Chapter Twelve
A long walk by the fields surrounding the property was exactly what Carla needed. The sight of the neighboring vineyards in rows upon rows of perfect symmetry restored her equilibrium. She had packed a small lunch basket, intent on enjoying the sights of Riquewihr.
She spotted a hilly area where a tree stood in solitary watch, extending her branches out and offering a perfect shade from the sun. She made her way up the hill and deposited her wicker basket on the grass.
Carla looked around as she took a bite from a croissant and sipped lemon juice from a flask. The lush green of the valleys interspersed with the verdant meadows was breathtaking to behold. It was a slice of heaven for her tortured soul.
Since the baby moved inside her, a sense of calmness descended. After the pain of knowing that Falcon was with Lindsay, the thought of her baby was like a lifesaver. Images of Lindsay in Falcon’s arms creeped into her imagination, tormenting her, but she resolutely wiped the image away.
She didn’t know when he would be returning or if he ever would, knowing she was still there to finish the house.
They must be humping each other like crazy the bitter thought occurred.
The sun began casting long shadows on the earth as Carla rose to make her way back to the house. She saw a lone golf cart was parked by the driveway. The sight made her panicky. No one else was in the house when she left.
Is he back? No that’s not possible. He’d want to be with Lindsay longer. Who could it be…
Falcon strolled to the door watching her approach. He held a wine glass in his hand. Their eyes met. He looked tired and anxious, the lines around his eyes more prominent than usual.
His sudden appearance confused her, making her lose some composure.
“Carla,” Falcon greeted, his voice sounding dead.
“Falcon,” she replied in an equally emotionless voice.
Carla was assailed by a need to slap him, hurt him for hurting her. But she kept calm digging her nails into her palm. She wouldn’t even try to make this easy for him. If he had to squirm, then she would gladly watch.
She entered the living room as he shadowed her.
“We need to talk,” Falcon said.
She took a chair opposite from him and waited.
“I went to Paris to see Lindsay. She called me a few days ago and wanted to meet.”
If he expected her to scream, accuse, cry and pull her hair, he was sadly mistaken. She sat there stoically not showing any emotions.
“I’m happy things worked out for you,” she deadpanned.
“What?”
“You and Lindsay. I always knew you’d get back together somehow.”
Falcon snorted. “I didn’t go to Paris to make up with her if that’s what you’re thinking.”
What?
“You didn’t?”
Falcon threw her an exasperated look. “You think that I would go to her like an obedient dog when she comes calling?”
Well…yes!
“I didn’t, if that’s what you are thinking. I was more interested to hear what she had to say. She insinuated she had information about you. I knew I wouldn’t have any peace of mind until I heard what she had to say.”
“What information,” Carla asked confused.
Instead of answering her question, Falcon asked instead.
“Are you pregnant?”
The question sucked the air out of her lungs. It was so unexpected. She had been preparing to tell him the news, even practicing the different scenarios in her mind. But hearing it from him shocked her although it brought her some relief. She wondered how he found out. She never told Lindsay anything. But she was relieved it was finally out in the open.
“Yes-yes, I am,” she admitted, feeling a weight lift from her shoulder.
She expected him to jump for joy, take her in his arms and tell her he was happy that he was going to be a daddy. All the things an expectant dad was supposed to react. Instead, he looked angry and hurt.
“How many months along are you?” He asked in a clipped voice.
His questioning confused her. Didn’t he remember how long ago it was since that night in his apartment? It was the night they both got drunk and forgot themselves.
“Lindsay asked the pharmacist who refilled your prescription bottle and he thinks you were 4 or 5 months along when you did.” Falcon added.
The deluge of information was chaotic even as Carla tried to piece them all together. Lindsay interrogated the Pharmacist after she left her outside the door of the Pharmacy back in Paris. Why would she do that?
“I told her we’ve only been together since that time in Paris.” Falcon said.
“You shared that with her?” Carla felt disgusted.
“I had to,” Falcon admitted. “Lindsay thinks you got pregnant with someone else back in New York and try to pass it on as mine. She claimed that was the reason you didn’t tell her that you were with me, that somehow she’ll do the math and figure it out.”
Carla gasped. She read the doubt in his face and heard the accusation in his voice. Lindsay planted it there and he believed her. He believed her!
Suddenly, she was this opportunistic bitch who saw a chance to make life better for herself. All she needed to do was convince him the baby was his. She would be set for life… if that were true. Her shoulders sagged. She felt defeated. She drew a sharp breath and faced him.
“Falcon, our romance didn’t start in Paris. I got pregnant that night back in your apartment.”
His face was like a reel with each emotion that passed through. Carla saw him struggling to remember and when the memory clicked in his brain, he staggered backwards.
“It’s mine?”
“Yes,” She answered sadly.
“Carla this is cause for celebration. But why didn’t you tell me?”
“I didn’t see you for weeks after you broke up with Lindsay. I thought I’d never would. I was just a part of her group and when you broke up, there was no reason for us to see each other again. Then you suddenly appeared outside my office and we ended up in your apartment. Then you disappeared again. I didn’t know why. I had no illusions that what happened between us was just a one-night stand. So, I vowed to myself you’ll never know and I’ll raise the baby somehow. Then you came to my office unexpectedly with this crazy proposition to renovate your house. I accepted because I saw a sliver a hope that I haven’t lost all my dreams completely. I never expected Paris to happen.”
“You could have told me then,” the accusation in his voice was apparent. “Why didn’t you?”
“Because when Paris happened, I became even more afraid at how you will react. I wanted so much to tell you then. But it was like being caught between a rock and a hard place. What if you didn’t want this child? If I told you, you may suddenly leave me. And everything between us was so new, so fragile, so exciting. I wanted it so much. I didn’t want to risk losing you by announcing something so shocking. I just couldn’t do it.” Carla explained.
Falcon reached out and took her in his arms. Carla felt frozen inside. She stood still and didn’t return his embrace. Her hands dropped to her sides.
“Why do you look so unhappy? I want this baby too.” Falcon declared.
Carla should have been jumping for joy. But she wasn’t. The declaration came too late.
“We can’t. I can’t”
“But why,” Falcon asked puzzled.
“Because there’s a part of me that’s missing. The part that will tell me I’m enough. And unless I find it, I will always be this girl who thinks I’m never good enough for someone like you. I’ll always feel out of your league, always fearing that you’ll set me aside for someone like Lindsay. I can’t live my life that way.” Carla explained.
“Carla…”
“You have your issues to deal with. You believed Lindsay. What does that tell you about how you truly feelings for me? We can’t share a life just because there is a baby. I’m grateful that you want to. But someday that little baby will grow up and will no longer need us. What do we do then after we realize that we lived our lives for someone else’s? Then it would be really too late to start over.” Carla said.
She wanted to cry. She couldn’t believe she was actually saying the words. She wanted him whatever the cost. Yet here she was pushing him away, saying no and telling him she could live life with him.
But in her heart, she knew she had to say it… while there was still a future, even if that future meant without him. That was a better choice than being on her deathbed and knowing that Falcon never really loved her.
Falcon moved away. The space between them felt like a chasm.
“What do you intend to do?” he asked quietly.
“Leave. Go back to New York. Look for myself in a place that’s familiar and hopefully find it.”
A long pause, then…
“Don’t. Stay here. You love it here. Finish the job.,” Falcon suggested, “I’ll leave. I won’t stand in your way,” he declared.
Carla was too stunned to reply even as she saw him go out the door. She wanted to run after him and scream that she changed her mind. She wanted him here with her and the baby. But she stayed rooted to the spot. A woman torn between something she knew was right and wanting something that may turn out wrong.
The sound of the helicopter taking off did nothing to drown the sobs that emanated from her soul. He was gone.