Chapter Four
Ava
My high dissipates at a steady pace. I want to hold on to it. To bask in the glow of having him inside me, but I know soon I’ll have to explain myself. I just hope my confession doesn’t dampen the love I can see he still has for me when he looks my way. When I meet those dark eyes again, I can’t help smiling. “That was...” I can’t find words to describe it. Two long years and here I am, full circle, back with the man I walked away from.
I knew he couldn’t deny me. I just didn’t expect him to fuck me on the bed, in his parlor, with clients on the other side listening to me screaming his name. The thought once again turns me needy. As if I’ve spent the last twenty-four months fasting and now I’m ready to feast.
“It was,” he affirms with a self-satisfied smirk while tugging his jeans up muscled thighs. Every inch of him screams sex. The chiseled, toned torso. His arms are lean, yet they’re corded with muscle. Ink adorns them from shoulder to wrist. It’s only his hands that are free of color. His thighs are strong, powerful. And his face, sharp features with a full, neatly trimmed beard. Dark eyes that turn my insides molten. His dark hair is messy, in that sexy way that makes me want to run my fingers through it.
He picks up my shorts and tank top, setting them beside me on the bed. Crossing his arms in front of his chest, he regards me with a look of wariness. I don’t blame him. How could I? This distance between us is my doing.
“Thank you for my tattoo,” I whisper, glancing at the ink again. His signature on my thigh so close to my core. “You want to know why I’m here?” I question, my voice husky with emotion, but I don’t meet his gaze. I can’t bring myself to look at him. To see the agony, I caused in his dark eyes. The brown so dark, reminding me of a rich espresso.
I wanted to apologize when I walked in. Tell him the truth and give him a choice. Either he can take me back, forgive me for leaving, or... I don’t want to think about that possibility. Then I decided to do something stupid. If he does throw me out after I tell him everything, at least I’ll know we’ve had one more incredible fuck. One last time we were connected.
Now that he’s fucked me senseless, I’m going to have to swallow my pride, my fear, and let him in. All those years we spent together and I never once allowed him to see my pain. He didn’t know where I came from. I hid it well.
Now it’s time to pull the mask off and show him my face.
Stop running, Ava.
It’s time to move forward. With or without him.
“Talk.” He grunts. Watching me pull on the tank top, he waits as I cover myself to his gaze. Even as the material hides my skin, I feel naked under his scrutiny. Once I’ve righted myself, I sit forward, feeling the bite of pain on my inner thigh. Noticing my wince, he reaches for the salve and applies more to the spot that’s trickling blood.
He covers it with a gentle touch which sends a heated skitter of emotion through me. My skin dots with goose bumps when his fingers whisper on the tanned flesh. With the small bandage in place, he steps back, allowing me to hop off the bed and pull on my shorts.
“I...there’s so much I should say. Too much in fact. Before I tell you everything, I need you to know I’m sorry.” When I meet his gaze, it softens, only slightly, but I notice it. “I fucked up. I was a wreck.” Shaking my head, I turn away from him. The fear that barrels through my chest is stifling.
“Ava, you knew I’d do anything for you. There shouldn’t have been a doubt in your mind that whatever the fuck you were going through, I would have been there.”
Nodding, I turn to regard him again. My gaze lifts to his, meeting dark orbs that are filled with confusion, heartache, and frustration. “I know. I knew it then and I know it now. There wasn’t much in my life besides you, but... There were things you didn’t know about me. That I couldn’t tell you because I was scared you’d leave.”
“Let me tell you something, Pixie. Love isn’t something part time. It’s hard, demanding, and difficult—”
“No, that’s just you,” I tease, hoping to lighten the mood, and I’m awarded with a sinful stare.
“Yeah, that’s true. Listen to me, baby. I don’t do things by half measure, you know that. If I say I’m all in, then it means I’m all in. One hundred percent. Nothing you can say will scare me off.”
“It’s not that, I just... I wanted to protect you from the shit storm my life was before you. I... Fuck, this is difficult. When we were together, I was still legally married. Separated, but I wasn’t completely single.”
“What do you mean? You told me that asshole was out of your life.” The rough growl that rumbles through his chest is loud, vibrating through me.
“He was. They’d put him away, but when I went home to see my dad, he was there. He’d threatened to come here because he found out I’d been dating you and things got ugly. You were getting the store up and running, trying to move on from your own shit and I didn’t want to taint your future with my past.”
The words flow easily once I start and the way he’s watching me is more than I could’ve asked for. He’s not telling me to leave. Not pushing me away, so I continue.
“I came back here and packed my bags. I didn’t want you to know I was still married. I lied to you, telling you he was an ex, but he was more. He came back, but I knew I needed to sort my life out first. I couldn’t be with you if he was still there. It took me two years to have him agree to a divorce, Jag.” My tone turns from soft and pained, to pleading and anguished. “It’s done now. The papers were signed two days ago. As soon as I got them, the first thing I did was come here to try and salvage something I broke.”