CHAPTER SIX
ADAM
I had no idea what was going on with the kids, but watching Kate nearly breakdown in the lawyer’s parking lot that morning had my hackles up. I did the only thing I could think of when I got home. Pulling the laptop out, which was covered in dust, I Google searched for grief counselors who dealt primarily with children. There were a ton of them in the city, and I spent the rest of the morning looking at credentials and cross referencing by what insurance plans they accepted.
Just before noon I remembered what I was supposed to be doing and packed up the few measily possessions I owned and called my landlord. I had no idea how long all of us living in that big old house together would last, but the smartest thing to do was to contact the landlord and try for a sublet. Thankfully, Griffin was okay with me breaking the lease early if I needed.
“No man, that’s okay. It will be waiting for you in case you change your mind in the next thirty days. I hope everything works out for you, brother. If you need anything let me know,” Griffin replied.
“Actually, do you know of a good grief counselor that works with kids? I’d prefer it to be down here in Pasadena, but at this point, I’ll travel back up.” Griffin was once a PTSD counselor and having lived in his apartment complex, I knew some serious shit had gone down with his step kids. If anyone knew where to find the best, it would be him.
“Absolutely. I’ll text you the information as soon as we get off the phone. And, Adam? I hope everything works out for you buddy.”
“Thanks Griffin. I hope so too,” I said clicking the phone off, realizing I should have known Griffin would be more than understanding about the lease. He owned the condo complex I and a bunch of other ex-military lived in, and he probably still considered it his duty to protect us all. It would be sad leaving, but strangely, I was looking forward to starting this next chapter of my life… with a family. Something I never thought I’d have.
An hour later, after stuffing my life into the back of my car, I sat in the front seat giving a last look at the building when my phone buzzed. It was Kate. I listened as she told me about the fight and silently cheered Jace for standing up for himself and his twin. Poor Jax was going through enough, he didn’t need to be picked on at school. I felt more relieved than ever that Griffin texted me the information for the grief counselor he knew, who happened to be the same one that I’d found on the internet who worked with the kids’ health insurance.
I was glad as I drove to Beth and Will’s house that I had looked for a counselor, because the only kid who hadn’t started acting out yet was Peyton, and I had a feeling it was only a matter of time before she did too. We needed to nip this thing in the bud before they all got screwed up from it. I knew it was grief, but what I didn’t know was how to fix it. It was obvious based on my own personal struggles that I wasn’t exactly the person to be doling out information. But, one thing was good was that I’d significantly reduced my alcohol consumption rate by more than half in the past week alone.
When I got to the neighborhood, I parked in front of their place and sat in my car and looked at the empty house. I was frozen in place as I stared. Everything looked the same as it had the last time I had been there. I don’t know what I thought it would look like, but the lush green grass and bright yellow paint that showed no signs of peeling, were not it. Since it felt like it was already a lifetime ago and not just a week and a half, I guess I expected the grass to be dead. It would have mirrored my feelings in that moment. Leaning my forehead against the steering wheel, I let the tears fall.
We had all grown up together. I knew Will since we were eight years old. We met Kate and Beth in high school and we both fell in love. Will had been the only person that stuck by me through everything. We had been best friends, like brothers. I had no idea what I was going to do not seeing him all the time. Not being able to call him when I was having a shitty day. How was I supposed to live in their house, knowing I would never see him or Beth again?
I thought about the kids. I had been there when April and Peyton were born, lucky breaks since it had been when I was on leave. The boys came early and I missed it, but they’d Skyped with me after they were born. I loved those kids and I found myself wondering whether I was good enough. How could a broken marine ever raise those kids the way they deserved?
I stayed there in my car crying, having no idea how long before there was a tap on my window. A police officer was standing there looking uncomfortable. I rolled the window down and waited.
“Is there a problem here?” he asked taking in my watering eyes and gruff appearance.
“No sir. Just trying to work up the courage to go inside, sir.”
“Courage is a funny thing. The lack of it is usually all in your head. Have a nice day.”
Well that was odd. But thinking it over, he was right.
I took a deep breath and got out of the car. My legs felt like lead as I walked up the path to the front door. It wasn’t until I was confronted with standing directly in front of the house that I understood Kate’s comments about living there. It was just a house. But, technically that wasn’t true. Will and Beth had made this a home.
Putting the key in the lock, I realized that it was all the happy memories of my friends that made the house so daunting. The structure itself wasn’t the problem. It was the pictures, I knew still hung on the walls. It was the living room, where we sat and opened presents on Christmas Eve. Watching the kids get excited over what Uncle Adam brought them. Watching their faces light up when they saw whatever trinket I bought them from my travels overseas. I wondered if their faces would ever light up like that again. It was just a couple months until Christmas. Their first holiday without their parents. Would they be able to celebrate? Or, would the entire holiday be marred by sadness?
As I stepped into the house, it smelled of fall. How the house could still smell so good even with Beth gone? It was comforting, though, like they were still somehow there. A weight lifted from my shoulders, and I felt for the first time like I had a purpose again. I would make sure those kids had the best Christmas possible. I just didn’t know how I’d make that happen, yet.