CHAPTER 5: Isabelle

I chose a plum shift dress for the following day with black heels, slipping a cardigan on the dresser to wear. Kendra was happy to return to school and had a blast yesterday. We talked all about it over dinner and homework and I even convinced her to take a shower.

Once she was asleep, I wandered into our small living room to drop in front of the TV. I needed to wind down and found one of my favorite shows as I curled my legs under me. I thought about the last few years, knowing how hard they would have been if it had not been for my parents. Jackson certainly didn’t want anything to do with us and since she’d been born, I couldn’t imagine risking our hearts again. Kendra had no idea that hers was broken, and I’d managed to answer her questions vaguely so far about her father.

My eyes started drooping just about half an hour into the show and I sighed. It was time to be an adult, and I paused the recording as I wondered how far behind I would be by the end of the week. I missed my parents, and I rubbed my eyes as I decided to wash my face and go to bed. I checked her small room to make sure that she was sleeping before I went into my master bedroom and washed off my makeup and pulled on the big shirt to sleep in, frowning at myself.

It was Jackson’s shirt, and I ended up with it back in school. I didn’t wear it because I was pining away for him at all, but it felt like I had support this way. It made me feel less alone as I looked into the mirror and took slow breaths.

I could do this. I had help for the time that I needed it and now we were on our own. My parents would visit us and we’d go there as well. I preferred to go there so they wouldn’t have to get a hotel room because we had no room here. Perhaps once I was settled a bit more and in a house I could welcome guests, but not now.

I sent my parents a text to tell them that my first day went well, and that I was sorry I didn’t call them earlier. Things happened so fast and I told them that we’d call the following night. I smiled as I plugged in my phone and crawled under the covers, thinking about Mason for a moment. He would never want a woman with a child and I was nowhere near ready to date someone or introduce them to Kendra. That was going to be tricky when the time came and I would have to go about it the right way.

I could never date my boss to begin with.

I imagined dating again and my eyes filled with tears. I remembered when Jackson broke up with me to date a college cheerleader and when I found out that I was pregnant. It hurt knowing that I was doing this on my own and I cried when I told my parents. I sobbed as I admitted to them that I wasn’t always careful with Jackson and regretted it now, but I wanted to keep my baby.

Mom soothed me and assured me that they would help me. They both knew that I wasn’t going to be the kind of mom that would make them raise the baby. They wanted me to succeed and would help every step of the way. It was a tough choice to make but aborting my baby was not an option. Adoption would be a reasonable thing to consider but I already wanted this tiny being growing inside of me. I might regret Jackson but having this baby was not his fault as much as it was the responsibility of both of us. I never even told him, hearing around town how he moved on easily.

Mom suggested that I contact him as the pregnancy progressed but I told her that he wouldn’t be interested. She didn’t like him to begin with so she didn’t push the idea.

I was so grateful to my folks for being there for me throughout the pregnancy and for my mom for holding my hand through the long labor. We both cried when Kendra was born and she slept on the couch in my room, just in case I needed help.

I closed my eyes and reminded myself that things were different now. I was a single mom working to support my daughter, and I didn’t need that much help anymore.

I still didn’t know what to make of my new boss but it wasn’t worth stressing over. It was impossible on so many levels to begin with. He was gorgeous, but I needed to focus on my little family. I needed to focus on my future.

I got up early enough to shower and get dressed before waking Kendra up. She was looking forward to school and dressed as I finished in the mirror, looking critically at my appearance. I sipped my coffee and laughed to myself, reminding myself that Mason would never want me. I saw how pretty the girls were in the building and assumed that he’d seen someone there at some point. Come to think of it, he had an interesting relationship with the girl in HR.

“Are you ready, sweetie?” I called out as I left the bathroom to slip my shoes on.

“All set.” Kendra appeared before me with her lunch in hand and a sparkle in her bright blue eyes. Jackson’s eyes. She looked at my dress as I slipped on the sweater and wrapped her arms around me as I smiled. “You look so pretty, Mommy. They must like you at work a lot.”

“I hope so,” I murmured as I held her close, being mindful of this moment. I knew that they would fly by and she wouldn’t be my little girl forever.