Chapter Five
Jagger
Everything I thought I knew, all the anger I’d held inside for this woman and she was hiding this from me. She was in pain and she pushed me away. Meeting those green eyes, I question, “And what’s to say you’re not going to pack your shit again one day? I can’t do it, Pixie. You walking out, that’s not something I want to go through again. You could have told me, we could have worked through it together, as a couple. Which is what I thought we were. Now... Now it’s too late.” I murmur the last four words as the emotion pummels my chest. Turning to face the wall, I tip my head back, my gaze trained on the ceiling.
The air around us shifts, from the sexual tension, to the anguish that’s hanging heavily around us. I know she’s hurt. So am I. Can I forgive her for walking out? I don’t know.
Sighing, I drop my gaze to find her staring at me expectantly. There’s a softness to her. A sweet delicate woman under all that ink and piercings. If I didn’t know any better, I’d say she was trying to hide behind the rough exterior.
“I don’t expect you to believe me. Or take me back. I came to explain and tell you why I did what I did. There’s no excuse that will make this better, I know, but I needed you to know that I did love you. Hell, I still love you. I thought we were good for each other in our own fucked-up way. You gave me the rough I needed and I gave you the outlet you craved so much. Even in our darkest moments, you were my light, my salvation for the shit that I’d endured.”
Raw honesty.
That’s what she’s giving me. In the eight years I’ve known Ava Thomas she’s never given me her all. At twenty-eight you’d think she’d be done with the masks; perhaps now she’ll realize that they don’t offer protection, they do more harm than anything else. She probably doesn’t realize it, but I see right through her. To the very heart and soul of a woman who has burrowed herself into mine.
“I don’t want to say no, Ava. Fuck, to be honest, I’m standing here barely holding on to my restraint. All I want to do is claim you. Make you mine.” My words cause her to dart those piercing eyes to me.
“Then do it,” she murmurs.
“I can’t.” Two words and I’m shattered. It’s not a lie, I can’t do it. Something in my gut tells me there’s more to her little secret than she’s letting on. And if she can’t trust me. I can’t trust her. “Tell me everything and I may consider it. Stop hiding, Ava. You forget, I’ve known you for far too long to buy the story you’re giving me.”
“That’s it. I’ve told you everything.” Her adamant tone doesn’t hide the lie dripping from her words. I know there’s more. I’m not stupid, I know this woman better than I know myself. “I bare my soul to you and you walk away?” Anger mars her pretty face. A fire burns in those green eyes, as if she’s trying to scorch me with a single look. Which she does. So beautifully.
“Yes.”
I turn, not allowing myself to see the heartbreak I’ve just caused. She needs to come clean, and I mean every dark and dirty thing she’s hiding in her closet. I want it all. Or nothing at all. The click of the door is like a damn foghorn. Deafening. This time I’m the one who fucked up. I couldn’t even look at her when she walked out.
Guilt weighs heavily on me.
Did I make the right decision? I don’t know.
I’ve never known with her. She’s always been a wild card in my life. Coming in and shaking shit up until I didn’t know which way was up. Even so, I wanted that. I wanted her chaos with mine. Everything she offered I took.
Being inside her again a few moments ago was more than I’d ever thought I’d have again.
Her body needy for mine. Connected in the only way we know how to be. Both violent and passionate.
Isn’t that what violence is? Passion?
What is love then? How do you know it’s real? That never-ending soul-searing shit? You know what I’m talking about. Glancing up, I notice the clock on the wall. It’s almost closing time.
Hastily, I start cleaning the room and make sure everything is packed away before I take a step outside into the main area of the store.
“I thought she’d killed you with her pussy.” Ryn’s giggle is enough to have me chuckling through my pain.
“You’re not far off. She probably could’ve.”
“Is that why she left here in floods of tears? You told her to leave?” I stop in the middle of the empty store and glare at the woman I’ve been working with for almost a year.
“What do you mean?”
Shaking her head, she grabs her purse and phone. “I’m going to get out of here. You need to go find that girl and sort shit out. She walked out of here in a state. It’s clear she’s more than hurt, and it’s also clear that this isn’t some one-time thing. If I didn’t know any better, I’d say she was in love with you. Don’t be a dick, Jag. Fucking her then telling her to leave? That’s not you. Who is this girl?”
“Nobody. Now go home and stop being a pain in my ass,” I grunt, but her smile tells me she knows I’m only kidding with her.
“Yes, sir, boss man!” With that, I’m left alone with my thoughts. My guilt. My fucking anger. I want to get lost on the streets of the city tonight. Perhaps I should head out to the bar. Drink my sorrows away.
Pulling my phone from my pocket, I hit dial on Slade’s number. “What’s up, bro?” His deep rumble comes across the line. He’s a good friend. We used to work together in the police force but I knew after a few months it wasn’t for me. That was before I took a chance and opened this place.
“Beers. Pussy. And smokes.” That’s all Slade cares about now. I wish I had his carefree ways. He doesn’t allow women to get to him. It’s one night and that’s all he offers them. As much as I’d love to do that, I know my heart belongs to the one woman I just told to leave.
“Sounds like a night. See you in an hour.”
There’s only one way I’m going to get over this girl and it’s to drown my sorrows in alcohol and tight pussy.