Lucy knew that staying would be risky. But now she had two reasons not to leave. Not only did she wish to see Lord Jones and speak to him again, but she also needed to work out what exactly, if anything, she still felt for Duke Perry.

She had stayed away from him for so long that she had never considered it, but she had been very deeply in love with him, and however painfully their courtship had ended, she had never stopped loving him until that day. And perhaps she had continued to love him even after that. She needed to at least know, for closure's sake.

“I suppose I ought to let bygones be bygones,” she said, trying not to sound too obvious. “And I do enjoy talking with Lord Jones.”

Duke Perry's face practically lit up with relief and joy. “You have no idea how happy that has made me,” he said.

“How come?” she asked.

“How come?” he echoed in what appeared to be shock.

She was taken aback by the contorted look on his face that fell between disappointment and surprise.

“Because for two whole years my wife and her best friend have had to keep apart for no reason other than me. And it has been hurting me so grievously to be the source of your separation and pain. It is a great relief that finally we can all be friends again. Thank you, Lucy, for this.”

Lucy’s heart swelled at Duke Perry’s words. Friends again. A familiar ache swirled in Lucy’s stomach. Guilt, perhaps? Brief flashes of her actions of late appeared before her eyes.

Antoinette stood up and embraced her friend. “Yes, Lucy, thank you. This is one of the most mature things you have ever done, and I am so proud of you.”

But Duke Perry's words were playing in her mind. Was it possible... Could he love her after all? Could it be that he had loved her, and had married Antoinette for some other practical reason? They seemed so happy together... and yet if he had feigned love and interest for Lucy, perhaps he was doing the same thing for her friend.

This was ridiculous.

Duke Perry was a married man. Lucy was just flattering herself. Or getting her hopes up. It was still not clear to her whether she still loved him. All she knew was that the possibility was very real. She had never had closure, she had never worked out what she did or did not feel for him. It had all ended in a flood of anger and tears, and then she had tried to block him from her life and her mind.

Following Duke Perry and Antoinette through to the drawing room, she eyed him up and down. He was definitely still handsome. But one could find a man handsome without loving him. This would be difficult to determine. But she needed to know whether she still had any feelings for him, and if she did, to trample them, so that they would never hurt her again.

Lord Jones arrived promptly after they were all seated. He looked dashing once again, with his hair impeccably combed back, a beautifully fitted coat and shirt, and expertly shined shoes. He looked like a man straight out of a painting, he was so clean and neat. And he smelled delightful. His presence alone reassured Lucy that she was at least able to find men besides Duke Perry attractive, whether she was still drawn to the Duke or not.

Lucy was pleased to discover that her mother had, as expected, skipped the offer of tea and sandwiches. This meant that not only would she be able to spend some time with her friends in peace, but she could perhaps venture into topics which her parents may have disapproved of.

After so many years in boarding school, where she was never in a position where she had to watch what she said or look out for her parents, it was somewhat stifling to be constantly watching her back now she was home. It was refreshing to be able to simply focus on her own interests.

At first, she avoided any talk of what had happened between herself and Duke Perry. But Lucy was sure that one could cut the tension with a knife. Both Duke Perry and Lord Jones were incredibly attractive men. And she had once loved Duke Perry, and was very close to Lord Jones. And neither was an option for marriage. It was like being in the middle of a bakery full of cakes when one was on a diet.

She longed for the intimacy and sensuality of marriage. She had seen Antoinette and Duke Perry exchanging affectionate glances and kisses. And she had seen Duke Haskett and Mary holding one another, kissing passionately, and touching one another sensually when they thought they were in private. Knowing that all that was out of her reach was a bitter torment to her, especially when she was sat at a small round table, with a handsome man at either side of her.

“I hear Thomas is marrying Julia, the poor fool,” Andrew said, sipping his tea. “Is that why he is absent?” In the presence of others she noticed there was a distinct coldness about him again. What had happened to the warmth she knew he held?

Antoinette nodded. “He is planning the wedding, yes. But they are very happy. I do not see why you should call him a fool.”

“He was in India just as I was,” Andrew replied with a shrug. “And Clara was quite incapable of remaining faithful that long.”

“I can assure you that Julia was faithful and patient. Let's not sully her name when she has made great sacrifices to remain true to her promises,” Antoinette insisted with a warning glare.

Andrew shook his head. “I do apologize. It is simply difficult for me to believe that a woman would be so kind to a man in his absence. It is not in my experience, at any rate. We give and give and you take and take, for all I have seen.”

“There are good women out there,” Antoinette replied.

“Yes, and they are all married, it seems,” Andrew said, sipping his tea some more. “What a man has to do to get such a woman is nothing short of ridiculous. I would rather be out on the Mission in India again than endure such games.”

“Women make our sacrifices and face our challenges too,” Antoinette insisted.

“I believe men get the worse deal by far,” he insisted. “All a woman has to do to get a decent man is... be there.”

“I suppose it depends on your definition of decent,” Lucy finally interjected. She was getting frustrated at how much pressure was being put on the female side of the equation. “Cause some men are definitely not worthy of marriage, yet expect a woman to be perfect.”

Again, she saw that flash of sincerity, of vulnerability, in Andrew's eyes. The mask fell slightly and he smiled softly. “It is not perfection to be loyal. It is simply decency.”

“Then perhaps decent men get decent women, and poorly behaved women get poorly behaved men,” Duke Perry said.

Andrew laughed. “In Clara's case? I do hope so. She deserves a taste of her own medicine.”

“I do not believe you would be saying such things if you had experienced what I did,” Lucy insisted.

Duke Perry looked sheepish again. And Lucy, despite herself, felt a sudden urge to comfort and reassure him, to let him know that she would not continue to judge him too harshly. She chastised herself. Nothing had changed. Just because she was forgiving his actions did not mean they had not happened, nor that he had made it up to her. She realised she truly did still love him.

Andrew nodded. “I think we have both experienced some dreadful things at the hands of the opposite sex, but I maintain that to be rejected is better than to be betrayed in your absence. Adultery is a worse sin than changing your mind.”

“Would it have hurt any less if she had told you?” Lucy said quietly.

Andrew paused. She could tell his heart was still as sore for Clara as hers was for Duke Perry. “Ah, but is this not the perfect opportunity to challenge our little theory?” Lord Jones asked, suddenly perking up. “We have both parties present, after all.”

Lucy felt a little uncomfortable. She still loved him. She had loved him these past two years. She could not attack him, even to defend herself.

“So, Duke Perry, Your Grace, what would you say to Lucy's accusation that you hurt her?” Andrew said.

Fortunately for Lucy, Duke Perry was just as uncomfortable about the situation as she was. He smiled and shrugged a little. “I suppose I did hurt her. I did not intend to, but I did.”

“And you, Lucy, what say you?” Andrew said, turning to face her.

“I just... cannot fathom why you would hurt me so much, knowingly,” she replied.

“He did not intend to hurt you,” Antoinette said as softly as she could.

Lucy was not sure where this was going, but she felt a little cornered. “I do not mean to attack you, Duke Perry... I simply want to say these things so that they never need be discussed again.”

Duke Perry nodded. “I suppose that makes sense. And Antoinette is correct, I did not set out to hurt you. I simply did not have the opportunity to marry Antoinette. And then I did. I could not pass up our joint happiness.”

“But then why did you approach me in the first place? I wish I knew better why you did what you did,” Lucy said to Duke Perry. “Why not remain single, if you could not marry the woman of your dreams?”

“I thought I would never be able to marry her, and I was afraid, I suppose, of the burdens of being unwed.” Duke Perry looked away, ashamed. “I needed money. And security. I feared you were the only woman whose parents would ever allow to marry me. I felt pressured.”

Andrew nodded. “So as a man you did believe you were being pressured into an unhappy marriage? You did not do it out of cruelty?”

“Of course not! I suppose marriage is all about what one can get out of the arrangement,” Duke Perry replied. “I was simply trying to get the material aspects of marriage. I had not considered the emotional purposes.”

“And yet Clara, who had the opportunity to marry me, continued to lead me on as she was preparing to marry a lesser man,” Lord Jones said with a heavy heart. “At least Duke Perry had great motive for abandoning you. At least he never loved you. Clara loved me and then lost interest in me.”

“Because you were not present,” Antoinette said. “It may be a harsh reason, but it is true nonetheless. What she wanted and needed from you was company, which you did not give her.”

“If one cannot remain loyal to one's betrothed just because one cannot see them, does that not make one a bad person?” he countered.

“Not at all, women have emotional needs, and physical ones. She could not see you, or speak with you, or enjoy your affections. She was deprived and lonely. And he offered her support during her time of need,” Antoinette explained. “It may not be right, but neither is abandoning your woman to roam India for a year or more.”

Lord Jones seemed angry at what was being said, but bit his tongue. Lucy realised that he was in deep pain, but nobody else saw it. He was still reeling from Clara's rejection, but others only saw the tough exterior he was presenting. Every word against him was like a dagger through his already bleeding heart.

Lucy, on the other hand, felt she had been given much to contemplate. Having discovered that her hatred of Duke Perry stemmed from the remaining love she felt for him, she was opening herself up to new suggestions and ideas. And the discovery that men were just as trapped by the conventions of marriage as women were... this helped her. This was a healing thing to acknowledge.

Duke Perry was the good, tender man she had known during their courtship. Just because he did not love her did not make him a bad person. And just because he was good and tender did not mean she had to love him. He could be a good person and do bad things. Because this was a world where good people needed to do bad things in order to survive.

After the sandwiches had been had, Duke Perry and Antoinette left to find their baby daughter and spend some time with her. Meanwhile, Lucy followed Lord Jones out into the conservatory where he stood, staring out over the gardens, his mind obviously wandering.

“I do not suppose you believe all they said,” Lord Jones muttered, avoiding eye contact with her, sounding almost angry.

“Not all of it,” she said. “They have their own illusions, their own hopes, their own beliefs about love. Which may be true for them, but not for everyone.”

“And they turned it on you. As though Duke Perry could not help but deceive you,” Lord Jones said with a groan.

“I suppose in his circumstances he would not, though,” Lucy replied.

“He could have chosen to do the dignified thing and not abuse your love and trust,” Andrew said bitterly. “It was all lies to get you on their side.”

“Some of it was true, though,” Lucy insisted. “It makes perfect sense. Men and women alike are trapped by the conventions of marriage, by the financial and political forces which push us to wed even if it breaks our hearts to do so.”

“You are only agreeing with them because you still love Duke Perry, are you not?” Lord Jones said, suddenly turning and making eye contact with her.

Lucy shook her head nervously. “Not exactly... I simply... I do agree with them. And I need to forgive him. Because he is my best friend's husband, and I cannot hate him forever.”

“No, it is because you love him. Because you are trying to stay close to him and heal the tears he left in your heart,” Lord Jones said, stepping closer to her.

“So, what if I am?” she blurted. “He is a married man, nothing could happen. And I shall never marry, so it will cause me and my non-existent future husband no problems at all.” He was towering over her, like a mountain over a valley. She felt her heart in her throat.

“Do not do this to yourself,” Andrew said softly. “If you get too close to him you shall only be hurt again. You must stay strong, and stay away from him.”

“I do not see why it is such a great problem to you,” Lucy said, glaring at him, her face hot with shame. “It is not as though it harms you if I love him or not.”

“Oh, but it does,” Andrew replied.

Before Lucy could say anything, he seized her waist in one hand, put his other hand behind her head, and pulled her into a warm kiss.

She let out a gasp, then a soft moan at the unexpected touch. This. This was the sort of intimacy she had been craving. It was so wrong. And it felt so right. And she could not do it, never do it, because she could never marry... And yet she was doing it.

Her head was swimming. She felt about to faint. She put both her hands behind his head, tangled them in his perfectly waxed hair, and kissed him back.