Chapter Thirteen
Carla looked up the scaffolding where brick layers put the finishing touches on the exterior walls. She was happy it was exactly how she had envisioned it. The house looked imposing from a distance. Sprawling mullioned windows and pilloried porches gave it a regal demeanor with just the right touch of quaint coziness that was both inviting and homey.
Even the interior changes passed her strict requirement. She knew she did a good job. Falcon would be happy if he was here. But he wasn’t. Carla spent the weeks following his departure burying herself in work. There was nothing too minute that she didn’t deal with. Nothing too big she couldn’t deal with. She was in total control.
With Falcon gone, Carla developed a kinship with her young assistant Jacques who spoke his mind freely. His honesty was disconcerting, but Carla learned to live with it. It was refreshing to see so much seriousness in someone so young.
It was Jacques who first noticed that Falcon was gone.
“Did you have a fight?” Jacques asked with candor.
“Yes,” Carla replied.
Jacques scratched his head, then said, “Lovers quarrel?”
Carla sighed before replying, “Its more than just a lover’s quarrel. I’m afraid he’s gone for good.”
Jacques shook his head and retorted, “No, he’ll be back,” he said assuredly.
“What do you know about it,” Carla teased.
“Because you’re having his baby,” He answered simply.
Carla gulped. “Am I showing already,” she asked him stroking her belly.
“Don’t worry. The men won’t notice. They are used to fat wives and even fatter daughters,” he laughed.
Carla chucked a tracing paper in his direction. “Are you calling me fat?”
“No. You’re still the sexiest ‘dame architect’ I’ve ever met.” Then he turned serious and asked, “Are you seeing a doctor for the baby? I know someone in town who is a good doctor. You should go see her.”
Carla was only too glad to do so. Her last visit to an obstetrician was on the day she found out she was pregnant. Although she felt fine, it was always at the back of her mind. She skipped work one morning leaving Jacques in charge.
Dr. Dubois was an elegant looking woman with wonderful bedside manners. She engaged Carla in light conversation as she performed an internal examination.
“Things look fine. But I would suggest taking an ultrasound since you are now in the second trimester of pregnancy,” the doctor suggested.
She gave Carla a name of a reputable radiologist and assured her that the results will be delivered back to her office. Carla made an appointment with the radiologist who showed her what the baby looked like.
Carla felt a profound happiness as she stared at her baby through the computer screen and along with it, an overwhelming sense of loneliness too. She held back tears as the doctor made a 3D copy and handed it to her. He then asked if she wanted to know the sex of the baby. Carla refused. She didn’t understand why she refused. It just felt like it wasn’t the right time yet.
***
It was while she was looking up at the scaffolding admiring the men’s work that her phone rung. It was Dr. Dubois asking her to come see her at the clinic immediately
“Is something wrong,” Carla asked.
“No, you’re fine. We have the results of the ultrasound.” The doctor assured.
Carla felt uneasy. Dr. Dubois sounded serious.
She met the doctor and the radiologist who conducted the ultrasound was present too. Carla felt her heart pounding.
“Carla,” Dr. Dubois started, “we wanted to discuss the results of the ultrasound. It’s still too early to tell, but Dr. Nasser here believes that your baby is showing early signs of congenital heart disease.”
Carla felt her world tilt. Dr. Dubois proceeded.
“It’s not uncommon for babies to show symptoms while still in the womb. Although we have the latest technology to help determine whether a symptom is real or not, we usually wait for the baby to be born before doing additional tests.”
Carla was too stunned to understand what both doctors were saying. All she remembered was that her baby was sick. She felt faint.
“Carla,” Dr. Dubois reached for her hand, “I know it will sound callous if I tell you not to worry, and I won’t. But I want you to understand that there are medical treatments available should it be needed. I know thousands of children who are living normal lives after being born with the condition.”
For Carla, it wasn’t enough. She wanted to be told that her baby was doing just fine.
She left the doctor’s clinic still in a daze and returned back to the house. Jacques saw the alarm all over her face. Carla needed to share the load she was carrying. In between sobs, she told him what the doctors said.
“Everything will be alright,” Jacques comforted her.
Carla desperately wanted to believe.
She eventually accepted the possibility that her baby would be born with a defect. It was like a rock that nestled just beneath the surface of her chest. Sometimes it felt so heavy that she would find herself totally depressed and just burst into tears. She felt helpless and alone. There was nothing she could do except hope and pray the symptoms were false and she would have a normal baby.
She leaned on Dr. Dubois for comfort. Carla felt at ease with Margaret Dubois. The doctor had an understanding about life that was both wise and refreshing. They had talks that lasted for hours. Carla revealed her hopes for the future, her fears concerning relationships, and specially her frustrations about who she was and what she wanted to be. She held back nothing.
“Do you love him?” Dr. Dubois asked.
“Yes,” Carla answered honestly.
“Do you think Falcon loves you?” Margaret asked.
“He would if I were perfect.”
The doctor sighed and said, “Carla it’s not for me to tell you how to run your life. But if he wanted to be part of the baby’s life, then he should. I understand your feelings. You need to know that you are loved. But you doubt who you are. So, you keep searching for the perfect you before you are ready to present yourself to a man you love. But there is no perfect you. Falcon is not perfect either. We will never be perfect. Otherwise the world will be such a boring place.”
Carla was taken by surprise. She never saw love as a state of being imperfect. But Margaret’s words showed her another dimension where love could be had despite one’s imperfections. She viewed Falcon as someone perfect, and herself as imperfect. Thus, she always diminished her worth in her eyes. It was like a veil lifted from those eyes.