Lucy was not sure what at all to make of what had just happened. Her heart was still racing as she rejoined the company, as her parents came to see her, as they prepared to leave. She could still taste his mouth, she could smell his rich cologne in her hair, she could feel a warm pressure on the back of her head, as though his hands had moulded her like clay. It was intoxicating.

And yet utterly forbidden. He had done this to her despite not courting her, despite having no intent to marry, despite not being engaged. He had simply dived in and stolen a kiss. And what a kiss! It felt just like her fairytale romances had told her it would. Her heart beat faster and faster. He seemed to have vanished. She was not sure whether she hoped to see him before she left, or whether she would be too ashamed.

As the family coach pulled away from the house, she spied Lord Jones leaving, his usually perfect hair still slightly untidy, his hands a little shaky with nerves. He was just as excited about what had happened as she was. In a way, this egged her on. She wanted to do it to him again. She wanted to see him lose control, to watch that mask slide from his face and see the real man underneath. As the coach turned around the corner, obscuring him from her view, she sank back in her seat and wondered whether enough intimacy would break him, what he would be like when he opened up and was gentle and tender.

And yet they could not do this. They had committed to never marrying. It would be on some level forgivable if they were engaged, or if he asked for her hand in marriage. But he had tasted her lips with no intention of owning them. He had taken what her parents wanted to give to another man, what did not belong to him. He had tainted her.

On the other hand, she had no intention of marrying any other man. Who had he deprived of her lips? He had stolen nothing from anyone but herself. And you cannot steal that which is given freely. And she wanted to give him so much more...

She briefly wondered whether she could bear to live in sin. Whether she could remain unwed and yet every day make her way to Lord Jones's house and immerse herself in his company, savour his skin, let him grip her with his strong hands and mould her body under his weight. Whether she could bear a child out of wedlock, and raise it with his support.

But no, she could not. She could not live with that one kiss without guilt ravaging her mind, without desperately seeking justification. Although her body ached for him, and her heart felt sore and empty without him, she would have to receive the blessing of her parents and the permission of God before he could hold her like that. And Lord Jones would never marry.

Lucy sighed heavily. Her mother glanced at her nervously. “Are you quite alright?” Lady Fitzgerald asked. “You seemed flushed and feverish as we left, and now you look pale and clammy. Are you coming down with something?”

Lucy shook her head. “I have a lot on my mind, that is all mother.”

“My sweet... are you still in love with Duke Perry?” her mother asked. “I know it must be difficult for you to see him, even after all this time, with your best friend.”

“It is not that, I assure you,” she insisted. “I simply... it is difficult for me to see them together. But I must learn to carry myself with dignity.”

“You must, you must,” Lady Fitzgerald said. There was a slightly tense pause. “You do know that I can tell the signs of love, of passion,” she said.

Lucy blushed hotly. At least her mother did not know who Lucy was really thinking about. Or, for that matter, what she had done with him... “It is natural to reserve some feelings for a man I nearly married.”

“But he is now a respectably married Duke, and you ought to control yourself,” her mother insisted.

“I can and I will,” Lucy said, nodding firmly. Of course, she could and would. Duke Perry was a handsome, sweet man. But she could appreciate his charms without loving him. It would be much harder for her to control herself around the man who actually drove her passions...

“Now, listen, I have a plan to get you to meet the Prince, I am sure you will be glad to hear,” Lady Fitzgerald said.

Lucy just nodded and smiled dreamily to herself. She would do whatever her mother asked of her. Except marry, that is. But other than marry, she would do anything so long as she had another opportunity to get close to Lord Jones. She listened as Lady Fitzgerald explained the plan.

Lady Fitzgerald had managed to get a place at yet another dinner party with the Princess. And this time the Prince, as well as many other eligible, wealthy, powerful men, would be present. It would be the perfect opportunity for Lucy to revel in the company of royalty and prove her worth to them. By being seen as the Princess's friend, many lesser nobles would no doubt admire her and seek her company. So even if the Prince showed no interest at all, Lucy would have plenty of opportunities to meet other important people, from England and from Europe. And surely one of those distinguished men would be attractive to her.

Lucy just nodded in agreement and smiled and continued getting lost in her mind. She wanted so badly to be beside Lord Jones. But what else could she do? He was committed to never marrying. She could not exactly just live in sin, nor could she go back on her promise to herself, not least of all because she had made the same promise to Andrew. And if he was a man of any dignity and grace, he would chastise her for breaking her word.

But, then, if they could not be together under any circumstance, then why had he kissed her? Unless... Unless he was not as virtuous as she had at first assumed. Unless he intended for them to live in sin. Lucy was at once horrified and, though she would never admit to it, thrilled by the idea that a man could desire her so much as to risk his reputation to be with her.

* * *

The dinner party was two days later, and Lucy spent the entire time being alternately angry and excited by the idea of seeing Lord Jones yet again. Hopefully he would be there, and they could steal a moment together yet again.

No... She could not be so overt. She would have to leave the room by chance, and he would, also by chance, have to leave the room, so that they could completely accidentally meet in private, where he could once again be overwhelmed by his passionate urges and kiss her. It all had to be accidental. A carefully planned coincidence...

The day finally arrived and Lucy was able to spend some time thinking about something other than being kissed by Lord Andrew Jones. Now she had to meet with a Princess, and carry herself properly, assist in all she could, and mingle like a lady. This was her chance to shine in high society.

Her Highness was in a fabulous mood, and invited Lucy to spend the afternoon helping her prepare for the dinner party that night. It was going to be a more extravagant, less intimate event than last time, and everything had to be perfect in order to completely impress everyone. Lucy was shocked by how much work went into being a princess. She had thought it would be a matter of just ordering servants about, but in fact everything had to be carefully selected and later approved by Her Majesty. She could not afford to sit back and let everything happen, as if even a single thing went wrong it reflected poorly on her, not her servants.

“Your Highness works very hard,” Lucy remarked.

“My brother and I both endeavour to always present ourselves at our best,” Princess Elisaveta replied.

“I am simply amazed by all that Your Highness does,” Lucy added. “Especially considering that Your Highness is still unwed. I suppose Your Highnesses must have men and women lining up to wed, and simply are finding the choice difficult?”

“To be honest... I had not given it much thought,” Her Majesty laughed a little. “I am not yet prepared to wed.”

Lucy was surprised to hear this. “But surely, at your age, Your Highness, at our age... Well, here one gets married at this age.”

“Oh, and in Germany one usually does too, or used to. But times have changed. People are increasingly wary of marriage and all that it entails. And our duties as royals and nobles are becoming so vast, it would be unfair for us to have to also work on building a family amidst all of this,” the Princess explained.

“Oh... So, when would Your Highness consider marrying?” Lucy asked.

Princess Elisaveta paused, looking at the wall where a banner was being hung. “I am not sure. I have aunts who are also princesses, and they are not yet married at thirty-seven and forty.”

Lucy was dumbfounded. “Really? I... I find it hard to believe, Your Highness. They may never marry now...”

Princess Elisaveta shrugged. “They are not too concerned about such matters. They are quite happy to remain single forever.”

“Your Highness means to say that people... are not getting married?” Lucy was dumbfounded.

“It is not the same as it once was, Lucy,” Her Highness said, “we have other things to focus on.”

“It must be a lot of work, if Your Highnesses cannot even contemplate marriage,” Lucy said, watching as some servants began adding flowers to the looping banners around the walls.

“It is. Just because we are not first in line for the throne does not mean we do not have many duties. We came here to escape it all,” Her Highness Elisaveta said.

“Escape? It was that bad, Your Highness?” Lucy asked. The more she heard from the Princess, the more amazed she was at the hard work that being a royal entailed. She had thought it would be like in a fairy tale, but it seemed more like an honest living than anything else.

“Well... not so bad,” the Princess replied. “I suppose it would have been acceptable. The amount of work, that is. But the attitude of the people bothered me too. Other nobles and royals have all lost their faith and hope in everything. Not just marriage, but also their own hierarchies, their faith... all of it.”

“I suppose it is not a bad thing, that people are losing their fantastical ideals about marriage,” Lucy replied. “Here we must endure the complete opposite. People maintain their delusions for years and years, even into their own marriages, until something falls apart and then they are broken by it.”

“It is not quite so simple,” Princess Elisaveta insisted. “We need some amount of wonder to sustain ourselves. When nobody believes in anything anymore, then we get problems...” The Princess seemed genuinely concerned, even pained, as she said this.

Lucy was not sure what to make of it at all. A small part of her was pained that all that wonder was gone. But if it was based on a lie, then surely it would be for the best for it to go out of fashion? What could possibly go wrong if all they were doing was losing an infantile delusion that would only hurt them?

“I am not sure much harm could come from people seeing the truth, Your Highness,” she said.

Princess Elisaveta shook her head. “You do not understand. It is not the truth. It is faith. People need to have faith in marriage, whether they hold it aloft or see it for what it is. Otherwise marriage disappears.”

Lucy was a little perplexed at this. “But marriage surely cannot simply disappear? How do such matters work in Germany?”

Her Highness sighed. “I cannot speak for all of my people, not even for all of my class, but the people I have met who are disappointed in marriage have all been corrupted. A person can abstain from marriage all they want. But for most of us, we have passions we need to satisfy. We have human needs. One or two people can deprive themselves forever and live in abstinence. But for most people, losing faith in marriage is the first step to embracing debauchery. That is part of the reason I had to leave. The propositions which I have received from my equals and betters... I hope you, and no other woman, has to hear such vile things.”

Lucy realised these words were ringing true to her. She had attempted to remain celibate and unwed, and yet she was contemplating a life of sin. Andrew... He was an absolute cynic when it came to marriage. And yet... her lips still tingled when she thought of his kiss. It had been magical.

She was being corrupted by the very forces which Her Highness spoke of. Lucy knew she had gone from a good girl who believed in marriage, to a celibate cynic, to a passionate young woman considering sin. The influences of her own cynicism would destroy her if she allowed them to.

“Does Your Highness not think that we ought to be able to remain unwed and enjoy one another's company in an abstinent union?” Lucy asked. “I would very much enjoy such an arrangement.” She felt her own mind tell her off for lying so blatantly. She would not enjoy that arrangement at all. She wanted to taste Lord Jones's lips again.

“In an ideal world people would, yes,” Her Highness Elisaveta said. “But this is not an ideal world. People are very much fans of the flesh.”

Lucy nodded. “I suppose we only have two options if we wish to remain godly,” she said. “How does Your Highness manage?”

“I have not yet encountered a man to inspire much passion in me. Nor has my brother encountered such a woman. Some of our relatives have taken on lovers and mistresses, others have married. I would like to think I should be of the kind to marry,” Her Highness explained.

“I see,” Lucy replied, nodding.

It was a little uncomfortable for Lucy to discuss such matters so candidly. And yet she experienced a sudden, almost engulfing fascination with this forbidden world. The idea that somewhere out there, lived people engaging in carnal relations outside of marriage, supporting one another in their pursuits. No contract, no eternal union, no trickery. Just love and consummation. The thought was so tempting...

Before she could ask any more, a servant announced the arrival of the first guest. Lucy did not quite catch the name, but the footsteps followed shortly after.

Lucy looked up. It was a young woman with thick, honey-coloured curls hanging about her face, wearing a pastel green dress, a pearl necklace about her neck. Lucy recognized her, but she was not sure from where...