“It’s good to see you smiling,” Paula said from the door of my bedroom.
“Hey, I smile!”
“Okay, let me rephrase that. It’s good to see you smile about something other than your books or something here.”
She wasn’t wrong. My world was fairly small. I hadn’t branched out beyond Paula and Lisa; my social circle was limited. Paula was always suggesting that I find some friends or try an online dating service. She knew I had no interest in any of those things, but she also didn’t want to see me end up like her. Paula was convinced that she was destined for spinsterhood. It didn’t do any good to try and convince her otherwise.
“This smile doesn’t have anything to do with that young man I saw you talking to, does it?”
I rolled my eyes. “I’m just putting myself out there a bit more. He seemed nice and normal, plus he’s read my books. That’ll give us something to talk about at least.”
Paula grinned. “You don’t have to make any excuses to me. So, when do you plan to see this boy?”
We’d set a lunch date for the following day. I didn’t want to give myself time to back out. My mental health history made me shy away from relationships. Paula understood and loved me for who I was, even with my past. How was I supposed to know if Tayler, or any man, would feel the same? It was a big risk, but I was going to have to take it sooner or later.
Meeting Tayler at the signing had been unnerving. He reminded me of the man I’d dreamt of so often. There was no way I could admit it to anyone, but I’d secretly compared every man I’d met to the baker’s son. Taeren wasn’t real in the classical sense, but he was real to me. My heart would always belong to the characters I’d created, but I knew I had to live a life in the real world too. It was strange to me that Tayler had chosen to make the joke about Taeren, especially since the two were eerily similar. As I climbed into bed I wondered if I was making the right decision. Was I setting myself up for heartbreak by going on a date with the first man who seemed interested? Did I only like him because he reminded me of the man I would never have?
I shook my head. I couldn’t think like that. I had to embrace reality, just like Larkin had always said. If I spent too much time worrying about my delusions, I would let them devour me again.
I sat at the table, waiting for Tayler to appear. I’d chosen a small restaurant Paula and I had gone to a number of times when I first left the hospital. It felt safe, especially since the employees knew me. I didn’t think he was going to kidnap me and keep me in his basement, but I wasn’t about to take any chances either. I watched him ask the hostess if I was already there, she beamed at him before leading him to the table where I was waiting.
“Why hello there,” he said as he sat down across from me.
“Hi. I hope you found it alright.”
“I’ve never been here before, but you gave good directions,” he looked around at the small café. “Seems like a nice place.”
“It is! Paula used to bring me here.”
“Is Paula your mom?”
I didn’t know how to answer the question without sounding like a crazy person. “Sort of. She’s been like a mom to me.”
He sensed that I didn’t want to go into further detail and began browsing the menu. There wasn’t a big selection, so it didn’t take us long to decide what to order. I went with my standard–a cheeseburger and fries. I was pleasantly surprised when Tayler simply ordered the same thing. At first, our conversation was light. Neither of us seemed very open about our past; maybe I should have read the warning signs from that alone.
“Are you from New York?” I asked, taking a sip from my water.
“No. I moved here a few years ago, but I’m not sure how long I’ll be staying. You?”
“I’ve been here as long as I can remember.”
Tayler furrowed his brows. I knew my wording hadn’t been the best, but there was no other way to tell him I didn’t remember my childhood without going into detail. I braced myself for a question I wasn’t prepared to answer.
“Do you have memory loss or something?”
I was saved by the delivery of our food. We thanked the waitress as I contemplated how best to tell him about my situation. I hardly knew him, the last thing I wanted to do was tell him the only bits of my youth I remembered were spent within the walls of a mental health facility. The silence that stretched between us was uncomfortable.
“I guess, I woke up in a hospital when I was sixteen. That’s where I met Paula. She was my nurse.”
He blinked at me. “When you were...sixteen.”
Something about the way he drew out the last word made me take pause. He looked stricken. It wasn’t a normal reaction for someone to have, especially someone who barely knew me. I’d seen sad, sympathetic, even shocked, but the heartbroken devastation reflected in his face was something else altogether.
“Are you okay?” I asked, trying to ignore the alarms going off in my head.
He shook his head. “No.”
Panic began to set in as he stared at me, breathing in and out through his nose. The intensity of his stare was almost more than I could handle. I cleared my throat and shifted uncomfortably in my seat. Maybe he was reacting that way because he was imagining what it must have been like. Perhaps the idea of losing his memories was too overwhelming.
“Tayler, I’m alright, really. I mean, if my brain insisted on dumping my childhood it must not have been that great, right?”
“That’s not true!” He shoved his food aside and leaned across the table. “You have to remember who you are.”
I arched away from him. I had quickly learned that asking a random guy I hardly knew to go out to lunch was a terrible idea. I made a mental note to tell Paula about my plans to become a hermit before I slid out of the booth.
“Look, I appreciate you coming to lunch with me, but I think it’s best you leave now.” My eyes darted to the café owner.
He understood my wordless request and came up behind Tayler as he stood. Before he could offer an explanation or ask me to reconsider, a meaty hand gripped his shoulder.
“I believe the lady asked ya to leave.”
“Please, I need to talk to you. You have to remember.”
I shook my head, unsure how to respond. As I backed away, Gino, the café owner, escorted Tayler from the restaurant. I plopped back down in the booth, staring at the burger I’d barely touched. I wasn’t hungry anymore. Becoming a hermit was looking more attractive by the second.
“He ain’t gonna bother you anymore.” Gino passed by, dusting his hands off.
Tears stung my eyes. I was angry at myself for attracting crazy; for being crazy. Tayler had gone from seemingly normal to strangely confrontational within moments. I threw some money on the table and muttered a goodbye to Gino and his employees.
Outside, the sky was filling up with clouds; it seemed a little cliché. If I didn’t hurry, I would have to walk the six blocks to the subway station in the rain. If I hadn’t been in such a hurry to get there, I may have noticed him waiting for me, I may have saved myself months of psychological turmoil, I may have been in a very different place. As fate would have it, I didn’t see Tayler waiting at the mouth of an alley on the next block. Hands grabbed me, pulling me into the shadowy space between buildings. Before I could cry out for help, one of the hands clapped over my mouth.
“Delia, don’t scream. I need to talk to you. I’m not going to hurt you.”
I struggled to free myself from his strong embrace, even holding me with one arm he had complete control over me. No matter how hard I fought, I knew he wasn’t going to let me go until he said what he wanted to say. I relaxed, if anything, I would take off the moment he released me. As soon as he thought I’d calmed down enough, he spun me in his arms.
“I’m sorry I have to do this, but you need to hear the truth. I don’t know what happened to make you forget, but your childhood was not terrible.”
I glared at him because speaking wasn’t an option with his hand still glued over my mouth. He looked around nervously and pulled me further into the shadows.
“I still can’t believe you didn’t wake up for three years. When we got here, we were only out for four months. While I was researching everything I could about this place, thinking you’d suffered a terrible fate, you were only sleeping. That’s a relief. I’m glad nothing bad happened.”
I’d heard enough. Despite the thought making my stomach turn, my tongue darted out and licked him. His confusion turned to revulsion as he realized what I’d done and pulled his hand away to wipe it on his pants.
“Seriously? What are you, five?”
I should have screamed, I should have run away, there are a number of scenarios that should have taken place, none of them involved me standing in one place.
“Listen, Tayler,” I spat his name at him, “I have no idea who you think I am, or who you think you are, but this has gone far enough.”
“My name is Taeren.”
“Not this crap again.”
It was his turn to cross his arms. “At this point, I don’t care if you think it’s a joke. I know one thing that will help you see the truth.”
I backed into a brick wall expecting the worst as he approached me. He pulled a small leather pouch from inside his shirt. Once he’d removed it from his neck he thrust it toward me.
“The Bloodstone. It’s what brought us to you, it’s what will bring you back home.”
I refused to take the worn sack he clutched in his hand. He moved forward and draped the cord around my neck.
“You have to remember, Delia. I’m so sorry it took me so long to find you.” He reached up and gently caressed my cheek.
I fought to deny the butterflies that fluttered in the pit of my stomach at his touch. The man in front of me was insane. He believed himself to be a fictional character and he believed me to be the lost princess in my books. Part of me felt sorry for him, my delusions had somehow created his delusions.
“Riona is dying. You need to come home.” He tilted my face up and stared into my eyes. “I will find you again, I can promise you that.”
I’m not sure if I would have been disappointed had the intense moment not ended in a kiss. I’ll never know. He crushed his lips against mine, warm and insistent. So many feelings seemed to be wrapped up in that one moment that I couldn’t focus on any of them. For a moment, it didn’t matter if he was Tayler or Taeren. All I knew was what the feeling of his kiss did to me. Something was there, just out of reach, waiting to be discovered; I couldn’t pin it down. Before I could recover, the mysterious man had disappeared.