowd was huge, the biggest ever: forty-four thousand people.

And the heat was unbelievable. Endless bodies streaming into the stadium. The clamour, dust, rubbish and excitement, all mixed together with the noise of the early bands. The White Stripes were the headline act, and it looked like plenty of other people liked them too.

I stood in the middle of the flow looking at the programme. I figured out how it worked, then turned to Jess. “Lilly Allen first?”

“I don’t mind.” Jess watched a goth fairy, completely wrecked, sitting on the back of the four-wheeler ambulance. The fairy looked stoned and woeful. Long streaks of mascara tears lined her face. Her bewildered fairy friends followed behind in their black boots and net skirts.

“I bet they’re wondering how soon they can ditch her,” said Jess.

“Just happened.” The friends faded off to the side.

We went into the boiler room where Lilly was up on stage and watched for a while. It was hot and sticky and packed. Lilly sounded great, but we couldn’t see her because we were so far back in the tent. We watched the video screen.

“Not the same.” I had to shout to make myself heard.

“We can’t see anything, and I’m thirsty.” Jess grabbed my arm. “Let’s go.” We worked our way out again pushing against the kids still going in.

“Did you see anyone selling water?” Jess asked when we were outside. It was no quieter. She was still shouting.

“A caravan over there.” I waved at the corner of the grandstand.

“I’ll get it. Do you want some?”

“Yeah.”

“Wait here for me.” Jess wandered off.

I sat on the rock wall outside the tent listening to the noise and watching the silent disco, people dancing with headphones on, different music playing in each set so they were dancing out of sync.

Weird.

A blonde girl in a checked skirt and cowboy boots wandered by. Then emos with dark soulful eyes and long black coats came the other way. A couple of years ago, I could have joined them. Now, no eyes like a panda anymore.

I saw Adam and Noah wandering along. They were studying the programme. They look like they were trying to figure out the map. I hadn’t seen them for months. They used to come around when they were home, but generally they’re in Hamilton at university. Stadium lives on in Hamilton without me. Just Luke, Cole, Adam and Noah.

They sat down each side of me. “Hi Zac,” said Noah loudly. I looked from one to the other.

“Where’s Jess?” asked Adam.

“At the caravan buying water.” I looked through the crowd to see if I could spot her coming back.

“We’ve been thinking about you,” said Noah.

“Why?”

“Come back to Stadium.”

“Nah, Luke asked. Told him I can’t.”

“Why not? You still play, don’t you?”

“I’m pretty rusty. Haven’t played for months.”

Jess was walking towards us with the bottles of water. “Hi. It’s hot, isn’t it?”

“Yeah.”

“Where are Luke and Cole?”

“Gone to park the van.” They stood up. “We’re supposed to be meeting them at the beer garden but can’t find it.”

“It’s over there, just past the water caravan.” She waved her bottle past the herd of people heading towards us.

“Come with us. Have a drink.”

“Nah,” I said. “Jess and I have a plan. Might meet up with you later.”

“Text us. We’ll let you know where we are,” said Noah. “It would be bloody hard to hear the phone ring.” They wandered off to the left.

“What were they doing?”

“Just catching up,” I said.

It was the middle of the afternoon, and Jess and I put our plan into action. We found our way to the main stages then we sat in the grandstand and watched the bands. The mosh pit danced in the sun and the dust. A huge D-shaped barrier fence surrounded the kids in the pit and the two main stages. This massive black spider loomed over everyone, twenty metres tall, an evil grin on its face, a huge orange grimace to go with the hooded eyes, bright plastic colours on black. The kids dancing inside the barrier were presided over by the spider.

It wasn’t packed in the pit yet, and it looked like the best place to be. I knew that was where I wanted to finish up, and we needed to get there well before the White Stripes started setting up.

The afternoon wore on, and the names got bigger.

Two drunk kids came weaving by us and sat down. They looked about fifteen. The girl, tiny with blond braids, was sunburned already. She’d have more than a hangover to worry about in the morning.

She saw me looking at her and held up an H2Go bottle.

“Do you want a drink? It’s vodka.”

I had a swig. She was right, straight vodka. She held up a second bottle.

“You can keep it if you like. I don’t need two.”

I sipped on the vodka again. “Okay.” The kids staggered off to find a tree to sleep under. I took a few more swigs and started to like the warm glow it gave me. I offered Jess a drink, but she declined.

Twilight arrived. Jess and I went down to the centre of the arena. We leaned against the barrier fence for a while and watched the acts. Slowly the inside of the barrier filled up as the names got bigger and everything got louder.

“What if we get separated?” I yelled into Jess’s ear.

“I’ll meet you by him,” she yelled back and pointed at the spider.

Kings of Leon came on. Never liked them much but Jess was a fan.

A text flashed across the video screen. ‘Kings of Gay’. Jess looked at me.

“Not guilty.” I showed her my hands. “They suck, but my phone’s still in my pocket.”

Jess looked irritated and moved away. I probably didn’t need to say they sucked. But lots of things annoy Jess now, and she could stay frosty for a while these days. She pulled out her own phone, took a picture of the band and sent it with a text. I waited for her message to come up. We stood in heavy silence leaning against the barrier for a long time.

Franz Ferdinand, on the left stage, looked like bored boys who didn’t want to be there. When they finished, Iggy Pop, a skinny old man showing his flat white stomach in jeans slung so low you expected to see pubic hair, started on the right stage, and the crowd moved over to watch him.

Like I told Adam, I had a plan. “I want to be right up front when the White Stripes come on,” I yelled over the noise and racket at Jess, and she nodded. I figured if we made our way to where we wanted to be while the other bands were playing, we’d get the best spot.

“This is our chance. the White Stripes are on next,” I yelled, and she nodded again. We edged our way to the front of the mosh pit to see the stage get set up.

There was Iggy Pop, warbling away on the next stage and trying a stage dive, while me and Jess watched the red, white and black set develop ready for Jack White. I kept swigging on the vodka as the long red banners dropped from the gods with black palm trees and huge white feathers silhouetted against them.