He loves me.
I knew that, though. He was letting others know it and whilst he was completely sober.
I wanted him to get on that wooden bar and shout it to the damn world. I wanted to let everyone know and see this man declare his love for me. He deserves to humiliate himself that way. He could profess his love, and then I could reject him, crush him the worst way possible, publicly.
I could not do it, though.
Cara and Holly were both grinning from ear to ear as Griffin stood tall, awaiting my answer. “I…”
“If you don’t tell him you love him, I sure as hell will. He’s a fox.” Some girl called out, and I blushed even more.
Instead of speaking, I untied my apron and tossed it on the counter, giving Holly and Cara a look, “I’m taking my break,” I said before I start jumping up and down for joy, embarrassing myself further.
“How about you just knock off early? We’ve got this.” Cara began to wiggle her brows, and Holly did the same.
I looked at the man declaring his feelings for me. “Give me five minutes?”
“You’ve got one.”
Jesus. He was not messing around.
As I was slinging the strap of my bag over my shoulder, I felt a hand on my shoulder.
“What the fuck is this?” It was Harvey, and he was glaring at me, looking pissed. Oh no, he does not get to do this now.
“What’s it look like? I’m leaving.”
“With him?” He looked mortified.
“With him,” I repeated and left it at that as I walked off quickly, ignoring his pleas to come back. What did he care? He had his new girlfriend, anyway.
Griffin was by the entrance door when I came out from the back. He got his hands shoved in his pockets as he looked at me, an unmistakable burning intensity in his blue orbs. Fuck. He had my insides going crazy. That smile, those eyes, his fucking hair, and clean-shaven face… My panties were almost soaked with lust for him.
“Where to?” he asked, sounding slightly eager that I had not rejected him—yet.
We began walking down the footpath, and I did not know where or what was going to happen. “I’m not sure. I was planning on driving back tonight after work.”
“You’re driving after a long shift?” he asked, bewildered. “I don’t like that, Ayla. You could fall asleep at the wheel and crash or worse.”
I groaned and gave him an eye roll. I was tempted to reply, ‘Yes, daddy.’ He sounded just like my father. “Yes, I know. Not my finest idea. The hotels were booked out.” It was not like I could call him. Harvey was now busy. I needed a new plan. “Did you drive to the bar? You haven’t lost your licence yet, have you?”
He laughed freely and beautifully. “No, I have my court appearance next week for that. I’m prepared to lose it for a couple years at least. I caught a cab.”
“That’s going to suck. You love to drive.” He loved to just take long drives around the city, exploring new places. “You need your licence for work too.”
“I was reckless. My own fault.” He did not jump around taking the blame. “Let’s just keep walking around. It’s a nice night.”
Nice night? Who was this man? He was being sweet and agreeable.
Grinning and letting out a soft laugh as I walked by his side. “So, have to admit I really wanted to see you on the stand on the bar.”
“Thought for a moment. You would have wanted that,” he murmured. “Still haven’t answered me yet.”
I knew that was coming. “I know, and I want to believe you, but—”
“I know what you’re going to tell me, but I mean it when I tell you this: Everything will be different now.” Stopping, he reached for my hand, leading us down the pathway towards a small park. “It won’t be like it was before.”
“You say that…” I began quietly, lifting my head and looking up at him.
Coming to a wooden picnic bench, he halted his steps. He then looked around and walked towards the grass, bending down. He patted it. “It’s not wet. Let’s sit on the hill.”
I followed, and we walked a bit further in silence. We found a place to sit underneath a large tree that was facing a small duck pond where kids would come with their families and throw their day-old bread at them. It was nice to be here, away from the noisy traffic, and not feel the pressure of sitting in a close, confined space like a car.
“You were saying?” I pressed after we had both sat down. He was not getting off that easily.
He nodded, and I listened intently. It was just us, and no one else—no phones, no distractions. It was just him and I talking.
“My lawyer… I told him about the situation with Karen, and he’s organising a hearing for custody arrangements. I’m not going to take them from her, but a line needs to be drawn. A split means one week with me, and the other with her, possibly on every second weekend with her. No coming over or helping when they’re at my place. There will be no unnecessary speaking. All I want to talk to her about is the boys. We aren’t friendly, but it’ll be civil. Since the poker nights have ended, it’ll be a set amount for her too. She was advised to find work, as freeloading off me for seventeen odd years isn’t going to cut it anymore.”
“You told her?” I asked, shocked and surprised as I sat up straight.
“My lawyer told her. I haven’t been answering her calls or texts.” Oh, boy. No wonder she was on a rampage. “I know I hurt you. I understand you are mad at me.”
“I’m not mad anymore. I was but only because of how everything blew up.” I sighed. It was the truth. There was no more anger towards him. It’s just… “I’m sad.”
He looked at me, elbows resting on his knees as he then dropped his head and looked down. “That’s worse. I’d rather you hate me than be sad.”
“Did she call you in about the racing?” I asked. I wanted to know.
“Yes. She knew I was going to apply for custody and went in and spilled her guts like a pig on the slaughter floor.” Yuck. That was visual I did not want. He appeared vulnerable as his voice cracked from obvious nerves. “You said you could give me another shot if I quite being involved with Karen. Please, tell me you meant that.”
I raised a brow. Did I say that? Lying back down, I rolled to my side and looked up to him. “I get that you and she can’t cut all ties. It’s impossible. You have kids together, and I understand that.” That was not the part that bothered me. “You lost respect for me. You didn’t respect me.”
“I did.”
He didn’t.
“No, Griffin, you didn’t. Texting her about broken DVD players or how to change a light bulb? That’s not your problem. It wasn’t just one text, it was the phone calls and constant talk about everything but the boys. The kids? Fine, talk away, but it was rarely about them. She came to our home and took food. She took my coffee, used my beauty products, and was always there. Her threats about putting me six feet under? Not on. You shouldn’t let an ex talk to the woman you love that way.” I sat up again, using my hand to keep my steady on the grass. “Could you even imagine how it feels having her in the home we shared? I felt like a third wheel sometimes.”
“Ayla.” He pleaded. “I’m trying here. I want to move forward with you, with us.”
“I sacrificed everything I dreamed of for your happiness, and you just fucked me when I’d get mad or upset to distract me.” I gave up the dream of being a wife and a mother for him. That was not just something; it meant everything to me.
Turning, we faced each other, and he ran a hand through my dark hair, sighing with a look of sorrow on his face. “I can’t apologise enough. I just thought I was keeping the peace. I didn’t want to be bitter and have the boys know that she and I were having it out. I couldn’t do that to them.”
I nodded. I realised that, but it did not change things. “She walked all over you—used you, and you let her.”
“I know I did. You did deserve better. You still do.”
“So do you. You don’t deserve to be used.” She took advantage of him so badly.
He rested his back against the tree, resting his legs effortlessly on the grass. The wind picked up, and my arms shivered. I wished I had brought my jacket. Without thinking, I moved and shifted my legs over, straddling his lap. His hands immediately wrapped around my waist and trailed his thumbs in circles against my hips. Just the heat of his body against mine warmed me. I just could not take my eyes off him. He was new to me again, like a new shiny object to play with. Only, I did not want to play. I just wanted him.
A tormenting battle was tearing me into two. I wanted him, but I did not want to go back to how everything was beforehand. Looking into his ocean-like deep blue eyes, I found myself melting against his chest.
“I’m cold.” It was a lame excuse to get close to him, and I was sticking with it.
Griffin just smiled back. “I’m sure you are. You should have had a jacket. I’ll keep you warm.”
My hands lifted, and I began to caress his cheeks, softly holding him. “You shaved.” He felt so good and smelt wonderful. My eyes were clouded in a haze of desire as our bodies lay close, our mouths touching almost.
His hands slipped around my lower waist and drew me in. “You wanted to see me,” he murmured as his breath hit my face like a fresh breeze.
There was a lingering question on my mind that I just had to ask. “You didn’t do it for your court appearance, did you? To make you look…” What was the word? I could not remember it.
“Ayla, I don’t have to cut my hair to prove I’m a good father or a respectable person. I know I’m a good father, and I have people to back that up,” he answered. Then his voice changing into a lower tone. “I cut my hair for you. I shaved my beloved beard for you, and I didn’t even hesitate to do it.”
“When did you do it?” I brushed my fingers against his smooth skin. “Did you cry?”
He laughed. His lips parted, and his tongue swept out, licking his lips. Oh, god. “No, I didn’t cry. I did it once I got home after you bailed me out of jail. I needed you to see that I was willing to do what it took to get you back.”
I nodded as my breathing began to quicken. “I can’t believe you cut your hair and shaved your face.” It was a grand gesture. My hands ran all over his soft skin, caressing and touching it. I could not get enough. “You look so different. It’s almost like—”
“Like a rebound.” He smirked and let out a pissed off growl, but his eyes danced with humour. “You have no idea how hard it was not to tell Holly to shut her fucking mouth.”
I smiled, looking down then back up to him. “You hurt me. I’m afraid.”
“I’ll do my best to never intentionally hurt you again,” he said with promise. “You’re so beautiful.
Was that enough? I was still giving so much up for him. “We broke up. I wanted more.”
“I know,” he said quietly. He knows what I meant. I just didn’t think he was able to give that to me. “I love you.” Reaching up, he began to trace his fingers up my chin and cupped my face as I leant in against his hand. And then I remembered everything else that had happened tonight.
I hissed, pulling away from his hand and gently tracing my forefinger over my nose. “Sorry. It’s just really sore.”
“Are you alright?” he asked, his gaze growing concerned.
I had to tell him about this. He may not believe me, though. “Karen… She head-butted me.” How humiliating speaking the words out loud! I wanted to shrivel up and hide.
“She what?” His voice boomed through the darkness and then lowered. “When?” He sounded pissed.
“Tonight. She turned up there at the bar. We had a scrap in the ladies, and she threw her heavy head straight into my face—hence the tank top. My other top got covered in blood.” I could not look at him. I just felt so stupid for having to tell my ex-boyfriend that his ex-fiancé kicked my ass in a bathroom.
His fingers were once again underneath my chin, tilting my head back as he looked straight at me. “She’s done that to me once or twice. You’ll bruise, but I’ll make sure it never happens again.”
“How?” I did not believe him.
“Trust me, she won’t step foot inside that café again.”
I wanted to trust him, but he broke that trust once before, and he needed to earn it back. “Okay.”
Both his hands held my face between his palms as he drew me back in. I was letting him. There was not a fight. I had missed him. I still miss him. “I love you.”
“I love you, too.” Oh, those powerful words felt good to say again.
He breathed what sounded like a sigh of relief. “I was afraid you stopped.”
I shook my head slowly from side to side. “I could never stop.”
His mouth closed in on mine, and our lips almost touched. My breathing was heavy but shallow. I waited for him to kiss me. I waited… and waited… and nothing.
He never kissed me. His head pulled away, dropping and resting in the crook of my neck as his arms wrapped around me tighter. He held onto me for dear life, leaving me no idea as to when he would let go.
Hours passed. It was only five minutes, but it felt like hours as I began to close my eyes from exhaustion. A yawn escaped, and that was when he finally pulled back. “You should be in bed sleeping.”
“I should drive back home.” Only I did not want to leave him.
“Stay.”
I really should not. “Your…” His house. Karen. No, thanks.
His voice softly murmured, “Not there. I’ll get us a hotel room.”
“Griffin…” I became nervous, panicked even. “I can’t... sex… we can’t.”
His eyes danced with desire. “Ayla, pretty, I wasn’t even going to try and sleep with you. This isn’t about sex for me. You’re not just a pussy to fuck. That’s just a bonus of being with you.”
Oh, my. It was hard not to agree when he spoke to me like that. Plus, I really wanted a hot shower and bed to sleep in although it would be hard to fall asleep once we were in that bed together.
Funny how I could not get a hotel room earlier, but when Griffin called, they had one available. We walked back to the café to fetch the car, and he drove us down to a cheap motel that was not far out of the city. We did not really speak much, but I think words were not needed. The silence was comfortable. He went and grabbed the key as I waited in the car with the heaters on.
I stepped out to meet him, and he pointed to one of the rooms ahead. “Number eight.”
His hand on the key, he pushed it into the metal hole. He turned it, and the door opened with a click. It was not anything spectacular. It was a cheap room, after all. It had a double bed, bathroom, and an inbuilt bench to make coffee—a seedy hotel room for a dirty night of fucking.
I yawned, stretching my arms out while kicking off my shoes. “There better be hot water.”
“There will be. I asked about that. There are towels in there. Thought you might want to freshen up.” He stepped closer, brushing my hair back from cascading the sides of my face and tucking behind my ears. “You’re starting to bruise up. I’ll go see if they have an ice pack or something. You’re going to feel it in the morning.”
“She said you… that you and her—” His finger pressed to my lips.
“No. I haven’t and wouldn’t.”
I looked at him, like really looked at him, and cocked my head to the side, swallowing as I licked my lips and wondered if he was telling the truth although I knew he was. “You make all these promises now. What if the same shit starts to happen again, Griffin? I mean, what if we think that we’re in love when really all that this is…” I waved a hand between him and me. “What if it’s just lust?”
His brows dipped. “It’s more than lust. You know that.”
“Do I? You’re my first boyfriend; I don’t know how it’s meant to go, but I do know how things were before. Me sacrificing my happiness for the sake of your relationship with her isn’t what I want. I can’t do that again.” I refused to give in and be weak. I could not let him walk all over me again, same as with Karen.
“You won’t have to. I told you, there’s been no one since you walked out that night. I’ve been a miserable mess.”
Chewing on my lower lip, I felt broken and bare to him. “You deserved to be miserable after how you treated me and what you’ve done.”
“I know.”
“That really broke me apart, Griffin. You in her house, lying to me.” And putting a strict no marriage and no baby ban on us.
“I fucked up.” His eyes were unsure. He could not tell what I was thinking. “Please, give me one more shot to prove that I won’t hurt you again.”
“But—”
“No buts, Ayla. There’s been no one else since you—long before you, even,” he spoke, stepping closer. “There’s never going to be anyone but you,” he yelled in an exasperated groan. “Don’t you see? I don’t want to be with anyone else. ” He was baring himself to me, showing me the raw and hidden side that I never knew existed.
“Even if we’ve broken up?” I whispered, my eyes wide.
“Though we were broken up.” He smirked as he grazed a finger gently over my nose, and I closed my eyes through the pain. When I opened them again, he was smiling still. “Go shower. You’ll feel better afterwards.”
Then his touch was gone, and I felt… empty. He had given me comfort, showed me the tender side I fell in love with again. My old feelings were beginning to resurface. I wanted him to hold me, but we could not. He was right; we had broken up.
So what the hell were we doing? We could not keep doing this secret meetings and moments together. It would only hurt us both, eventually.
Moving away, I turned and started to close the bathroom door shut when his voice brought me to a halt.
“When you said more, you were talking about what I couldn’t give you, right?” If only he knew he had given me one of those things just fine. I, however, lost it and would not ever get that back.
I gave him a sad smile. I had my answer. “Yeah.”
The hot water felt awesome against my naked skin. The water poured down, hitting my back as I stood facing the wall. I wanted to stay in here until the water ran cold. My exhausted body craved a massage, but a bed would do for now.
The shower curtain drawing back made me jump, turning to face a very naked Griffin as he stepped over the bathtub and in here with me. I went to cover myself, but like in the café, I was frozen to my spot.
“Griffin… What are you doing in here?” I blinked, making sure this was not a dream. My body wanted him. My heart needed him. Not once did I tell him to get back out again. It never even crossed my mind to kick him out.
He came towards me like a predator in the night. Hot water was falling over the both of us as he crashed his lips against mine possessively. A groan escaped his lips as he held me. His hands were dominating mine, pinning them up above my head as his hard body secured me to the tiled wall. I gasped against his mouth that tasted of mint mixed with a tinge of lime. Oh, god. I moaned. I moaned loudly and breathily. Another whimper came as he smoothly glided his tongue inside, over mine. Oh, to kiss a man without any facial hair. Passion took over, and his fingers clamped tightly before they loosened, letting them go. I was free, and I needed to touch him. My hands were grabbing his skin. Anywhere I could reach, I held. I needed him. I wanted him. I was his.
My back was against the wall as his erection pressed against my lower belly, stirring through to my core. The heat of needing him inside me was boiling up. I needed to feel his every ridge, the thickness taking me over and over. Our mouths finally parted, and I tangled my fingers in his short hair, tugging and enjoying its dampness. I kissed down his jaw, marveling at his soft skin. His hands cupped the curve of my ass, effortlessly lifting me up and slamming me back against the wall. I could feel the heat from his cock against my folds. I almost convulsed on the spot, but still, we did not go that far.
My arms wound around his neck as I kissed my way up his strong jaw, earning a throaty groan. I licked and sucked his lobe, and he found my mouth once again. We were kissing frantically, clawing at each other in primal need. This was enough—just kissing and holding onto one another. We pulled apart breathlessly after we had spent a great deal making out. My eyes slowly opened, and I could not help but smile. I realised his eyes were watering… and not from the shower. He had cried. I began to cry too, and his mouth gently placed another kiss to my lips.
With our foreheads resting together, our eyes connected. Our hearts were practically beating as one. He was home. I was home.
This was where we belonged, together.
“Marry me.”
His words blew across my lips, a sweet whisper. It was not a question.
“Marry me,” he repeated in a heavier, much more intense voice. Then he began to kneel in the bathroom tub on one knee.
Yes! I screamed in my head over and over—only that was not the word that came out.
“I lost our baby.”