All the Ugly and Wonderful Things

5

WAVY

October 1982

Mama kept her makeup and pills in a drawer, like secrets. Sandy spread hers out on a fancy table in her bedroom. She had lots of makeup, too, and a round plastic case with a pharmacy label on it. Real pills from a doctor.

That’s what I was looking at when Sandy walked in and turned on the light.

“Oh, fuck, oh, fuck. You scared the crap out of me, Wavy. What are you doing?”

Never get caught was the rule, but sometimes I was careless at the trailers. All I was really scared of was Liam catching me, so I mostly only listened for his voice.

“Are you stealing stuff from me? Or just snooping, so you can report back to your mommy?” Sandy said.

I shook my head and showed her my empty hands. Just like that, she stopped glaring at me and smiled.

“I’m sorry, honey,” she said. “You weren’t taking stuff, were you? You were just looking. God, you’re sneaky quiet. I didn’t even hear you come in. Do you like to put on makeup?”

Sometimes Sandy talked to me like a little kid or like I was stupid. A lot of people did. Scott used to say, “She’s a couple sandwiches shy of a picnic, ain’t she?” Before I beat him at poker. People thinking I was stupid wasn’t all bad. Sometimes they told me secrets because they knew I wouldn’t repeat them.

“Do you want to try on some of my makeup? Go on and sit down,” Sandy said.

I took a step toward the door, but she was in the way.

“No, don’t go, honey. I’m sorry I yelled at you. You just surprised me. Don’t go.”

Sandy wasn’t like Dee, who only talked nice to me when other people were around. Plus, she had come with Kellen to get me from the sheriff’s office, even though Liam hit her for that. She walked over to the makeup table, away from the door. She wasn’t going to make me stay.

“You need something pale. Pink, because you’re so fair. This is a good color, this lipstick. It’s called Cherub’s Kiss. Do you like this one?”

She said it so singsongy, so nice, the way she talked to the cat who lived under the porch. Kitty-kitty, do you want some of my tuna sandwich? I put my finger on the box of brilliant blue and green eye shadow squares. It was like a set of watercolors, but more beautiful.

“That’s eye shadow. You have to be careful because you’re so fair. Dee wears too much eye makeup because her eyebrows and her eyelashes are pale, but that’s not right. You’re a natural beauty, so you don’t need much makeup. But when you’re older you’ll have to stay out of the sun or you’ll wrinkle.”

We went down the table with me touching things and Sandy telling me what they were: mascara, eyeliner, lip liner, blusher, eyelash curler. I liked how she explained everything. Mama never explained anything. She just made rules and that was that.

I put my finger on the plastic case from the pharmacy.

“Oh, that’s not makeup, honey. That’s my pills. Are you old enough to know about where babies come from?”

I nodded. The health class textbook called it intercourse, but the book’s drawings didn’t look anything like real fucking.

“Well, those are the pills I take so I don’t get pregnant. Because a lot of guys don’t like to use condoms. Your daddy sure doesn’t. Anyway, that’s what those pills are for. Now, let’s put some makeup on you. Is that okay? If I touch you?”

I shook my head. I didn’t want to be mean, but there were rules. Liam touched Sandy, and if she touched me, it might be the same thing as Liam touching me.

“Well, maybe I can show you and you can put it on yourself.”

Sandy showed me how to use the little wand to smudge on eye shadow. She gave me lipstick, too, but I didn’t like the idea of touching the tube to my mouth.

“Well, you can rub your finger on it and put it on your lips,” she said.

I did it that way, using my little finger to smooth the pink stuff on my lips.

“Don’t you look pretty? Oh and your ring! Where did that come from? Are you—are you supposed to be wearing that?” Sandy frowned.

“Kellen.” It was the one word that was always safe to say.

“Kellen gave you that?”

The rule was that only people Kellen knew could know about the ring. That meant Sandy was safe.

“We’re getting married,” I said.

Sandy giggled and clapped her hand over her mouth.

“Are you teasing me? Because that’s the only thing you’ve ever said to me besides no.”

To show her, I did what Kellen did: kissed the ring. My lips left behind a little smudge of pink on the diamond.

“Wow. It’s gorgeous. That’s your engagement ring? He must really love you if he bought you that. So you—you love him, too?”

I nodded. Sandy looked like she was going to cry, but she rubbed her nose and laughed.

“That’s really sweet. You’re lucky. He must love you a lot.”

I was careless, listening to her and not paying attention to anything else.

“Sandy?” Liam called down the hallway.

I shook my head to warn her, but she answered: “Yeah, baby?”

He was almost outside the door, saying, “Where’ve you been? I gotta get on the road.”

The only choice was the closet. I stepped into it, but it was so full I could only wriggle into the perfume-and-smoke-smelling clothes. I didn’t even have time to close the door. I crouched down, holding my breath, and watched the bedroom door open.