* * *

“They want me to wake up only one of you,” I tell the guys. “But what if you’ll feel lonely? Or disoriented? Wouldn’t it be better if you all woke up at the same time? Went through it together?”

Tom agrees but Jim, one of the scientists, starts to argue. Damn, shouldn’t they all be on the same side? On my side? Will joins the discussion and soon, the loading bay is full of angry voices. I lean against the cool metal wall and let myself slide down. My head hurts.

“Please, be quiet,” I ask but they continue to argue. The headache is getting worse. Why can’t they just be quiet like they were at the beginning? When did they start talking? Was it in the first week? The second? It’s all a bit of a blur.

“Stop it!” I shout, covering my ears with my hands. They go silent and I breathe a sigh of relief. The drumming in my head is still there, but not as painful as it was a few minutes ago. I hope this is the end of it. I can’t afford to get a migraine while looking out for my men. If I get ill, there’s nobody left to run the station.

“So what am I supposed to do now?” I whisper. “Follow orders or follow my heart?”

This time, there’s no reply. I suppose they don’t know either.

I’ve always been someone who adheres to the rules. Until I came to Mars, that is. There are less rules out here. Earth rules don’t make sense when you live on another planet. Most of the guidelines we have here relate to safety and community life. Don’t go outside without your ventilator. Duh. Don’t kill anyone. Duh. They’re all common sense. But this decision I have to make right now is very far removed from common sense.

I want to curl up and cry and just forget about it all. Why does it have to be me? I’ve been fighting for so long that I’m all out of energy. I’ve noticed how my thoughts have become muddled. Being alone isn’t good for me.

That’s it. I’m going to wake them all at once. I don’t want to be alone any longer. I push myself off the floor and walk to Bastian’s tank. I’m going to wake them in the order I got to know them.

My Bastian.

I take out my communicator to access the code I need. It’s several lines of digits, probably to prevent accidental opening.

5928754650172...

With every number I enter into the little screen on the tank, my heart beats a little faster. I know it will take several hours for them to wake up properly, but that’s a short wait compared to the six weeks they’ve been here already. We’ve been cutting it close; the tanks would only sustain them for a few more days. But hopefully, everything will be fine now.

The green key is staring back at me. It’s the one I have to press to release Bastian from his icy prison. This could restart or end his life. There’s still a chance that he’ll die the same way all my colleagues died.

No. I shake my head determinedly. It’s not going to happen. I press the key and the tank begins to hum. Lines of code are running along the screen, showing the different processes of what’s happening to Bastian right now. I’d love to watch, but there are five more men to wake up.

One by one, I enter the code into their tank screens and start the waking sequence.

So close! I giggle in excitement and run from tank to tank, watching as the men are slowly brought back to life. The tubes that have been sustaining them are pulled away, their body temperature is gently increased and different drugs are injected to get their metabolism back into a normal rhythm. I don’t understand most of what’s happening, but I can see the progress by the colour their skin is slowly beginning to show. In Bastian’s case, pale white gives way to rosy cheeks; cheeks I want to caress and kiss. Later.

I shouldn’t overwhelm them once they’re awake. Maybe they won’t remember what they told me while they were asleep. Maybe they don’t remember that they love me. I need to be careful, I don’t want them to turn against me for some reason. I don’t want them to think I’m crazy.

It takes over an hour for Bastian to take his first deep breath. It’s a beautiful sound. I could listen to him all day. And all night, next to him in our bed. Oh. I need to get a bigger bed. Maybe I can push several together so that there’s space for all seven of us?

I hurry to his tank to check on him. His eyes are still closed but I can see them move beneath his eyelids. He’s waking up!

“Bastian, can you hear me?” I ask loudly but there’s no response.

Patience, Louise. They’ll be awake soon enough.

Tom and Will start breathing almost at the same time. During their time in the tanks, their oxygen intake was controlled and only once a minute or so, but now they’re breathing on their own again. It’s all happening faster than I expected. Who will be the first to wake up and talk to me? Will it be Bastian? Or one of the others?

A groan makes me run to Jordan’s tank! His eyelids are flickering, highlighting his dark lashes beautifully. Over the past few weeks, I’ve found I no longer see him as looking dangerous. I now see the tattoos as stunning, making him even more perfect. And his shaved head... I can’t wait to run my fingers over it, find out how the stubble feels like.

“Jordan, are you awake?” I ask him and carefully touch his cheek. It’s warm, just like it should be. “Can you hear me?”

He groans again.

“Are you in pain?” I’m suddenly scared that something is going wrong.

“No,” he mutters and slowly opens his eyes. They are a dark brown with tiny amber flecks around the pupils. Beautiful. “Mars?” he asks and I smile at him.

“Yes, welcome to Mars, your new home.”

He tries to lift an arm but struggles to summon the energy.

“Your wake up sequence is not complete yet,” I reassure him. “Give it another ten minutes and you’ll be back to normal.”

“Who are you?” he asks and I smile again, trying to hide my disappointment that he doesn’t remember me.

“My name is Louise.”

“Louise Jones? The geologist?” he asks and I look at him in confusion before I realise that of course he’s read my file. He’ll know all of the people living on the station. Who lived here before they died. I need to be gentle when I tell them. It’s a new world for them; they’ll soon see that Mars is different from anything they could have prepared for. It took me months to adjust. And that was without having to deal with knowing about the Drowning or being the only people in the station. Yes, it’s going to take a lot of time. But I’ll be there for them every step of the way.

“What happened to my arm?” a whisper suddenly comes from the tank behind me. I shiver. It’s time for the truth. He’s going to hate me.

I hurry to Toby. “Welcome to Mars,” I say, hiding the quiver in my voice.

He stares at me. “What happened to my arm?” he repeats, staring at his blackened appendage. Tears are beginning to form in his eyes.

“Does it hurt?” I ask worriedly.

“Fuck it, answer my question!” he tries to shout, but his voice breaks from not being used for so long.

“Yes, what’s going on?” a deep voice asks from my other side. Han is sitting up already, and next to him, Jordan is looking at me just as curiously. I turn around. All of them are awake now.

And they’re waiting for me to say something.

“You’ve been here for six weeks already,” I begin slowly, watching their faces for their reactions. Nobody says anything so I continue. “There was a virus. Everybody died. It all started with a headache.

Next came the cramps. Then, the pain. Cries and wails filled the station. The bloody cough killed most of them. The others succumbed to the fever. And then, silence. I’m the only one left. My name is Louise and I’m the only human on Mars. But now I’m no longer alone. Now I have you.”

I notice that there’s something missing in the monologue I prepared for them so long ago. “I had to vaccinate you so that the virus wouldn’t kill you too. It’s taken six weeks to get it to work. And Toby... I’m so sorry. You were the first and it didn’t work. I’m so, so sorry.”

A tear is running down my face as I watch him look at his arm that is uselessly hanging from his shoulder. With his other arm, he lifts and bends it, but he doesn’t seem to be able to move it by himself. He’s disabled for life. And I did that to him.

“Can you fix it?” he asks Han, the doctor.  

“I’ll take a look,” Han says in his deep voice. He looks at me. “You created a vaccine all by yourself?”

“The people on Earth told me how to do it.”

He nods. “Still, that’s impressive.”  

I smile at his praise. He never complimented me before.  

A beep alerts us that Bastian’s waking process has been completed. The others will be done in a few minutes as well.

“I’m so glad you’re finally awake,” I burst out. “We can finally be the family—”

I stop, mortified. I just gave away my secret. They’ll hate me. They’ll think I’m crazy. They’ll ignore me and never talk to me again.

“What?” Jordan asks, running his hand over his shaved scalp. “What are you on about?”

If I could sink into the ground, I would do so now. This is all going so wrong. I shouldn’t have told them everything yet. I should have waited. Should have kept quiet.

Stupid, stupid Louise. Now it’s all ruined. All the love I’ve built up for them in the past six weeks… was it all for nothing? Will everything end in tears?

I ignore his question and walk to the door that leads into the main part of the station.  

“Welcome home,” I say quietly. “Welcome to Mars.”