Eight years ago:

Abby Girl: Are you all settled in?

Jo-Jo: I’m sharing a bunk with eight other dudes. As settled as I’ll ever be, I guess.

Abby Girl: I guess there’s no home cooking over there, huh.

Jo-Jo: Mess is pretty gross, yeah. I miss mom’s chicken fried steak already.

Abby Girl: when you come home I promise I’ll cook you a good meal.

Jo-Jo: Ugh, you know the way to my heart.

Abby Girl: That’s why we’re friends, isn’t it?

Jo-Jo: The best, Abby girl, the best.

Three Months Later

Lettie straightened her back, pressing a hand to it. “I never knew cleaning was such hard work!” she complained.

I looked down from where I scrubbed the kitchen sink, remembering the old days, right after Joey deployed, and our friendly, flirty banter back then. The memories hurt as they came back, and I tried to shrug them off. I turned to my sister and forced a smile onto my face. “Welcome to adulthood. You’re always either cleaning something, preparing to make a mess, or avoiding cleaning something else.”

“You girls done in here yet?” My mother came around the corner holding Zoey. She sat her down and Zoey tottered over to me.

“The floor is still wet!” Lettie cried. “I scrubbed it for an hour.”

My mother laughed and shook her head. “Abby is a good homemaker. There’s no way it was that dirty, my daughter.”

Lettie threw her an exasperated look.

“I’ve got Zoey’s room all packed. Your father will be over a little later to take the crib apart,” my mother told us. “What else do we need to do in here?”

“The dishes on the counter need to be boxed,” I said, picking up Zoey and setting her in her high chair. I rummaged in the diaper bag on the table and pulled out a bag of cheerios and emptied it in front of her. She hurriedly swiped a few onto the floor.

Lettie groaned and scooped them into a dustpan. “I just cleaned the floor.”

“Oh, stop whining.” I turned and looked at the nearly empty living room, the old couch having been sold yesterday, and all that remained was the TV, a lamp, and a couple of end tables.

My mother followed my gaze. “You sure you can find a new couch up there?”

“The old one was too big,” I said, “and the new apartment is only two-bedrooms. I’ve got to downsize.” And finally get rid of all the things that remind me of Evan and Joey, I thought, but couldn’t bring myself to say out loud. My mother stared at me, wringing her hands in the skirt of her apron. “What?” I asked her.

“Have you heard from Joey at all?”

“No.” I bristled. “Why would I. You know what happened at the hospital. His brother Randy came to pick up his things a few months ago. He didn’t say where Joey was, and I didn’t ask.”

“Juney told me he moved up north somewhere,” Lettie added, turning back to her sweeping. “Not sure where, though.”

Moved? I hadn’t seen his truck around town lately. I also made it a point to avoid his parents, especially Dr. Harrison, if I saw them in public, which had happened exactly twice in three months. I shrugged at Lettie.

“I guess if he had to move, it was for the best,” I said lamely. Inside, though, my heart broke all over again. I resisted the urge to wince. Joey wasn’t just gone from my life, he was gone from my town, too. I had no idea where, either.

It was probably for the best.

My mother frowned. “I’m sorry things just went so awful, Abby. I really did like him. He was good for you, especially after what happened.”

I held my hand up, a sad smile on my face. “New beginnings, remember? I’m leaving all this,” I splayed my hands to demonstrate, “behind once and for all. No Evan, no Joey. Just me and my baby girl.” I glanced at my daughter. Her hair was finally coming in, curling around the nape of her neck, just like mine. She shared mine and Evan’s gray eyes, but they were a touch bluer, like mine. My precious daughter.

Mother crossed the room and hugged me. “I can’t believe you’re moving. My girl, a big city university professor at last!”

I squeezed her tight. “I know it seems far, but it’s just up the interstate. Four hours isn’t a long drive.”

“It’s like you’re leaving for grad school all over again,” Lettie said, finally standing and turning to the plates on the stove. “Only this time, you’re not coming back, are you?”

I thought about that. I loved my little community college, my struggling students, with all the barriers and successes they faced. After three years, it had been my life, and I couldn’t imagine it any different. Except a few months ago, the University job had landed in my lap. Even with Joey gone, the Dean and I had had a ‘sit down’ that included her recommending me for it. Apparently, the old History professor had retired in June, and the University didn’t have any luck finding a suitable candidate. “You’ve outgrown this institution,” the Dean had said. I knew it was a polite way to fire me after the scandal I’d caused. By now, the entire town knew about my affair with Joey, and most, the resulting physical complications.

I sighed. The road to recovery after my surgery had left me without summer classes, and I’d had to take a loan from Father to make ends meet, on top of the workman’s compensation wages I finally received from the union. Without Joey in my life, however, my father was glad to help me.

“No, I don’t think I’ll come back,” I told my sister. I watched both her and Mother as sadness washed over them. I hugged Lettie, as Zoey squealed and munched on her Cheerios in the background. “At least, I won’t live here anymore. But hey, maybe you’ll end up in college one day, Lettie, and you can take one of my classes.”

Lettie chuckled at that. “And give up management at the diner? Whatever for?”

My mother shook her head. “Someday you’ll see the value in it.”

“Hush,” I told Mother. “College isn’t for everyone, you know.”

“I know.” She pushed a smile on her face. “Now, come on, the movers will be here in an hour, and we’ve got to get moving!”

I looked around the kitchen, and into the living room adjacent to it. My entire life, stacked around us in boxes. My kitchen, empty and more sparking clean than the day Evan and I had bought this house. Four years of ups and downs, and a new chapter in my life was beginning.

I looked at Zoey, my beautiful, and now only, daughter. She meant the world to me. My heart still broke for Joey, and I missed him dearly. But that chapter of my life was over. “Here’s to new beginnings.” I snatched my bottle of water from the sink.

Lettie met it with her own from the table as our mother watched us. “And new classes to teach,” she said as we smashed plastic together.

We all laughed.

As it turned out, the big city was actually the best opportunity for Zoey and I. Daycare was easy to find, and in addition, I even found a circle of other toddler moms, too. From moving the end of August to the week before the new term, to the third week of September, the ‘Awesome Moms’ club was formed.

So far, there were four of us: Julie, Lauren, Tania, and one dad, Rowan. Julie, working part time in customer service, was always busy with her three under three-year-olds, two boys and a baby girl, Lauren, another professor in my new department, had an eighteen-month old boy, and Tania had triplets, three-year-old girls. Rowan’s husband was active duty military, and he was mostly a single mom and dad of twin two-year-old girls who kept him running all day long. We’d all met on social media, and during the week our group chat was always busy. On the weekends we met at a park, trampoline zone, bouncy-castle land, or the Play Place toddler zone down the street from the college. During the hot summer nights, however, wine on the back porch was always an option.

The week before term, all of us sat nursing coffee at gymnastics, where we were huddled together over Julie’s phone, watching a video of her youngest, Allie, taking her first steps. While our kids all tumbled and jumped with their gym instructors, nine-month-old Allie slept peacefully in her carrier at Julie’s feet.

“I remember when Sarah and Lilly were so little,” Rowan nearly gushed. He crossed his legs and took a sip of his latte. “Now they never stop running.”

“Oh, yeah, you’re in for it,” Tania sighed as Julie tucked her phone away. She stood and stretched. “The girls make me chase them all day long. It’s exhausting.”

I looked around our little circle. Tania, with her curly black hair pulled back on her head, hadn’t bothered to wear anything but a baggy shirt and yoga pants today. Julie was already ready for work in a dark blue polo and khakis, but the messy bun on her head spoke volumes to her morning routine. Even Rowan had resorted to semi-casual today in a Steeler’s t-shirt and skinny jeans, instead of his usual sweat pants under some equally baggy shirt. Only Lauren and I dressed how we did every day, like college instructors: flowing blouses and slacks. Even on our days off.

Although she’d been teaching world history and sociology at the university for five years, this was my big time, and I’d ditched the summer dresses and short skirts for something more traditional. Thank God for Lauren. She was older than the rest us who were still in our twenties, save Rowan, who would be thirty next year. Lauren had waited until her career was solid into her 30s to marry and start having children. Although privately, she expressed that her son, Adam, was already too much for her to handle at thirty-six years old.

“Zoey will be two next week,” I said, remembering my own timeline passing just as quickly, “and she still runs everywhere. I can’t imagine how you do it with more than one.”

“Honey, it’s all about being faster than them,” Rowan laughed. “That’s why I do Zumba in the mornings, always. You have to stay limber.”

All my friends were much thinner than I, save Lauren, who was shorter and on the heavy side. Tania and Julie were agreeing with Rowan, but Lauren and I shared a glance.

“I’m too busy with the upcoming term,” she sighed, “to even think about the gym.”

“Hey!” Rowan said suddenly. “I’ve got coupons, if any of y’all want a discount.”

“I might take you up on that,” Tania said. “They got day care there, right?”

“I wish I had the time,” Julie sighed. “After Eric’s accident, I’m trying to pick up more hours. Maybe in a few months.”

I remembered my hike with Joey, a painful memory I didn’t want to think about, but that came unbidden anyway. “I’ve only got three classes this term, Rowan,” I told him, “I think I’ll take you up on it. I’d love to be able to hike with Zoey again.”

He nodded. “You got it, girlfriend.”

“So, tell us,” Tania interrupted. “Where’s the birthday party for Zoey again?”

“Sunday afternoon at Play Place,” I told them. “You’re all coming, right?”

“Wouldn’t miss it.”

“Hubby is watching Allie.”

“The girls will love it!”

The last one was Rowan, who finished his coffee and tossed it in a nearby trashcan. He leaned forward, his brown eyes gleaming. Even with his cropped hair and a longer, trimmed beard, he always reminded me a little of Joey. “I have some exciting news, girls!”

“What is it?” Lauren asked first.

“My husband is coming home for his first R&R on Monday!”

Julie and Tania cheered and clapped. Lauren and I just blinked at him but smiled. “Congrats,” I said. “R&R, like rest and relaxation, right? He’s Army, if I remember correctly?”

Rowan nodded, biting his lip. He clapped a little. “I’m so excited! The girls are getting so big and he hasn’t seen them for seven months. This is his last deployment; he’s taking a desk job, so he can spend time with me and the girls before they are old enough for school.”

While the other three congratulated him even more, my heart skipped a little. I remembered Joey’s R&R, years ago, where I’d run into him at a grocery store. We had said little but the customary hi, how are you? and agreed to meet for coffee before he left again. Which we never did, of course, because Evan had always been in the way.

“Abby? You okay?” Julie was asking. “You got that far away look again.”

I never told any of them about Joey, so I had to think of something, and fast. “Just thinking about classes next week. I’ve still got some prep to do. Sorry!”

Lauren nudged me. “That’s okay, me too. Let me know if you need any help with the new grading system, alright?”

“I will.” The class was winding down, so I stood and hoisted my purse—thank God Zoey was potty-training and I didn’t need that huge baby bag anymore—on my shoulder. “I’ve got to get back to campus, guys,” I told them. “Sunday at two. Play Place, remember!”

Everyone nodded and agreed as Lauren stood as well. “Same with me. Busy weekend before term.” She strode off to collect her kid, and I followed, as Julie, Tania, and Rowan gathered their things as well.

On the drive home, I stopped at the store to gather the rest of the party supplies for Zoey. Pink princess plates, a few balloons, some streamers, and little toddler trinkets for party bags. Zoey babbled and grabbed at things, clapping excited like. “Birthday!” she yelled, and the two other women in the aisle looked at us, smiling.

“That’s right, Zoey girl, you’re going to be two!” I kissed her forehead. “Are you excited?”

“Where Daddy?” she asked, cocking her head and looking around.

It wasn’t the first time she asked that. A few weeks after I got out of the hospital, she cried for him. It had been a few months, however, since she’d asked, and today she caught me off guard.

“Daddy doesn’t live with us anymore, remember?” I whispered gently as I pulled the number ‘2’ candle off the shelf and threw it in the cart.

Of the two women in the aisle, one had walked away, but the other stared intently at us.

“Want Daddy,” Zoey said, her lip trembling.

Oh, no. I couldn’t have her crying, not here. I hugged her. “It’ll be okay, you have mommy, remember?”

She seemed to accept that, but still frowned at me. “Want Daddy!” She smashed her little fist on the cart handle.

The woman at the end of the aisle was making her way toward us. She touched my arm. “I’m so sorry she’s lost her daddy,” she said softly. “I’m sorry for asking, but was it divorce or something else?”

I blinked at this strange woman. “I’m sorry, do I know you?”

“No,” she shook her head, and I saw tears spring to her eyes. “It’s just…I’m so sorry. I have a son. He’s five. I lost my husband in the war last year.”

“Oh, I’m sorry to hear that,” I answered politely. I was still weirded out she was talking to me and not sure how to respond. “Zoey’s dad, he, uh, we lost him a year ago, too. He was in the Army.” I knew Zoey meant Joey; she was too little to remember much about Evan, but I had talked about Evan. I wasn’t ready to talk about Joey. Not yet.

“Little Joey’s never been the same since then,” she said, and I almost gasped at her son’s name, but she continued quickly, “but I just wanted to tell you that it gets easier. Some days are harder than most, but then you wake up the next day and you remember that he gave his life for his country, and you can be proud of that.” She smiled down at Zoey. “She will be proud of it, too, someday. And you, my dear? Know the world moves on without them. Someday, you’ll be able to love again.” She patted my arm again and walked behind us, turning the aisle and disappearing.

Frozen, I realized I’d never gotten her name.

If it wasn’t for Zoey asking who was the lady, mama? I would have thought she was an aberration. Nevertheless, the woman had been absolutely right. Losing Evan was hard, but it did get easier. But that bit about loving again, after Joey—I wasn’t sure if I could. It was all about Zoey, now.

“Are you ready to get your cake, baby girl?” I said, shrugging off the strange encounter.

“Cake!” Zoey squealed and laughed.

“Happy birthday, princess,” I laughed with her as we made our way to the bakery section of the store.