Parker

Parker watched enviously as Jared Collins walked down the hall ahead of him with his hand comfortably in the back pocket of Beth Bennett’s jeans. That should’ve been Parker’s hand. And maybe it could’ve been if Parker hadn’t procrastinated. He wanted to hate Jared, and he did, but if Parker was honest, it was his own fault he was now watching the life he wanted from the sidelines.

He’d had a lifetime to tell Beth how he felt. They’d grown up next door to each other and Parker had loved her since before he knew what love was. But it wasn’t until Jared arrived that Parker realized just how badly he’d screwed up by not telling Beth how he felt about her. He’d just been so afraid she wouldn’t feel the same and that it would ruin their perfect friendship. But not telling Beth had left Parker brokenhearted anyway.

He still remembered the exact moment it happened—when everything went wrong. He knew it was pointless to dwell on it, but Parker relived that day over a million times, wondering if maybe he’d just arrived at the movies on time it would be him with his hand in the back pocket of Beth’s jeans.

Parker would never forget the image of Jared and Beth walking out of the Vestige Theater with their pinkies linked as he pulled up in his Range Rover last summer. He’d been late because he’d gotten a flat after dropping his father off at the airport. And apparently the time it took Parker to change the tire had changed his entire future. By the time Parker arrived at the theater the movie was over and Jared was swinging Beth’s arm like it was a prize, and he’d won. He’d given Parker a wink and then slung his arm around Beth’s neck. Everything about the gesture said, Game Over.

That was months ago, and Parker still hadn’t found a way to stop the jealousy that strangled him every time he was forced to witness his dream girl in the arms of Jared-the-jock-wad-Collins. If there was any justice in the universe, it would’ve been Jared’s moving truck that had gotten the flat tire that summer instead.

If Jared’s truck had ambled down the street just a few minutes later, if his father had rented a house one street over, if Parker hadn’t gotten a flat on his way to the movies . . . Ifs, maybes, should’ve, would’ve, could’ve—the words whirled around Parker’s mind with endless possibilities of all the things that might have been. It was a torturous cycle and one that Parker was used to. Ever since his mother was killed in a car accident, Parker had been someone who easily lost himself pondering missed opportunities and happenstance.

What if his mother hadn’t gone out for groceries that icy afternoon in January? What if she’d left an hour earlier or later? What if she’d shopped at a different store? What if she’d been in the left lane instead of the right? Would she have missed that patch of ice? Would she still be alive?

Parker always wondered if he’d be a different person if his mother was still in his life. Would he have had the confidence to ask Beth out? Or would Beth’s family never have taken Parker under its wing without the crisis he and his father had suffered? Parker knew he would never have the answers, but it didn’t stop him from driving himself mad wondering about the fathomless possibilities of what might have been. But in all of it, there was one thing he was certain of—Beth.

Parker had known Beth Bennett forever. They were P and B. They grew up next door to each other and had been best friends all their lives. Somewhere along the way things had changed between them. Well, they’d changed for Parker. He’d fallen hopelessly in love with Beth. He couldn’t pinpoint the exact moment it happened, but he remembered the feeling when he realized the reason for the restlessness in his chest whenever she was around. The best way he could describe it was to compare it to the way he’d seen the world before his father realized he needed prescription glasses—naggingly unclear.

But just like when he’d gotten glasses, when Parker realized he had feelings for Beth, there was no going back. Everything came into alarming focus. He was lovesick, and Beth was the only cure. Parker couldn’t look at her and only see his friend anymore. He would forever see so much more. Knowing he was in love with Beth was like viewing the world with glasses on—sharp and painfully vibrant. She was beautiful inside and out. She was his best friend and so much more. She was happiness, safety, home. She was everything.

Beth was Parker’s past, present and future. And for a minute, Parker had thought he’d glimpsed the possibility of more in Beth’s eyes too. But he’d always been too damn afraid to make a move—too afraid of losing what he already had, which he felt was more than he deserved. Parker never felt he was good enough for Beth, and his fear of her rejection made him bide his time. It’s not that Parker was oblivious. He knew Beth couldn’t stay single forever. She was too perfect for someone not to notice her. But he had a plan. It came to him last fall when they’d both made their college intentions clear.

Parker was going to Cornell in New York, and Beth was staying in Boston to go to Boston College. In a few short months they’d be separating for the first time ever—heading down different paths. That made senior year the perfect time for Parker to finally tell Beth how he felt. If she didn’t feel the same, then he told himself he could deal with it. Already knowing he would be losing her to a foreign college campus full of new faces and opportunities somehow softened the blow he was sure was coming if he admitted his feelings.

He knew it was foolish to have a plan for defeat in place. It was like some bad omen or manifest destiny. But that was who Parker was. He was a planner, a practical realist. Losing his mother at four years old had trained him to always prepare for the worst—even when it came to Beth.

For some reason the thought of losing Beth to college made the loss of her easier to bear. Like her rejection of him would be gaining her so much in the way of collegiate experience that he couldn’t fault her for it. Parker knew it was foolish logic, but it was all he had. But now he didn’t even have that.

Before Parker had a chance to execute his perfect plan, Jared arrived and blew everything in Parker’s world apart. He still remembered the day with bitter clarity.

It was the Fourth of July the summer before senior year when Jared came into their lives. Parker and Beth were sitting on her front porch to escape the chaos of the Bennett family BBQ. All of her five sisters were home and Beth was at her wits end with the drama that ensued whenever all the Bennett girls were together. Brenna had spiked the lemonade so everyone was a bit more punchy than usual—Parker included. He’d taken the opportunity to chug two glasses of the lemony liquid courage preparing to finally put his plan in motion. Then, he grabbed another glass for himself and Beth before rescuing her from Brenna’s taunts and leading her to the solitude of the Bennetts’ front porch swing.

Just as Parker was gathering his courage to admit how he felt about Beth, a moving truck rumbled down the street.

“Who moves on the Fourth of July?” Beth asked.

Parker gave a sarcastic response just to hear Beth giggle. “Canadians? People in the witness protection program?”

Beth laughed, but then the truck stopped in front of the house across from hers and a six foot four teenager built like a Greek god hopped out. He looked around the neighborhood with an amused smirk before he caught Parker and Beth staring. He met Parker’s gaze with a cocky wink before waving to Beth, who flushed the prettiest shade of pink. Then he sauntered across the street with the swagger of a stray cat. And that’s how P and B became P, B and J.

Ever since that day Parker’s comfortable two-some had become an awkward three-some. And although it seemed to be love at first sight for Beth, it was anything but for Parker. There was something about Jared that never sat right with Parker. And it wasn’t just that Beth liked him. Everything just seemed like a game to Jared. Like he’d set his sights on Beth for sheer entertainment. But proving Jared’s faults to Beth presented Parker with a near impossible challenge. It was like Jared had cast some blinding spell over Beth that made her fiercely protective of him.

But Parker’s suspicions were confirmed just one week after Jared moved onto their street. Parker and Beth went to the Vestige, an old Cinema in Boston, every Sunday. It was their favorite place because it showed black and white horror films and sold pizza and wine at the concession stand. The staff was mostly teenagers and they were happy to overlook the fact that patrons were underage for a good tip.

When Beth invited Jared to tag along, Parker had wanted to object. Sunday movies were his and Beth’s tradition. She didn’t have to invite the Thor-like boy next door just because he was home alone his first weekend in a new town. But that was Beth. She was sweet and considerate, and always went out of her way to make everyone feel welcome.

So of course Beth invited Jared to join them at the movies that fateful Sunday. And of course Jared accepted. And of course, that had been the day Parker’s car got a flat on his way back from the airport.

Parker had sent Beth a text saying he was running late to pick her up. She texted back saying not to worry, she’d just get a ride with Jared and she’d see Parker at the movies. But changing a flat for the first time had taken Parker much longer than he’d expected and by the time he’d made it to the movies . . . well, Jared had made his move.

The moment it happened Parker had a sinking feeling. He knew what Jared was up to. He’d seen that hungry smile on his face whenever he looked at Beth, and he couldn’t help notice the competitive way Jared was always glaring at Parker, like he was sizing him up. Jared had planned to edge Parker out the minute he stepped out of that moving truck. Parker knew plenty of guys like Jared. Girls were just a game to them. Parker was the opponent and Beth was the prize.

Sadly, Parker’s ill timing had made it too easy for Jared to swoop in. Parker might as well have handed Beth over on a silver platter. Here you go. Please treat her like a princess since I never had the balls to say I’m in love with her and I can’t do it now.

Now, Parker was kicking himself for waiting so long. Seriously, what had he been waiting for? The perfect moment? Having lost his chance, Parker realized just how many he’d had. His hesitation had backed him into a corner. If he said something now Beth would just think he was a jealous fool—which he was. But what other option did he have? He just had to wait Jared out.

That summer, Parker watched as Beth and Jared’s romance blossomed. He’d even listened as she gushed about him, all the while keeping his mouth shut and his feelings locked up. He couldn’t tell Beth that she was making a huge mistake. That Jared was a player and she should know better. He’d seen what happened when Beth’s parents tried to tell her sisters not to date certain boys. More often than not they ended up married or knocked up, or both. So Parker held his tongue when he could and made sarcastic comments when he couldn’t. But until he could prove Jared was the douchebag he knew him to be, Parker had to keep his mouth shut and eyes open. That’s why he came up with his method for survival—rules for surviving a crush on your best friend. It became his mantra and he repeated its simple bullet points often:

1. Never admit how you truly feel if it’s not going to be reciprocated.
2. Keep negative comments about crush’s current relationship to yourself.
3. Avoid being alone in romantic settings.
4. And always remember what’s at risk . . . it’s better to be friends than nothing at all.