Hush my heart! I repeat to myself as I watch Thane rolling around on my living room floor, playing with the boys. Braxley’s laugh fills the room, and it’s got to be the best sound in the entire world. All I want is for him to be happy and not hurt the way he did at the cemetery or when we lost Ben. I promise to make it my life’s mission to keep him happy. Both he and Jack keep climbing on Thane, and I watch, washing the dishes with a smile from ear to ear.

“Help me, Faye!” Thane exclaims flat on the floor as Jack counts, “One, two, three!”

Then the boys hoot and holler celebrating their victory, and Thane, well…he looks pretty exhausted. “You okay over there?” I ask him and dry my hands, before pouring us two glasses of wine.

“Yup, never better,” he roars and hops up chasing the boys away. They scream so loud, like little girls, and I take a seat on the couch, watching the three of them disappear upstairs. Sipping on my crisp, white wine, I find my mind thinking of Thane and not the pain of the past. That’s what Thane does for me, like when we made out in the kitchen earlier.

I’m not sure what it is, but for some reason since we met, he’s consumed my thoughts. He takes the pain away—he makes me feel sane—he makes me feel like there is a light at the end of the dark tunnel I’ve been living in for so long.

“Man, they’re tough,” Thane says, pulling me out of my daydream, and I smile as he sits down next to me, his strong hand running through his messy hair.

“You’re good with them,” I tell him, and he grabs his wine, clinking our glasses together before taking a sip.

“Ahh, it was nothing, anyone could do that.”

“No, they couldn’t, not the way you are with them, so funny and patient. You’re a really good dad.”

“And you’re a really good mom,” he tells me, and I smile taking another sip of my wine, loving the way it tastes and loving how open Thane makes me feel.

His phone rings and he pulls it from his pocket but ignores it. On the screen, I can see it’s Char. “Why is she calling me?” he grumbles.

“Maybe to talk to Jack?”

“No, she never calls. She’ll text me every once in a while and ask me to have him call her or to tell him hello or goodnight, but she doesn’t call unless she needs something or something’s wrong.”

“Shouldn’t you call her back then?”

“No, fuck her.”

I get that he’s closed off when it comes to her, she’s made some bad decisions, and recently put Jack in a bad situation. But we all have messed up one time or another, and I believe everyone deserves a second chance.

“How did things go when she had him?”

“Good, at least from what he says. But I know Charlene, and I know it won’t last. We’ve been down this path many times, and until she can admit she has a problem, nothing can get any better.”

“Are you still going to ask for full custody?”

“I don’t think I have another choice, Faye.”

I totally get where he is coming from, wanting to keep Jack safe, but I also know what that’ll do to Jack. “Has she gotten any help yet?”

“Probably not.”

“Have you asked her, silly?” I ask him, and he shakes his head. “Then you need to.”

“Okay, I will. But can we please stop talking about my ex?”

“Sure.” And the second I say the word, he takes my almost empty glass of wine from me and sets it down on the table along with his. His eyes are eating me alive, and I know what he wants--I want it too--but the boys are right upstairs.

“I want you, Faye.”

I swallow, processing his words, and my mind becomes clouded with the vision of Ben dying in our bed. Reminding me I can never, ever, do anything with him there.

“Can we go to your house?” I ask.

He nods, knowing why, then asks me, “Now?”

“If you want to, but what’ll we tell the boys?”

“I have an idea.” He gets up from the couch and heads upstairs; I finish my wine right as he yells out for me. Reaching the stop of the stairs, he’s standing in the doorway of Braxley’s room and has a smirk on his face.

“What?” I ask and look in to see what he’s smirking at. In the middle of the room is the beanbag and in the center of it are both the boys. Curled up together, their PlayStation remotes are still in their laps, and they are tuckered out.

What, did it take them two minutes to fall asleep?

“Guess your plan isn’t gonna work,” I tell Thane.

“Dammit,” he mutters.

We step out of the room and begin to head back downstairs. I know he’s disappointed, and so am I, but it’s not fair to put our wants before the kids, no matter what.

On the way down, he stops, standing in the doorway of my studio. With my bottom lip tucked into my teeth, my heart races, pulsating inside me. Thane’s eyes are wide with hunger as he ushers me into the room. Closing and locking the door, I follow his eyes as he looks around. There is no real furniture in here, but I have a feeling that’s not gonna matter.

He pulls me into his arms and cups my face, holding on to my lower back with his other hand and asks me, “Are you sure?”

I nod, not able to say the words out loud, but knowing I can’t deny what I’m feeling inside. His lips are parted, his cool breath swirling around me like a tornado, and then his lips are on mine. I melt into his hold, giving over to him, putting all my stress and worries into this kiss.

All I can focus on are his lips and his hands as they roam my body. He unbuttons my pants as we stand kissing one another in a lust-filled frenzy.

Taking my fingers, I grip his hair, letting him do what he wants. Then he pulls away and says to me, “If you need to stop, just ask, okay?”

“Don’t stop,” I whisper, and then he drops to his knees. Hooking his fingers into the sides of my pants as he skims them down my legs, I keep my eyes closed in order to stay in the moment. I can feel every inch that he moves to slowly undress me. Gently he lifts each foot, and once I realize he’s finished, he says to me, “Come here.” And is kneeling on the floor, waiting for me.

I look down into his eyes, they are fixated on my black panties, and the vision of him alone keeps me in this moment. As I kneel in front of him, he swallows and says to me, “You are the most beautiful thing I have ever seen.”

I smile, lost in a haze from his words, letting my adrenaline push me forward, and as we kneel face to face, I could say the same thing about him.

He holds me close, his lips kissing every bit of my body they can, and then he stops, and I look down as he spots the chain around my neck. His eyes read mine, just as worried, and I…I begin to feel myself spiraling—panicking.

“It’s okay,” he tells me, and it’s not okay. I know what I have to do. Lifting the chain over my head, I lay it on the floor, and without another word, he has me flat on my back. His face is all that I see. “Focus on me, Faye, focus on my lips,” he gently kisses me, and I close my eyes, listening to him, not wanting to ruin this, not when we are so close.

His body hovers above mine. He’s hard, pressing himself against me. The friction feels unbelievably good. My body is yearning for more, willing and craving anything Thane will give to me.

His lips keep moving further and further down until he’s finally between my legs. Then his fingers skim beneath my panties, and I lift up, allowing him to undress me even more. He groans exposing my sex, and as I look up at him, he rips his shirt above his head.

Then he cups my knees in his big hands and spreads my legs wide. I’ve never been so exposed like this. He takes his thumb and skims over my pussy, the sensation about makes me come, and I grip my own hair, breathing wildly, and it only gets faster as his skilled mouth wraps around my clit.

Lost in the pleasure as he spins circle upon circle with his tongue, I moan, and then he pulls me by my thighs even closer to him.

Oh fuck.

I shiver from the inside out, and once he licks up and down, I lose it, coming hard. My body arches in his hold, and he draws me close to his face, working out every bit of my orgasm he can.

The instant that my body settles, I need more. I need him inside me. I need him to love my body with his own like he just did with his mouth. Pulling him up to me, I wrestle with his pants as his hands push my shirt and bra up all the way exposing my breasts.

Finally, inside his pants, I grip his shaft. He groans and pulls back, then pushes forward in my hand. Letting go of him, we both remove his pants, our hands a tangled mess until I feel him against me. Skin to skin, his dick is wet against my opening, and I wrap my legs around him. But he doesn’t enter. He holds his ground, studying my eyes, making sure that I’m okay.

Then, without any words, he slides inside me. The fullness causes me to whine, and he grunts, not moving a centimeter, just content filling me, holding himself inside me. Our bodies finally blending together as one.

“You feel amazing,” he says, and before I can respond to him, he’s stroking himself in and out of me. His shaft is bigger than I realized as he pulls almost all the way out and glides back in. My fingernails dig into his back searching for any friction, loving everything about this moment. Then he freezes, and I worry something’s wrong.

“Don’t stop,” I tell him, close to coming again, and he starts moving. I tighten my pussy around him; my body letting go in another orgasm as his thick cock pumps me. I feel every inch of him; then he starts to thrust harder, and I know he’s about to come. I hold his body tight against mine.

The second he lets go, he grunts, every muscle in his body flexing and then he says, “Shit, I’m sorry,” and I have no clue why he’d say that.

“Why?” I ask, adrenaline still coursing through my veins.

“I didn’t mean to come inside of you.”

“It’s okay; I’m on birth control.”

“You are?” he seems surprised.

“Yeah, I have to be, or I get terrible headaches.”

He starts pumping again like he didn’t get all his cum out, and I get lost, letting him have the control. Because when it comes to Thane, my body yearns for him. I’m pure putty in his hands to do anything with that he pleases, just like when he made me want to touch myself on the phone.